Ex Contacted Me... wants me back, but I don't want him

[Zahara]

Since the beginning of 2013 this has been going on. What about blocking this man on your email is so difficult? This should have taken place over a year ago. I will reinforce what I said in my post on page 1 that you like the attention you are getting.

 

How does one not block someone properly? And why are you only doing it now? Open the block function -- copy/paste email address and hit apply or save changes. Most email programs are pretty straighforward.

 

You detest his contact that much yet you keep posting, "he emailed again, he emailed again." This time, block properly.

[SoonMyFriend]

I will again reiterate that I THOUGHT I had blocked him, he was on my blocked users list (I remember double checking after I originally did it after the last round of emails in the fall), then BOOM this email appeared.

 

I HATE getting these emails. Why would I ENJOY getting awful emails where he attacks me, manipulates me, and tries to GUILT me into spending time with him. Why do I want to be told "you are a horrible person, and no one will ever put up with your ****"? Or reading about how nearly TWO years later he is still trying to get back together with me when I have NEVER given him ANY impression that I want him back? I just want to be left alone. I want him to also move on with his life and find happiness. I forward these emails to my friends and ask them for their advice. They tell me what's written in them.

 

I am posting here because I am seeking advice. To make sure that IGNORING him is still the best option. Isn't that why this place exists??

 

I am blocking again. I have no idea how it got re-set. Honestly, I thought he was a blocked user.

[oldshirt]

Since these are repeated and ongoing communications without your consent, this meets the legal definition of harassment. As some of the emails have been malicious, it may even constitute stalking which is an actual criminal offence.

 

See a lawyer. A restraining order may be needed

[Zahara]

I will again reiterate that I THOUGHT I had blocked him, he was on my blocked users list (I remember double checking after I originally did it after the last round of emails in the fall), then BOOM this email appeared.

 

Blocking should have happened after you told him you were in a relationship, back in early 2013. Since you told him you had a boyfriend, you were available to nearly 6 more other emails that he sent, some angry and some emotional. You knew he wasn't blocked after email 1, after email 2, after email 3 through this recent email...therefore there was no blocking. Block him now and do it properly.

 

I HATE getting these emails. Why would I ENJOY getting awful emails where he attacks me, manipulates me, and tries to GUILT me into spending time with him. Why do I want to be told "you are a horrible person, and no one will ever put up with your ****"? Or reading about how nearly TWO years later he is still trying to get back together with me when I have NEVER given him ANY impression that I want him back? I just want to be left alone. I want him to also move on with his life and find happiness. I forward these emails to my friends and ask them for their advice. They tell me what's written in them.

 

Your words don't match your actions. Again, after you told him you had a boyfriend, he sent you about 6 emails, including this recent one. Blocking should have happened after email 1 or at least the first email that he sent attacking you.

 

I am posting here because I am seeking advice. To make sure that IGNORING him is still the best option. Isn't that why this place exists??

 

You've been advised since day one to ignore and you are now being advised to block, something you should have done when you realized he wasn't getting the hint after telling him you had a boyfriend and that you were moving on.

 

I am blocking again. I have no idea how it got re-set. Honestly, I thought he was a blocked user.

 

If he was a blocked, this thread would not have been going on about the many emails he has been sending you. Block him now.

Edited June 10, 2014 by Zahara

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

This is slightly boring... blocking someone does not indicate indifference it indicates feelings and before you say "I just wanted to stop him contacting me" then why did you block the other one too who hasnt contacted you? I think its more you dont want to see them. If you didnt care you would carry on regardless.

 

You are enjoying this I have absolutely no doubt

[SoonMyFriend]

Ugh just forget it. I'll just re-block, and continue to ignore.

 

Just trying to do the right thing here.

[Zahara]

Ugh just forget it. I'll just re-block, and continue to ignore.

 

Just trying to do the right thing here.

 

Blocking would be doing the right thing. He will tire of being ignored and you won't be triggered by every email -- each of you will be able to move on and live your life.

[KaliLove]

Or..even if you haven't blocked him..why do you keep reading the emails when all they do is upset you?

 

You're not doing him any favors by responding to him. He's obviously not over you and continuing contact will just give him false hope. Actions speak louder than words, so even if you contact him and tell him not to contact you, you're still putting effort into him and making him think he has a shot at convincing you to get back together.

[SoonMyFriend]

The ones that have made it into my inbox, I have been forwarding to friends to read and they give me the coles notes version of what he writes.

 

After I received the first angry email I stopped reading them myself first because it was too upsetting. I send them to friends to basically be like "Keep ignoring? Or does this need to be addressed?"

 

I've never been through a breakup like this, so I've needed the advice to help me through it.

 

I've re-done the steps to apply the block to his account. And tripled checked it. I can't change my email address entirely as it's one I have used for work in the past and can't risk losing out on future freelance opportunities.

 

And again... I don't enjoy this at all. I find it really sad that things have gone this way and that I feel like I can't even talk to him on the street if I see him because I have no idea how he will react.

 

Of the batches of emails I have received, I have only responded to 2 or 3 of them, and all of them have ended with "stop contacting me" or some variation. He's probably sent me around 10 - 15 emails in total. (I haven't detailed all of them here). I haven't responded to any of his emails since September of 2013 (his email asking for dinner, I ignored the angry email he sent in the fall of 2013 shortly after).

 

Again, sorry to dredge this up. I just really wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing by continuing to ignore.

[gj13]

I think you're doing it right by ignoring. I applaud your bravery as it would be SO hard for me to do so right now (until this point i would basically jump out of joy by receiving anything from his end, i know..pathetic, but any sign that he actually thinks of me and that i'm not being the lonely freak would suffice). So congrats, and keep ignoring him. It's all for the best in the long term.

[BroknHrt]

Ask yourself this question, do you want him out of your life FOREVER? Do you want to give yourself no chance of reconciliation in the future? If the answer is yes, and then you keep ignoring him then he will perceive this as you being an @sshole and he will hurt very very bad and will continue to send you emails till it gets angry. All the dumpees on here would rather have an explanation of what is going on instead of being absolutely ignored (worst pain of all).

 

If you see some scenario where yall could reunite in the future then you have to stop ignoring him and you have to explain to him that you are dating somebody else right now.

 

I feel as if this is an ego boost for you because you have two guys who are really into you and you can play on each of their heart strings. Just tell the truth (no matter how much it will hurt him). I wish my ex would of told me the truth before I found out everything on my own.

Edited June 10, 2014 by BroknHrt

[flight E]

I think you have told him the truth already and you should ignore completely but you should search yourself too, why does his emails bother you so much that you write very long posts on L'S about him. Is it that you care more than you think. Search yourself well. If you sure you want nothing to do with him then invite him for a meet if the emailing continues but go with friends. Make sure there is a place where you can sit with him out of your friends earshot but not out of your sight line. Tell him that you have nothing against him but also nothing for him. Tell him that as a someone you have known you are concerned that he is still this way but it's not within you power to make help him. Tell him his emails and communications make you uncomfortable and are an irritation. That nothing will make you come back to him. That you want him to find someone who cares about him because as much as you want to you simply don't. Tell him that he can see that you have tried your best to be civil and mature about the drama but it has to end. Tell him if he contacts you again he leaves you with no choice but to file a complaint. Tell him you don't hate him but have no feelings for him whatsoever. Tell him you won't have feelings for him even if he became the president of USA or superman. Don't let him say anything to you. Just standup go to you friends and walk away. It's harsh right. After, this if he calls you again, call the cops

[Wings Of Love]

Let me start by saying that I understand your issue with the blocking. I blocked the email of a guy who would alternate between pestering me for casual sex and putting me down. I went away and thought nothing more of it, until a few months later when I received another email from him.

 

I have no idea how he was unblocked. Needless to say I blocked him again immediately and now I check my block list periodically to make sure he is still on there.

 

I think your best bet is to reblock your ex (as you said you would) and if for any reason an email does get through to you, delete it without reading. He has to understand that this can't go on, and if you maintain your silence, hopefully he'll get the hint at long last.

 

In a strange way, dumpees often tend to mistake any type of communication as affection. I'm guilty of this myself. Even if you are saying you don't want anything to do with him, the fact that you're responding (even just occasionally) is giving him hope. Stay silent. It's better for both of you.

 

Good luck.