He broke up with me

[Ruby Slippers]

Let's get this pity party started!

[Divasu]

Trey Songz - Heart Attack - YouTube

 

Enjoy.

[mitchell]

Ugh, sorry to hear this Tigress.

 

Too hot, too fast can often burn out quickly. Keep your chin up.

[tigressA]

I'm still writing things and posting them to my blog. It does make me feel better. He reads my blog regularly; he may have already seen the post I wrote last night. I'm just going to keep writing and posting whatever I'm feeling and thinking.

 

I decided I'll tell him tonight that if he wants to know what I have to say, to just read my blog if he hasn't already, and then go NC, full-stop.

[salparadise]

I think I need to cry until my eyes are just about swollen shut and then I can start getting past it. I don't want to cry over this, but I know I need to.

 

 

I'm sorry TA, I feel your pain. Going through the same thing; one week ago now after a beautiful year and half. Give yourself time grieve properly––don't try to shortcut it. Fully embracing your grief will shorten the time it takes to heal overall.

 

Try this... realize these feelings of grief, loss, sadness, anger are not who you are, they are your feelings. Allow your cognitive mind to calmly observe your emotional side experiencing the grief and to empathize, while at the same time understanding that while the feelings are real, they are temporary and that who you are remains constant, strong and is capable of seeing your emotions through this phase.

[tigressA]

Now I'm just...really angry

 

He really didn't give us a chance at all. I had some doubts, yes, about the distance--but when I had doubts, I went to him with them. I talked to him. I wanted him to know how I was feeling so I could get his perspective and see if we could work it out and we did. I always felt better about us after talking with him.

 

But he never gave me a chance in that way at all. He just thought about it on his own and decided, without me. He never let me in on what he was feeling or thinking. I feel like I put so much more into this than he ever did. I was opening up like never before and he knew this, but he never opened up to me.

[Treasa]

I can understand being angry. But think about what you learned, and how much you opened up! That's excellent progress.

 

He's just a stepping stone to a happier you.

[tigressA]

I can understand being angry. But think about what you learned, and how much you opened up! That's excellent progress.

 

He's just a stepping stone to a happier you.

 

It's really difficult to think about things in that way right now. That usually comes later for me, after the pain is worked through.

 

I'm going out with some work friends on Friday. I think I'm going to refrain from drinking to lessen the likelihood of me becoming a crying mess.

[Ninjainpajamas]

tigressA, the MO of this man is to make you believe that it was emotionally crushing for him to let you go, even though that really doesn't make any sense if you think about it...and that there was just no way or method of reconciliation...in spite of the fact that he made this decision on his own, and really no hard attempts to fix (and what was broken exactly?) or maintain this relationship.

 

If he really wanted this he would be there right now...it wouldn't take any time for him to figure that out, he would have simply have the motivation and dedication because the emotional level was present.

 

He always knew how he felt from the beginning tigressA, I know you want to believe or accept that there was some variable in all of this, but he already knew what he wanted and where you stood, there was nothing you could have done to change this...that's how men are, they already know, especially a guy like this.

 

The fact that there was drama and issues lately was a perfect escape to ditch this relationship, the fun part was over, things were escalating and becoming a little too serious, his emotional availability was not present and now I'm almost certain there is another woman in the picture.

 

Now I'll anticipate he'll try and shift you into the grey area..and area with no commitment or obligations, just to keep you on the line. You're in a perfect emotionally vulnerable state that he can take advantage of and I believe if he has an opportunity to detect that he will.

 

You say he knows your blogs, and where to find them...then I'm sure he reads, partly because of guilt, partly because he wanted to break you down to a less threatening and stable state...this is the self-destructive state though that you thrive in, this unhealthy and dramatic role that you are apart of...it's like that kid that gets hurt and cries his eyes out...but only because he knows everyone is watching, if he was alone, he'd cry for a few mins then wipe his eyes, pout some more then move on...and you need that attention and validation, you need him to come back, you want to be in control and he just put you in the perfect position to enable you and push all your buttons.

 

As a self-destructive person himself (where a lot of this passion and instability derives from) he knows how likely maintain this facade of control and emotional stability but will underneath expose and underlying sense of helpless and despair...he needs to match your emotional level and then the joining will be complete...he will have the type of situation that is preferable and you'll have the self-destructive outlet to vent your enthralled caged love shocks of love and hate.

 

In the end you're both just playing a game with each other...but it seems so real, so valid, so genuine...but you both know that deep down in side that you're not doing this for the love...as much as you do it for the drama.

 

These are the actions and behaviors of the broken...and they are cyclical, and you are likely not his only outlet and you will likely "relapse" into a state after you've gotten over the pitfalls of this falling out romance or either continue to pursue this man after you've "thought it over" and decided you want to make this work and that you can fix him and yourself, and make this work.

 

It really just depends what situation and scenario you will be faced it...but either way will something you have done many times in the past. You just don't make the connection, maybe because you don't want to or care.

 

Call me heartless for my lack of sympathy in your circumstance...but I personally believe you both know exactly what you are doing to each other, you just haven't admitted to yourselves...and that is the truly saddest part.

[stillafool]

I'm sorry Tigressa. If he wants to break up with you over nothing then give him NC until he chokes. No need to listen to anything else he has to say.

[anastasiagreyson]

I'm sorry to hear that you two broke up. I'm not an expert at this but maybe this is for the better you. I mean, if he broke up with you with no valid reason, maybe all you gotta do is accept the fact, move on and maybe eat a lot of icecream! It may sound harsh but believe me, you will get over it. Long distance relationship is really hard. Specially for the part of men, you know, they have needs that needed to be fulfilled. I don't really know the catch but I hope you will get better in time.

 

lovelots,

Ana

[mortensorchid]

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. Where would we be if not for modern technology? A whole new way to insult people. Ha ha ha ...

 

It's best just to move on. Once someone has begun the nonsense of breaking up / getting back together it will continue and you will never know if you are on solid ground with them or not. It's hard to do so, but we have to go through life as if there is nothing bothering us. So cry and mope alone but not around others. This forum is a good place to vent.

[tigressA]

I was just listening to a song and these lyrics popped out at me:

 

"And I don't want ambivalence

No I don't want ambivalence no more"

 

And I got up. I danced. I smiled. The pain lessened a bit. I deleted all my angsty blog posts. I don't care for him to know how I feel now--he doesn't deserve at all to know how I feel. If he cared, he'd be here...he wouldn't have ended things, at least not yet. He may care a little bit, but not enough, so may as well just say he doesn't give a sh*t.

 

I trashed the pictures once and for all--emptied my recycle bin. De-friended him on FB. Deleted all my blog posts related to us.

 

Now it's my turn to not give a sh*t.

 

NC starts now.

[NoMagicBullet]

Now I'm just...really angry

 

He really didn't give us a chance at all. I had some doubts, yes, about the distance--but when I had doubts, I went to him with them. I talked to him. I wanted him to know how I was feeling so I could get his perspective and see if we could work it out and we did. I always felt better about us after talking with him.

 

But he never gave me a chance in that way at all. He just thought about it on his own and decided, without me. He never let me in on what he was feeling or thinking. I feel like I put so much more into this than he ever did. I was opening up like never before and he knew this, but he never opened up to me.

 

I totally understand this anger -- when one person unilaterally makes the decision that it's not workable instead of talking to you and finding a way to make it work.

 

I'm really sorry, tigressA. I know it's not much consolation, but he may have had other reasons (besides the distance and such) he didn't bring up for ending it, reasons he felt he couldn't or shouldn't say. Who knows, maybe that's what he was planning to talk to you about? Might be too much to hope for.

[amaysngrace]

Tigress how on earth did you allow yourself to fall so hard for a guy you met less than two months ago? An LDR guy at that?

 

I just don't get it.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think she was only screening for chemistry and not for character. I used to do that until couple of years ago. Although, it's very hard to screen for character in early dating stages. That's why people should keep the guard up until they get to know someone better.

[tigressA]

So, predictably...broke NC. We talked--Skype. I told him about some of what I had written--I had to recall it from memory as I had deleted all of it. I told him I'm done being angry, crying, etc etc, as it's not going to change anything. And I was just fine without him before, so why am I making a huge deal of this now?

 

And I was finally honest with myself, and him. I said out loud that yes, I had wanted to end things--not at the underwear incident. Weeks ago. There was something that I discovered that I hadn't posted about here; I was seething. I confronted him, I was so close to saying "F*ck you and the horse you rode in on" and never looking back, but a couple of my friends convinced me to sleep on it and try to give it a shot. So I did. And then that was the time I connected to that T-Swift song . I had a gut feeling--like D-Lish said--but I stuffed it down. I was happy, I really liked him, and it would work out. Or so I thought. I was in denial.

 

Once I said all that, it was like the air cleared and a weight came off my shoulders. I know I'm still far from over it. I'm not rushing the process. I'm still letting myself feel what I feel. But I also know I came a long way during that conversation.

[Star Gazer]

Now I'm just...really angry

 

He really didn't give us a chance at all. I had some doubts, yes, about the distance--but when I had doubts, I went to him with them. I talked to him. I wanted him to know how I was feeling so I could get his perspective and see if we could work it out and we did. I always felt better about us after talking with him.

 

But he never gave me a chance in that way at all. He just thought about it on his own and decided, without me. He never let me in on what he was feeling or thinking. I feel like I put so much more into this than he ever did. I was opening up like never before and he knew this, but he never opened up to me.

 

A, I'm sorry you're hurting.

 

His reservations after less than two months, and a LDR on top of that, seem pretty reasonable to me. Your complete investment, on the other hand, was shortsighted.

[tigressA]

So, predictably...broke NC. We talked--Skype. I told him about some of what I had written--I had to recall it from memory as I had deleted all of it. I told him I'm done being angry, crying, etc etc, as it's not going to change anything. And I was just fine without him before, so why am I making a huge deal of this now?

 

And I was finally honest with myself, and him. I said out loud that yes, I had wanted to end things--not at the underwear incident. Weeks ago. There was something that I discovered that I hadn't posted about here; I was seething. I confronted him, I was so close to saying "F*ck you and the horse you rode in on" and never looking back, but a couple of my friends convinced me to sleep on it and try to give it a shot. So I did. And then that was the time I connected to that T-Swift song . I had a gut feeling--like D-Lish said--but I stuffed it down. I was happy, I really liked him, and it would work out. Or so I thought. I was in denial.

 

Once I said all that, it was like the air cleared and a weight came off my shoulders. I know I'm still far from over it. I'm not rushing the process. I'm still letting myself feel what I feel. But I also know I came a long way during that conversation.

 

Weeks ago I had had a really graphic dream that woke me up with a very sick feeling in my gut, very visceral. I had dreamed I ran into my ex on a date with someone else. I had deleted my OKC profile; I figured he still had his up but I hadn't cared as before I had deleted mine, he had changed his status to 'seeing someone'. Keep in mind, there was clearly established exclusivity between us. We were in a relationship. There was mutual agreement on that.

 

I asked my best friend, who I knew was on OKC, to check out his profile. She came back and reported he had his status up as 'available' and looking for 'long/short-term dating'. She was so pissed and upset on my behalf. I was just in shock. That had definitely changed from when I last saw it. He hadn't even had dating under what he was looking for when we first started talking on the site. He had written up a whole new profile text, too. I was able to check all this for myself, via Google.

 

I called him after the shock wore off and anger set in and basically asked him "What the f*ck is going on here?!" And he was all ready with an explanation. I'm not even going to repeat it here, it's so lame. I really liked him and despite how upset I was, I slept on it, and I decided to trust him. I should've listened to my gut then and walked away, but that is so much empty regret.

 

So there you have it. The missing piece.

[Janesays]

I MUST hear that 'excuse.'

[Star Gazer]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

 

I don't think most of us can trust our initial gut instinct that the guy in question is perfect for us, that "this" is "right," etc., because that feeling is based on our desire and longing.

 

But I do think we can and should trust our gut instinct when we know something isn't right, especially when it comes on the heels of the fantasy-like stage. Don't stifle it down. It's proven itself to be right time and time again. When will we ever learn?

[tigressA]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

 

I don't think most of us can trust our initial gut instinct that the guy in question is perfect for us, that "this" is "right," etc., because that feeling is based on our desire and longing.

 

But I do think we can and should trust our gut instinct when we know something isn't right, especially when it comes on the heels of the fantasy-like stage. Don't stifle it down. It's proven itself to be right time and time again. When will we ever learn?

 

You are so right, SG. Pretty much every single time I had a feeling that something wasn't right, I stuffed it down, only to learn later I should've acknowledged it for what it was and just ended things then and there. It really was right every single time.

[Eddie Edirol]

 

So there you have it. The missing piece.

 

I dunno whats worse.

 

Holding back that great feeling of romantic bliss from possibly finding the one because of suspicion of a red flag, or getting hurt from ignoring the red flag.

 

I dont even know if I want to figure that out right now.

[tigressA]

I dunno whats worse.

 

Holding back that great feeling of romantic bliss from possibly finding the one because of suspicion of a red flag, or getting hurt from ignoring the red flag.

 

I dont even know if I want to figure that out right now.

 

I know, right?!

 

Pretty crappy all 'round but I'm taking it on the chin. Like a...taking it on the chin type person.

[dreamingoftigers]

I know, right?!

 

Pretty crappy all 'round but I'm taking it on the chin. Like a...taking it on the chin type person.

 

What I've noticed throughout my time here on LS is that if you KNOW that you are going to get a ton of sh*t from everyone on LS about what is going on in your relationship, and you can't really defend it: it probably isn't good or healthy.

 

If you are afraid to post it up, and you've been a regular user: red flag.