Lone Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Hi, Had lunch with my ex gf yesterday. First time i seen her in over a month. It went well. We joked and smiled and things pretty much felt the same after the initial awkwardness. Before we met she messaged me saying it would hurt too much and she would just want to kiss me lots. When we met we hugged. I didnt touch her at all throughout the entire meeting but she touched me. When i said i should go she gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. She did seem a little bit down at some points throughout the catch up. Im just wondering what to do from here? I still care about her deeply. She left me about 2 months ago now. I thought she might message me but she hasnt and its been about 24 hours. I kind of got the feeling she still likes me or at least has some feelings for me. Now im wondering whether i should message her and let her know it was nice to see her or whether to just leave it and see if she contacts me...? Link to post Share on other sites
gullibleme Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 My opinion is she may be there waiting for you to contact her also...people cannot read minds...don't play games. You have the right to know if this means anything...why sit in limbo. This could be a start but the ball is really in her court it seems. Since she was being affectionate she put herself out there obviously still cares. Who initiated the lunch? I don't know the reason for the breakup, I would not and have not met up with an ex AT ALL if I didn't have some feelings for him..on the other hand when I was broken up with and he asked me on a date a month later or so I was excited thinking we could make this work. We also had a really good night besides the awkwardness at first. Then like you, I waited for the text or call for a couple days and got nothing...it was a downward spiral after that...my feelings were hurt that he never contacted me...but then again I never contacted him either...it's just a really hard spot for you to be in honestly. Good Luck ...keep posting it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 6, 2013 Author Share Posted January 6, 2013 Hi, she initiated the meeting. If you have a look at my profile it has the previous threads about it. She basically text me the other day saying she was sick of being strong and acting like she didnt care and asked if i wanted to catch up. I played hard to get a bit but then realised i wanted to see her to test the waters. She left me. She said she didnt like who she was in a relationship. A part of me just wants to reach out and ask if she is happy? I dont know if i should initiate or just be patient...i want to reach out but i dont know if its the best move i could make... maybe i just need to put it aside and move on and see if she gets in touch? surely if she wanted to reach out to me for whatever reason she would...? Link to post Share on other sites
gullibleme Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 sorry, i should have read your previous threads...i think you should move on...if this was the first time after the breakup I would suggest my other post because everyone tries to get back together at least once...my ex and I tried three times and it was just broken at that point and thats what seems to be happening here. I think she cares for you...just not enough...you don't deserve that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 What is this advice based on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Any other advice anyone? Im trying really hard not to contact her right now. i want to contact her and ask if shes happy? if this is what she wanted? i got the sense she was a bit sad when we met up. i dont know if i should throw myself in the firing line and take a risk asking these questions... or just continue the facade of acting like i dont care and waiting to see if she contacts me... a part of me thinks that even if she comes back and responds to my questions that she is happy and life is great then atleast it will provide me with further ammo to let go and move on... very very confused Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 I wouldnt message her if I were you. She ended it. She knows how to contact you. What was the problem...she didn't like who she was in the relationship? Can you work on fixing that problem so it doesn't happen again with the next girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 It was her issue not mine. But translation maybe it was me. Who knows. At first she started texting me. then She said she was over acting strong and like she doesnt care. then she asked me to meet up. Then i said no and then yes. then she said it would hurt too much and she would just want to kiss me. we meet up. talked like normal. no mention of the relationship or break up or anything at all. i asked if she had been drinking when she sent me the kiss text and she said "no why? because its the truth? she seemed happy-ish but there were moments where she seemed sad/down. I ended the meeting saying i had to go. she gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek and we went our ways. i was hoping i wouldve heard from her. its only been 24 hours. should i hold out? or should i give it a few days and then maybe reach out if she hasnt? Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Contacting her will push her away. Just because she is in pain from the breakup doesn't mean she wants to recommit to the relationship. Keep working on the behaviour stuff that caused tension so that you are awesome with the next girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Well she was the one whose been initiating all the contact so far? I know that even if she is in pain it doesn't mean she will want to reconcile but surely i should strike while the iron is hot? not worried about the next gf. so not really interested in advice for her. i'll worry about that when i come to it. i just feel like she was hinting at me to ask her questions or wanting me to say something as she mentioned that whenever we speak now it feels like there's this huge invisible wall between us... Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 I wouldn't give it much thought, she did the break up, if she wanted to get back together, she would have said so. I don't have any special insight, but seem to think that she regrets how she ended the relationship, not that she ended the relationship. She may even have feelings, but I don't see anything reconciliation in the meeting. Unless she comes to you and addresses the issue, I would continue with my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 That seems to be the consensus these parts. If theres no talk of reconciliation its all breadcrumbs. but ive been in that position and from my experience if you wanted to get back or if you were questioning your decision you wouldnt come flat out and say it you would test waters first... either way i will continue with my life. im sure i will hear from her again. i just feel like i should flat out ask her if she is happy? at least then no matter what i will have a definitive answer and can move forward from there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Would it be so bad just asking her outright if she is happy? if she is happy with where she is at? if this is what she wanted? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 This is the thing I dont get about the "NC" rules... It just seems as though it might just be an issue of someone needing to take the initiative to see what the deal is. I might not fully understand the psychology of it, but ity just seems as though maybe it(NC), becomes a "mindgame" by both parties and could lead to a big Mexican standoff. If someone could clarify or agree/disagree then I would love to hear it... TFOY Link to post Share on other sites
fancy feast Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 If I were in your shoes, I would want her to be the one to actually ask to get back together. Let her chase you. Just be cool and confident if/when she does contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Well we had a meet up yesterday which went quite well i thought. She indicated a few things which lead me to believe she has missed me - also a few texts which suggest this. I'm just trying to decide whether to contact her now to keep the communication lines open or just wait and see if she contacts me...I'd definitely prefer the later. Its only been a day so maybe i should wait. or give myself a deadline. i know there's a lot of things i need to work on for myself but i cant escape the fear that if i let it slip away now that we are communicating again it wont come back... or should i just let it slip away if thats the way she wants to play it? so many questions! Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Well we had a meet up yesterday which went quite well i thought. She indicated a few things which lead me to believe she has missed me - also a few texts which suggest this. I'm just trying to decide whether to contact her now to keep the communication lines open or just wait and see if she contacts me...I'd definitely prefer the later. Its only been a day so maybe i should wait. or give myself a deadline. i know there's a lot of things i need to work on for myself but i cant escape the fear that if i let it slip away now that we are communicating again it wont come back... or should i just let it slip away if thats the way she wants to play it? so many questions! dude when she said 'i feel like theres a big invisible wall between us when we're together now' u should have said 'yeah no ****, u dumped me...' but seriously, this girl dumped u, why must u put in the work to get her back?? esp when there's a solid chance that she's doing this b/c while she misses you at times, she doesn't necessarily want you back, and you could get hurt all over again. i mean at the end of the day, you do what you gotta do. if you can take getting set back to square one, do it. you've already met up, so in a way you already put yourself back out there. just be prepared that she might really not be interested in getting back together. that's a very real possibility. if you can handle that, then sure, talk with her to find out what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Do u think talking with her will sort anything? I mean if she had things she wanted to say I wouldn't have to ask her would I? I played it very cool when we met up. There was no talk of meeting up again. I certainly wasn't going to be the one to suggest it. Do u think if there's any chance I would need to contact her first or am I better off jus playing the waiting game? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 I can't decide whether to take a risk and ask her if she's happy or to just play it cool and see what happens... Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 If you look at the body of advise you see that you are the Lone Ranger here. Still this is your decision to make, so what I or anyone else thinks you should do is irrelevant, it only matters what you want to do. MAYBE you just have to do it to say that you tried. What is the worse that could happen? Well obviously it is rejection and all those feeling associated with it come back up again. If you feel that the chance that this might happen is outweighed by the chance she might reconcile, then by all means, go for the gusto. I don't know the woman and did not talk to her, but from your description of the relationship and subsequent conversation, it did not appear that reconciliation was her intention. Many women do not like to be thought bad of by others. She may have felt bad for the break-up and taken flak by others by her behavior. It appears that she was wanting to take you from the Ex-Zone and put you back in the Friend-Zone, so that she could feel better about herself. You seem to be a nice guy and she probably sincerely LIKES you, but that is a far cry from wanting to be in a relationship with you. She does not seem to be a woman that does not know what she wants or is afraid to ask. Again this is an assumption, based solely on what is written here. That being said, you initiating the reconciliation puts you in a position of pining after her, making you a good Plan B but not a reconciled equal relationship. Bottom Line: Do what you think is best. Alfred Lord Tennyson: I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Well I text her. She said some nice stuff but ultimately said she's not right for me. Spare me the I told u so's please. At least now I know. Ouch. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Well I text her. She said some nice stuff but ultimately said she's not right for me. Spare me the I told u so's please. At least now I know. Ouch. Well I didnt get a chance to say something yesterday, but her excuse for dumping you was a lame one. She said "I dont feel like myself in this relationship" is bullshyt. She had a problem with you and didnt want to tell you what it was because she didnt want to fix it. She still isnt being honest, and I think she is still contacting you to see if youre ok with her lying to you. Her contacting you is her guilt, nothing else. Did she give you any specifics as to why she isnt right for you? I bet you will see her with someone else real soon. So ultimately, nothing you could have done would have made this any different, except her seeing you with another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Well I'm absolutely crushed. She ended the convo saying how important I am to her. Bull. How can she say that. What's worse is she's having a party at her house this weekend for a mutual friend and ALL my friends are going. I almost have to go but don't want to. So u think there's no chance of us ever being together again now? It's been a almost two months since initial split. She still has all our photos on fb etc. I think I need to delete her and just cut her from my life as much as possible. I just don't want it to be awkward amongst our peers. Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 That must have really hurt to hear her say that, but try and take it as the push you need to not contact her again and move on with your life. If she changes her mind down the road she knows where she can find you. At least she was honest. She could have strung you along with some 'I am confused' bs. Be grateful for her honesty, even if it must hurt like hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lone Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 I just text her and said "Do u want to catch up like we used to? No expectations or pressure. Just u and me. Activities, great sex, smiles and laughs" Pathetic i know. i dont know what im doing. i know i need to move on but im so set on reconciliation.... is that even a possibility? if so what do i do to put me in the best spot for it? Link to post Share on other sites
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