pteromom Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Their reasoning, I have trouble with relationships so I must accept absolutely everything and have no requirements or deal breakers unless I want to be forever alone. Dating is like a web search. The more boxes you check to find more specific results, the fewer results will be returned. The fewer boxes you check, the more results (aka potential matches) will be returned. It is up to you to decide which boxes are critical for you to check. If "NO KIDS" is an important box to check for you, it's nobody else's business. You have to weigh what is a "dealbreaker" for you with your odds of success, and come up with the right mix for you. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Why would you be unhappy with a woman with a kid or two if she were attractive and fun? You don't have to marry her. You're just out there having fun with her. Almost all of the dealbreakers people have are a machination of what they feel 'society' owes them. I agree with most of your post, but disagree with this. I don't think someone should date a person who has a dealbreaker trait, even for fun. There is too much risk in falling in love with them, then you are stuck in a relationship that isn't really what you want. I think it is important to use logic upfront and walk away from someone who obviously isn't what you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm 45 and single and I'm not a beggar. I actually LOVE being single and love the life I've created for myself. I've created the life I want for myself and I've created it by myself. My attitude is that if a man can come along and offer me more happiness that what I've already created for myself, then I'll give him a chance. If he cant, then I'm ok with letting him go. I'm not a beggar and am leaning on the side of staying single forever. Just in case, there might be something out there worthwhile in the relationship dept, I am willing to stick my neck out a little, but I'm only taking so many chances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 Mme. Chaucer explained it much better than I could have. I could care less if you want to date women with children or not. You are allowed to have any dating requirement you choose, but you've called the requirements of others "stupid," as in, for example, it's stupid for a short woman to only date men over 6'. You see your preferences as justified, but the preferences of women somehow make no sense. Why is that? Also, if you're willing to accept that your preferences will make dating more difficult for you, more power to you. I admire people who have a strong set of beliefs that they aren't willing to compromise. A woman not wanting to date anybody under 6' is on a completely different level then me not wanting to date somebody who has kids. It's comparing apples to steak. The closest comparison I can think of I have to a woman not wanting do date somebody under 6' is me not wanting somebody with small breasts. I am extremely attracted to women with large breasts but it is hardly a deal breaker if a woman doesn't have them. If I ever turn down a girl because I think her breasts are too small, I would be completely idiotic. In that regard, I see it as stupid when a woman makes height a deal breaker, even more so if she was short herself. Dating is like a web search. The more boxes you check to find more specific results, the fewer results will be returned. The fewer boxes you check, the more results (aka potential matches) will be returned. It is up to you to decide which boxes are critical for you to check. If "NO KIDS" is an important box to check for you, it's nobody else's business. You have to weigh what is a "dealbreaker" for you with your odds of success, and come up with the right mix for you. My list of deal breakers is very short and it should have next to no affect on my dating success. I know there are thousands of girls in my school alone that don't poses any of my deal breakers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 In the Are kids a deal breaker for you? thread, several people expressed that kids are an absolute deal breaker. When I stated the same view, many members got on my case, nobody else was questioned for having the same belief. Their reasoning, I have trouble with relationships so I must accept absolutely everything and have no requirements or deal breakers unless I want to be forever alone. My answer to everybody who shares that thought, piss off. Just because I'm not good with women doesn't mean I have to settle for everything. That goes for every one who struggles with relationships. Ignore the bullies and go with your gut. (Stronger words than piss off are intended but will not be stated on this forum) Thankfully many people on this forum do have a level head, and they and others like them are the reason I keep posting here. I agree with this. When I was doing online dating as a woman at the ripe old age of 35, I had people telling me that I ought to be willing to date guys with kids, because, you know, oldz. Even some dudes with kids who wouldn't accept my answer (I had put it clearly in my profile) told me that. Charming! But I didn't want to, and I didn't, and it turned out fine. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Beggars can't be choosers. I don't see what's so complicated about this. If you have little to offer, you can't expect a whole lot in return. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 My list of deal breakers is very short and it should have next to no affect on my dating success. I know there are thousands of girls in my school alone that don't poses any of my deal breakers. Then it is up to you to start talking to as many of them as possible and see if you can spark up any connections. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 somedude, have you ever put up a pic of yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 Then it is up to you to start talking to as many of them as possible and see if you can spark up any connections. Yup. That's what I'm trying to do and will try to do more of this year. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Having trouble with relationships or 'getting' a girlfriend doesn't make one a 'beggar', IMO. That said, repetitive interpersonal dynamics can form learned behaviors, one of which I shared in the referenced thread. One can 'learn' a behavior without becoming a 'beggar'. If the behavior is otherwise healthy for the person, then it is part of their base behavioral set; their 'style'. As a young (30'ish I guess) single man, you prefer to date childless women, being young and childless yourself. Good for you. Hope you have a cantankerous little Somedude to bounce on your knee someday. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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