He texted me, I broke NC. :(

[sharsh]

He texted me, asking me if I'm doing okay. With all of his previous texts that I hadn't replied to, they were all asking for sex, I had been so fed up, I replied. Out of anger..

 

I was so angry with my first text, for making me feel like after three years I was just a bootycall. The conversation went on, he eventually told me that he had to break up with me, because if he didn't he'd feel cheated. Like he missed out on something. That he met someone, and wants to give it a chance. That if it doesn't work out, he'd date me again, like I'm some sort of back up plan.

 

I shouldn't of broke NC, I know. This all hurt way too much. Like I'm not good enough, like he feels like I'm not good enough that he's "going to miss out on something". This hurts way too much. I'm balling my eyes out, and can't stop, to think he feels this way. I don't get it.

 

Please don't back me on breaking NC, I plan to go back on NC. I know it was stupid to reply to his text, because everything would come back, and I'd be a mess.. I just need some comforting words, and to see the light again.

[Toddbt12y1]

If he was all too interested in getting more out of his life, and move on with some girl, why did he spend time sending you texts for sex? Honestly, this Guy is just pathetic. He is playing you, to make himself look good for his negative choices. He is only looking out for himself; he wants sex, all there is to him.

 

You are like infinitely better than this loser! He isn't worthy of the ground you walk on, damn! He is just so pathetic!! Cannot stand people like him. Look you are very pretty, and obviously a very caring girl; you will indeed find someone to erase this scumbag. Someone better and more loving than your ex. Someone worthy of you...

 

This Guy isn't worth your time, period.

[na49]

He thinks he's missing out? Great! Let him go find a girl who's as good as you. I'd be wishing him luck if I was in your situation. You put up with this clown for 3 whole years. How many other girls will tolerate him for that long? Backup plan my ass, you're not a backup plan. You're a priority, if you're not on his priority list, then you'll be on someone else's. Don't let him have this much power over you. You should cry if you need to cry, but you know what to do and you know what you did wrong. NC will help you heal slowly but surely. If he comes back, he'll come back. Don't plan on it or you'll be waiting for a very long time and miss out on other opportunities.

[Chi townD]

I was so angry with my first text, for making me feel like after three years I was just a bootycall. The conversation went on, he eventually told me that he had to break up with me, because if he didn't he'd feel cheated. Like he missed out on something. That he met someone, and wants to give it a chance. That if it doesn't work out, he'd date me again, like I'm some sort of back up plan.

 

 

Wow! What a complete Douche Rocket! If it doesn't work out...he'll date you again. Okay...really...like, he's doing you this great big favor and taking pity on poor little Sharsh.....I'm.....just blow away that the gall of this guy.

 

Well, you already broke NC, I'm half tempted to just tell you to send him one last text, "Okay, if your little (and I seriously mean that) thing doesn't work out and you need someone to screw. Well then GO SCREW YOURSELF!"

 

You seriously need to find a man that knows how to BE a man. Not a little boy that's a ball of hormones looking for the next thing he can tag.

[sharsh]

@Todd. I think this text was a trap to be honest, he wasn't getting replies to his "asking for sex" texts, so he just asked if I was doing okay. I lost it because I was angry already from all the other texts. He chalked that up to him not texting me about sex this time bc he's in a new relationship. I just don't know why I still have such strong feelings of love for him.

 

@na. Believe me I know, when he implied I was a backup plan those were almost my exact words. I made him tell me he's not coming back to me. I begged him to tell me this. But because I begged, I don't believe him, so I'm still clinging to some type of false hope, and I know I shouldn't. I don't know how to let go.

[sharsh]

Wow! What a complete Douche Rocket! If it doesn't work out...he'll date you again. Okay...really...like, he's doing you this great big favor and taking pity on poor little Sharsh.....I'm.....just blow away that the gall of this guy.

 

Well, you already broke NC, I'm half tempted to just tell you to send him one last text, "Okay, if your little (and I seriously mean that) thing doesn't work out and you need someone to screw. Well then GO SCREW YOURSELF!"

 

You seriously need to find a man that knows how to BE a man. Not a little boy that's a ball of hormones looking for the next thing he can tag.

It's hard to see him for what he really is, just a horndog, because he played the part of loving boyfriend so very well, he had me fooled, and I don't know how to now see the real him.

[Chi townD]

You're seeing the real him. He broke up with you. You were hurting and devastated. And what does he do KNOWING that he cut you soooo deeply? He sends you sexually charged texts!!!

 

That dipsh*t needs to buy a clue!!

 

Look, if that's you in the pic. You are a very pretty girl and I promise you that there are guys out there that WILL treat you like gold! Do you know why? Because they wouldn't want to screw up a good thing! Trust me, they're out there. A guy would be extremely proud and walking with his head held high having you on his arm.

 

You don't see it now because you're hurting. But, give it time and heal. You have self worth and you owe it to yourself to be respected by a man that's going to love you unconditionally.

[sharsh]

You're seeing the real him. He broke up with you. You were hurting and devastated. And what does he do KNOWING that he cut you soooo deeply? He sends you sexually charged texts!!!

 

That dipsh*t needs to buy a clue!!

 

Look, if that's you in the pic. You are a very pretty girl and I promise you that there are guys out there that WILL treat you like gold! Do you know why? Because they wouldn't want to screw up a good thing! Trust me, they're out there. A guy would be extremely proud and walking with his head held high having you on his arm.

 

You don't see it now because you're hurting. But, give it time and heal. You have self worth and you owe it to yourself to be respected by a man that's going to love you unconditionally.

It's like I'm battling myself. Half of me is so in love with him, and doesn't really know why. The other half is like, what the f*ck is wrong with you? Look how he's treated you, and continues to treat you, you don't deserve that.

 

And thank you for the kind words, it brought a tear to my eye lol.

 

I'm going about this the wrong way, and I know. I'm actively dating, but I lose interest really fast, and end up pushing them away, most probably because I'm not over my ex. I'm just so hung up on the fact that he "has someone" and I don't. Why do I have to be lonely when he isn't? I don't think it's fair. But at the same time, I'm hurting myself because by doing this, I'm not finding anyone. I know that shouldn't be a priority right now, but it feels like I'm in some weird competition with him, where he's winning. Am I mental, or what lol.

[nsteen87]

Guys like good, familiar sex because more times than not, the girl you bring home from the bar ends up being a complete and total disappointment. Sometimes we think the grass is greener on the other side, but the truth is takes time to develop a good sexual relationship with someone.

 

I'm just as guilty as your ex-boyfriend and I was at first, hitting up my ex-girlfriend hard for sex because I went from having it consistently to having none at all and trying to force it to happen. In hindsight, I can't believe how pathetic I was! This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life and was my ultimate moment of weakness but I learned my lesson!

 

All previous advice provided is great - if you aren't a priority, then you are hung up wondering about something you shouldn't be.

 

You're a pretty girl. Go become someones priority. There are plenty of nice guys out there in the world, myself included who would move mountains and bend over backwards for you.

 

Most importantly - put yourself in the right places and situations for the person you are trying to meet!

[Chi townD]

No you're not mental, but you're trying to fill a void with these other guys and these guys aren't your Ex. They'll never BE your Ex. They'll all act differently, have different sense of humors, look at things differently. But, they'll NEVER be your Ex (Thank God for that).

 

I think you're trying to date to soon. You have to heal from this. Gain back some of your self esteem and self confidence. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't go out and have a good time. GO! But, be honest and up front with the guy that's taking you out. Tell him that you're just coming out of a relationship and you're not looking to jump into anything serious at the moment, but you would still love to spend the evening together having fun. I think a guy will respect you more for your honesty and it takes the pressure off, hopefully, to the point that you can let your hair down, relax and kick up your heels and have a good time! And who knows! You might find a connection with someone and you really weren't looking for to being with. Secretly hoping that at the end of the date he'll ask you out again.

 

You're looking for something different than what your Ex is. He wants to screw anything that moves. So when he finally settles down he doesn't feel that he "missed out on something". But, in the end, he's the one that's going to be alone and looking for what you're looking for right now. There are guys out there that only want ONE woman. A guy that wants to be the man in a very special girl's life. To make her laugh, to see her eyes light up when her brings her flowers, to giggle at her when she crys during a sappy movie and to get an elbow to the ribs for giggling at her. I've written all of this before...you know what I'm talking about.

 

Give yourself some time. You're going to tell me that your Ex did all of that stuff for you. But, when you really think about it? Was he doing it for the girl that he wanted as a partner in life, or for the girl he wanted to get into bed?

[Toddbt12y1]

Sharsh you are too pretty and too good for this dick. Like many posters have said, in time you will see how he is - you already are. You love him, so this is natural. But he truly is beneath you. Start seeing him as that. In time you will find a better person, who will treat you like platinum - you are a hottie, he is the one who lost big.

[cavalier99]

 

I'm going about this the wrong way, and I know. I'm actively dating, but I lose interest really fast, and end up pushing them away, most probably because I'm not over my ex. I'm just so hung up on the fact that he "has someone" and I don't. Why do I have to be lonely when he isn't? I don't think it's fair. But at the same time, I'm hurting myself because by doing this, I'm not finding anyone. I know that shouldn't be a priority right now, but it feels like I'm in some weird competition with him, where he's winning. Am I mental, or what lol.

 

I know what you mean about feeling like we are in some weird competition.

 

It really pisses me off that my EX is recovered and I'm not. I want to be recovered AND I want her to know it. How f-ed up is that. Of course this will never happen. What am i going to do? Send a text in a few months that says "I'm recovered" ? Totally stupid even though i think about it.

 

I think this is normal to feel this way. We just had our self esteem shattered and we need to build it back up. So we compare our mental state to the person we were closest too because this person unfortunately validated part of our self worth.

 

With NC and self improvement this type of comparison will eventually stop and we will just be doing things for ourselves again without thoughts of our EX intruding. God i hope so.

 

Im just tired of this person intruding in my thoughts daily even though I'm feeling stronger.

[Simon Phoenix]

And this is why NC is good. I have no idea if my ex is with someone, if she's screwing any guy who propositions her in the bar (unlikely) or if she's at home feeling down for breaking up with me (also unlikely), or if she's just living her normal everyday life. And quite frankly, it's really good not to know.

[cavalier99]

And this is why NC is good. I have no idea if my ex is with someone, if she's screwing any guy who propositions her in the bar (unlikely) or if she's at home feeling down for breaking up with me (also unlikely), or if she's just living her normal everyday life. And quite frankly, it's really good not to know.

 

Agreed NC is great. I also have no clue. I'm just assuming my ex is recovered. But who the heck knows. It is like she doesn't exist. ....that is why I'm pissed she still is still camping out in my head like a pesky mosquito.

 

Thank god for NC. This has been a really tough BU for me. I cant imagine how horrible it would be like if i had maintained contact and didn't discover this site.

[Simon Phoenix]

Agreed NC is great. I also have no clue. I'm just assuming my ex is recovered. But who the heck knows. It is like she doesn't exist. ....that is why I'm pissed she still is still camping out in my head like a pesky mosquito.

 

Thank god for NC. This has been a really tough BU for me. I cant imagine how horrible it would be like if i had maintained contact and didn't discover this site.

 

Same here, especially lately. Not sure if its because it's the holidays, or because I had a date recently and it's natural to think back, but she's definitely been occupying more of my thoughts lately. Definitely having the internal conflict between my brain (who is stubborn as ****) and my heart (who wants to see her). Luckily my brain is winning. It's been mildly annoying lately -- if I had been in contact I'd be a wreck.

[sharsh]

@nsteen87; Hollaaaa, lol jk! But thank you so much for all the kind words! After this morning, and then dragging through work, just to get through this freaking day, and get it over with it was really nice to come home to something that lifts my spirits and, well, my ego a little bit! So thank you! And it makes sense, that he would still try to hook up with me, it just disgusted me sooo much, and pushed me away further, because he was also hooking up with two other girls at the same time. That just grosses me out, that's one reason I don't like dating, you never know if they're sleeping with someone else, too.

 

@Chi townD; I knew exactly what he meant by "missing out on something/being cheated" He just wanted a variety of vagina, to see if there's better out there, test taste all the different flavors, for lack of better words... I get it. And it SUCKS. And he DID do some of those cute couplely things, but he always explained it as, "working hard/having to PUT EFFORT in to doing it" like it wasn't natural, like he had to force these things. And they weren't even often, so it's not like I'm sitting here, ohh I miss when he used to do this...and that... and blah blah. I need to slow down, you're right, and I definitely need to be as up front as possible with future guys, without coming off as a total basket case for my ex. Thank you for all your help!

 

@Toddbt12y1; Oh my ego, stooooppp it haha. I KNOW these things, I just have to figure out how to fully BELIEVE these things, how he's no good, and just overall... ew. But if you read my other posts above, it's like my heart and head are in WWIII over this.

 

@cavalier99; Isn't it weird though? I hate it. I hate feeling like he's winning, and I'm 10 miles behind in some stupid race. NC was helping to an extent, but I still felt this way, like he's "one upping me" or something. I felt like I'm way better, and should be in his shoes, and he in mine.

 

@Simon Phoenix; NC was definitely helping, but I still knew little details, from before I went NC and was snooping his FB page, still talking to him (he was very open about seeing other girls and sh*t, rude), etc.. I should've went NC cold turkey, without looking around, or wandering, or trying to get questions answered!

 

THANK YOU to everyone who's posted, with everyone's kind words and everything this day has gotten a little brighter, and now that a few hours have past and I've had some time to think, I'm not as much of a mess as I was earlier. This is why I love LS.

[baRx]

it's like my heart and head are in WWIII over this.

 

I didn't read all of this thread, or all of your replies. However, if this is the same guy in which you made this thread about: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/360014-stringing-me-along

 

I seriously think you need to re-read that.

I only got half way through before I couldn't take it anymore.

(I'm also surprised nobody replied to it)

 

This guy is not something you need to be fighting yourself over. You know what kind of person he is, who he is, what he's capable of. How many times did he leave you hanging? I counted 8 or 9 before I stopped reading.

Inconsistent behavior unfortunately never changes with people. People's histories don't change over time.

This is a guy who's going to cause more hurt than you'll ever need to deal with.

 

I'm an expert in dealing with people like this, unfortunately, as every single one of my "friends" or "past relationships" (etc) have followed this same sort of path.

You need to stay away for good. I don't care if you're on cloud nine when it's good. I don't care how great he CAN be.

 

He's not.

 

You know that, though.

This is just a reminder for you.

[sharsh]

I didn't read all of this thread, or all of your replies. However, if this is the same guy in which you made this thread about: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/360014-stringing-me-along

 

I seriously think you need to re-read that.

I only got half way through before I couldn't take it anymore.

(I'm also surprised nobody replied to it)

 

This guy is not something you need to be fighting yourself over. You know what kind of person he is, who he is, what he's capable of. How many times did he leave you hanging? I counted 8 or 9 before I stopped reading.

Inconsistent behavior unfortunately never changes with people. People's histories don't change over time.

This is a guy who's going to cause more hurt than you'll ever need to deal with.

 

I'm an expert in dealing with people like this, unfortunately, as every single one of my "friends" or "past relationships" (etc) have followed this same sort of path.

You need to stay away for good. I don't care if you're on cloud nine when it's good. I don't care how great he CAN be.

 

He's not.

 

You know that, though.

This is just a reminder for you.

Thank you, I did need that. That little reminder. Sometimes I forget about all the sh*t he's done, and just focus on the good. Everyday that passes, I get a little bit stronger in my feelings of NOT going back. I'm like, I really put up with THAT? Not once, not twice, but countless times? WHY?

 

And you're right. He's NOT going to change. He's said COUNTLESS times he'd change this, or that, and it'd be gravy for a week or two, then back to the same sh*t. So you're SO right.