Nyla Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 You are not stupid. You were naive and inexperienced. There is a difference. I know how it feels to have an older man take advantage. You are confusing great sex with love. Happens to the best of us. How can you love someone whom you can't trust? Cheaters are not trustworthy individuals and your MM was just telling you what you wanted to hear. At least the pain and humiliation will be a great teacher. Someday you will look back on this situation and feel pity for the little girl you were. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I realized that sorry ...I was stupid. He's in his mid 30's and has been around the block more than you. He's experienced in many ways and he should not have let anything happen. Yes, you're not a child but you are the minor so to speak in this situation. You feel bad, you've owned your part in all this and are remorseful.. That's a good thing because you've learned a tough and painful lesson. Stay away from any man who is married! Even if you're tempted - RUN. focus on healing. And try not to beat yourself up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 As a young woman, you are going to have to ask yourself so many times in your life if you're making the right choice- especially when it comes to love. YOU made a bad choice here. Regardless of what he said or did- YOU made a bad choice for yourself- so take ownership. A guy that is involved with another woman, that hits on you- is not the type of guy that you should give the time of day. What should you do? Shake your head, and set a boundary for yourself. If a guy is interested in you, he should be single to pursue you- if he's not- he's going to be the type of guy that is going to pursue someone else if ever you find yourself in a relationship with him. Don't fall for stuff like this, don't become this type of woman so early in your life- set the boundary of how you want to live your life now and steer clear of this sort of stuff. Love yourself first- when you do, you won't consider such a crappy situation- and you'll make smarter choices about dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Lesson to be learned here. Do not mix business with pleasure. You were their babysitter. You were at their home with their kids. His wife trusted you with that. Eyeballing her husband was not part of the deal. Yes he found you attractive, but many men will. That is no excuse to wreck a home. Where is the self respect here? If the man was going to leave his wife you would have met him as a single dad. He said whatever he could to keep you opening your legs and giving him what he wanted. Men who cheat lie. If you seriously want to wait around and think he will come around and divorce his wife you are fooling yourself and you really are young and immature. If I knew who you were, you'd never babysit my kids. You should have put a stop to that the fist time he started giving you inappropriate attention. The man is 35 and A lying cheat hurting his wife under their own roof. Sorry no sympathy here. You get what you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 You may also want to familiarize yourself between love and lust. That was all lust. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Lots of tough love, and I expected nothing less. Thank you guys. I don't think ill ever forgive myself for what I've done but I somehow have to find I way to move the **** on and far away.. there's more to the story than I put on here but I guess the end result is all the same its completely over with and I need to move on im heartbroken but I have to deal with it for awhile. Biggest mistake I've ever made..I've realized how naïve I was and how stupid and pitiful It was of me now im aware of all the pain ive caused and the lives I've ruined...im truly mortified with my actions as well... I hope one day things will get better... It's good 2 be able 2 face what you did and chalk it up 2 experience. I'm glad that you appear 2 be thinking about the lesson you can 2rn this in2, rather than pining away for this goofball for months 2 come. I'm going 2 recommend one of Frank Pittman's books. One of the best self help/relationship books out there. Don't be put off by the title, though it's right 2 the point of what the book is about. Frank Pittman can be sarcastic at times, but he's also quite right. The book is "Grow Up: How Taking Responsibility can make you a Happy Adult." Among the wise things he says, he makes a clear distinction between romance and love, as they are 2 very different things. best, -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I can identify with your situation because my older sister went through the same thing as you. She was only 17 at the time the father of the children she babysat for started buttering her up, priming her to be the OW. He offered her rides home at night after babysitting, and started turning on the charm, telling her how beautiful she was, how she could be a movie star, how much he loved her. He was in his early 30s at the time, and she was naive enough to fall for his romantic lines. Their affair went on for two years until her sisters found out and called the wife. This scenario never ends well. He stayed with his wife, but undoubtedly cheated again on her and they have been since divorced. Their kids are so screwed up from this dysfunctional family. I actually saw him recently at an event when he moved back to town. (It's a small town and word gets around.) He was with another woman, his current girlfriend, and still hitting on other women right under his girlfriend's nose. These guys are scum that prey off of vulnerable women and have no morals or character. I hope you will have the common sense not to pursue this guy any further. No good will come from it. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 That's really scummy that a 35 year old would prey on such an impressionable teenager. He basically told you what you wanted to hear in order to get in your pants. He NEVER had plans to leave his wife. Ever. Even when he said those things, it was never going to happen. Him not speaking to you know should show you that. He's staying with his wife and abiding by her rules now. In order for a marriage to overcome infidelity he needs to cut contact with you. Will you hear from him again? Most likely. Cheating spouses rarely stop when they are caught they just lie low for a bit and then start up again and take it further underground. He'll probably wait until the dust settles and he'll try to check back in with you. I advise you stay away. He's not someone you will ever have a future with, and on the off chance he ever did leave his wife, he'd play this same game with you. You're not the exception, you're the rule. Cheating is not an admirable trait. It's selfishness and cowardice. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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