TaraMaiden Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Why can't you block him? Link to post Share on other sites
GMG90 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 I haven't read TaraMaiden's guide yet, but I can assure you NC is the way to go. You'll likely drive yourself crazy by keeping him on FB ... I did. I'd creep on his page and feel hurt by any new guy that he was chatting with. NC is helpful because it slowly kills him off, but you will be tempted to relapse. In the end though, you'll thank yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Oh read it, read it... it's a killer-thriller! The first post basically, is the guide itself. The remainder of the thread is a bunch of lovely people demonstrating through their stories, exactly why and how NC works.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiggy1975 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) @ Taramaiden - It's a work page (I don't own the business, just an employee), not a personal profile on FB, I had asked him to block me when we broke up coz if I blocked him, I'd crumble and unblock and creep:( so I asked him to block me, I have blocked him from the workpage, so can't see any of his likes, etc. on the page, but friends will say to me, ohhhh he liked this comment and he liked that comment, but I'd creep on my own anyway, I'm the pits, I was the dumper, HUGE MISTAKE, I've wanted him back since the moment I dumped, but it's just too tangled to straighten it out and I know if I went towards him, he'd reject me and rightly so, NC is the way to go to get over him, but this is so frikking tough, I just got to go TOTAL NC and start all over again, but I'm just not ready yet, sounds stupid but I'm not ready to let go :confused::confused::confused::confused::o:o:o:sick: I told him that I wanted to remain friends with him, I thought I could handle it, but have learned from LS that you can't be friends with someone you're still head over heels for Edited February 17, 2013 by Jiggy1975 missed out on some text Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Well, the more you refuse to let go, the more you cling to the burning coal. You hurt yourself first, before flinging it at anyone else, and maybe even missing your target. 'Hanging on' and refusing to 'let go' is the enemy within. You're doing it to yourself. so really - the bottom line here - is that if it hurts - whose fault is that? You can't on the one hand complain that you keep seeing him and you're still connected, and then admit that you can't let go. I know it's hard - but babe, it's got to be done!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
calgary Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I feel your pain! I broke up with my ex for holding hands with other guys or dancing with one guy all night who kept buying her drinks and stuff. I didn't find it acceptable it really cut me up.. but at the same time I was really sad I had to end it, but it wasn't stopping. so I don't know about you... but if the flirting was unbearable for you.. as it was for me.. how will you stay close friends seeing the flirting and knowing he'll act on it ? I don't think that pain to me would be worth the friendship . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I recently broke up with my BF, while I still dearly love him, I just couldn't take his constant flirting, although I knew nothing would ever come of it and trusted him completely, his requirement for so much validation from other women destroyed my self esteem and took my confidence to an all time low. I picked up the courage to send him an email to ask if we could be friends, never wanted to keep an ex in my life before and it was a huge deal for me, he responded to my mail and said that we could be friends, I responded to his mail and sent him an xmas card and haven't heard anything since. He probably thinks it's a feeble attempt to win him back, but it's not, I really want him in my life as a friend, anyone got any advice on this subject ????? We live two hours away so it's not like there's any chance of seeing each other on a regular basis, I was just hoping for a catchup email every now and then, but it's been over a month since I heard from him ???????????????????:confused::confused::confused::confused: No, I don't do friends with ex's just for the simple fact that you used to love each other or had deep feelings. It's too difficult especially for the person that's was dumped. Old feelings will always resurface for one of the parties involved. It's usually the one who got dumped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiggy1975 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 I feel your pain! I broke up with my ex for holding hands with other guys or dancing with one guy all night who kept buying her drinks and stuff. I didn't find it acceptable it really cut me up.. but at the same time I was really sad I had to end it, but it wasn't stopping. so I don't know about you... but if the flirting was unbearable for you.. as it was for me.. how will you stay close friends seeing the flirting and knowing he'll act on it ? I don't think that pain to me would be worth the friendship . Thanks Calgary - It's tough watching that kind of stuff, even though my ex didn't mean anything by it, just the way he is typical flirtatious Aries, but we broke up with them to stop hurting, but for me I'm hurting more now, but it will pass, just have to get on with things :( Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiggy1975 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 No, I don't do friends with ex's just for the simple fact that you used to love each other or had deep feelings. It's too difficult especially for the person that's was dumped. Old feelings will always resurface for one of the parties involved. It's usually the one who got dumped. Tnx Soxfaninfl - I was the dumper but feel like the dumpee, I just have to get over him, I love him as much as I did at the beginning but I just gotta get on with my life, tnx for your input Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiggy1975 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Well, the more you refuse to let go, the more you cling to the burning coal. You hurt yourself first, before flinging it at anyone else, and maybe even missing your target. 'Hanging on' and refusing to 'let go' is the enemy within. You're doing it to yourself. so really - the bottom line here - is that if it hurts - whose fault is that? You can't on the one hand complain that you keep seeing him and you're still connected, and then admit that you can't let go. I know it's hard - but babe, it's got to be done!! Tnx AGAIN TaraMaiden, I know everything you're saying is right, I just got to start from scratch and stop holding onto that burning coal :o Link to post Share on other sites
calgary Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Thanks Calgary - It's tough watching that kind of stuff, even though my ex didn't mean anything by it, just the way he is typical flirtatious Aries, but we broke up with them to stop hurting, but for me I'm hurting more now, but it will pass, just have to get on with things :( i'm hurting a lot more now too. I told her it was unacceptable but she kept doing it.. she wasn't the cheating type. she was just friendly and flirty with everyone. all you remember at this stage is how good the relationship was.. that's a good thing in life, to look back at happy memories.. not sad ones! it's just no good right now. my ex is constantly in touch with petty things. she leads me on telling me she loves me and misses me, holds my hand and hugs me. cries on my shoulder.. and then says she doesn't want a relationship right now. it's ridiculous. I bumped into her the other night she asked me to text her, I still haven't and probably never will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 If I could start over, I would have tried to adhere to a no-friends-with-exes philosophy. Too late. I have luckily enough to maintain real friendships with a couple of them, but it has been burdensome and emotional with one other. I don't have romantic feelings for her, but other "issues", "commitments", make it difficult for me to simply break it off.... In the end, I think it wiser not to keep exes as friends, but very possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiggy1975 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 i'm hurting a lot more now too. I told her it was unacceptable but she kept doing it.. she wasn't the cheating type. she was just friendly and flirty with everyone. all you remember at this stage is how good the relationship was.. that's a good thing in life, to look back at happy memories.. not sad ones! it's just no good right now. my ex is constantly in touch with petty things. she leads me on telling me she loves me and misses me, holds my hand and hugs me. cries on my shoulder.. and then says she doesn't want a relationship right now. it's ridiculous. I bumped into her the other night she asked me to text her, I still haven't and probably never will. So sorry to read your post Calgary - I don't know what I would do if I had to see my ex all the time, I don't think I'd still be on this earth and that's the gods honest truth, seeing posts on my ex's work page kill me, I'm happy for him, don't get me wrong, couldn't be happier for him, it's kind of bittersweet that I'm no longer a part of it, he looked for my opinion and perspective on quite a lot of aspects of his life, I miss him every day:(:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiggy1975 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 If I could start over, I would have tried to adhere to a no-friends-with-exes philosophy. Too late. I have luckily enough to maintain real friendships with a couple of them, but it has been burdensome and emotional with one other. I don't have romantic feelings for her, but other "issues", "commitments", make it difficult for me to simply break it off.... In the end, I think it wiser not to keep exes as friends, but very possible. Yes you're right soccerrprp - it is wiser not to keep ex's as friends, while possible, most definitely safer for your heart Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I'm one of those who has occasionally remained friends with some exes. Generally, it is more of a friendly relationship than a true friendship. Being involved with other people helps. As does the passage of time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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