I spoke too soon...oh wells

[kaylan]

This is a long read, as per usual for me and my thorough threads.

 

I guess I spoke a little too soon about the girl I was seeing. As of right now, Ive had to call things off. Im sure the nay-sayers from before will enjoy a good gloat. But its all good...im a little down...but Im not out. Fish in the sea, fish in the sea. But before I give you the run down, here are a couple threads that give a little history.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/363890-i-dont-want-rush-into-relationship

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/363639-unplugging-loveshack-matrix

 

Anyways….we met the week before thanksgiving at my ex-housemates house party. She goes to my alma mater, and met my old roommates at school. And the week after thanksgiving we hung out for the first time alone, and ended up having sex that night. Everything felt right that night…the chemistry was there…and things felt good. During the first week of our hooking up, I asked her what she was looking for since I wasn’t wanting a girlfriend at the time. I told her I wanted to take things slow and not rush into anything. She agreed, and I thought all was good

 

Over the next few weeks this girl and I hung out a couple times a week. Id stay over her place, wed cook meals for one another, go to the bar with my friends, watch movies together, etc. Basically it was supposed to be a FWB thing, but we acted more like bg/gf without titles. We were VERY sweet on each other. Exchanging I miss yous, being very cuddly when together, and other stuff. And with all of this came how great she treated me. Lots of compliments about how I was sexy, about how well I treated her, about how much I made her happy and about how much she liked me…and also about how much chemistry we had physically in bed. This was flattering, but it did make me scared that she was falling for me more than I was falling for her. I even contemplated telling her that I couldn’t date her a few times, because I was scared of leading her on and hurting her. I was super unsure for the first almost 3 weeks.

 

A poster predicted that to be an outcome in my earlier thread. I did start to get scared and worried about hurting her, because during the first 2 or 3 weeks we hung out, I did enjoy our time together, but I had reservations about us ever getting serious. I didn’t bring it up with her at the time, but I did think about several things about her that made me doubt our long term compatibility. Nothing bad about her, just some incompatibilities that made me wonder if Id ever want to be with another girl that wasn’t her. I wouldn’t have wanted to commit to her and then be desiring other girls. Nevermind the fact that I was being very flirty with a girl at work this whole time, that I was very attracted to. But the girl at work has a boyfriend, and even though shed ask me to chill as friends, Id avoid that because she was taken, and because I felt I needed to focus on this other girl. I felt super guilty about being so flirty and forward with the work girl…and it really made me doubt my feeling for the girl I was seeing.

 

But after a little bit I chose to enjoy what I had with the girl I was seeing for the time being and not over analyze things. Anyways, everything was great and all until about a few days ago. I noticed she was acting a bit different…less texts…taking hours to get back to me…but I chalked it up to it being finals week for her last week, and this week being the holidays and her being busy. Also, for the past week she had been indecisive about what we were doing for new years.

 

My ex-housemates had planned a new years eve house party that I asked her if shed be going to. Shes being saying “I don’t know” since I asked her about it. And also complaining about the drive being long…since it’s a 3 hour drive from her parents house up to school and she doesn’t have a lot of cash. But I told her I could help with gas so we could chill up here at her place for a couple days during new years. I even suggested me going down to the city to see her since I had two consecutive days off from work for once, and so she wouldn’t have to drive.

 

Anyways I still had a irking feeling. So two nights ago I called her and asked her about whats going on. I told her I had a weird feeling…and she just told me that she felt I was moving fast and that she didn’t wanna rush things. She then said “you driving all the way down here to see me is a lot to do…and youd have to meet my parents and stuff if you stay here”. So I go “woah woah…that’s why you thought I was moving fast? I didn’t want to meet your folks or stay at your house back home…I just wanted to spend new years together and then Id stay at my best friend’s place or my brothers place” And then I repeated that her vibe seems different from before, and she just told me I was thinking too much.

 

Now despite how I felt the first 2 and a half weeks her and I hung out…and my being unsure about how I viewed her...I started feeling different the last almost 2 weeks. Id feel super weird talking to other girls, and missing her a lot…and though I was still apprehensive about opening up to the idea of a relationship in the future, I realized we get along well and that maybe I should drop my guard and not be so stubborn about what I want in a girlfriend….especially since she treats me so well

 

So last night we had a small talk about her sending different vibes this past week again, because I didn’t talk to her at all until the evening. I asked her whether she was coming up or I was going down for new years…and she still said she didn’t know…but then she said “I don’t know what Im doing or what I feel”…to which I replied “its one thing not to know what youre doing for new years…but if you don’t know what youre feeling about things…then you need to fill me in”. I didn’t get a response really to that, and then I texted her today asking for a reply

 

So she called me and we talked everything out. Basically she feels we had sex too fast…and shes not ready for a relationship and things felt rushed. I told her I wasn’t trying to rush into one either and I don’t know how she got that idea. She just said she thought I seemed to want one…and I told her Id say that if I did. I told her that I became open to the idea based on how good she treated me, how much she said she liked me, and how we had good chemistry. As I said earlier, we acted like bf/gf when we were together…so after a while it did alter how I initially about things

 

She also felt like she wasn’t over a situation from the summer with some dude she used to see but hasn’t talked to in a while. She said things about being newly transferred into my old college and just wanting to be single and not rush all this. And I just told her I wasn’t trying to do that, and I just explained that the way she acted didn’t give the vibe of a girl who didn’t want a relationship eventually. In the beginning she acted like she wanted sexually exclusivity, and was saying all this stuff about liking me so much and how awesome I was. Hell, she even still said during our convo today that I treat her better than anyone ever has

 

And throughout half of this convo, she is crying and constantly telling me how she meant all the good things she said. And how she feels like maybe she is making a mistake, and that she feels scared about everything too. I was confused…but Ive heard this all before. In my mind, if we are good to each other, get along well, have fun, and make great love in bed….whats the problem? Why wouldn’t you be open to seeing if things might lead to a relationship? Whats there to be scared of?

 

In reality I just feel like Im not good enough for her…which sucks I was the one initially standoffish about how I felt about her. So when a girl youre originally unsure about in-turn does the same to you…it feels bad. The thing is, I never let on to her how unsure I was. And she never let on either until now. I was honest with her today though about how I was initially unsure about whether we had long term potential. But I told her that even though I still didn’t wanna rush things and keep it somewhat casual, that I had gotten to the point where I was fine just being with her physically. I mean we have been sexually monogamous the last month

 

All in all, Im not sure of what Im feeling. Part of me feels like I made a friend, got close to her, and it hurts to lose her because we have a great time together. The other part of me wonders if my 180 in how I feel is simply in response to her 180. Either way, it doesn’t feel good having a girl cry to you and her feeling guilty about leading you on, while also maintaining that despite everything between you being great, that she just doesn’t want to leave a door open for things to get more serious. Hell, I had no kind of time table on things getting close to a relationship, but I did slowly open the door over the last couple weeks

 

And I wouldn’t have opened that door if her and I didn’t act the way we did together. She was sweet to me, and I was sweet to her…and her being so good to me is what made me stop seeing things in a short sighted way. I could have simply been detached and had sex if she wasn’t such a good chick. But anyways, I had to tell her that Id have to back off and do my own thing for now. But of course she was hoping to see me again. But that’s not really smart…because I wouldn’t want us to still be hooking up because itd create huge complications if we met other people.

 

So yeah, this does hurt, and it’s a rejection of sorts. Id say emotional rejection hurts a ton more than physical rejection. Because her telling me how awesome I am, how great I am to her, and how I deserve a great girl, doesn’t change the fact that Im apparently not good enough for her to leave the relationship door open for now. I even told her things were fine until she started freaking out about things apparently moving too fast. Again…whats to be scared of? We get along great, and we connected physically and somewhat emotionally….so I don’t get it.

 

If she wants single freedom…so be it. But she did have it already without us going through all of this. And we wouldn’t have gotten in over our heads if she (well, we) didn’t get so wrapped up in one another this quick. But it didn’t seem to fast for me. We liked each other, so I just rolled with it. Its weird how she even said shed be upset by me being with another girl sexually, yet shes afraid of the door that may leading to a relationship.

 

*kanye shrug*. That’s life. I jumped the gun in judging this situation as a good one right away. Im down because Im losing someone I like and enjoyed time with, but its on to the next one I guess. I wont lie and say this doesn’t make me wonder if theres something wrong with me…because I feel this happens too often. I wonder what it is about me that makes me good enough to bang, but not good enough to do something more seriously with. This has happened a few times to me now…and it doesn’t stop sucking. Ill be all right though…I just gotta trust my instincts more in the future. Its just sucky how last friday I was getting texts saying "awww I miss you so much already"...and now Im hearing her crying and telling me about all the stuff we just talked about.

Edited December 28, 2012 by kaylan

[ThaWholigan]

It happens dude, don't dwell on it, you know you'll be OK. Things work out eventually .

 

Brace yourself though, you know the detractors can't wait to come in here and savage you for this .

 

All I can say is you should always maintain an even keel and know exactly where you are emotionally at all times. You seem like you're already doing that largely so that's cool. As for her - well I think she covered her tracks well enough that the good things she was doing for (and to ) you were outshining the iffy bits which slowly came to the fore later. You're not a dumb dude so I'm sure if this happens again (she does all that sh*t for you while she slowly doubts) you'll be more aware .

[veggirl]

That's all very confusing.

 

You say you didn't want a relationship but you both immediately started acting like you have been dating for a year with all the I Miss Yous and cuddly dates just within a month!

 

You guys both moved too fast. I can see how you or she got freaked out.

 

I guess I don't get why you'd do all that coupley sounding stuff so fast when you don't even want a girlfriend.

[kaylan]

That's all very confusing.

 

You say you didn't want a relationship but you both immediately started acting like you have been dating for a year with all the I Miss Yous and cuddly dates just within a month!

 

You guys both moved too fast. I can see how you or she got freaked out.

 

I guess I don't get why you'd do all that coupley sounding stuff so fast when you don't even want a girlfriend.

Im very affectionate...thats why I do that stuff.

[sid3]

*shrugs* come on brah, you losing your lil' Wayne swag.

[MrCastle]

She told you she wasn't over a situation with some other dude. Probably wants to hook up with him/date him exclusively and felt if she kept seeing you, that wouldn't happen.

 

Sorry it didn't work out.

 

You really have to just live life and not care.

 

I get blasted on here all the time for my denouncement of relationships and anything close to relationships but it really is the way to go for young people.

 

Most young people are emotionally immature, and have a short attraction lifespan.

 

Just enjoy the time you had and move on to the next one.

[ThaWholigan]

Im very affectionate...thats why I do that stuff.

See I'm like this too.

 

I did this stuff with both girls I had sex with. I know they have no intention of dating me seriously and I'm not trying to be their boyfriend - I'm just a tactile guy and very affectionate. Doesn't mean I turn into a soppy git though .

[veggirl]

Im very affectionate...thats why I do that stuff.

 

I'm affectionate too, but not to people I have known for 2 weeks. I mean what I'm saying is jumping into insta-couple behavior is weird (IMO, and yeah I know it is common for people to do it) and its why people end up saying things moved too fast....putting the cart ahead of the horse or whatever that saying is, lol.

 

eta; also I think you need to date girls who are out of school. College aged people aren't for serious relationships imo, I agree with Castle on a lot of that.

[Mrlonelyone]

This is a long read, as per usual for me and my thorough threads.

 

I guess I spoke a little too soon about the girl I was seeing. As of right now, Ive had to call things off. Im sure the nay-sayers from before will enjoy a good gloat.

 

Maybe just one really good gloat....

 

Seriously though... I'm sorry it worked out that way for you. There is one thing I hope to point out to you that's bad about your situation.

 

You say "made a friend", when did you and her become friends? Your common interest was 4_cking, cuddling, and things surrounding the act of sex. While those are 1/2 to 1/3 of a romantic relationship they are by far the easiest part to get, and the easiest part to loose.

 

You and her were in lust, you were infatuated, you had passion. On the triangle of love you had one leg and a one legged stool cannot stand at all. That's the bad part.

 

Take it as a life's lesson.

• The woman isn't always the one who wants to make a FWB more than a FWB.
  
• Never try to make a FWB more than a FWB unless, over an extended period of time, you become real friends.
  
• Real friendship comming first before (not instead of or without) a spark of sexual chemistry is the more common path to long lasting, marriage quality LTR love.
  

 

These are things I am often riddiculed or dismissed for saying here but they are the result of a long and complicated love life filled with more than my share of heart breaks.

 

In the end hey... you got to have some hopefully satisfying sex with someone who you gave a crap about. That's more than I can say for myself lately. It's like I'm radioactive or something.

[kaylan]

veggirl,

 

shes 23 in febuary..so id like to think that she is mature already. And not every college aged person is unable to hold down mature relationships. Either way, im 26 and i have to take responsobolity for being immature here too.

[Mrlonelyone]

veggirl,

 

shes 23 in febuary..so id like to think that she is mature already. And not every college aged person is unable to hold down mature relationships. Either way, im 26 and i have to take responsobolity for being immature here too.

 

A 23 year old can be mature...but the maturing curve between 20 and 30 is really really steep. To be honest, being in college probably keeps people somewhat immature compared to life outisde of college. College is a bubble where people who are in their early 20's can act much like teenagers if they want without any immediate consequences. (Until they hit graduation with a low GPA degree in communication, art, or English lit and can't get a job.)

 

I say that as a life long academic and profssional student. If you date a traditional college aged person don't expect them to act like someone who's lived in the "real world".

[CptSaveAho]

veggirl,

 

shes 23 in febuary..so id like to think that she is mature already. And not every college aged person is unable to hold down mature relationships. Either way, im 26 and i have to take responsobolity for being immature here too.

 

stop putting her on a pedestal...

 

i told you in both posts she was a gigs chick... seriously all these posts for what a 1-2 month bang me in the sackathon...

 

she's not mature... all she wants to do is have fun and sex... the second you push it further... you're out (this is a gigs chick)... i've dated them and been in those shoes too. if you want to have fun... they are like an amusement park ride, if you want more... go to the relationship section of your local book store for some girls that have been hosed by GIGS guys.

 

*kanye shrug*. That’s life. I jumped the gun in judging this situation as a good one right away. Im down because Im losing someone I like and enjoyed time with, but its on to the next one I guess. I wont lie and say this doesn’t make me wonder if theres something wrong with me…because I feel this happens too often. I wonder what it is about me that makes me good enough to bang, but not good enough to do something more seriously with. This has happened a few times to me now…and it doesn’t stop sucking. Ill be all right though…I just gotta trust my instincts more in the future. Its just sucky how last friday I was getting texts saying "awww I miss you so much already"...and now Im hearing her crying and telling me about all the stuff we just talked about.

 

These texts and phone calls... mean nothing... they are hot air

 

As for your underlined question... this goes for a lot of guys on the dating forum... you put women on a pedestal.... first date lets talk about our future(YAWN)... they dont deserve to be there... you're too nice and believe the words that come out of their mouths and don't trust your instincts or watch their actions... you push to fast, close your eyes and hope things will work out when you know deep down and EVERYONE tells you its not going to work. Plus you 0 relationship experience at 26 and you are in the age range of all the GIGS chicks... tough spot to be in

 

SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DOWN... get some male / MEN Friends and listen to them

Edited December 28, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[kaylan]

Maybe just one really good gloat....

 

Seriously though... I'm sorry it worked out that way for you. There is one thing I hope to point out to you that's bad about your situation.

 

You say "made a friend", when did you and her become friends? Your common interest was 4_cking, cuddling, and things surrounding the act of sex. While those are 1/2 to 1/3 of a romantic relationship they are by far the easiest part to get, and the easiest part to loose.

 

You and her were in lust, you were infatuated, you had passion. On the triangle of love you had one leg and a one legged stool cannot stand at all. That's the bad part.

 

Take it as a life's lesson.

• The woman isn't always the one who wants to make a FWB more than a FWB.
  
• Never try to make a FWB more than a FWB unless, over an extended period of time, you become real friends.
  
• Real friendship comming first before (not instead of or without) a spark of sexual chemistry is the more common path to long lasting, marriage quality LTR love.
  

 

These are things I am often riddiculed or dismissed for saying here but they are the result of a long and complicated love life filled with more than my share of heart breaks.

 

In the end hey... you got to have some hopefully satisfying sex with someone who you gave a crap about. That's more than I can say for myself lately. It's like I'm radioactive or something.

I guess some of this is right. During the times I felt unsure about this girl, I did wonder if we had more to stand on than just sex. I just feel like we could have taken some more time to really talk to each other and get to know one another more. I still wanted to do that.

 

Its just hard when either of us are in school or working all day. And then once we saw each other hormones did take over a lot sometimes.

 

Either way, I still feel like Id give this a real shot....at least now I feel this way. I dunno why I couldnt feel this way initially.

[kaylan]

stop putting her on a pedestal...

 

i told you in both posts she was a gigs chick... seriously all these posts for what a 1-2 month bang me in the sackathon...

Calm down bro. I make long posts alllll the time about whatever is on my mind. Im a thorough and detailed writer.

she's not mature... all she wants to do is have fun and sex... the second you push it further... you're out (this is a gigs chick)... i've dated them and been in those shoes too. if you want to have fun... they are like an amusement park ride, if you want more... go to the relationship section of your local book store for some girls that have been hosed by GIGS guys.

Thats the thing dude. I NEVER pushed anything. Read the OP. I never brought up being in a relationship at all. I was quite content with us just chilling, being cool friends, and having the emotional/physical part without much fuss. Honestly I feel like shes been feeling this way since the beginning, since the quick sex has always seemed to slightly bother her. I wouldnt say all she wants is sex and fun, because shes never really done quick hook ups like this, nor is she the most comfortable doing stuff outside of a relationship...or so she says.

 

These texts and phone calls... mean nothing... they are hot air

If you read the OP, youd see I said that what she says held less meaning to me than how I perceived the situations myself. Which is why I backed out despite what she said. I took my own meaning from what she said...I didnt take everything she said word for word...because let downs are usually not the brutal truth.

 

As for your underlined question... this goes for a lot of guys on the dating forum... you put women on a pedestal.... first date lets talk about our future(YAWN)... they dont deserve to be there... you're too nice and believe the words that come out of their mouths and don't trust your instincts or watch their actions... you push to fast, close your eyes and hope things will work out when you know deep down and EVERYONE tells you its not going to work. Plus you 0 relationship experience at 26 and you are in the age range of all the GIGS chicks... tough spot to be in

I put women on a pedestal? LMAO

 

Homie, you must NOT read my posts AT ALL. Whats with posters like you who pick and choose which of my posts to zero in on? Ive been called a man hating dude who kisses up to women, and Ive also been called a woman hating thrower of double standards on this forum. So which is it?

 

Who the hell said I talked about our future on the first date? I asked the girl "what are you looking for?" maybe after the 3rd time we had sex. Given how I wasnt in the mind to have a relationship at that point, and how she was weary of my intentions at the time, it was no problem bringing that up.

 

And 0 relationship experience at 26? Excuse you homie, but Ive had 2 girlfriends in the past that felt pretty serious at the time. You really jump to a lot of conclusions.

 

And no, Im not too nice and trusting. If I was, I wouldnt still be single...Id be shacked up...because plenty of women out there are looking for a nice, trusting guy....but many of them dont pass my tests. And actually...I did trust my instincts...which is why I told this girl to begin with, that I wanted to take things slow. Assumptions make you look silly.

SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DOWN... get some male / MEN Friends and listen to them

Jeeezus christ dude. Learn to read an OP. Im not one of these chumps who got hoodwinked by some crappy girl.

 

I met a decent girl, we had a fun month, we both are unsure about what we want, and we both want to remain single. My male friends would tell me to back off this chick, and thats what I did. I nipped everything in the butt right as soon as I noticed things changing.

 

The typical inexperienced guy usually gets dragged along for a longer time period, while not getting laid on top of that.

[MrCastle]

Just because the girl is 23 doesn't mean she's mature. At my college, I've seen mostly immature, a handful of pseudo-mature (girls that try to say or do things intentionally to make themselves look and feel mature), and very few actual mature girls. So yeah, emphasis on the word "girl". These are people who realize the real world is waiting outside of school for them once they graduate so they have to get all that partying and silliness out of their system before they buckle down.

 

The most mature women I've met have been in the 27+ age range. Most girls below 25 years old are a joke. Can't take them seriously.

 

And I have to echo what SaveAHo said. I was going to post it in my initial post, amazing he almost said word for word what I planned to. Go by what people do, not what they say.

[kaylan]

Go by what people do, not what they say.

Duh...which is why Im backing off this girl now. Before this past week, all of her actions were of a girl who was super into me. Now that I noticed the change, I made mention of it to her and backed off. I even said during our conversation that action speak louder than words and that her current actions dont match up.

 

Also, tbh my words and actions to her didnt match my actions and words away from her during the first couple weeks we dated. So it all really depends. I think Mrlonelyone was right...we both got drunk on lust and it has confused things.

[TheZebra]

A 23 year old can be mature...but the maturing curve between 20 and 30 is really really steep. To be honest, being in college probably keeps people somewhat immature compared to life outisde of college. College is a bubble where people who are in their early 20's can act much like teenagers if they want without any immediate consequences. (Until they hit graduation with a low GPA degree in communication, art, or English lit and can't get a job.)

 

I say that as a life long academic and profssional student. If you date a traditional college aged person don't expect them to act like someone who's lived in the "real world".

 

This is so true. I'm only a year and a half out of college and I feel like I have matured ten years - and I was never a party girl to begin with.

 

Kaylan, try not to let this get to you. This girl just wasn't right for you so be glad you at least got that out of the way early before it could complicate things later in life. At least you got out of it with some good memories and relatively unscathed.

[Mrlonelyone]

I guess some of this is right. During the times I felt unsure about this girl, I did wonder if we had more to stand on than just sex. I just feel like we could have taken some more time to really talk to each other and get to know one another more. I still wanted to do that.

 

Its just hard when either of us are in school or working all day. And then once we saw each other hormones did take over a lot sometimes.

 

Either way, I still feel like Id give this a real shot....at least now I feel this way. I dunno why I couldnt feel this way initially.

 

I have heard it said, and in hindsight I think the following is true.

 

Relationships at college age, especially if one is away at college are never ever truly serious. At least not by the standard of someone who's in their late 20's or early 30's.

 

At the usual college age even actual marriage means dating exclusively and getting to wear a cool ring. A relationship just means walking down the hall in a co ed dorm and playing video games. Committment means an unspoken deadline of graduation day...breaking up at commencement.

 

In the late 20's and early 30's a relationship means moving in together. Paying the rent, meeting families, getting married, having children then growing old together.

 

 

Just because the girl is 23 doesn't mean she's mature. At my college, I've seen mostly immature, a handful of pseudo-mature (girls that try to say or do things intentionally to make themselves look and feel mature), and very few actual mature girls. So yeah, emphasis on the word "girl". These are people who realize the real world is waiting outside of school for them once they graduate so they have to get all that partying and silliness out of their system before they buckle down.

 

The most mature women I've met have been in the 27+ age range. Most girls below 25 years old are a joke. Can't take them seriously.

 

And I have to echo what SaveAHo said. I was going to post it in my initial post, amazing he almost said word for word what I planned to. Go by what people do, not what they say.

 

I hate to have to agree with this by and large since I've been dealing with a woman in the 20 to 25 age range lately. My eyes are just open to the fact that such a person will not really be mature enough to get truly serious for a good long while. That in a relationship I would have to a certain extent act more like a mentor than a partner and expect some naughty behavior.

[nessaaa]

She wants you.

Shes freaking out because she wasnt ready for all these emotions and feelings so soon, its scaring her. Girls get wacky when they find a good dude..they dont know what to do or think.

 

She cried!- that shoud tell you a lot. Shes just scared- its that simple.

 

You guys need to act like this never happened and start talking again. And ease up with the serious talk its stressing her. You both got your panties in a twist.

[SJC2008]

I swear I should of been born in the 1950's and lived it up Leave it To Beaver style!!! I say this because in this day and age "Taking it slow" means phuk first and don't talk about any lovy duvvy stuff or R stuff. When in all actuality taking it slow should mean going on dates finding common interests and getting to know one another while progressing slowly physically having sex when you think there is potential for something to blossom. Instead of having sex and getting emotionally invested in someone and getting hurt.

 

This pretty much happened to me but it was my fault as she told me up front that she wants to date around and isn't looking for a relationship. I should of decoded it as 'I got dumped and need attention and to sew some oats and slut it up for a bit'. Now I'm a slow mover so I wasn't even going to try to bed her but we were making out, she got hot, that was my Q so I handled up. Anyway I wanted more and she didn't and it fell apart.

 

I think we are somewhat similiar in that we'd do casual without using the other person (I guess a fwb) and are open to an R and met someone we liked and got dumped.

[SJC2008]

She wants you.

Shes freaking out because she wasnt ready for all these emotions and feelings so soon, its scaring her. Girls get wacky when they find a good dude..they dont know what to do or think.

 

She cried!- that shoud tell you a lot. Shes just scared- its that simple.

 

You guys need to act like this never happened and start talking again. And ease up with the serious talk its stressing her. You both got your panties in a twist.

 

This very well may be possible too. She may be guarded and doesn't want to be led on. We'll never know I guess...

[Els]

Hey kaylan,

 

Sorry it turned out this way. My opinion, though, is that if you really want to take things slow, you have to act it as well as say it. Your actions were very much at odds with your words, so it is slightly understandable that she got confused. Staying over every night, cooking for each other, exchanging lovey dovey words.. I've not even done that with a boyfriend of a few weeks.

 

I think in the future if you really want the no commitment route, you should refrain from sleeping at each others' places every night and all that stuff. Many people are going to find it difficult to do all that and yet remain strict FWBs. And if you really do want to do all that, I would question why you want to remain FWBs, since you are virtually acting as if you are in a relationship. I don't think relationships need to immediately be super-serious long-term I'm-sure-I-want-to-spend-my-life-with-you deals. Even if you aren't sure if the two of you will work out in the long term, that does not mean that you can't attempt a relationship.

[kaylan]

gaaaaahh.

 

Just spoke with her for awhile. Trying to see if anything was solveable and to make sure I made the right decision. Didnt solve anything. Still both confused.

 

All I know is:

 

a) We both know and told the other we dont want to rush a relationship.

b) Me living 45 minutes from her school, me working 40 hours a week, her having school work, and thus us only having a day or two a week to hang out, makes her apprehensive about dating me seriously

c) She says shes never met anyone like me and partly feels like shed be making a mistake if we kill all this and walk away.

 

Meh, a big part of me wants to bail....but another part of me wants to at least enjoy how we feel good when were together...despite the possible train wreck. All in all, Im leaning on fading out in order to avoid drama

Edited December 28, 2012 by kaylan

[Eternal Sunshine]

You often seem really conflicted to me and to not know what you want (you say you don't want a relationship then get all disappointed when the girl doesn't want one either).

 

If you give out confusing vibes, that's what you get in return.

[todreaminblue]

I genuinely feel for you kaylan, its a shame because you were happy and could have made her happy...you are a caring guy don't let this change you and now you are not, her loss you could make a woman very happy you are giving.....soem lucky woman is goign woot woot with her hands up she just doesnt know it because she hasnt met you yet..... but now you are on the market....;0)....closer to making her happy...ok its cheesy...everyone needs cheese now and again..my fave is camembert(even though i spell it wrong you get it)..best wishes...huge hugs..:bunny:..deb