Stringing me along..

[sharsh]

I'm going to try to keep this short.. I don't know what I'm looking for here exactly.. maybe support, how to really get over him? I don't know. I'm still in limbo here.

 

Patrick and I met when I was 18. I'm 21 now. He was annoying. I wasn't attracted to him. No car, no license, high school drop out, no job. But he showed interest in me, like really wanted to be with me. I had had little flings in high school, none of them ever wanted to date me though, one actually had a girlfriend, and it caused a lot of drama, naturally.

 

Patrick and I would talk for hours and hours when we first met, about anything, and everything. I felt so at home with him. After three days of knowing him, we jumped into a relationship. We did everything so quickly. Honeymoon stage was bliss, like any new beginning. We spent every single day together, for 7 months. I think I was addicted to him, I still am. After the 7 month mark, he got a job, we moved in together. Living with my mother and her husband was horrible, I think I jumped into moving in with him because it was just an escape.

 

At this point, I was in love with him, he was my world. I couldn't keep my eyes off him, now he was the most attractive man in the world to me.

 

Everything was fine in the beginning, we got along great. Maybe 3-4 months in to living together things changed.. All he wanted to do was sit on xbox live, playing call of duty. I mean, he would do this from the time he woke up, until 5-6 in the morning. I was working two ****ty jobs, was barely home. I'd be home for maybe 2-3 hours at a time and then go to sleep. I just wanted to spend that little bit of time with him before bed. Somehow, that was asking too much. We got into a LOT of heated fights. Spending time to him was, he play xbox, and I'm next to him, online, doing whatever on the computer. Because we were NEXT to each other in the same room, not even talking to one another (because he'd be talking to his online friends) we were spending time together.

 

After an extremely heated battle that ended up getting physical, on both ends. The next day, he said we should go on a break. That after a week he'd decide if he still wanted to be with me. I agreed, things were too heated at this point, I figured we needed time to breathe. I moved some of my things back to my mom's house, and was going to stay there for a week while he decided what he wanted to do. Between jobs, I had stopped by the apartment, he had my desktop computer set up next to his xbox. I thought it was odd, so I loaded the computer up, and it immediately signed into Yahoo! Messenger. I saw messages to and from this girl he works with. Extremely flirty, some dirty, then talking about hanging out at the apartment after a UFC fight date at applebees. I WAS FURIOUS. We weren't technically broken up. I raced to his work, and we had a big fight there. I went back to the apartment, and moved out EVERYTHING. Cleaned the apartment out, everything was mine. When he got home, I had several calls to my cell phone he was just as mad because the apartment was empty. But I'd be damned if another girl was lounging on my couch, lying in MY bed.

 

Fast forward about a month later? He broke down, said he'd missed me. I took him back, moved back in. Things were fine again. He spent the time with me I'd wanted at first. We were even looking for a new apartment to move to once our lease was up. Then things went back to how they were. He could spend time with his friends, spend time with his xbox. But not me. Valentines Day rolled around, and I asked if I could just have ONE DAY, him and me, for V-Day. **** blew up again. "It's just a Hallmark holiday" doesn't mean anything, blah blah. He broke up with me, the day after Valentines Day, which we didn't even spend together, he spent it with his friend and another girl..

 

I moved out again. Shortly after our lease was up. He had been spending time with this new girl. Then he crept back into my life. Said he wasn't seeing her anymore. That was a lie. He was seeing us BOTH at the same time. But that was okay to him, because we weren't official. I gave him an ultimatum, and he chose me over her, he began staying at my mom's house with me. Then suddenly, he met a girl at work. Some 26 year old with 2 kids. He moved in with her, and stayed with her for about a month. Two weeks into him staying with her, I got a drunken voicemail from him saying how much he'd missed me, he was coming to see me the next day. I was foolish, I waited for him to show up the next day, and nothing. At that one month mark, he was back in my life, he x'd her out completely.

 

Things were going great, but he "didn't want a girlfriend", however I "was the only girl he was spending time with, etc". I mean, things were really great. He was taking me out, spending time with me, buying me things. Showing me how much he cared.

 

Then I left to North Carolina for a week. During that week, he met a girl, Aleasha. I firmly believe he was talking to her for a week BEFORE I left. I came back, found out, gave him another ultimatum. I refuse to not be the ONLY girl. Again, he chose me. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few days later, bought me roses, the whole nine.

 

We then decided to move in to a house with two of our other friends. Things were great once again. Then **** hit the fan, once again. Aleasha wouldn't leave him alone. She'd show up when I wasn't there. Text him all the time. Say things like, we can be friends with benefits. This girl and I had a lot of drama needless to say.

 

Once that settled things were fantastic again. I thought everything was going smoothly. Then I found dating sites in my computer history. Phone sex chatline charges to his bank account (I had his bank information to pay bills). I put a keylogger on my laptop after we had a fight about it, he said he wouldn't do it anymore. Lies. I'd check the keylogger daily. More dating sites, looking to hook up with random females. "I would never actually meet any of them. It's more like playing out a fantasy.." I told him we should just break up. And he broke down in tears, promised over and over he wouldn't do it anymore. I stuck around, kept the keylogger up. He stuck to his promises. He broke my trust though, so I began checking his phone while he had been sleeping ,etc. Found more things..

 

Whenever I brought up what I found on his phone, he turned it around on me, saying I shouldn't be looking through HIS things. It led to another blowout. We got into another physical fight, all on his end though. Then he left for a few days.

 

Fast forward. He broke up with me a couple months later. Began hanging out with Aleasha again. I had also found out he had hung out with her once while we had the house together.

 

He kept in contact with me for about a month. Then we got back together. I had my own apartment, we weren't living together. He breaks up with me again. Two days later, he's crying for me to come back.

 

I thought, this time around, things were perfect. No fighting. Nothing. We'd eat dinner together, watch our shows, he'd stay the night, we'd go out on dates. Talked about getting married, having kids. Perfect.

 

Phone sex chat lines ruined it once again. He'd promised he'd stop, and he did, once again.

 

Then, a month ago. Out of the blue. He broke up with me. Again. Said this time was for real. He loves me, but he's not in love with me. Then it changes to. I'm too depressed. I can't make you happy if I'm not happy. Then, I just can't be with you right now. So many different excuses, the reason is forever changing. At the same time, said things to me like, maybe we'll be together again. Life's crazy. Who knows. I'll always love you. If you do anything with xyz, it's over for good though, he's way too old.

 

Not even a week later, he meets a girl off xbox, she lives two hours away. He sleeps with her and asks her to be his girlfriend, all in the same day. Not only that, but he's also sleeping with another girl, who's older. Before I knew this, we were keeping contact, still sleeping together, etc. I just found out about these two girls, maybe a week ago.

 

He still texts me, randomly, asking to hook up, he misses me, just wants to see me, I'm his forever, he loves me, etc etc..

 

I told him. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm ending the cycle. He can't have these other girls AND me. That was the point of breaking up. I told him, if he texts me, I'm not texting back. He didn't believe me. That's my fault, because everytime before when we'd broken up I kept contact with him, let him come in and out of my life. But I'm tired of it. I think he's planning on coming back to me once he's had his fun. I'll probably take him back, too. But I'm sticking to this NC. He texted me about two nights ago, asking to hook up. I didn't reply. He's the one that always texts me first. He's trying to keep me around, keep the flame alive.

 

I can't tell if I'm just addicted to him. If I really love him. I just can't imagine my life without this guy. It's stupid. When it's good, it's great, I'm on cloud nine with this guy. I spent three years with him. We've both done a lot of things to each other we both regret. But I really have a connection with him.. I can't see myself without him... Please help me.

Edited December 2, 2012 by sharsh