whateveralready Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Sorry this is so long... We’ve known each other since we were kids…went through school together, lost touch, both got married and divorced (he has a kid) and met up again at a reunion. He called me 6 hours later and we started dating. Everything was fine for a while and then it all started going downhill. This is what has been going on for the past 18 months: He told me he loved me, and then he took it back and said he said it because it’s what he thought I wanted to hear. He had talked about the future and things we would do but it never happened. I never met his kid even though I asked a million times. He said yes to us meeting but again it never happened. He always denied that he was in a relationship to his kid even though she knew he was and told him so. I never re-met his family and friends either but they supposedly knew about me. He started disappearing (not retuning phone calls, text, emails, etc.) anywhere from a few days to two months. He will then get in contact with me; we talk and get together again. This has happened more times than I can count. Then he started lying. I found out that he is on a dating site even when he was with me…said he hadn’t been on it in along time and that he deleted the account (he didn’t). During his longest disappearing act (2 months) he met someone onthe dating site, started a relationship with her, gave her keys to his place (I never had keys) but she dumped him after 2 months. He called me after it happened, and because he “wanted to be honest” with me he told me about her and that he fell completely out of his mind in love with her but wouldn’t tell me what was so special about her. I completely freaked out. He said there was no way they were getting back together and I went back again 4 months ago. Things were going so incredibly well and I thought that maybe he finally understood what he had with me; He talked about us moving in together, getting married, having a baby etc., many times. I spent just about every night with him up until this past New Year’s Eve. He left me a message that he had his kid for NYE and NYD and I called him back, left a message flipping out because this is the 2nd year he’s blown me off for New Years. I didn’t hear from him until a few days ago after I left him a message that I wanted to get my stuff that was in his house. He called back and told me he was going to his mothers and that he is better off alone and that he still had feelings for the other woman. He told me he would stop over on his way back from his mothers and we would talk it out. He never showed up so I drove up to his place later at night because my gut instinct told me that he didn’t go to his mothers. I drove into the complex next to his so he wouldn’t see me but I could see his parking spaces and there was no car in either one. I had driven up there after NewYears but he was home alone. I then saw his car parked in this complex right across from his parking spots but out of view if you were by his building.I figure he did that in case I went up there. I had texted him asking him where he was and he replied that he was at his mother’s. I flipped out and texted him that I knew he was lying and that I knew he was home. He replied that this is the reason “we’re not together anymore”. I called him up but he had turned his phone off and I blasted him. I said things on the message in the heat of the moment that I regret now. Haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know if he’s with the other one (I don’t think so since she supposedly is back with her old ex). All I did was support (not financially) and love him. I just don’t understand why he lies and does what he does and why I keep taking him back. In my head I feel we've just broken up for good this time but I still love the guy, why I don’t know. Another thing is that he never drove to my house; I always had to go to his and he talked to his ex gfs a lot even though they were all married, saying they were still friends which bothered me. It seems like he's never satisfied with what he has. Obviously I don't trust him or what he says. Any insight as to why he’s such a liar a why I’m an idiot for putting up with it?
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Habitual liar. That is what he is. A serial liar and cheat. Look, you love him, I understand. But he's far from right for you. His constant lying and disappearing and reappearing acts, does not cut it. He actively goes on dating websites. Hooks up with other women,, all the while being with you. Makes promises he doesn't keep. Won't let you see his kid or have access to his apartment. That is awful! Simply, he is using and tossing you away. He is scum. Stop thinking with emotion, control that, and think logically what he has done to you, be wise and realize it's nothing good. He has nothing to offer you...but lies and heartache Stop being his doormat. Have pride and totally rid yourself of this good for nothing.
skylark100 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 This sounds horrible from start to finish. A couple of things to note. He lied to you. That's extremely bad. He admited some of it, but probably not all. Not to mention you sound like you are, and always be number 2 or the back up plan. That's no good either, don't sell yourself short. Secondly, you went looking for his car and spied on him. That shows you have no trust in him (understandable). Trust is fundamental. Without it, there is no hope of a relationship.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Sounds familiar...I dated/was in love with a pathological liar about 10 years ago. He did some of the same stuff, went online and told girls he was single (saved the chats in his email, I knew his password and broke in). He bought me a "promise ring" that he said was white gold, it was a cheap silver and turned my finger green. He wouldn't let me meet his family, they all hated me for no reason (he probably told them stuff about me behind my back). Long story short, after 3 years together, I dumped him because his final lie was that he was going to get back in college because he had been approved for a loan (which he hadn't, lied about it). I broke up with him over the phone because I couldn't do it in person. Same as you, I was in love and didn't think I could do any better. I had extremly low self esteem and I couldn't imagine that I could find a good guy. I felt better about myself, so I lost weight and started dating a wonderful man. I have had my insecurities with him due to my issues stemming from my ex. But he has stuck by me and we have been married for 2 1/2 years. As hard as it is, move on. Yes, it will hurt for a long time. (it took me a year) But in the long run, it will be the best thing you ever did for yourself, trust me!
Author whateveralready Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Thank you! What the 3 of you said really struck a cord with me. I guess it's different hearing from people who don't know us.
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