Roi Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 *my english is not perfect, keep that in mind* So I have been thinking a lot lately, about what people replied on here and the mistakes I made (I want to learn from them) and the mistakes my ex made. Also I've been really trying to get into the right state of mind and the hardest part, feeling that mindset. I was wondering, before I got into a relationship with her I was really happy with how I had recovered and improved myself after the ex before this one. I learned how to be less needy, how to set my priorities, how to keep my pride and value by not doing dumb things. Now I've noticed that during my last new relationship that positive and controlled great attitude slowly changed into a weak state of mind where I was insecure all of the time. During the whole relationship (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/364258-really-desperate-i-would-so-graceful-support a link to my story) I tried to not be weak and act like a man should but somehow (I don't want to acuse her) she never made me feel like I meant as much to her as I wanted to mean to her. I tried to notice the little things because I thought that maybe I was overlooking it and maybe she has her own small ways of letting me know but I've never really spotted them. Now I was doing fine until she slept with her ex (1 month after the first time we broke up) while I was chasing her. One day she came to me in tears and confessed it and asked me if I wanted to give her another chance. I did this but the insecurity I described really changed me after this, I was getting all these paranoid thoughts, and worries but at the same time I was really forcing myself to trust her but it took me a lot of effort after what had happened! Now because I was acting weird and not as confident she started losing more and more interest and I was getting more insecure because of that which eventually made the relationship crash. Now I understand that I should have controlled myself (even though I really tried my best!) and I shouldn't have given in to my weaknesses.. but it just makes me so bitter to think of that: 1. she basically betrayed me by having sex with her other ex while she knew while I was chasing her to get back with me 2. she confesses and tells me that in fact that made her realise that I'M the one to her 3. I give her a second chance but at the same time develop this trust-issue and hurt, chasing thoughs and flashing images about her and that guy 4. I become more and more insecure and paranoid about the whole situation because she still has brief texts etc with that guy (he's part of the social circle she goes out with so she still went out with him too) 5. Because of these insecurities she starts losing interest 6. I start getting desperate and depressed and tell her about it, she tells me that she's afraid of all this negativity and breaks up not long after that. 7. She's back with that other ex now while I've been NC to her for 2 months, she seems really happy and unaffected and unharmed, not even showing the slightest grief. So if anyone has been nice enough to read it to here, these are my questions: Even though I don't hate her or want to talk bad about her, do I have the right to blame her for betraying me? How comes that I dropped so low as a person, before the relationship I had such a balanced, healthy, calm, controlled and humble mindset but now I feel so weak, not even close to the person I used to be before all this? And the final question, can I tell myself that I deserve better? or is it my fault that I let myself grow this weak (I tried to not give in though!)? If anyone would answer these questions or help me with it I would be really graceful! I've been thinking about these for so long now! I want to learn!
OregonFriendzoned Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Women have a way of knocking us down to our knees even when we're in the best state of mind. Sounds to me like this relationship is not good for you and she doesn't appreciate you. If she cheated on you before then that trust is broken and it's hard to get that back... especially when she is now with that guy instead of you. It's hard but you have to try to move on and find yourself a woman who won't make you feel insecure but instead will get you back to feeling calm and level headed.
Author Roi Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Women have a way of knocking us down to our knees even when we're in the best state of mind. Sounds to me like this relationship is not good for you and she doesn't appreciate you. If she cheated on you before then that trust is broken and it's hard to get that back... especially when she is now with that guy instead of you. It's hard but you have to try to move on and find yourself a woman who won't make you feel insecure but instead will get you back to feeling calm and level headed. So it is possible that she made me this way? Because it feels like it, but somehow I can't stop blaming myself.. and can anyone help me with the other questions too perhaps?
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