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Guys: Have you ever dated a woman because you felt bad about rejecting her?

JuneJulySeptember

By JuneJulySeptember
in Dating

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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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I feel most American guys are like that. It's so frustrating :( I still haven't learned how to deal with that - I can never read guys here properly and therefore I'm usually lost on how to behave with them. Is it the case that they don't like women who give too much affection as well? That's what I feel sometimes.

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Can you see why this doesn't leave me with a warm, fuzzy, adored feeling?

 

Totally but with American guys it seems to be pretty common :( That's my experience except for two who I dated longer.

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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Totally but with American guys it seems to be pretty common :( That's my experience except for two who I dated longer.

The most loving, expressive guy I've had a relationship with was American. He never had a problem expressing his feelings for me, from the beginning. In fact, it really won me over that he was so bold and clear about expressing his feelings.

Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

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Is it the case that they don't like women who give too much affection as well? That's what I feel sometimes.

 

It depends what you mean by affection, and of course what is considered OK will very from guy to guy. Personally, I'm OK with a lot of affection, as long as when I indicate I need some space I get it. If anything receiving affection, makes me a lot more comfortable with showing affection towards you.

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Interesting. I should not generalize, I know. It's just that I come from a tropical land, so it's probably culture shock. I guess for me affection means both verbal [as the one Ruby described] and physical [caresses out of the bedroom, etc]. For me it seems lots of American guys are not into PDA, or home DA :p To the point where I get really self-conscious about doing things that are normal for me in the beginning of a relationship.

Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

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Interesting. I should not generalize, I know. It's just that I come from a tropical land, so it's probably culture shock. I guess for me affection means both verbal [as the one Ruby described] and physical [caresses out of the bedroom, etc]. For me it seems lots of American guys are not into PDA, or home DA :p To the point where I get really self-conscious about doing things that are normal for me in the beginning of a relationship.

 

 

Personally, I've been told I'm good with the physical PDA, and I assume much less so with the verbal. I'd assume that's because over my life the physical was always accepted without a second though, but the verbal was much more hit and miss.

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Personally, I've been told I'm good with the physical PDA, and I assume much less so with the verbal. I'd assume that's because over my life the physical was always accepted without a second though, but the verbal was much more hit and miss.

 

Yes I could go for a guy who is not that good at verbal emotions, if he made it clear somehow that he adored me and cared :) I do think though the verbal part is something a guy can learn and it's probably worth doing so.

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Totally but with American guys it seems to be pretty common :( That's my experience except for two who I dated longer.

Has nothing to do with race/ethnicity/nationality IMO. My ex was British, and he was a jerk who never expressed his feelings towards me -- because he had none!

 

I had met his work colleague (also British), and had heard my ex talk about his other co-workers, and they all appear to be normal guys who could express their feelings towards their gfs, fiancees, wives.

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Has nothing to do with race/ethnicity/nationality IMO.

 

Well as I said I come from two other (non anglo-saxon, non white-protestant) cultures... so for me affection really means AFFECTION :) if you know what I mean. I do think there are cultural and behavioral differences between countries. Btw I was in your country for a while and that was quite a cultural shock for me, I thought people were even colder than in the US, at least in the city I was in.

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Well as I said I come from two other (non anglo-saxon, non white-protestant) cultures... so for me affection really means AFFECTION :) if you know what I mean. I do think there are cultural and behavioral differences between countries. Btw I was in your country for a while and that was quite a cultural shock for me, I thought people were even colder than in the US, at least in the city I was in.

:eek: which city would that be??

 

If you want to experience a cold person, try my ex. He was colder than the glaciers in the Antarctic!

Edited by NoMoreJerks
edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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:eek: which city would that be??

 

If you want to experience a cold person, try my ex. He was colder than the glaciers in the Antarctic!

 

TO! :) Kinda cold for my taste but nice people for sure.

Haha, we know. He'll be history soon, hang in there!

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Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

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Yes I could go for a guy who is not that good at verbal emotions, if he made it clear somehow that he adored me and cared :) I do think though the verbal part is something a guy can learn and it's probably worth doing so.

 

lol, the adored, part was never hard. One dates i get a lot of the look at me and then look down, or "how come your watching me questions". I always thought the answer to that was pretty strait forward, I'm attracted to you. I mean I wouldn't be hear if i wasn't. Apparently I make really strong eye contact, and it intimidates some women. Non verbal signs of affection I have zero problems with. Verbally I would say I'm about average, but guys still can't hold a candle to most women in that regard.

Edited by Lonely Ronin
  • Like 1
Clockwork Established Member

Clockwork

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I was a little lonely at one time and I met a girl at a wedding who came onto me. She was a bigger girl and maybe had a few too many drinks but she was forward with me. I knew my friend getting married was close to her so I was cool about her and all. I actually enjoyed the conversation with her but I didn't really have any intention of going out with her. Then she sort of blocked me out in the hallway and said she was going to give me her number. I took it, then she asked for mine. I gave it to her. She then kissed me and pinned me up against the wall. After that she left the wedding.

 

I thought I dodged a bullett but I didn't. She called the next day. My oh my, she was a boring conversationalist. She wanted to meet and she told me that I was the first guy she ever kissed, I couldn't believe it. She was a virgin, literally never been touched. So I agreed to meet her and take her out just once. We actually ended up having a big makeout session in my truck and I did things to her she had never experienced before (fingered her). She wanted to go all the way but asked to stop, so we did.

 

I honestly didn't call her again. She called me and I was so guilty about hanging her out to dry that we went out one more time. She didn't know it, but it was a pity date. Then I REALLY never talked to her again. A year later I get a Facebook message from someone I didn't think I knew. She told me how she wanted to thank me because after I never talked to her again she started thinking a lot and that led to her walking a LOT. She lost a ton of weight and started to feel better about herself. She is now married.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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She told me how she wanted to thank me because after I never talked to her again she started thinking a lot and that led to her walking a LOT. She lost a ton of weight and started to feel better about herself. She is now married.

ROFL!

 

You can't make that stuff up.

Clockwork Established Member

Clockwork

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ROFL!

 

You can't make that stuff up.

 

No, you can't. I guess I don't really see what's so funny about it though. She felt rejected, took it upon herself to get in shape and felt better about herself. Sorry, I think we are seeing it through a different lens, what is comical about it?

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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No, you can't. I guess I don't really see what's so funny about it though. She felt rejected, took it upon herself to get in shape and felt better about herself. Sorry, I think we are seeing it through a different lens, what is comical about it?

The context in which you first talked about.

 

You made it seem like:

 

She starts thinking and then goes for a walk to think. She does it every day. Before she knows it she's thin. Somebody asks her out. Then she gets married.

 

All because she started going for walks to think about your rejection.

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