Wife had a continuous 2 year long affair

[SmokeRat]

My parents raised me with a very strong sense of honour and justice. I can remember stealing a few candy bars while my father was with me inside a store. He caught me, and instead of yelling at me. He called the cops, and had me put into a cell for 4 hours (lived in a small farming community, so everyone knew everyone, including the Police). Afterwards, he drove around to all my friends houses and told me to tell their parents what I did, to see if they still wanted their children hanging around with a thief.

 

Tough love, but what my father taught me is that there are consequences with every action.

 

My mother has the complete polar opposite. Which always made for lively politcal debates around the house.

 

As I have aged, I've slowly starting turning more into my father. To the point, my parents think I'd be better suited to have been born during the Crusades and had suit of armor strapped to my chest.

 

As for my I believe loyality should be forced?

 

She said her vows to me, being in a church didn't mean anything to me, as I am not a religious person. But, I live by the idea that my word is my honour and my honour is my life.

 

With that mentality, I should have already strung my wife up and burned her as a witch. But that's where my mothers wisdom comes in, even though she tore into my wife something fierce.

 

My father curbed my stealing, by outing me to everyone we knew. By shaming me so badly that I couldn't look at anyone for weeks. I've done the exact same thing to my wife. My father broke my spirit after that, and then started with a clean slate, built me back up to understand that chivalry is not dead, and that all people should be governed by a sense of justice and honour that should outweigh everything else.

 

Is my wife beyond redemption? Perhaps. But my public shaming of her, and her family shaming her to everyone she knows, seems to have triggered something in her. Whether or not it works out, we'll see.

 

We are going to counselling, both couples and singles, to see if it's worth it.

[2long]

I think your father's handling of your stealing of the candy bars was a bit extreme. I would have limited the lesson 2 his son (you) making things right with the store owner and your parents.

 

When your W said her vows, she had already been cheating on you. So what did they mean? This is why I said earlier that there is no marriage 2 save.

 

-ol' 2long

[Darren Steez]

You cannot shame someone into loving or respecting you. Tough love or public shame can only lead to resentment. If she was truly sorry and heartbroken and ready to do everything for you then she would do it.

[GorillaTheater]

My parents raised me with a very strong sense of honour and justice.

 

And they'll serve you very well in your life. Just remember that Honor includes what you are and are not willing to tolerate in your life, and Justice includes justice for yourself.

[aed]

My parents raised me with a very strong sense of honour and justice. I can remember stealing a few candy bars while my father was with me inside a store. He caught me, and instead of yelling at me. He called the cops, and had me put into a cell for 4 hours (lived in a small farming community, so everyone knew everyone, including the Police). Afterwards, he drove around to all my friends houses and told me to tell their parents what I did, to see if they still wanted their children hanging around with a thief.

 

Tough love, but what my father taught me is that there are consequences with every action.

 

My mother has the complete polar opposite. Which always made for lively politcal debates around the house.

 

As I have aged, I've slowly starting turning more into my father. To the point, my parents think I'd be better suited to have been born during the Crusades and had suit of armor strapped to my chest.

 

As for my I believe loyality should be forced?

 

She said her vows to me, being in a church didn't mean anything to me, as I am not a religious person. But, I live by the idea that my word is my honour and my honour is my life.

 

With that mentality, I should have already strung my wife up and burned her as a witch. But that's where my mothers wisdom comes in, even though she tore into my wife something fierce.

 

My father curbed my stealing, by outing me to everyone we knew. By shaming me so badly that I couldn't look at anyone for weeks. I've done the exact same thing to my wife. My father broke my spirit after that, and then started with a clean slate, built me back up to understand that chivalry is not dead, and that all people should be governed by a sense of justice and honour that should outweigh everything else.

 

Is my wife beyond redemption? Perhaps. But my public shaming of her, and her family shaming her to everyone she knows, seems to have triggered something in her. Whether or not it works out, we'll see.

 

We are going to counselling, both couples and singles, to see if it's worth it.

 

why does your wife want to stay with you?

[SmokeRat]

It's odd that I never grew up to resent my father. I saw him as this paragon of virtue and truth.

 

He was never a really loving father, I mean, he loves me, but he never showed it. But, even during punishments, I never resented him. I felt so horrible that I shamed my father and mother.

 

Lots of people call that brainwashing, but I call it tough love.

 

Regardless, my wife is willing to do whatever it takes. Although right now she's having a hard go of it since she's hooked up to an IV drip at home because of a flu that sparked up her diabetes.

[aed]

It's odd that I never grew up to resent my father. I saw him as this paragon of virtue and truth.

 

He was never a really loving father, I mean, he loves me, but he never showed it. But, even during punishments, I never resented him. I felt so horrible that I shamed my father and mother.

 

Lots of people call that brainwashing, but I call it tough love.

 

Regardless, my wife is willing to do whatever it takes. Although right now she's having a hard go of it since she's hooked up to an IV drip at home because of a flu that sparked up her diabetes.

 

also you cover up your own manhood behind your parents. When your boss, close friend betray you in the same amount as your wife did, would you still be friends with them and work for that boss?

 

 

You can't controle other people's actions and you are not responsible for their happiness. BUT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN!!!!

 

edit: you still didnt say WHY your wife wants to make it work.? (because of family shame or because she thinks you are an amazing catch for a husband?

Edited January 10, 2013 by aed

[SmokeRat]

The likelihood of my boss and friends (since they are all in the same hall as I am) betraying me, is slim to none. I've lost times they've pulled my ass out of a bad situation and vice versa. If either one of them betrayed me as hard as my wife did, it would probably cost people their lives. In the instance one of them slept with my wife, the fallout would be horrific.

 

I do get your point.

 

My wife is desperate to save the marriage, she's worried that I'll never be able to get over the images, but she wants this to work. As do I. However, everyone here raises good points, which I've mulled over.

 

Most reactions have come right from the left side of things, which is dump her ass and move one. Some, have stayed neutral and tried to give a level grounded assessment. Some have gone as far as to attack my character and masculinity.

 

You asked why my wife wants to stay with me? Because she loves me. Or at least she keeps professing to me that she does. Do I believe that she is actually taking efforts to sort herself out, yes. Slow steps, but at least she's taking them.

 

Although she does have a pack of ravenous family members quick behind her heels if she ever slacks off.

[WifeCheatedOnMe]

Wow....I read through your thread and I see so many parallels to my own story (posted on here....See My Rambling Story). Not the fact that you are a firefighter, or that she's a teacher, or the duration of the marriage....No, what is so similar is the fact she is STILL not remorseful, STILL not telling you the truth, STILL not taking responsibility, STILL not understanding your pain...STILL not doing anything really.

 

Let me warn you....I went through this **** for 3 YEARS, thinking mistakenly as you. That I should do everything to save my marriage. Know what I learned? No, you shouldn't. The BOTH of you should do everything to save your marriage, and it should start from DAY ONE of the discovery. The fact she cheated a second time, shows she will never get there. The fact that she is still giving you trickle truth, being impatient with your pain (six days), shows she has NO CLUE as to what lies ahead and what's necessary to recover.

 

I screwed up and wasted three years of my life. PLEASE don't do the same. File for Divorce and start healing for yourself. Especially if you have no kids. You are stuck in a co-dependent relationship and you have white knight syndrome. Better clear your head soon, or you'll be in my shoes three years from now, wondering WTF didn't I listen.

[2long]

2 elaborate a bit on my point above:

 

The 2 of you never got off on the right foot, even before your wedding. If you do manage 2 stay 2gether because you both genuinely want 2 (and neither of you is doing it because they're afraid of the shame they'll reap if they want out), you'll be starting as if you'd never married (which, since she was betraying you when she said her vows, they weren't sincere), but there's this baggage of dishonesty 2 overcome in the process.

 

I always advise young folks recently married and without kids 2 seriously consider cutting your losses and chalking it up 2 experience. Your W may believe she loves you like she says. But she can't have a very healthy, developed concept of what love and commitment really are if she's able 2 cheat before and after the wedding.

 

You can be compassionate and loving 2ward her even if you don't stay married. Of course, you can also be vindictive and spiteful by shaming her whether you stay married or not. As we have seen.

 

-ol' 2long

[jlola]

I am so sorry for your situation, but they are always so sorry and won't do it again. Till the next time some good looking man gives them an ego fix and her poor boundaries and impulse control take over.

 

This website is on point!The Unified Theory of Cake

 

Untangling the Skein of ****upedness

by CHUMP LADY on JUNE 11, 2012

 

 

Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can’t you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?

Heather Duke: Because I can be.

 

From the movie “Heathers” (1988)

 

Why do cheaters cheat? Because they CAN. It’s that simple. Do you need more of an answer? Okay. Because of greediness. Because of narcissism. Because of a lack of empathy for others affected by their **** decisions. Because they value ego kibbles more than they value your well-being. But the reasons simply boil down to — greed, opportunity, and not caring.

 

One very common mistake the Cheated Upon make is believing it is all way more complicated than that. They will invest all their energy in a pointless exercise trying to figure out the cheater — their FOO issues, their astrological sign, their addiction issues, their birth order, their purportedly low self esteem. (Newsflash — they don’t have low self esteem. They actually DO think they are better than you and more important than you.)

 

Figuring out the cheater is energy directed at THEM, which is energy deflected away from YOURSELF. You’re asking why they are this way, instead of asking yourself the harder question of – why am I hanging around this megabitch who’s not my friend?

 

I call this stage “Untangling the Skein of ****upedness.”

 

The skein is impossible, but by GOD, you’re going to unknot it, piece by piece, make it linear and you WILL understand it.

 

Untangling the skein of ****upedness is a coping mechanism. You want to figure out what makes your cheater tick so you can ensure that they never do anything so devastatingly hurtful again. If it’s their FOO issues with their mom, well, you’ll call and make that counseling appointment for them. Untangling the skein is codependent behavior. Not only will you make the counseling appointments, next you’ll get your magic marker and highlight all the relevant chapters in the affair books you bought for them on Amazon.

 

Stop it! Stop it right now! It’s not your job to figure them out! You only get to figure out YOU. What your values are, what you will tolerate, and what is acceptable and unacceptable to YOU. That’s it.

 

Most cheaters are very invested in you getting lost in the skein of their ****upedness. Hell, they don’t have to invent an excuse for their behavior, you’re doing all the work for them. There is nothing they can say by way of explanation that is not self serving and self pitying. The only thing a cheater can do is DEMONSTRATE they have remorse through their ACTIONS. Preferably a very generous divorce settlement. Failing that, a very generous postnup.

 

An explanation is not a balm. Getting lost in the skein prolongs your pain. Better to move towards acceptance. They did it because they COULD. So… now what? That’s on you.

[2sunny]

Do you think your wife can love you when she's never respected and never brought her truth to you?

 

Do you think that's possible?

 

 

Love is what we do - our actions... It's a verb.

 

When the words and actions don't match - there's always a lie in there.

 

I can't see where her words have ever matched her actions - since before she even married you.

 

How can your marriage be based on anything other than a lie? Why should she start being honest now? Because you shame her?

 

I doubt it.

 

 

 

I'm just curious how you think things are going better - when she hasn't actually yet done the necessary work to repair the damage SHE caused?

 

She's been sick...that really means she hasn't done anything except be sick - hiding away - yet you seem to think this is "better now"?

 

I really need to have you point out how "she's" been fixing what "she" ruined.

[Darren Steez]

Who else is going to look after her when..forgive me for being raw..not putting it out. Being ill and poorly is a passion killer. No one will look after her like you will. Maybe the proud guy in you likes that, she's dependent on you to look after her..you've brought up her illness quite a few times.

[2sunny]

Did she tell everyone or did you?

 

Did she call and make all the counseling appointments or did you?

 

I think it's pretty convenient that she's sick right now.

 

It makes for a good excuse for you to still do too much while she just gets your time and attention.

 

What about you?

[Bryanp]

I am sorry my friend but your wife has no idea what love means. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. She was cheating on you when she took her vows and continued to cheat on you afterwards. How could a person who professes to love you engage in such horrendous betrayal? There can only be one answer which is that she never loved you period.

[2sunny]

I'm looking at your original timeline...

 

Nov 2011 you caught her.

 

In early 2012 she's STILL communicating with him - even though you exposed her and she was transferred.

 

It continued. You forgave when she wasn't sorry at all. She was only sorry you were trailing her enough to find more evidence of continued cheating.

 

She hasn't changed... She's STILL a wife that will cheat.

 

 

You can't change her.

 

You can divorce her and try and find a woman that actually has some evidence of moral character...but you can't shame her into getting that moral compass that she never had and doesn't intend to change.

 

It's futile. She's a very broken gal. You may be the rescuing type - but you can't save her from herself.

 

She hasn't changed.

 

She's had more than a year to EARN your trust back - yet she just keeps trampling all over your good nature.

 

You've trained her to keep cheating because you really don't know where your boundary is.

[seibert253]

Looks as if OP has left the building.

[2sunny]

Looks as if OP has left the building.

 

He may be out working hard - his shifts may be days long - hopefully his W is too sick to invite her OM over while hubby's off working hard.

[SmokeRat]

Still on shift, but a slow period, so I have some time to pester the community a bit more.

 

Someone asked if my wife, or I, was the person planning the therapy and whatnot. That duty has been picked up by my wife, as she is getting all that inline.

 

We have already had a few sessions, and the therapist has been pretty hard on her. She's sympathetic due to some childhood trauma my wife suffered at the hands of a family member, but she doesn't excuse what my wife did.

 

I'm not too worried about the OM anymore. His wife, who is a Police Officer, has him under her thumb now. She called me the other night to let me know, if either party gets in contact with eachother, she'll know about it. Email, phone, internet, all that, she has him pegged. She also spoke to my wife and kept it rather simple, but afterwards my wife was shaking pretty badly. So I have no idea what the OM-W said, but I'm assuming it wasn't friendly.

 

I'm also not worried too much about the OM anymore, after he learned about all the 'issues' my wife has. Diabetes mellitis, Neuropathy, Diabetic Retinopathy and Neuropathic Arthropathy. Among other things that come with being diabetic and not watching your blood sugar levels. I know for a fact that he couldn't handle the level of control and patience it takes to care for someone like that, when you are still relatively young.

 

The therapist went over a few things as well, regarding the sex and whatnot. The therapist is confident that my wife didn't do it for the pleasure of sex (as she really isn't into it), but more because over her young years, she learned that was the only way to get a man's attention and hold it. This was mainly because she serious health problems started when she was 13, so not many boyfriends wanted to stick around when she was in a hospital for two weeks at a time.

 

She also explained that my wife isn't likely to find anyone to actually care for her, beyond the physical once she starts to get older. It was surprising, but the therapist actually urged my wife to smarten up, stop being selfish and start having regular relations with me. She also said, that she is not to turn down my advances unless of course, there are medical reason, or the relations could cause medical conditions. The therapist is amazing I haven't left yet, and why I haven't strayed to another woman.

 

She was quick to point out this to my wife, and she also urged me to keep the divorce papers active as well as get a postnup.

 

After that, she took some time along with my wife to go over some childhood trauma and all that jazz. She is convinced my wife does love me, but as soon as her health problems started to pop up (around the time of the engagement), she panicked thinking it was going to be a rehash of her entire highschool/college life and ran to someone else to start the process over again.

 

Now I call bull on some of this, as I have never been a fan of therapists. But I cannot argue some of her logic.

 

Either way, therapy is going well, at least she's talking and the therapist has already figured her out for the most part. Apparently, this kind of behaviour is not uncommon in females who have serious health issues at a young age. Again, could be bull, but at least it is a step forward.

[Running Man]

So the main reason to convince your wife to stay with you is because nobody will deal with her health issues but you? She doesn't like sex but one of the reasons she stated about having the affair was because of the thrill of cheating. I dont think she "loves" you the way you think. She loves the "comfort" you provide but likes other men as her sexual partner. She is settling for you and prefers to give other men her passion. I 'm not sure being the plan B, safe guy, nurse is the way to go for a happy marriage. Your wife is a serial cheater.

[whichwayisup]

Wow....I read through your thread and I see so many parallels to my own story (posted on here....See My Rambling Story). Not the fact that you are a firefighter, or that she's a teacher, or the duration of the marriage....No, what is so similar is the fact she is STILL not remorseful, STILL not telling you the truth, STILL not taking responsibility, STILL not understanding your pain...STILL not doing anything really.

 

Let me warn you....I went through this **** for 3 YEARS, thinking mistakenly as you. That I should do everything to save my marriage. Know what I learned? No, you shouldn't. The BOTH of you should do everything to save your marriage, and it should start from DAY ONE of the discovery. The fact she cheated a second time, shows she will never get there. The fact that she is still giving you trickle truth, being impatient with your pain (six days), shows she has NO CLUE as to what lies ahead and what's necessary to recover.

 

I screwed up and wasted three years of my life. PLEASE don't do the same. File for Divorce and start healing for yourself. Especially if you have no kids. You are stuck in a co-dependent relationship and you have white knight syndrome. Better clear your head soon, or you'll be in my shoes three years from now, wondering WTF didn't I listen.

 

Really read this advice, and make it clear to your wife that you need the WHOLE truth even if it hurts you like hell - Hiding anything will make it worse. And, that if she ever cheats on you again (continues the A again, with him or someone new) the marriage is over IMMEDIATELY, no if's, and's or but's! Done. Divorce.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Smoke Rat, I am really sorry to read your story. You have been given a lot of good advice from people who have themselves been in your position and so I think you should pay attention to what they say. However it seems to me that you are behaving a bit like an ostrich with it's head buried in the sand. What you are doing seems like you want to present a Jesus Christ face to her and are turning your other cheek to her so that she can give you a hard, resounding slap across your face from which you may never recover. Fact is she is damaged beyond repair, something like Humpty Dumpty who fell off the wall and could not be put together by all the Kings men and all the Kings horses!

 

I understand that as a Fireman you posses courage, stamina, devotion to duty and an ability to act beyond the call of duty. I know because I was in the military too. However these characteristics hod you in good stead when you are on duty. When you stand down and come home you are or should be, Simple Joe, a guy who wants to relax with his wife and talk about mundane things and probably share a beer and watch TV. You do not want to come home and find your wife copulating with some unknown guy in a graphic and uninhibited way in your marital bed! This is the ultimate disrespect that your wife could show you and you cannot swallow your pride and let her off the hook precisely because of the disrespect. Your wife is not remorseful. She is not sorry for what she has done. She is sorry that she got caught. Your thought process that tells you to be the knight who will save the damsel in distress in in correct. She is not a damsel in distress. If anything you are the person who is in distress. If you think that by policing her and hemming her in by various means you can make her toe the straight and narrow path , well that is hardly going to serve it's purpose unless she is truly remorseful and wants to change from the inside. I doubt if that is the case as she continued to cheat on you even after having been caught in such dramatic circumstances by you yourself.

 

Let her go and fend for herself and find where she has gone wrong. If you do not then years down the line you will be repenting for your one big mistake. Sadly her debilitating disorder has not stopped her from undertaking such a horrible course of action. I would have advised you to stick with her if it was only her disorder and you were contemplating leaving her because of that. However what she has done to you is unforgivable in the circumstances and irreversible! I wish you the best of luck and hope that you address this problem with common sense.

[2sunny]

Two things you need to do:

 

Have her take a polygraph to see if she actually did enjoy the sex with him (you described it as hot and passionate) - someone who doesn't enjoy it generally doesn't make it seem hot and/or passionate.

 

You need to drop in unexpectedly at lease once a week or so (when she thinks you're working - to see what she's up to.

[Darth Vader]

Post name more or less spells it out.

 

I am however taking to the lovely internets to vent, as it has been difficult to contain my dissapointment, rage, anger, shame and all those lovely emotions during the recovery process.

 

I suppose some backstory is in order so that the patrons of this website can chime in with their wisdom.

 

I've been married for around 1.5 years, sealed the deal back in September of 2010. Had been dating my than girlfriend for around 8 months when I proposed to her. Went all out, bought her some Louis Vuitton shoes, and placed the ring inside the shoe with a small holder so she'd see it right away. I also went down on one knee in front of her entire grade 10 english class.

 

So it was a big deal.

 

Fast forward to November 2011, just three months after the wedding. I had just got off a fire call (which one was of those calls you just want to get home from, shower and crawl on the couch with your wife/husband, drink and cry. Anytime children are involved, I get.....damaged). My chief sent me off the site early since the site was secure, fire was out and the paramedics were doing 'clean-up'. Came hour three hours early to find my wife having, for lack of a better description 'incredibly rough, passionate sex' with some random guy.

 

Now, I'm trained to keep my cool during situations that most 'normal' people would lose it. I've been in buildings during collapses, I've seen car accidents where people were burned alive and tried to 'claw' their way out of the glass. Doesn't phase me. This on the other hand, make my rage meter hit red. As soon as I walked in, my wife dropped off the guy and started crying and he covered his face with a pillow. I can remember the first thing out of my mouth as I dropped my bunker coat on groud was "what the f#$k". After that, I just yelled for about twenty minutes and told the other guy to get the f#$k out of my house before I have an entire fire crew jammed clear up his ass. He took that seriously and bolted pretty quick.

 

That was the first instance.

 

Let's fast forward. I thought after that incident, everything was good. We went to therapy and all that jazz. But, in 2012 I found emails, lots and lots of emails. Text messages and pictures, video chats and all that stuff.

 

It seems she had started sleeping with him, just two weeks after our engagement and kept sleeping with him even after I caught the two of them. Both of them are teachers, and they work at the same school so it worked out well for them, timing and whatnot. And since my wife knew my fire schedule, she had 7-12 days a month where I was working a 24hr shift.

 

After finding all these details, I made her spill the beans on everything. She admitted to using my fire schedule to have sex with him, because she knew I wouldn't be home. I went off my rocker, I immediately called in some favours and got everything I could on this guy.

 

- his wifes name

- their address

- name and age of their kids

- where they both work, and their supervisors names

 

All that, and more.

 

I made a long profile on a website known for outing cheaters, and I put all that info there. I sent that info to him, along with proof of their affair (emails and whatnot) and told him if he didn't stay away from my wife, I'd have an entire brigade of brothers and sisters riding his ass, and all this info would go to his school, his wife, friends, family and co-workers.

 

Well he didn't stay away and contacted my wife again. So I released all the info. His profile managed to get 22,000 hits in 1hr in my city.

 

My wife didn't take this well since she works at the same place as him, and her name was on those emails. I call it tough love.

 

Now, the issue is, my wife and I have decided to work things out. But after two years of her going behind my back, I'm finding it difficult to let the images of them having sex go. It's difficult and it's obviously making it more difficult to focus on my job. Even my buddies at work, are taking more time out of their day to either pat me on the back or just shoot the crap with me. It's nice knowing I have that backing.

 

My wife is trying, because all I can get out of her, is that the affair was 'fun and thrilling'. That's why she did it. Now, some of her friends have found out, obviously. And they cannot understand why she did that, since she actively knows that they would steal me away in a heartbeat (they've admitted it's 95% Fire Man Worship).

 

Now I have my faults, there have been days where I've been emotionally unavailable. Before we married, we both sat down with my fire chief and he explain to her what she was about to sign on for. He went over the emotional stress, the drinking, the periods of just not caring. She accepted and was happy to be my pillar when things went wrong.

 

I've admitted all these faults, and I have been working to handle situations better when I come home. As much as people tell you to leave work at work, the find of work I do, isn't something you just turn off. And if you can, you are not human.

 

Either way, it's difficult and lots of days I'm at home being miserable and just a general grouch. Most of it revolves around the fact that she had sex with another man on a regular basis but would avoid having contact with me, as if I had the plague. She didn't even enjoy the FireFighters Calender I brought home for her when I was posted as the 'model' for September.

 

She swears up and down that she loves me, and that she just had sex because it's what he wanted.

 

The issue is, how do I learn to trust, forgive and try and move forward. Every time he cell phone rings or a text comes through, my stomach knots and I want to rip it out of her hands and see what's going on.

 

Sorry for the long post, but it might be nice to get some outside thoughts before I head back over to therapy.

 

Cheers and check your smoke alarms/monoxide alarms (please and thank you).

 

 

Friend, I have only one thing to say to you, to help you in the absolute best possible way...........

 

 

 

DROP THE BITCHES ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Then get you a better woman!

 

 

BTW, she wanted the sex too, I hope you know that and she's a Liar!

[Darth Vader]

I did write in my last post that teachers have their places as well, so I'm not saying I am better than they are.

 

Why will do it again?

 

Well maybe she will, but I do have a rather large axe hanging over both their heads.

 

I did speak to the OM once on the phone when they finally cut off all contact. I told him that I have close to 100 emails and hundreds of texts, videos and so forth stashed away in a safety box in a department house on a USB stick.

 

If either my wife or he have any contact, any at all, I will mass release this information onto facebook, twitter, his (and her) school, friends, family, co-workers and so on. The school they work at is rather prestigious and has very low tolerances for anything that may tarnish their reputation.

 

His wife already knows from a facebook message I sent her with a tidbit of what they were up to. And he knows that I have no problems involving his children (who are both students of my wife), if comes to that.

 

Firefighters are very protective of their own, and that includes other firefighters wives/husbands. My wife is finding it very hard to come by the hall sometimes because depending on who's working that day, she'll either get friendly hellos or they will just walk past her without even so much as a glance.

 

Ultimately, she knows that if she continues this affair in any way, there is going to be a giant poopstorm that she'll never recover from. Me, sure I'd look like an a-hole, but I know I wouldn't lose my job or my reputation with the people that respect me.

 

Her family and my family also know about the affair, so I've made it a mission to ensure that anyone who knows her, is aware so that it makes it that much more difficult to do this again.

 

I do love my wife, but her actions have made me question my masculinity (to the point where I almost always wear my Fire and Rescue hoodie everywhere). Why wasn't I good enough? If it was so hard being with me, because of my job, why didn't she just leave me and not have the best of both worlds?

 

And so on.

 

 

It's not you, it's her. IMO, she's a cake eater, she wants the best of both worlds. Don't blame yourself or allow her to blame you, this is all her fault!