zanesfan Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 So I met this terrific guy who is a great conversationalist, no kids, never been married and wants all of those things. A man who seemingly into me. After lusting for him we finally had sex. Now the sex wasn't half bad. It could have used some improving but I can definitely work with him. All those sparks I had died after sex. At this point I don't even care if we talk again. This has never really happened before. Somehow I still feel empty even though we discussed being exclusive. Normally if I am turned off by a guy the sex is horrible or I wasn't really into him in the beginning. Normally I'm suppose to have butterflies... but there is nothing. Can someone explain what is going on here. I really liked this guy.
CptSaveAho Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 who had the talk of being exclusive? him?
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 This has happened to me few times - but sex was really bad. Does he have a bad body? Did something about seeing him naked turn you off?
Keenly Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I actually would like more details. If I was a guy I would try pretty hard not to do whatever he did.
CptSaveAho Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I know exactly what he did... read my question in the first post....
Divasu Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Maybe because of this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/363760-self-sabotaging ?
xpaperxcutx Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I had it happen to me once. You can't really force it. You can always be the better person and let him know easily. Who knows? Maybe you guys can be friends.
MrCastle Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 My oh my how the answers would be different if it was a man doing this to a woman. I could only imagine. 6
newmoon Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 So I met this terrific guy who is a great conversationalist, no kids, never been married and wants all of those things. A man who seemingly into me. After lusting for him we finally had sex. Now the sex wasn't half bad. It could have used some improving but I can definitely work with him. All those sparks I had died after sex. At this point I don't even care if we talk again. This has never really happened before. Somehow I still feel empty even though we discussed being exclusive. Normally if I am turned off by a guy the sex is horrible or I wasn't really into him in the beginning. Normally I'm suppose to have butterflies... but there is nothing. Can someone explain what is going on here. I really liked this guy. maybe he is actually different than the other guys in the sense that it could be meaningful and you're sabotaging it? you also mentioned that he's 'into you' - maybe more than you are into him? so for you it was about the chase/capture only and with the other guys you liked them more than they liked you?
xpaperxcutx Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 My oh my how the answers would be different if it was a man doing this to a woman. I could only imagine. Oh come on, let's not make this a gender issues.
TheZebra Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 My oh my how the answers would be different if it was a man doing this to a woman. I could only imagine. This is so common that it was a Sex and the City episode. With Bon Jovi playing the guy losing interest nonetheless
CptSaveAho Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Too quick too fast... had sex once and talked about exclusivity... Her behavior is self destructive for a reason... Same thing happened with Kaylan recently... too quick too fast talking about exclusivity/expectations on the first date Guys need to shut up, slow down, play dumb and let the women call it when they are ready
kaylan Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Too quick too fast... had sex once and talked about exclusivity... Her behavior is self destructive for a reason... Same thing happened with Kaylan recently... too quick too fast talking about exclusivity/expectations on the first date Guys need to shut up, slow down, play dumb and let the women call it when they are ready Wow you are slow. No one talked about exclusivity on the first date. Learn to read OPs with reading comprehension skills.
CptSaveAho Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 (edited) Wow you are slow. No one talked about exclusivity on the first date. Learn to read OPs with reading comprehension skills. You asked for expectations on your first date... same thing I don't have to read the stories to know how it pans out... this is Dating 101. Every guy does this stupid thing over and over and over again You did it, the ops guy did it There's No challenge/mystery... she went fishing, you jumped in the boat... she was excited at first but when the excitement wore off she realized wow the fish she caught actually just jumped in the boat... she didnt do any work... shes bored... lets go fishing again When i go fishing i want the challenge of actually waiting for a good one to catch, not for some catfish just to jump in a boat. I like taking my time, not selecting the first one that i catch, measuring them out, comparing, picking the best one Edited December 29, 2012 by CptSaveAho
mortensorchid Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Bad sex? I've heard of this, I can honestly say that I have never had this. Well, no I take that back, there was one I was with years ago who I had bad sex with and that was because he was very uptight on the inside (as I would find out). What causes it? All joking aside, when I have asked guy and girl friends on this, they say it has to do with a certain level of enthusiasm that the other party is not showing for it. I can only believe that rather than dismiss it as something they are making up or thinking "that can never happen to me". What is the answer here? Unfortunately there is no real answer to this except that it's not meant to be and you have to move on from that person. Period. Because it's not going to change. Or if it does, I have no idea how to change it for the better.
todreaminblue Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 So I met this terrific guy who is a great conversationalist, no kids, never been married and wants all of those things. A man who seemingly into me. After lusting for him we finally had sex. Now the sex wasn't half bad. It could have used some improving but I can definitely work with him. All those sparks I had died after sex. At this point I don't even care if we talk again. This has never really happened before. Somehow I still feel empty even though we discussed being exclusive. Normally if I am turned off by a guy the sex is horrible or I wasn't really into him in the beginning. Normally I'm suppose to have butterflies... but there is nothing. Can someone explain what is going on here. I really liked this guy. quote......but I can definitely work with him. All those sparks I had died after sex. At this point I don't even care if we talk again. endquote You seem a bit undecided stating you can work with him but you dont care if you ever speak to him again...... I dont get butterflies after sex........im too tired to have butterflies after sex.....if the sparks have died i dont know what to say...i hardly ever am sexually attracted to guys sparks for me is just to see a smile feel warmth hear their voice...that sparks me..in my opinion you are partly responsible for those sparks dying what are your expectations of exclusivity????....what were you really expecting???? what attracted you to the guy in the first place it wasn't sex you hadnt had it yet or was that your initial thought doesnt seem to be from the conversationalist comment....what is the initial attraction you felt what was it based on?.......deb
Ami1uwant Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 So I met this terrific guy who is a great conversationalist, no kids, never been married and wants all of those things. A man who seemingly into me. After lusting for him we finally had sex. Now the sex wasn't half bad. It could have used some improving but I can definitely work with him. All those sparks I had died after sex. At this point I don't even care if we talk again. This has never really happened before. Somehow I still feel empty even though we discussed being exclusive. Normally if I am turned off by a guy the sex is horrible or I wasn't really into him in the beginning. Normally I'm suppose to have butterflies... but there is nothing. Can someone explain what is going on here. I really liked this guy. I need more info to really answer this did something subtle turn you off to him during sex or just after sex? Like BO? some strange looking body part that you didnt see until underessed? Was the sex that bad? Did you have overly high expectations of what the sex would bring to you that nobody would ever be able to match---in other words--thinking this was to meet some sexual fantasy? This could be self sabotage where you feel cheaper or unworthy of him because you came off too easy? Were you matching his sex to a past sexual experience?
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Oh come on, let's not make this a gender issues. Some people don't seem to have anything else they like to talk about. Or that they can talk about.
MrCastle Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Some people don't seem to have anything else they like to talk about. Or that they can talk about. I love you
Author zanesfan Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Sorry for my late response I was pooped last night. However, there are a few things about him I don't like but I am willing to overlook at the moment because I see the bigger picture. 1. He lives at home with his parents. 2. He is like Mr. Hood and I'm Ms. Hollywood (he dresses hood, have hood friends, he doesn't sag or sell drugs but his image is awful) 3. He didn't give me oral sex. Which is a first for me. I know I didn't smell because I took a shower at his place. I didn't give him any either. And I realize some guys are particular about this. And I don't mind as long as he does it sooner than later. As far as the talk of being exclusive. It has been discussed since day one. We even talked about it before we had sex and I brought it up. He confirmed everything he originally said. He was no different after sex either. This man is very kind hearted. He has an appreciation for all things. He is so humble and I love that about him. I can tell him anything without fear of rejection. I think he would be a good boyfriend for me if I was in my early 20s, but since I am pushing 30... I am dating for marriage. Maybe I was tripping last night and tired because now I want to see him. It's just I'm scared that he may provide what I need but there few things I worry about sin've this has the possibility of going somewhere.
Author zanesfan Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 I need more info to really answer this did something subtle turn you off to him during sex or just after sex? Like BO? some strange looking body part that you didnt see until underessed? Was the sex that bad? Did you have overly high expectations of what the sex would bring to you that nobody would ever be able to match---in other words--thinking this was to meet some sexual fantasy? This could be self sabotage where you feel cheaper or unworthy of him because you came off too easy? Were you matching his sex to a past sexual experience? Bingo.... your last question. I did compare him to the last guy I really cared about. He was a freaking stallion. I saw stars every time. I know I shouldn't compare because everyone is different. So after the first round of sex.. I found myself ready to aboard that horse again but he went to sleep which is common. I was patient and we had sex again. I wanted to ride and he knew this but again he was in control. No prob. The third round ended abruptly due to reasons I won't say haha. But it was my fault. I hate that I compared now...Damn. Again it was pleasurable. I was beyond soaked even with condoms on and it takes for my mind to be stimulated to get that way. But no oral sex and him having orgasms after 10 minutes is no good. He worshipped my body by kissing, licking, rubbing etc unlike the other guy. But again it was only our first time so maybe it will get better. I can see the potential. Oh and nothing turned me off about his body... but I was a little weirded out that he likes his ass to be rubbed and smacked. I do this anyway but he is turned on by it.
kaylan Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 You asked for expectations on your first date... same thingAgain. LEARN TO READ WHAT PEOPLES THREADS SAY. I asked this girl what she was looking for after the third time we had sex. So no, NOT after our first date. And she was wanting to know how I felt and where things would lead because she kept dropping hints. I don't have to read the stories to know how it pans out... this is Dating 101. Every guy does this stupid thing over and over and over again You did it, the ops guy did itBut you should read so you dont look like a presumptuous fool. This is not Dating 101...because I didnt spring exclusivity on her and scare her off. I actually said I wanted to remain casual, and she seems to be freaking herself out because she fell for me rather quickly before getting over her own past and her own issues. There's No challenge/mystery... she went fishing, you jumped in the boat... she was excited at first but when the excitement wore off she realized wow the fish she caught actually just jumped in the boat... she didnt do any work... shes bored... lets go fishing againDating isnt a game for everyone dude. Its not always about challenge and mystery. When i go fishing i want the challenge of actually waiting for a good one to catch, not for some catfish just to jump in a boat. I like taking my time, not selecting the first one that i catch, measuring them out, comparing, picking the best one mhmmm, and Im the best guy that girls dated so far...but she seems to have trust and self esteem issues based on how she talks about herself. So me being a challenge doesnt change her behavior. Itd only make things a lot worse if I decided to play stupid games.
Fondue Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Some people don't seem to have anything else they like to talk about. Or that they can talk about. Castle does have a legitimate point though. If I made such a thread, all these posters would be after my head for being a jerk/*******/user/etc. 1
monicaelise Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Castle does have a legitimate point though. If I made such a thread, all these posters would be after my head for being a jerk/*******/user/etc. Hooey! Our beloved sweetkiwi just got a virtual drubbing from the lovely LS community for a very similar situation less than two days ago and she didn't even sleep with the guy. The only significant difference was in the way she presented the scenario. It's got zilch to do with gender. Anyway, OP it does look like your spark may not have been so sparkly even before you did the deed. There were flags. It appears you were just trying to be "tolerant" and "considerate" and "open" to things. It's not unusual. I've been guilty of this crime more times than I can count. The fact is the sex being meh was probably just the catalyst in making you see that you weren't all that into the guy. We often glom on to a handful of positives that we see in the hope that they will somehow outweigh the things that are not working for us. You've done nothing wrong. Go with your gut here, it's telling you things you should be listening to. This is one of those cases where thinking, or rationalizing more accurately, is just going to come back to haunt you in the end. 2
Author zanesfan Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Castle does have a legitimate point though. If I made such a thread, all these posters would be after my head for being a jerk/*******/user/etc. MrCastle is right to an extent yes. BUT.. this is a topic were hear OFTEN from women claiming men pump and dump. This is something that is RARELY talked about... women losing interest after sex. 1
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