Author jerryinva Posted August 23, 2004 Author Share Posted August 23, 2004 But then again...she did eat with me after her "date/nondate" on Saturday night... so who knows... I did cave and email her... why is no contact so hard? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 So...she answer me... my email....and we chatted online for a bit. Then when she called...I asked if everything was ok between us...because she didn't call last night like she said she was going to...or all day today..I had to initiate contact...she got upset...and said she was tired of having to assure me when we hadn't talked for a while...and it made her not want to talk to me even more...she said she knew I was wondering if she was talking with her ex-fiance..or the new older dude, or something...and when I asked her questions like that...it made her not want to talk to me even more...like tonight... and guess what...I haven't heard from her since that conversation...so I am going to leave her alone... no more contact from me... Link to post Share on other sites
shellen Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 yup..dats wat u shld do... and if she initiate contact, dun be always readily available Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 Well...I did a not so smart thing last night...she called...late...I answered. Somewhere along the way, she fell asleep..and when she woke, albeit half awake...I thought she said I love you...and then the older dude's name. She then hung up. About 10 minutes later, I called her back. I made the mistake of confronting her on it...she got agitated, said...I don't think I said that...and if I did...I was half asleep...it didn't mean anything. And I replied with, so all those times you woke, and were half awake, and told me you loved me..they were meaningless too? She said no...I just think you either misheard me...or you are making a big deal out of nothing. Clearly... I handled it in a bad way.... I am not 100% sure she said his name... Link to post Share on other sites
aardrvark Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 jerry man. you have to stop having this fantasy relationship. she has you on a string. have you dated anybody else in 2 years? have you been sexually active over those 2 years? what's really clouding your judgement? please we feel for you, but come on 2 years. when was the last time you had a physical moment with her? not that it is the end all be-all but it let's you know which boat you're in. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
SwEeT P Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 i would say move on jerry u derserve better.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 Well...I found out tonight that he is cooking dinner for her tomorrow night...and they are talking about a trip together to Maine in October... so I think that makes it pretty clear.... Link to post Share on other sites
SwEeT P Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 i think so 2.....like i said u deserve better ....dont even bother talking to her do the n/c......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 Although she said the oddest thing to me tonight, after all that...she said when I said something very caring to her...she said that my love scared her...that she was scared that would not be able to live up to my expectations...and I would be disappointed...so that is why she wants me to move on... Link to post Share on other sites
SwEeT P Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 wonder what she means by that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 I don't know. She meant that my love scares her...because she doesn't think she could live up to my expectations... My dad says he thinks she is afraid to love/let go and be loved, because she is afraid of being hurt... She also told me she doesn't expect this thing to work out...with the "older" guy, because she is afraid when he starts to really look at her...he will be disappointed... Also, the fiance (I mean ex-fiance) said to her..."she isn't going anywhere...she'll be back." He is definitely a problem... he was when her and I tried to make a go of it... Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Hey Jerry, you need to stop talking to her. She is just dragging your life down. Why would you even keep contacting her when she is blatantly dating other guys right in your face...? You know it hurts you... so why do you keep at it? Sorry to be so blunt, bro... but being her doormat, and puppy dog is just making your life worse. You are better without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 She has told me she really doesn't want to lose my friendship...she already feels like she is going to lose one.... her ex-fiance...who BTW...is staying in her spare room...seems there is a problem with the place he is renting...so he has been staying in her guest room, as I did when I first moved to the area, for about a week now... she feels very awkward with him there...and wants him out...but doesn't know how to tell friends no... A tough situation...for all involved...but...tonight...he (the new guy) is cooking for her... Link to post Share on other sites
pixie2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 She is one hell of a control freak. Not worth it. You are 36 - stop being so narrow-minded. Plenty fish in the sea. She's been going forth and back with so many exes - how long before she dumps you again to go back to an ex. Not worth it... not worth it at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 She and I had a nice chat today...but, bottom line, she still is letting him cook dinner for her tonight... My dad thinks that this won't last...we'll see... Link to post Share on other sites
SwEeT P Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 i agree with pixie..................if u keep talkin 2 her she will just think its ok and keep stringing u along Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 So you all are suggesting that no contact will break the cycle... Link to post Share on other sites
SwEeT P Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 yep i think so........be strong.....u deserve a whole lot better .... Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 As long as you keep her in the comfort zone of knowing you are hanging on she'll have no reason to worry about you. You want her worried. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Well...we will start tomorrow. She said she would call me later...and it is almost midnight here... so she either had a great time and doesn't want to tell me...or she is still there. In any case, I won't be calling her tomorrow. Only way we will talk, is if she calls me... period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Well...she did "call me later." She just called my cell. We chatted about how my day went, some simple stuff....and then her cell beeped (she was calling while she was at the grocery store....so she had just left hanging out with the dude.) She asked me if she could call back, or could I hold on....she sounded really irritated....so I held. She came back...and commented "Can I just say how men can be so F***ing stupid?" And...she was NOT happy. I don't know whether she was not happy at the ex-fiance, or the new guy...and I didn't ask... (Although I did protest the comment about men, for what it was worth...because we can be stupid...) So..she just hung up because she was leaving the store...and said she would call back in a minute... So...I don't know anything...and I "ain't" asking... But she was mad as some man...but it wasn't me... :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 She didn't call back again last night, she called this morning... Subject not approached by either one of us...good or bad? Link to post Share on other sites
pixie2004 Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 God, this is like a soap. I'm just reading and reading and reading. Waiting for the next feedback ... Your control freak has got you exactly where she wants you Why are you still "waiting" for her... I know exactly what is going to happen. She will get married and then she is going to tell you that she made a mistake. Please wait for her... bla bla bla... she will get divorced ... bla bla bla.... Do not make contact. When she phones, tell her that you can't talk to her at the moment. Play games with her the way she does with you. Tell her that she should phone back. Only answer your phone when she already left a voicemail and then phone again. Come on, dont be so "easy" Link to post Share on other sites
cword Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 I don't think she is engaged. And if she is, she's just doing it because she see things in him that you were lacking. And if she was talking to him as just a friend while you 2 were together than he's trying to be what you weren't. I'm going through something similar and it's been almost 7 months, plus we have a little girl together. She's feeding off of your pain, she loves the attention of you sweating her, you begging and nagging her to be with you. I know I should be taking my own advice but if you want her back, leave her alone. If it is meant to be then it's meant to be. You can't keep driving yourself crazy thinking of what your next move will be to get her back or when will you both unite. Don't feed into her mess when she leads you on. My daughters father did the same thing 3 times since we've separated and it hurt so bad just to see that I was good enough to sleep with but he couldn't come back home to me and his baby? So I moved out of Columbus to where I am at now for school and to flush him out of my system. I still call him for little things pertaining to our baby girl, but I never show him any emotions of love, affection, or a sign of me wanting him. Be strong, you don't have to go out and get another girl friend because you're not completely healed and you could hurt the next girl. So focus on number 1, YOU!!!! Like it or not, you're obsessed with the love that you have for her to the point you don't give 2 farts how she treats you as long as she comes back to you. Nah!!! Don't let it go down like that. HEAL yourself 1st and as you begin to heal she will either want you or shoot by the time she begins to see the new you heck you probably won't want her anymore. I know it's easier said than done because I'm going threw it RIGHT NOW, but go cold turkey and begin to heal and you'll see. Keep yourself busy and away from the phone and her presence. Pray a lot and you'll be cool. Buy The Purpose Driven Life. Read it daily and you'll see a difference in yourself on your 40th day of reading it. Good luck man!!! Remember you're number 1, not her. If you're not healthy than how will you be able to balance a healthy relationship right now IF she did come back RIGHT NOW??? I agree with Pixie. She's a control freak and so isn't my daughters father. No offense but, get ya nuts back from her and do you. Heck have a chick answer your phone from time to time. Shoot forward your calls to me and I will blow the chicks minds. lol.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Hey cword... now that is an interesting idea... Well...all I know is... they did eat together last night, and they watched Casablanca. I know she likes old movies...they must have talked about it...and he must "like them too." Someone came into her office right before 5...gee I wonder who that was? She did tell me two things. I need to be emotionally stronger. She told me I can say I am...but actions speak louder than words. My dad knows I am...but...when it comes to her...I have trouble. She also told me my lack of confidence in myself is not good for us, as just friends...or if we were in a relationship. Self esteem is something I need to work on....very shy... even though I work in radio... Good advice from you folks...believe me...I do read each and every one of your posts...and I give them some thought... I am trying to be less available... I went out on a date a few weeks ago...but it didn't work... she felt like I was holding back...being reserved... Link to post Share on other sites
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