whateveralready Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I posted here asking whether or not I should break the NC rule for my ex's birthday which was Wednesday. I DID NOT break it but... I can't stop thinking about him. I know his routine and I can't help wondering if he's alone, did he get back with an ex or find someone new, who did he celebrate his brithday with, etc. Basically I'm wondering if I have been replaced and it's eating me up. Due to my work schedule he used to call me between certain hours at night and every night around that time, I secretly hope the phone rings and that it will be him. I miss him so much even though I shouldn't because he lied to me, had no consideration for me etc. His MO is that he will all of a sudden disappear without a word anywhere from a few days to the longest being 2 months (when he met someone online who dumped him after the 2 months). Then he gets in contact with me and it starts all over again. I put a profile on the same dating site that he's on (said he deleted it, but he goes on everyday) just for the hell of it and much to my surprise, he viewed my profile. IDK if I came up as a match or if he put in certain criteria and up I popped. My picture is on it so he knows it's me. I also saw the same kind of car he drives pass by my house several times the other day but I couldn't tell if it was him for sure. It probably wasn't him but still... I'm having a very hard time deaing with this...I shouldn't feel this way but I do. what the hell is wrong with me? Here is a link to the backstory if anyone is interested... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/368199-love-liar
KatZee Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 This guy is trash. I literally had to stop reading b/c it just made me sicker and sicker. Don't break NC. Ever. Get off that dating site, and go elsewhere. You do not want this person in your life. He's toxic. He's disrespectful, immature and treats you as something he can use in between his searches for another woman. You really have no relationship with him despite your time together. You've never met his son, nor his family recently. He doesn't even treat you like a girlfriend, he just comes and goes as he pleases. And you know why he does this? Because you allow it. Really let that sink in. Everything that's going on, will continue to go on because all you do is welcome him back with open arms each and every single time he decides to go date someone else. You're the convenient woman in his life. The fall back. The kettle on the back burner. It really doesn't matter what he's doing, who he's with, if he's with an ex, what dating site he's on... he was never really yours to begin with, and he most certainly isn't your boyfriend now (thank God!) so what he does is completely irrelevant. Worry about yourself. Your life, where you're going, what you're doing. He won't realize what he's lost with you because quite honestly he sounds like a sociopath. Profile of the Sociopath
geegirl Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 You will be replaced, period. Accept that fact. These types don't reflect on the loss or even take time to heal from a break-up. There is no self-awareness, there is no remorse or empathy. There is nothing of depth within them, emotionally. He was never invested in you in the first place, so TRUST that he's on to the next one. You have very poor boundaries. You really don't value yourself that much. I understand having that attachment to him and struggling through it but you have to dig deep and ask yourself if you really deserve and want this for yourself. Set the emotions aside and think. What has he given you? What are his good qualities? Has he made you happy? What are you missing? Did you feel loved? What about him do you "love"? How did he treat you? Rather than feed into the addiction and attachment, because there was no love in this, you should start painting the reality of what you had rather than pine and moan for the image that you have built in your mind. It's time you accept that he is no good for you, even if he does drive-bys or checks out your profile. You should expect more for yourself. A man who loves you, shows up and stays present in your life. This is not someone that was capable of loving and caring for you.
Author whateveralready Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 I read the definition of a sociopath and some characteristics are dead on him but a lot aren't. IDK I still feel like something is missing regardless.
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