destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I guess we're all kind of using na's thread as a diary? Well, I'm so sad today He's truly out of my life, for good, now, and even though he has not been in my life for the past two months, I was still getting calls from him and it was leaving some hope lingering. Now that's gone and I'm just feeling so lonely. I accept the relationship is over, I just miss him so much and wish I was able to be his friend. Its a 'feeling worse thread' for me and for others a 'feeling much better' thread How could you possibly want to be friends after 2 months..are you really ready for that? 1
Author na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 If this 100+ page thread can help someone, then I'm happy. Hell, it's helped me even though if you read through it I've been posting the same stuff forever. Dammit, tomorrow would have been our anniversary. I want to reach out to her. I wonder if she'll reach out to me. I want to unblock her on facebook and call/text her and say "hi". I don't want to obsess over this tomorrow, but I know I will. Hopefully this urge will pass. I just wonder if I need to have her reject me one more time so I can finally get it through my head. 1
cavalier99 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I need to keep my journal because I want to be reminded of the things she did and why she was so horrible in a relationship. I need it so that nobody will treat me like that again. Maybe she can just give me some insight into why she wanted to break up with me for a whole year. All the bad things. the "cons" in my list are of her doing things after she wanted me to go away. I didn't realize she wanted to BU with me until after BU. I figure even if I email her I doubt she is capable of giving me an explanations. I do not think she is a deep person and that was one of the reasons I just couldn't level with her throughout the relationship. It was always so hard to get a deep thought or opinion from her about anything, religion, politics, life, human rights etc...I started to just feel a weirdness with her but I am not sure if that was before or after she checked out of the relationship. I have so many doubts..I don't know what is truth/fact anymore. I just cant put this relationship into perspective. And it could be why I am like this. There is nothing deep about this girl and her 'i love yous' and "miss yous" are just not deep either...its just weak emotions with no feeling behind them and I think this relationship was all in my head....because I assume when people say things like that they actually mean something Yes Im going to go to gym I guess. Yes go to the gym. Ohh. Not only are you not going to reach out to her also you are not allowed to think any more this week. Lol Cav 2
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 If this 100+ page thread can help someone, then I'm happy. Hell, it's helped me even though if you read through it I've been posting the same stuff forever. Dammit, tomorrow would have been our anniversary. I want to reach out to her. I wonder if she'll reach out to me. I want to unblock her on facebook and call/text her and say "hi". I don't want to obsess over this tomorrow, but I know I will. Hopefully this urge will pass. I just wonder if I need to have her reject me one more time so I can finally get it through my head. If you do reach out to her chances are she is going to want to be your friend, which you will take as a rejection because you are not fully over her. Then you will probably have many meltdowns like me, and then your going to want to say one last thing one last time and the cycle begins again....erghhh...idk... I feel insane the last couple of days. I haven't done anything stupid though.
cavalier99 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) I guess we're all kind of using na's thread as a diary? Well, I'm so sad today He's truly out of my life, for good, now, and even though he has not been in my life for the past two months, I was still getting calls from him and it was leaving some hope lingering. Now that's gone and I'm just feeling so lonely. I accept the relationship is over, I just miss him so much and wish I was able to be his friend. Yup it sucks. As time goes on the true reality of them REALLY being gone begins to set in. This is normal and part of the healing process. Cav Man what is up with every one??? Come on guys and gals get it together. Group hug??? Edited April 7, 2013 by cavalier99 4
iouaname Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Its a 'feeling worse thread' for me and for others a 'feeling much better' thread How could you possibly want to be friends after 2 months..are you really ready for that? I want to be friends because I miss him and I miss having him in my life and I miss the relationship. I said I wish I could be his friend, not that I was going to be. I realize that it's just not a possibility.
cavalier99 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 If this 100+ page thread can help someone, then I'm happy. Hell, it's helped me even though if you read through it I've been posting the same stuff forever. Dammit, tomorrow would have been our anniversary. I want to reach out to her. I wonder if she'll reach out to me. I want to unblock her on facebook and call/text her and say "hi". I don't want to obsess over this tomorrow, but I know I will. Hopefully this urge will pass. I just wonder if I need to have her reject me one more time so I can finally get it through my head. Id say logically speaking EVEN MORE rejection probably isnt a good idea. I can smack you upside the head if you want! Lol 1
suladas Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 You guys are like reliving what I what through, it's so surreal your posts could be mine because it is EXACTLY how I felt before. I need to keep my journal because I want to be reminded of the things she did and why she was so horrible in a relationship. I need it so that nobody will treat me like that again. Maybe she can just give me some insight into why she wanted to break up with me for a whole year. All the bad things. the "cons" in my list are of her doing things after she wanted me to go away. I didn't realize she wanted to BU with me until after BU. I figure even if I email her I doubt she is capable of giving me an explanations. I do not think she is a deep person and that was one of the reasons I just couldn't level with her throughout the relationship. It was always so hard to get a deep thought or opinion from her about anything, religion, politics, life, human rights etc...I started to just feel a weirdness with her but I am not sure if that was before or after she checked out of the relationship. I have so many doubts..I don't know what is truth/fact anymore. I just cant put this relationship into perspective. And it could be why I am like this. There is nothing deep about this girl and her 'i love yous' and "miss yous" are just not deep either...its just weak emotions with no feeling behind them and I think this relationship was all in my head....because I assume when people say things like that they actually mean something Yes Im going to go to gym I guess. You will get past wanting to know the why's eventually they just will no longer matter. Sure if she would give you good answers I would say go for it, but the problem is, chances are she will ignore you or not give you the answers you want and it will hurt. The few answers I got left me with even more questions, and the ones that went unanswered left me wondering if she actually read it all, because one message in particular I was thinking "there is no f*cking way she read that message and didn't respond to it, I just can't believe it". You're not pathetic for wanting answers or being hurt 8 months after and don't tell yourself any different. Having feelings and caring about someone you were with is a good thing. True emotions don't just go away easily. I want to be friends because I miss him and I miss having him in my life and I miss the relationship. I said I wish I could be his friend, not that I was going to be. I realize that it's just not a possibility. I wanted to be friends with my ex many months ago, because I was thinking I still want her in my life. What it really was, I want her in my life as a girlfriend again, I don't really want to be friends with her. It took a while, but I seen that for what I actually wanted. Just stay strong both of you, time will take care of it 3
McDonald Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Its impossible to try to become friends with your ex because unless your the dumper, you will always want more. 2
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Yup it sucks. As time goes on the true reality of them REALLY being gone begins to set in. This is normal and part of the healing process. Cav Man what is up with every one??? Come on guys and gals get it together. Group hug??? Group hug <> I think I am feeling better, more calm. Cav, so sorry you have to extinguish all these fires on here the last couple days ....thanks for being there. How did date with Girl#2 go? 2
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Its impossible to try to become friends with your ex because unless your the dumper, you will always want more. Yeah and them talking about their new partner will just kill you.:(:(
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 You will get past wanting to know the why's eventually they just will no longer matter. Sure if she would give you good answers I would say go for it, but the problem is, chances are she will ignore you or not give you the answers you want and it will hurt. The few answers I got left me with even more questions, and the ones that went unanswered left me wondering if she actually read it all, because one message in particular I was thinking "there is no f*cking way she read that message and didn't respond to it, I just can't believe it".. Yes, I don't think she will give me honest well though out answers. I do not think she is capable of empathesizing enough to give this. Second, I do not think she wants to reveal her true self and feelings or maybe she is just not capable - kind of like a retarded person. Despite that fact that she does have intellect, I don't think she is capable of this. YES YES YES to UNANSWERED questions. I have several examples in emails, texts, where she has done this and I am left with.....WTF????...The truth is, THEY HAVE READ IT.........They do this because they lack empathy for us, they don't feel they have to respond, so they don't....Or they are not willing to answer and take the risk of slipping up...which of course is caused by again lack of empathy for us.
Author na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 I just spent the entire time in the shower going over whether or not I should contact her. I'm obsessed. This is becoming a distraction too. I've got a month of school left, and really want to focus on my work. This has been an elephant in the room for so long now... I obsess about contacting her or not, but if I ever did, I would obsess even more. I obsessed over what I saw on her facebook for a week. Contact will only screw with me more. Also cav, I could use more than a few smacks upside the head. Maybe you can call Simon for help. 4
Simon Phoenix Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Uh, what is happening in here? By the way, the odds of me seeing my ex's father tomorrow are very high, which will be interesting. But not a single f--k is given though.
destroyed4sho Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Uh, what is happening in here? By the way, the odds of me seeing my ex's father tomorrow are very high, which will be interesting. But not a single f--k is given though. are you going to NC him? What if he starts talking about her? or asks you to come to dinner or something like that?
Damsel in Distress Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 na, I am begging you not to contact her!! Please!! Nothing good can come from you contacting her. Don't set yourself back. I believe I can slap you harder than Cav, so don't force my hand.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 are you going to NC him? What if he starts talking about her? or asks you to come to dinner or something like that? No NC, I'll go to dinner, and if he wants to talk about her I'll talk about her. He'll probably just want to drink though.
Damsel in Distress Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 i rather talk on fone with her than message so i can get answers rigt away rather than waiting. plus you get a better sense on the fone if they are tellig the truth or not. idk...i have a headache..i dont know what im doing. Gosh I was out all day and destroyed is losing it Destroyed, PLEASE do not contact her. You are letting your mind go crazy down the wrong path and it's clearly messing you up! Destroyed, now that I have some distance and clarity about my situation, I also have gone back and feel that for the past year my ex was starting to question whether our LDR setup was working for him. I even think he may have tried to back off/ break up with me a year ago and he was not clear enough and I completely didn't get what he was trying to do! (OMG!) Have I wanted to contact him and ask about all this? Yes. Have I written email after email to him? Yes. Have I spent hours composing perfectly worded texts to get him to call me so we can discuss it? Yes. Have I actually sent anything or attempted contact? NO!!! NO NO NO!! Will this man who didn't even clearly break up with me (he actually said I'm not breaking up with you!) will he be able to honestly talk to me about the long process of him getting to that point? NO! Does it matter at what point he began to question the relationship and why? NO! I desperately WANT to know the answers and i feel I DESERVE some answers. And I even feel convinced that if I had the answers it would make it even easier for me to move on. BUT, I also know that talking with him would absolutely set me back - to hear his voice, to have a conversation. Would I stay strong? I seriously doubt it. Would I tell him I miss him? Probably. Would I tell him I love him. Would be trying not to, but probably wouldn't be able to help myself. Would I ask him about his feelings about me and the relationship at every point during the past year? I surely would. and how would he react to that???? It would NOT BE A GOOD THING for either of us. I'm certain he couldn't actually know for sure how he felt - I'm sure a lot of mixed feelings that would be hard to verbalize, and could he really tell me about the thoughts he was having that would be painful for me to hear?? Surely not. It just would not be good, I would get no answers, I would end up feeling weak and powerless. And it would be the same if you call your ex!!! Destroyed, please try to stay calm and look at your situation rationally. Even though you THINK you need that information to move on, the conversation you would have trying to get those answers would not be helpful AT ALL and would set you back so much. Destroyed the crazy you are feeling right now is all about your thoughts going down the wrong path. You have got to get yourself re-set on "I am strong, I CAN live without her, she is not interested in being part of my life any more and there is nothing I can do but focus on myself and be the best possible person I can be. " You have been in a strong place before, and ou have got to get yourself back there. Gosh destroyed, I really hope you are feeling better tonight. PLEASE do not break NC. Please build yourself back up!!!! You can do it!
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 You guys are acting immature and self-destructive. A wantonness desire to harm yourselves by contacting the hurtful, is a foolish thing indeed. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 You guys are acting immature and self-destructive. A wantonness desire to harm yourselves by contacting the hurtful, is a foolish thing indeed. Yeah, there's really nothing to say at this point. 1
cavalier99 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) You guys are acting immature and self-destructive. A wantonness desire to harm yourselves by contacting the hurtful, is a foolish thing indeed. Simon seems ok. Im just tired and sore. And Lost....well hes just lost ...and moved on from us. Lol Thank god there are replacement personell that keep rolling in to help NA! Its like battle field triage on this thread the past few days! Edited April 8, 2013 by cavalier99
Simon Phoenix Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Simon seems ok. Im just tired and sore. And Lost....well hes just lost ...and moved on from us. Lol Thank god there are replacement personell that keep rolling in to help NA! Its like battle field triage on this thread the past few days! I just hang around because we were promised punch and pie. 1
iouaname Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Yes, contacting to ask questions or find things out is not wise. You're better off not even knowing! The thing I am struggling the most with is my ex's perception of me, oddly enough. Things ended civil, but I just want him to look back with fondness on the relationship on not with negative feelings because of the breakup. Is that weird? 1
denxnis Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 The thing I am struggling the most with is my ex's perception of me, oddly enough. Life's too short to worry about what other's think. Do whatever makes you happy and most importantly forget the people that hurt you and move on. People always wonder why they can't move on, well it's because you're always wondering why you can't move on. =) 1
McDonald Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 So this week would have been me and my ex's 1 year anniversary. I believe it is tomorrow. The reason why I don't know the exact date is because we just go so close throughout last year that I never really asked her out. It just happened. And I told her I want to Waite till after my pledge quarter... But we were basically dating already. But yea last year my pledge quarter ended on Friday and I remeber making it offical with her early the week after. I know, what a rookie mistake... But idk we just fell in love and that was that. But towards the end of the RS during the bu she said how it sadden her that we didnt know an exact date. I know I should have remembered it... But she should have too right? So it's not all my fault.... It's such a dumb thing. Anyway bed time
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