Author na49 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 HOLY... F*CKING... SH*T.... I hear my phone go off at about 4 this morning. I think "Okay it's probably one of my stupid apps" but of course my hope is it's her. Well I roll around until my mom wakes me up. I check my phone and... IT'S HER! This is what her message said. (Yes I already responded. I told myself if she ever did break NC again I would respond. I am at a better place than I was. I'm not at a good place now though. I'm also not getting friend zoned. If anything this will let me know she only sees me as a friend and will push me in the right direction when I tell her "Thanks but no thanks") (my name)? It's (her name)... I know it's early in the morning... but my life sucks without you in it... do you think it's possible to forgive and forget? I miss you and I never stopped caring about you At first I was like sweet! She regrets her decision. I really think this is just her relieving guilt though. I basically told her I was happy to hear from her, sorry for ignoring her and that I had class soon so I couldn't talk but asked to talk later. aaaand my hands are shaking as I'm writing this. So much for being able to focus on anything today. This is all I'm going to think about...
Author na49 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Ironically enough I think today was our anniversary. I'm not sure if she planned on this or if it's just a coincidence. I thought that the number block wore off by now, I figured I didn't need to reblock it because everything I saw on her facebook told me she was done with me. I was actually considering blocking it again too. Well she might still be done with me. She's just guilty for what she did to me and doesn't like that I haven't forgiven her yet. She's used to always having things her way. I never told her I forgave her though. Maybe I implied it. Oh well. This seriously couldn't have happened at a worse time for me... I don't want my hopes up, but of course they just are. I think crashing and burning here could help me though. The more I think about her message, the more I realize it's breadcrumbs. I'm the one who tells everyone to not beat themselves up and I'm regretting responding already. I probably wouldn't have contacted her if she didn't texted me this morning. I'm going over every possible outcome in my head. What if she doesn't respond? What if she was drunk? What if she tells me she wants to be friends (again)? What if she gives me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech? Hold me LS
cavalier99 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Sorry dude. As much as you like this intial thrill it is a definitly a setback. This is about her as you know. She didnt even ask about you or appoligize. There is no good outcome because you dont want her back (believe it or not). i guess it is nice knowing that that she thinks of you positivley but it means nothing. DONT CALL HER BACK! Your goal is indifference. And if you write anything post it here 1st. Do you like how you are feeling now? sorry. Cav
Minneloa Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Sorry dude. As much as you like this intial thrill it is a definitly a setback. This is about her as you know. She didnt even ask about you or appoligize. There is no good outcome because you dont want her back (believe it or not). i guess it is nice knowing that that she thinks of you positivley but it means nothing. DONT CALL HER BACK! Your goal is indifference. And if you write anything post it here 1st. Do you like how you are feeling now? sorry. Cav That ship has already sailed.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 HOLY... F*CKING... SH*T.... I hear my phone go off at about 4 this morning. I think "Okay it's probably one of my stupid apps" but of course my hope is it's her. Well I roll around until my mom wakes me up. I check my phone and... IT'S HER! This is what her message said. (Yes I already responded. I told myself if she ever did break NC again I would respond. I am at a better place than I was. I'm not at a good place now though. I'm also not getting friend zoned. If anything this will let me know she only sees me as a friend and will push me in the right direction when I tell her "Thanks but no thanks") (my name)? It's (her name)... I know it's early in the morning... but my life sucks without you in it... do you think it's possible to forgive and forget? I miss you and I never stopped caring about you At first I was like sweet! She regrets her decision. I really think this is just her relieving guilt though. I basically told her I was happy to hear from her, sorry for ignoring her and that I had class soon so I couldn't talk but asked to talk later. aaaand my hands are shaking as I'm writing this. So much for being able to focus on anything today. This is all I'm going to think about... You never know, but..... Was she with another guy and maybe they broke up? Is she looking at the fallback option? TFOY 1
Minneloa Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Ironically enough I think today was our anniversary. I'm not sure if she planned on this or if it's just a coincidence. I thought that the number block wore off by now, I figured I didn't need to reblock it because everything I saw on her facebook told me she was done with me. I was actually considering blocking it again too. Well she might still be done with me. She's just guilty for what she did to me and doesn't like that I haven't forgiven her yet. She's used to always having things her way. I never told her I forgave her though. Maybe I implied it. Oh well. This seriously couldn't have happened at a worse time for me... I don't want my hopes up, but of course they just are. I think crashing and burning here could help me though. The more I think about her message, the more I realize it's breadcrumbs. I'm the one who tells everyone to not beat themselves up and I'm regretting responding already. I probably wouldn't have contacted her if she didn't texted me this morning. I'm going over every possible outcome in my head. What if she doesn't respond? What if she was drunk? What if she tells me she wants to be friends (again)? What if she gives me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech? Hold me LS Na, I don't really know what to say. I want to say GO BACK TO NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY, but I know that's not what you are going to do right now. So, if you choose to engage with her further, please take care of yourself the best you can. Then, come back here and tell us about it so we can offer sympathy and support (or in the case of Simon, a baseball bat). M. 1
cavalier99 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) Even if she wanted back and she doesnt. there is way too much damage that has been done and too much healing. NA would not put up with the sh*t she put him thru and she doent see him any differently than the dommmat he was in the RS (sorry NA) but she defintly wore the pants in the RS. New dynamic wont work. It is OVER forever so i see no positive out come except to futher f*ck up NA's precarious emotional state. But we all need to be kicked in the balls on ocassion. So i guess well see how it goes. Watch and learn new LSers. This is why we block and dont respond ever or until we are 1000 percent indifferent. Next time delete without reading it. Hang strong NA. Come her for guidance and dont free lance. Edited April 8, 2013 by cavalier99 2
Simon Phoenix Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Holy f--king facepalm Batman. Not sure what to say here. She didn't even remotely apologize, she was demanding you forgive her. Well, you finally acted on your inner stupidity. Hope you enjoyed it though I'm guessing you didn't. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) If you did end up getting back with her, chances are high that you'd fall back into the same issues that led to her and you to splitting up; her cheating. I highly doubt she has changed, 180 and all. Thing with cheaters is....if you take them back; they win. She isn't remorseful. If she was, with many tears, she'd already came back pleading with you to take her back. She hasn't. She was off having a great time; you were suffering. She was with another Guy. To her, you are only a plan-B Guy. She knows you care, and will take her back; you are fall-back. Even responding back to her, is setting yourself up for destruction. She will use you, cheat on you, string you, then leave you... You'll be left the fool. Edited April 8, 2013 by Toddbt12y1 4
Damsel in Distress Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Na Gosh I'm sure you couldn't help being excited to receive her text, but I'm so wary 4am? Who sends a text at 4am - impulsive, focused on HERSELF not you. She HAD to send it then to relieve whatever urge she was having, couldn't even wait a few hours until it wouldn't startle you from sleep... or to even send an email instead that wouldn't wake you up. Seems very selfish to me. And this kind of text she really should have thought on for a good long time before sending (weeks! and many drafts!). But she sent it impulsively as a text in the middle of the night! And I'm sorry, but as an outside observer who isn't emotionally involved, I really don't see anything in that message indicating she is ready to come back to you and be the loving faithful girlfriend you deserve. Who knows what her motive it, but it just sounds more to me that she wants reassurance you still care and don't hate her. Na, you should always post to LS before responding! Let us help you think clearly. It's a shame that this impulsive contact she sent has thrown you for a loop. I'm sure you are a mess and at such a bad time with trying to wrap up school. Hang in there today and let us know what happens. 5
destroyed4sho Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Destroyed, now that I have some distance and clarity about my situation, I also have gone back and feel that for the past year my ex was starting to question whether our LDR setup was working for him. I even think he may have tried to back off/ break up with me a year ago and he was not clear enough and I completely didn't get what he was trying to do! (OMG!) Have I wanted to contact him and ask about all this? Yes. Have I written email after email to him? Yes. Have I spent hours composing perfectly worded texts to get him to call me so we can discuss it? Yes. Have I actually sent anything or attempted contact? NO!!! NO NO NO!! Will this man who didn't even clearly break up with me (he actually said I'm not breaking up with you!) will he be able to honestly talk to me about the long process of him getting to that point? NO! Does it matter at what point he began to question the relationship and why? NO! Thanks Damsel. So true. I will not break NC, I think that I would gain nothing from it. Your right, there will be no answers she can provide now bc she never provided answers so why would she months later?? I feel better today, I think the reading the diary triggered another meltdown and I my desperation made me want to contact her again. I just don't see the point. I even started a letter but then felt pathetic that it has been so long and reverting back to square one that I just stopped writing. Basically, I was going to write why I thought the relationship collapse and point out the horrible things she did and also let her know that I know NOW that she had been trying to break up with me for a year. It would make me feel better if she knew that I knew, so she can know that I know what she was up to and that she was f*cked up. However, I don't think calling her out will make her feel bad, it will just make me look even more pathetic. I desperately WANT to know the answers and i feel I DESERVE some answers. And I even feel convinced that if I had the answers it would make it even easier for me to move on. Yes, I had talked to my therapist about it and he said that you may never get answers, even 20 years from now you will never know the truth!! The thing is I guess I technically did break NC since I haven't thrown out the diary...I think its my last connection to the relationship. I would never want her back. In my mind, now that I have separated myself from her, I don't think it would of worked out at all. She just had no personality and was not capable of emotionally connecting. She couldn't even tell me her views on religion....like if she was an atheist, religious, spiritual, believes in universal energy, was Buddhist, etc....who does that?? Isn't that something you would want to know about your partner/person you are dating? So freaken weird. Its like she couldn't tell me simple things, like "oh that reminds me of a time in the past...." or "i am having trouble with something...what do you think?" How can you connect with someone like this? Its impossible when someone doesn't open up. The relationship was doomed regardless if she dumped me or not. And another thing is, since she had wanted to break up for so long, why didn't she make if final? I guess she was conflicted and having a hard time getting over me.....GOOD, cuz the amount of time I am needing to get over her is probably LESS than the amount of time she did which was a YEAR. The same for you damsel. I am better now, it was just a rough 2 days, had to process some things in my mind and now I feel good....more positive. Just have to keep moving along. 1
destroyed4sho Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 @na- wth???WOW, WOW, WOW, Surprising..... Bad news is, I hesitate to believe calls in the AM.....I used to get those every year for years by an ex of mine and they never led to anything. In the cold light of day, (after their momentary weakness in the lonely hours of the AM), they would be over it and revert back their true selves and act like they just wanted to say "hello". Besides that, if you are communicating with her, my advice is to be very black and white. Does she want to work on rebuilding the relationship OR does she want to be friends or FWB? I would ask her straight out so that you know what you have to work with. Don't come back on here talking about "I don't know what she wants...do you think if I did this..she will do this??".....NO, be straight with her...any other answer other then "yes, I want to rebuild this relationship and prove that you can trust me again" IS not the answer you want...RUN. Also, who dumped who? I know I read your story but I do not remember. Did you dump her bc of cheating? or did she dump you??? I think if she dumped you there is no way in hell it will work. If you dumped her, well maybe she is ready to make some changes...but again she is young and will get GIGS eventually....don't think it will work out in the LR. But, you can give it a shot. With that said, it is really up to HER. She needs to rebuild that trust...hard to do, but if she is serious about it then let her show you the way. She needs to apologize, convince you that she is trust worthy and that it will NEVER happen again. I hope it works out.
destroyed4sho Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 4am? Who sends a text at 4am - impulsive, focused on HERSELF not you. She HAD to send it then to relieve whatever urge she was having, couldn't even wait a few hours until it wouldn't startle you from sleep... or to even send an email instead that wouldn't wake you up. Seems very selfish to me. And this kind of text she really should have thought on for a good long time before sending (weeks! and many drafts!). But she sent it impulsively as a text in the middle of the night! EXACTLY RIGHT!! Took the words right out of my mouth.... I would of been more positive about this situation if she had sent it during day.. 1
destroyed4sho Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Im with Cav, I'm betting that Na will want not her back after all this...he thinks he does but....he is going to start observing her without the rose colored glasses when they meet up and he will not like what he sees. Hopefully, HE will reject HER ;-) 3
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 123 pages of work for self improvement and healing OUT THE WINDOW over 1 phone message......unbelieveable...
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Okay, cooled off a little. Lets take stock of the WHOLE situation. She cheated on you. Don't forget that. She bad mouthed you and laugh with others at your expense. Don't forget that. She thought you were pathetic. Don't forget that. She valued some rock star (and I use that loosely, because if he was anyone worth anything, he would be recording and touring. NOT going to school) over you. Don't forget that. She rubbed this guy in your nose any chance she got. Don't forget that. But you've got me wondering now. You've made SOME self improvements to yourself. i.e. going to the gym and getting in shape. Changing the way you dress. Doing well in school depite everything that was going on too which I'm proud of. But, the social aspects of your healing process was always lacking. Talking to people, meeting new people, joining clubs on Campus, you always held off on those and I always wondered why? Now, I'm speculating that you held off on that aspect of healing because you were hoping for this day. The day that SHE made contact with you. I would love to say that I'm wrong on this...but it does raise some questions. 3
iouaname Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I'm a bit shocked that she contacted, actually. I mean I guess it's true that they eventually always do to relieve their own guilt. Na - I'm not sure if responding was smart or not but since you've been wanting to for so long, I guess it was just a matter of time. If it goes badly, at least you'll stop having the desire (hopefully). Wishing you the best!
destroyed4sho Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Yeah he is young, he needs to do this and have this experience.
McDonald Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Na..... God damnit Listen.... There really isnt much we can say. You are going to do what you want to do. The fact is however... make sure what you are doing will not hurt you. Na, she did not apologize in her message. She said she misses you blah blah blah.... it was all for her!!!!! Dont you see it? She said her life sucks without you around... so basically... she cheated on you, made you feel more pain than ever before, and expects you to just go back to her as a friend? HAVE SOME PRIDE MAN She chose to have you gone. YOu are so much better without her Na. "DO you think its possible to forgive and forget?" Forgive? How can you forgive someone when they havent shown that was they did was wrong to you?? Sorry, but not all of us are Jesus. Forget..... oh ok.... Ill just forget about these past 4 months of pain, forget that you cheated on me and were slamming this rockstar guy. Ill just forget about all that and take you back as a friend...or even a lover. I know you probably want the last word... that why you want to say "thanks but no thanks" But Na, if she asks for you to come back and start over a RS... then what will you do? You will go so far backwards in recovery........ This can all happen if you respond. Na do what is best for you. Not what is best for her....... 2
cavalier99 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) Im soooo sleeply. All this partying is taking its toll. Is it normal to say no to sex drugs and rock and roll? Lol Wait... NA is missing!!!!! Holy Sh*t! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! ALERT! This IS NOT A DRILL! REPEAT! NOT A DRILL! Move to DEFCON 2! Who is in charge of the search team? Simon, Chitown? Im too sore and need a nap. And everyone else is falling apart and cant handle it yet. sooo sleepy. Cav Edited April 8, 2013 by cavalier99 2
RiceaRoni Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 The Best Break Up Advice Ever - YouTube here you go...Na watch this 1
cavalier99 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Where is Lost? Hell know what to do! Who is in charge? Was it NA again! Sooo confused and sleepy.
destroyed4sho Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Na is done. He is probably on top of her right now.... He didnt even wait 2 days to respond back like the NC Rules state.....he just jumped in like OD. Yep, its gonna take another 100pages to deal with this aftermath...LOL
fancy feast Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 All she said was "I feel bad." That's hardly a revelation.
cavalier99 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Na is done. He is probably on top of her right now.... He didnt even wait 2 days to respond back like the NC Rules state.....he just jumped in like OD. Yep, its gonna take another 100pages to deal with this aftermath...LOL NA is down! He go hit by a tiny morsel of a breadcrumb. AND IS DOWN! HEEEEELLLLLP! MEDIC!!!!! 2
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