Simon Phoenix Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 She was intended to be a one-night stand. But Cav Caved. If it's good, continue hitting it IMO.
Harradin Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) I don't post too much on this thread, but I'm envious of Cav's indifference! Had 2 weak moments in the past couple of days, found out my mutual friends were all on my ex's side and not mine despite them telling me how wrong my ex was and how she was crazy to get rid of me for my 'friend.' Was 6 months NC and I had no time to react not to see it (on FB, both are blocked but the conversation wasn't exactly hard to follow.) My rant is on the post here instead of contacting your ex thread, its rather long aha. Weak moments happen to everyone I guess! Moral of the story is don't be so lapse and remove everything to do with your ex, including mutual friends. Edited April 7, 2013 by Harradin 1
Author na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 You'd think being out all day would help me right? Nope. I went to the mall today and I felt horrible. I was about to cry like twice. Holy crap it sucked. I was walking around thinking of how I used to walk around the mall holding hands with her, buying her crap she didn't need. I missed that so much. Seeing all of the other couples made me just want to go home and cry. Then the thoughts of our anniversary coming up came back and the thoughts of wanting to contact her are back. (well they never left actually) I'm glad cav is having fun. He keeps this thread from being too miserable with all of my sob stories. 1
McDonald Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Saw her again today. Walked right pased me in that bikini Today was a big party day for my school so tons of people were out. Luckily I was with a bunch of my fraternity brothers so I didn't completely fall apart. But damn I was plannin on having such a good day and it completely fell apart almost. I'm getting so tired of this. I feel like I'm going backwards because I'm doing things I was doing early in the breakup. Walking around the town alone.. Maybe trying to run onto her. When I see her I get that really nervous feeling. That chill effect. Ugh idk where I'm going with this. Her reaction when we run into Eachother shouldn't matter Sorry for typos this is on my phone
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Ok so. I have been NC for.the past 3 months with her breaking.it twice and I did respond.back.with her email messages about wanting.to be friends and that she misses me...anyway i want to send her a message bc i feel.that their are things have been like sort of things she needs to know. ive been sort of relapsing and read some of.my diary when i was with.her. i recorded things that she did bc i didnt want to forget and it made me cry. i particularly realized that since had been wanting to break up with me for a whole year but i just didnt realize it. I want to write.to.her to.let her know his and also tell.her that her actions and raging.made.me.moody and.insecure...idk. i feel.like.im.back.square.one.
cavalier99 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Ok so. I have been NC for.the past 3 months with her breaking.it twice and I did respond.back.with her email messages about wanting.to be friends and that she misses me...anyway i want to send her a message bc i feel.that their are things have been like sort of things she needs to know. ive been sort of relapsing and read some of.my diary when i was with.her. i recorded things that she did bc i didnt want to forget and it made me cry. i particularly realized that since had been wanting to break up with me for a whole year but i just didnt realize it. I want to write.to.her to.let her know his and also tell.her that her actions and raging.made.me.moody and.insecure...idk. i feel.like.im.back.square.one. Destroyed. This contact isnt staying NC. Letter is really bad idea. You wont get out of the pit doing this. Stop thinking for yourself now and follow our instuctions untill you get some more perspective. DONT BREAK NC FOR ANY REASON. HOLD ONTO IT LIKE YOU LIFE DEPENDS ON . If you do this you will get out of this. OK. I promise. If you dont this will take a very long time. OK? Cav 1
Author na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 McDonald- I know how you feel. My entire body just feels so weak when I see her. I could just collapse. My motivation is gone and I get really angry and depressed. Trying to run into her isn't a good idea though. destroyed4sho- Come on man! This will pass. If anything, I think letting her know how mad you are doesn't "clear anything up". If you're going to contact her, at least come up with something better than that! You're not back at square one. Square one would be you're begging for her and you can't function properly. Stop being so hard on yourself fellas!
RiceaRoni Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 McDonald- I know how you feel. My entire body just feels so weak when I see her. I could just collapse. My motivation is gone and I get really angry and depressed. Trying to run into her isn't a good idea though. destroyed4sho- Come on man! This will pass. If anything, I think letting her know how mad you are doesn't "clear anything up". If you're going to contact her, at least come up with something better than that! You're not back at square one. Square one would be you're begging for her and you can't function properly. Stop being so hard on yourself fellas! I agree with na! Dont be so hard on yourselves you guys ; ) Grow that confidence back! So you can be stunning to other women's eyes . And pshh your ex? They'll see that confidence too and wonder and question themselves.. But its whatever to you because you'll be too confident to care lol Stay strong gentlemen
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Destroyed. This contact isnt staying NC. Letter is really bad idea. You wont get out of the pit doing this. Stop thinking for yourself now and follow our instuctions untill you get some more perspective. DONT BREAK NC FOR ANY REASON. HOLD ONTO IT LIKE YOU LIFE DEPENDS ON . If you do this you will get out of this. OK. I promise. If you dont this will take a very long time. OK? Cav I am not sure what the hell is going on right now. I am just constantly crying. I even went out last night and had a drink...woke up this morning and just crying. I am back to crying which I havent done in a while. I dont know what triggered it.I read my diary and it is soooo obvious she had been wanting to break up with me for a year and I didnt pick it up when I was with her....what the hell was wrong with me??? I just want to send her an email saying that I know that she had been wanting to and ask her the reason why. I really need to know why so I can get past this...it will be in my mind forever..I need to know.
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 McDonald- I know how you feel. My entire body just feels so weak when I see her. I could just collapse. My motivation is gone and I get really angry and depressed. Trying to run into her isn't a good idea though. destroyed4sho- Come on man! This will pass. If anything, I think letting her know how mad you are doesn't "clear anything up". If you're going to contact her, at least come up with something better than that! You're not back at square one. Square one would be you're begging for her and you can't function properly. Stop being so hard on yourself fellas! I need to get an answer of what happened. Hell if it was someone else than I need to know. I am not functioning properly...and the begging..I wouldn't because Ive been there done that nothing came out of it. I feel like when I push her out of my mind, a meltdown follows.
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I feel embarrassed contacting her after 8 months BU...should that matter though? If I get what I need wouldnt that be worth it, and who the F cares what she thinks about me.
iouaname Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Being on hard on myself has been my main problem. I'm too critical of myself. I allowed myself to feel that there was something wrong with me because I couldn't make a relationship work, because he didn't want me. And then? I was hard on myself for feeling upset about those things. The thing is, we're all humans, and the reason that we feel so upset is because we imagine that everyone is seeing our flaws and judging us for them, and that somehow everyone else is flawless. I know that for me, I felt alone in my misery. I felt that I was struggling to get through each day while everyone else was going about their lives happy and carefree. There's this really great quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the best show ever. I recommend that everyone watch just because it's amazing and because there are so many life parallels about being strong and fighting.) p { margin-bottom: 0.08in; } "You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it's not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening." Point: life is hard. It's hard for all of us! Everyone suffers, everyone feels pain, and we all deal with it differently. Making mistakes is part of life, even when we know something is bad for us we engage in it. We need to forgive ourselves for these things and stop worrying about how we are perceived by it. 3
Author na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 I'm not for breaking NC, but I might sound like it by saying this because I've been going back and forth with myself forever about if I should contact her again or not. Destroyed, you know yourself better than anyone. If you think it will help, then go for it. You've been so strong lately that I'd hate to see you set yourself back when you're only going through a stage that will end up passing. This is what I struggle with. Am I just going through a phase of wanting to contact her, or do I really want to contact her? I think you should be 100% okay with any outcome though. If she doesn't respond, you'll be okay. If she gives you a response you didn't want to hear, you'll be okay with it. Also make sure you say everything you need to say.
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 i rather talk on fone with her than message so i can get answers rigt away rather than waiting. plus you get a better sense on the fone if they are tellig the truth or not. idk...i have a headache..i dont know what im doing.
Author na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 i rather talk on fone with her than message so i can get answers rigt away rather than waiting. plus you get a better sense on the fone if they are tellig the truth or not. idk...i have a headache..i dont know what im doing. If it's driving you this crazy, I'd say go for it. Just be prepared to have a headache after you call her too. I've been considering talking to my ex like I've been saying, but I have no idea what I would say to her.
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 my head is reeling. bc it would be so awkward calling her after 8 months BU and talkig about the y's....this should of been done within a month. now...its like...how.pathetic can you be???
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 if i do this imma reach a new low...but i can rebuild my.self esteem after right??? I mean who cares? i will never see her again.anyway...
McDonald Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Okay last night was good. My house had a party and I was able to talk to different girls. Got a girls number. All in all a good night. But then I wake up and think about her. So what I have been trying to do is figure out what exactly makes me have these thoughts. Like what is creating them. Because I know it's all me. When we run into eachother... I bet she only thinks about it for 5 seconds if that. Me, I am on it for a day... If I can figure out what it is then maybe I can try to shut it off. At one point last month, I was able to see her and not feel anything and wouldn't freak out. But after coming back from break, after her message saying I hope you do well, it set me back I guess. And maybe it was that I responded. Maybe it was because I thought she was trying to get on speaking terms again. So when we run into Eachother I didn't think she would ignore me. Maybe that's why it is. Nevertheless I shouldn't let it bother me anymore. I was with 10 fraternity brothers when I ran into her so obviously she wouldn't say hi beause it would be weird. Idk where I'm getting at with this. Oh well I got homework to start doing now. At least I have to get my grades 1
Author na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 McDonald, stop thinking about this so much, you're going to hurt yourself lol. No amount of analyzing it will make you feel better and no "figuring out" what causes the thoughts will make you not have them. The best way to deal with the thoughts is to just have them. let them pass. and move on with your life. The harder you try to figure out why you have them and how you can stop them, the longer you'll be stuck on this. I was just on facebook, looked at one of her friend's profiles and saw her name was tagged somewhere. My heart stopped for a sec and now I feel sick. but seeing something like that always makes me want to contact her less. It's my reminder that she's happy without me. Like who am I to intrude on her fun? I feel like she believes that she's happier now than she was when she was with me. Her new friends are all so great. So why should I come back and try to talk to her? I'll just leave her the f*ck alone. Give her more reasons to bad mouth me? No thanks! 1
cavalier99 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) if i do this imma reach a new low...but i can rebuild my.self esteem after right??? I mean who cares? i will never see her again.anyway... Umm New low is right. Throw away that journal you had while with her. And stay NC. Reaching out asking BU questions now will set you way back even futher back than day 1 and will shatter what ever self esteem and respect you have left. There is NO information you can gather that will help you. Are you going to the gym today? Cav Edited April 7, 2013 by cavalier99 2
cavalier99 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 If it's driving you this crazy, I'd say go for it. Just be prepared to have a headache after you call her too. I've been considering talking to my ex like I've been saying, but I have no idea what I would say to her. There is NOTHING to say to your sweet little slutty cheating flirty annoying witch princess of an EX. There is a reason you cant think of anything to say to her. Because there isnt. 2
destroyed4sho Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) Umm New low is right. Throw away that journal you had while with her. And stay NC. Reaching out asking BU questions now will set you way back even futher back than day 1 and will shatter what ever self esteem and respect you have left. There is NO information you can gather that will help you. Are you going to the gym today? Cav I need to keep my journal because I want to be reminded of the things she did and why she was so horrible in a relationship. I need it so that nobody will treat me like that again. Maybe she can just give me some insight into why she wanted to break up with me for a whole year. All the bad things. the "cons" in my list are of her doing things after she wanted me to go away. I didn't realize she wanted to BU with me until after BU. I figure even if I email her I doubt she is capable of giving me an explanations. I do not think she is a deep person and that was one of the reasons I just couldn't level with her throughout the relationship. It was always so hard to get a deep thought or opinion from her about anything, religion, politics, life, human rights etc...I started to just feel a weirdness with her but I am not sure if that was before or after she checked out of the relationship. I have so many doubts..I don't know what is truth/fact anymore. I just cant put this relationship into perspective. And it could be why I am like this. There is nothing deep about this girl and her 'i love yous' and "miss yous" are just not deep either...its just weak emotions with no feeling behind them and I think this relationship was all in my head....because I assume when people say things like that they actually mean something Yes Im going to go to gym I guess. Edited April 7, 2013 by destroyed4sho
iouaname Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I guess we're all kind of using na's thread as a diary? Well, I'm so sad today He's truly out of my life, for good, now, and even though he has not been in my life for the past two months, I was still getting calls from him and it was leaving some hope lingering. Now that's gone and I'm just feeling so lonely. I accept the relationship is over, I just miss him so much and wish I was able to be his friend.
McDonald Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 McDonald, stop thinking about this so much, you're going to hurt yourself lol. No amount of analyzing it will make you feel better and no "figuring out" what causes the thoughts will make you not have them. The best way to deal with the thoughts is to just have them. let them pass. and move on with your life. The harder you try to figure out why you have them and how you can stop them, the longer you'll be stuck on this. I was just on facebook, looked at one of her friend's profiles and saw her name was tagged somewhere. My heart stopped for a sec and now I feel sick. but seeing something like that always makes me want to contact her less. It's my reminder that she's happy without me. Like who am I to intrude on her fun? I feel like she believes that she's happier now than she was when she was with me. Her new friends are all so great. So why should I come back and try to talk to her? I'll just leave her the f*ck alone. Give her more reasons to bad mouth me? No thanks! yea your right. I have gone backwards a bit though. You know, I can do fine without her... heck.. but im just missing the relationship i guess and seeing her reminds me of the relationship. Damn it sucks seeing her and having her pretend she doesnt know you. but it goes both ways because i ignored her as well
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