Author 18Years2Late Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 18 years... i feel your pain... i'm so sorry you're going through this... i've been in affair for over ten years and there's not one day that goes by without hurt and anger... i can only imagine how i would be another eight years from now 10 years?!?!?!?...omg!!!... Just to clarify...my PA only lasted 3 years...my name says 18 years bc xMOM and I were GF/BF and engaged 18 years ago...he never left my mind or my heart even though we both married others and led separate lives for 15 years...so I guess you could say that I had an EA for 15 years (in my own head and heart)... But a true A for 10 years...I'm very sorry for your pain...I'm definitely not that strong...I hope u are not "loyal" to ur MM...I hope ur options are open...so that one day u can find a single available man that will take all ur pain away... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 At one time I felt the same way. The most I did was sign him up to receive some free religious literature to his home.... He, in all liklihood is pathetic in many ways. My approach was in line with "living well is the best revenge". For instance, he is...no other way to put this...fat. So I started working out more. He is not the most well read, so i took on reading the classics. And his house was a dump, so I spruced mine up. In all that, I totally forgot about him. And now, I have a new man in my life. That's actually pretty funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 At one time I felt the same way. The most I did was sign him up to receive some free religious literature to his home.... He, in all liklihood is pathetic in many ways. My approach was in line with "living well is the best revenge". For instance, he is...no other way to put this...fat. So I started working out more. He is not the most well read, so i took on reading the classics. And his house was a dump, so I spruced mine up. In all that, I totally forgot about him. And now, I have a new man in my life. As hurt and angry as I am, it helps me to know that everything about me and my life and everything in my life is so far above and better than him and his...for one reason...because I'm not living a lie...his entire life and his entire existence...now and will always be based on selfishness and lies...I miss him but I'm free of the lies and the hurt...and that feels good...most days...some days not so much but it's getting better... Congrats on your new man...as soon as my D is final I'll be on to my new life...no new man for a while...but it will be nice to "get out there" and see what's out there...just for fun...nothing serious for at least a year...that's my goal... Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 You really should try to get over the bitterness. I know it is hard. But it will eat you from the inside out. His life is nothing to you now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 You really should try to get over the bitterness. I know it is hard. But it will eat you from the inside out. His life is nothing to you now. I'll get over it when I'm ready to get over it...you're right...I meant nothing to him...he is nothing to me now...and his life will always be full of nothing...the trifecta... Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 18, I didn't say you meant nothing to him. Only he knows for sure. But, you don't want to base your life now wishing misery on him and being angry.. That is like throwing acid on your face and praying your scars will burn him. They won't. Forget him, you have your own life to live. Try and think of it all as a good life lesson or learning experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 18 Years, sometimes it is replacing old behavioral patterns with new ones. One good way to work on this is put a rubber band around your wrist and every time your mind goes to him snap it and replace the thought of him with something else about you specifically. Another tactic is to allot x amount of time each day that you will think of him. Say, 8pm every night for 15 minutes you will dive into those thoughts but the rest of the day you are going to focus on other things. Sometimes allowing yourself a specific time can be helpful to have that outlet but it also redirects your brain the rest of the time. Spend that time journaling, etc. It is a process, and you do have to work your way through it. It isn't as easy as just "not thinking about him" but working on replacing those old patterns with new ones. Do you have a bucket list? If not, why not put one together and start figuring out how to check the items off the list. Some people have adopted a new pet to refocus their thinking and to experience the unconditional love only a warm fuzzy furbaby can give you. Link to post Share on other sites
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