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All of a Sudden I Broke Down

source24

By source24
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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source24 Member

source24

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We have been in NC for 2 weeks. (Read my story here) It has been unbelievably hard, but I have gotten through it. I have been so damn positive. I have been working out, focusing on my self, focusing on school and work and furthering my career. I have been reading books on positive psychology, and just trying to be the best person I can be, irrespective of our past relationship or her.

 

But today, she popped up on my facebook feed because one of my friends commented on her photo. (Even though I defriended her, I could still see it) Apparently, some dude gave her flowers. The photo said "Flowers from John <3"

 

But when I saw that photo and her smiling, I just cracked. I don't know why, I started tearing up. I miss her so much. I do want her to be happy, but ****, I miss her.

 

I don't know why I am making this post to tell the truth, I guess I know what I need to do. No matter how bad I feel, how much I just want to hear her voice I can't break no contact. It just won't be what I expect, and I know that.

 

Its just this overwhelming sadness. I want her in my life. I want her to be mine. I know I deserve better, but she makes me so happy. And I just want to be happy right now.

 

Maybe I can sleep this off, I guess I am just venting. I think it is healthy to let emotions out and I want to acknowledge my sadness, but I don't want to do anything stupid. Posting here will prevent me from breaking No Contact. I hope.

 

What do you guys think? Are occasional breakdowns like this okay? I want to let my true emotions out, but I don't want them to overwhelm me. I know that I will be fine in time, and that overall, I will be happy without her. I just feel alone right now.

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

Posted
Posted
We have been in NC for 2 weeks. (Read my story here) It has been unbelievably hard, but I have gotten through it. I have been so damn positive. I have been working out, focusing on my self, focusing on school and work and furthering my career. I have been reading books on positive psychology, and just trying to be the best person I can be, irrespective of our past relationship or her.

 

But today, she popped up on my facebook feed because one of my friends commented on her photo. (Even though I defriended her, I could still see it) Apparently, some dude gave her flowers. The photo said "Flowers from John <3"

 

But when I saw that photo and her smiling, I just cracked. I don't know why, I started tearing up. I miss her so much. I do want her to be happy, but ****, I miss her.

 

I don't know why I am making this post to tell the truth, I guess I know what I need to do. No matter how bad I feel, how much I just want to hear her voice I can't break no contact. It just won't be what I expect, and I know that.

 

Its just this overwhelming sadness. I want her in my life. I want her to be mine. I know I deserve better, but she makes me so happy. And I just want to be happy right now.

 

Maybe I can sleep this off, I guess I am just venting. I think it is healthy to let emotions out and I want to acknowledge my sadness, but I don't want to do anything stupid. Posting here will prevent me from breaking No Contact. I hope.

 

What do you guys think? Are occasional breakdowns like this okay? I want to let my true emotions out, but I don't want them to overwhelm me. I know that I will be fine in time, and that overall, I will be happy without her. I just feel alone right now.

 

Yes, it is okay. We're humans, not robots. If we were robots this website wouldn't exist, that's for sure. Don't torture yourself, it's just like a diet, pick up where you left off and keep on the good work. The occasional bump on the road does happen.

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source24 Member

source24

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Yes, it is okay. We're humans, not robots. If we were robots this website wouldn't exist, that's for sure. Don't torture yourself, it's just like a diet, pick up where you left off and keep on the good work. The occasional bump on the road does happen.

 

Thank you. That is really good advice. It is probably best to just pick up where I left of and keep moving forward. I guess I will just let my emotions out, and try to move on when I can. I know it will be hard, but hopefully this feeling doesn't last too long.

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nsteen87 Member

nsteen87

Posted
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Occasional breakdowns are OK and natural, but it's best to do what you can to prevent them. Think of it like your doctor prescribing you preventive medicine for heart disease.

 

I'm going through the same thing with you right now my friend and I've made a lot of mistakes along the way. Today is 1 week of NC and there's no looking back from here.

 

Everyone is different, but one that thing has helped me IMMENSELY is blocking the ex on all forms of social media and leaving no possibility of a surprise coming up catching you off guard. There are proven studies that show social media can delay your emotional recovery. I deleted/blocked all friends, family, etc. I even deleted my instagram account because I couldn't help but check in on occasion and all it does it reopen the wound.

 

Ironically, one of the things I've learned post-mortem from my breakup is I was dating a girl who constantly needed attention and acceptance and often used social media to crave this fix. This is a personality trait I will now be more aware of and will avoid like the plague in the future!

 

Cut the social media ties, out of sight is out of mind. Good luck buddy

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Pinky777 Established Member

Pinky777

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Same thing just happened to me. Memories are powerful, and after almost 2 weeks of NC I lost it tonight. Had been doing much better. I didn't text him like I was going to do so I am still NC. It's all part of the process, any recovery process, there will be bad days and good days and ups and downs. As long as the general progression is forward, that's what matters.

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source24 Member

source24

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Occasional breakdowns are OK and natural, but it's best to do what you can to prevent them. Think of it like your doctor prescribing you preventive medicine for heart disease.

 

I'm going through the same thing with you right now my friend and I've made a lot of mistakes along the way. Today is 1 week of NC and there's no looking back from here.

 

Everyone is different, but one that thing has helped me IMMENSELY is blocking the ex on all forms of social media and leaving no possibility of a surprise coming up catching you off guard. There are proven studies that show social media can delay your emotional recovery. I deleted/blocked all friends, family, etc. I even deleted my instagram account because I couldn't help but check in on occasion and all it does it reopen the wound.

 

Ironically, one of the things I've learned post-mortem from my breakup is I was dating a girl who constantly needed attention and acceptance and often used social media to crave this fix. This is a personality trait I will now be more aware of and will avoid like the plague in the future!

 

Cut the social media ties, out of sight is out of mind. Good luck buddy

 

Thanks man. Appreciate the thoughtful reply.

 

I agree though. Social media does delay recovery. Often times, what is portrayed there is far from the truth, and it provides a skewed version of reality that can really mess with your head. It is hard to move on, when you get bits and pieces of information, highlights of their life without you. Usually social media is a place where people attract attention, and so I can see where them trying to validate themselves would be negative to see.

 

I have tried to remove her from all these parts of my life online, its just that we have a lot of mutual friends, so occasionally she does pop up in their feeds, and that is the hard part. I have been trying to stay away from social media in general though. It has helped that it is finals week. But I logged on for a short time today, and of course, there she was.

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source24 Member

source24

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Same thing just happened to me. Memories are powerful, and after almost 2 weeks of NC I lost it tonight. Had been doing much better. I didn't text him like I was going to do so I am still NC. It's all part of the process, any recovery process, there will be bad days and good days and ups and downs. As long as the general progression is forward, that's what matters.

 

Good point. It is like a roller coaster. There are ups and downs. I guess getting through the low points makes the high points all the sweeter, right? This is my second week of NC too, so I am right there with you. Hopefully this will get easier with time.

shahjahan Member

shahjahan

Posted
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my advice to you is to contact her someday, but NOT NOW. after all, you did share a big chunk of youre life together, and, after your emotions are settled, you can start over on a different level - perhaps a great friendship (you seem to know each other very well), perhaps someday a relationship (if she's matured a little). but now, when your emotions are stirred, you'll just slip back into the same old thing. and it's not worth it.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
We have been in NC for 2 weeks. (Read my story here) It has been unbelievably hard, but I have gotten through it. I have been so damn positive. I have been working out, focusing on my self, focusing on school and work and furthering my career. I have been reading books on positive psychology, and just trying to be the best person I can be, irrespective of our past relationship or her.

 

But today, she popped up on my facebook feed because one of my friends commented on her photo. (Even though I defriended her, I could still see it) Apparently, some dude gave her flowers. The photo said "Flowers from John <3"

 

But when I saw that photo and her smiling, I just cracked. I don't know why, I started tearing up. I miss her so much. I do want her to be happy, but ****, I miss her.

 

I don't know why I am making this post to tell the truth, I guess I know what I need to do. No matter how bad I feel, how much I just want to hear her voice I can't break no contact. It just won't be what I expect, and I know that.

 

Its just this overwhelming sadness. I want her in my life. I want her to be mine. I know I deserve better, but she makes me so happy. And I just want to be happy right now.

 

Maybe I can sleep this off, I guess I am just venting. I think it is healthy to let emotions out and I want to acknowledge my sadness, but I don't want to do anything stupid. Posting here will prevent me from breaking No Contact. I hope.

 

What do you guys think? Are occasional breakdowns like this okay? I want to let my true emotions out, but I don't want them to overwhelm me. I know that I will be fine in time, and that overall, I will be happy without her. I just feel alone right now.

 

 

No contact is hard when you dont want to be over someone when feelings there are strong.......i just cant.....i opened lines fo communication with someone to get over someone.....i cant take it further it makes em physically ill.....i have to deal with my emotions and i am not sure how to honestly i am trying to not overthink so i get sick ...thats his line stop overthinking dont stress.......i just know the more i try to go no contact the more i agree to see him.....so the harder i try to push myself a away the more i am wanting to see him...does that make sense probably not...i am under some test from god i think because i have not had this happen like thsi before i can walk away normally ..i keep praying adn sending my prayers upward to put me out of my misery but then when i see this guy i am dreamy for a while tillit wears off and i hit reality again........the misery i have to hide ......its a rock and a hard place.....i will try and support you no contact wise....i know how hard it is...i cant even do it and i am strong willed.....dont put yoruself through misery.....i hope you stay strong sending a prayer for you now up into beautiful blue skies down under....deb

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source24 Member

source24

Posted
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my advice to you is to contact her someday, but NOT NOW. after all, you did share a big chunk of youre life together, and, after your emotions are settled, you can start over on a different level - perhaps a great friendship (you seem to know each other very well), perhaps someday a relationship (if she's matured a little). but now, when your emotions are stirred, you'll just slip back into the same old thing. and it's not worth it.

 

Great point. It is really hard not to fall into old habits. In a way, that is what makes No Contact so hard. Talking to them, joking around, having them to support you whenever you needed it was a habit. Having them around becomes a habit, and that is why quitting cold turkey is so hard. You get addicted to having them around. But you are right, perhaps someday if she has matured. :)

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted
Great point. It is really hard not to fall into old habits. In a way, that is what makes No Contact so hard. Talking to them, joking around, having them to support you whenever you needed it was a habit. Having them around becomes a habit, and that is why quitting cold turkey is so hard. You get addicted to having them around. But you are right, perhaps someday if she has matured. :)

 

 

Its normal to have a breakdown even a month or so after. This was me on NOV 15. Haven't cried since. Feeling much better and stronger. Seem like alot of people are at this stage now were I was that day. Weird.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357332-friggin-fed-up-sick-tired-recovery

gullibleme Established Member

gullibleme

Posted
Posted

I feel your recovery will become much faster now that you've seen her with someone else...thats what happened with me.

 

About a month after no contact I found a pic of him with another girl...although it hurt like He** it gave me the strength to then finally block him in all social things....I moved on after a couple bad days and with him out of sight completely it has helped.

 

If this had happened to you a few months from now you would have gone right back to square one in your recovery...good luck...the worst should be behind you now

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