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Girlfriend of two years says she needs space, time to think about what she wants.

Mr.White

By Mr.White
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
Flitz thank you.

 

Tara, love is considered to be a form of insanity by some. I am coming out of it. Hang in there :p

 

I intend to still read the letter and have a clean break up and give each other our belongings face to face.

 

Thank you guys for all of your help. Rough patch of my life has just begun.

 

it's all out of my love, man. i don't want to see someone do the same stupid crap i did and feel the same stupid way i did about it. i don't regret...but i do wish i'd cut my ties cleanly instead of doing all these things you want to do, i'd have saved a lot of self-respect and dignity.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
Flitz thank you.

 

Tara, love is considered to be a form of insanity by some. I am coming out of it. Hang in there :p

 

I intend to still read the letter and have a clean break up and give each other our belongings face to face.

 

Thank you guys for all of your help. Rough patch of my life has just begun.

 

You just don't really get what anyone in this thread is saying do you?

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted

 

She gave me a photo album for our anniversary that I wrote notes in during our 'break'. It consisted of short notes of the memories behind the picture.

 

Would this be a smart decision to give to her and show her my notes that I stuck behind each photo?

 

I think I am going to show her and leave the photo album with her, even though she made it for me on our anniversary.

 

 

Good lord... what is it you don't get... this is what you do from this second forward.

 

NOTHING.

 

You don't write notes. You don't ask questions. You don't send back pictures. You don't write stories. You don't send smoke signals. You don't periodically check in.

 

Why is it every time we tell you not to do something, you come right back with something else you feel like doing? STOP IT!

 

You're coming off really pathetic at this point already. If she wants you she knows where you are.

Mike_d Established Member

Mike_d

Posted
Posted

There comes a point in time where you have to acknowledge that people are just going to do what they want. This guy needs to learn. He isn't going to learn anything by reading here, he needs to experience it first hand so that the learning goes deep. "Increase the pain to change the behavior", right now the pain isn't great enough, so he has to do what he thinks is right. Rest assured that the pain will soon be very great and the chance for change within him will actually exist.

 

so :

 

give her the photo book

read the letter

send your letter

exchange stuff face to face

ask your questions about where it went wrong

make your plea

cry, beg, be emotional, get it all out, show her what a Nice Guy you are

hell, make her a powerpoint presentation about the history of your relationship and what she means to you

tell her you'll do anything to have her back

 

Just do all of it, seriously

  • Like 2
KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted
There comes a point in time where you have to acknowledge that people are just going to do what they want. This guy needs to learn. He isn't going to learn anything by reading here, he needs to experience it first hand so that the learning goes deep. "Increase the pain to change the behavior", right now the pain isn't great enough, so he has to do what he thinks is right. Rest assured that the pain will soon be very great and the chance for change within him will actually exist.

 

so :

 

give her the photo book

read the letter

send your letter

exchange stuff face to face

ask your questions about where it went wrong

make your plea

cry, beg, be emotional, get it all out, show her what a Nice Guy you are

hell, make her a powerpoint presentation about the history of your relationship and what she means to you

tell her you'll do anything to have her back

 

Just do all of it, seriously

 

Sitting back and waiting for implosion.

Mike_d Established Member

Mike_d

Posted
Posted
Sitting back and waiting for implosion.

 

after 4 pages of rationalizations, and at age 18, kids gotta do what he's gotta do. all you can do at that point is wish him the best and move our efforts elsewhere, no foul, it's just how it works sometimes

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Mr.White Established Member

Mr.White

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you all for your time and advice.

 

I would like to personally point out TaraMaiden. Your humor brings a smile to my face knowing someone really wants to knock the common sense into me! :laugh: You make me realize that I need to talk about this with my parents, not only because of my inexperience but because they are the ones that want best for me. I have isolated them out of my early adulthood. I now realize that they will not be here forever but I should include those who love me unconditionally into my life.

 

 

I would also like to personally thank flitzanu for the advice. I personally took your advice most to heart. I needed to be told that she wanted to have sex with other people. It made me realize this is just a part of life and the world does not stop for a relationship. I am grateful for your patience.

 

TaraMaiden and flitzanu. You two have made an impact on my life so positively severe I can honestly say it has affected my view on life. I cannot thank you enough for what you two have personally done to affect my life. You both are such great members of this forum, and I am sure I will not be the last to have such a profound impact from you two.

 

KatZee, spot on! I now see how my thinking was pathetic, and I can leave my relationship with more of my dignity in tact.

 

It is time for me to accept that she is leaving me no matter what I do, so I will learn to live and love life.

 

For anyone else in the future reading this thread. It feels like the end of the world, if you have friends get in contact with them! IF you lost friends, get in contact with them! As in the song by Drake - Doing it Wrong it is not the end of the world, it is the end of the world with her.

 

If you have family you should tell them, they are your blood and will help you through this.

 

A break up is a nice wake up call of what life has to offer and can open up the tunnel vision you had when you were in a relationship.

 

Learn from the past, live in the present , and plan the future.

 

Thank you everyone who took time out to read my thread and post(s).

  • Like 2
flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
Thank you all for your time and advice.

 

I would like to personally point out TaraMaiden. Your humor brings a smile to my face knowing someone really wants to knock the common sense into me! :laugh: You make me realize that I need to talk about this with my parents, not only because of my inexperience but because they are the ones that want best for me. I have isolated them out of my early adulthood. I now realize that they will not be here forever but I should include those who love me unconditionally into my life.

 

 

I would also like to personally thank flitzanu for the advice. I personally took your advice most to heart. I needed to be told that she wanted to have sex with other people. It made me realize this is just a part of life and the world does not stop for a relationship. I am grateful for your patience.

 

TaraMaiden and flitzanu. You two have made an impact on my life so positively severe I can honestly say it has affected my view on life. I cannot thank you enough for what you two have personally done to affect my life. You both are such great members of this forum, and I am sure I will not be the last to have such a profound impact from you two.

 

KatZee, spot on! I now see how my thinking was pathetic, and I can leave my relationship with more of my dignity in tact.

 

It is time for me to accept that she is leaving me no matter what I do, so I will learn to live and love life.

 

For anyone else in the future reading this thread. It feels like the end of the world, if you have friends get in contact with them! IF you lost friends, get in contact with them! As in the song by Drake - Doing it Wrong it is not the end of the world, it is the end of the world with her.

 

If you have family you should tell them, they are your blood and will help you through this.

 

A break up is a nice wake up call of what life has to offer and can open up the tunnel vision you had when you were in a relationship.

 

Learn from the past, live in the present , and plan the future.

 

Thank you everyone who took time out to read my thread and post(s).

 

 

:) you're like my little padawan learner. i'm old and suffered all the crap already that you're going through, and it's very mature of you to actually stop and think "hey maybe that old guy is right". haha. but seriously, glad to help.

  • Like 2
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Mr.White Established Member

Mr.White

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Well guys, she could not muster the strength to break up so I had to.

 

Turns out she did want to go party to know if I am really 'the one' and wished I came alone at a later time in her lifw. Well time for me to do the same but it hurts knowing she cut our break up time to an hour and a half to go get her hair done and go to a party that very night. (Note: She was never a person to go to parties)

 

The break up went a lot different then planned. We both cried, reminisced, caught up, hugged, and I tried to kiss her but got denied. ( I was trying so hard to not but I went in for it)

She wanted to stay friends, I told her I did not think that would be smart, she begged for me to try, I said I would try.

 

We plan on contacting each other after Christmas to finish talking because I told her I felt confused and cheated out of finishing our conversation as she had to go. I plan to meet her face to face again because I hate having such a serious conversation over the phone.

 

Thank you LS, btw I gave her all of her belongings back, along with her Christmas presents that I had.

I even gave her the photo album and she cried. I also gave her the letter but I gave it to her before I left.

I was not even thinking of my items back nor did she ask. She also mentioned she did not know what the future held for us. ( Am I reading too much into this?) I feel like I have been given false hope and i want to crush it, grieve, move on and live my life without her thought

 

Closure is something I don't have right now. Screw the loss of your first love, such a feeling of being lost.

 

*Pause* Waiting for TaraMaiden and Flitz :)

Edited by Mr.White
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Sorry.

There's nothing I can add that I haven't already said.

Either re-read this thread - and put it into action, or just ignore it.

 

If you implemented breaking up, because she didn't - then actually, you know she had already broken up with you.

And contact after Christmas is just completely, stupidly witless.

 

Why prolong the agony? All you'll be focusing on throughout the season, is counting the days down until you see each other.

That's so stupid I can't find the words.

 

Read my signature.

"Closure is like vomit. It comes from WITHIN, but you need to get it out of your system."

 

This post-Christmas meeting will NOT give you closure. It will merely ADD to the heartbreak, confusion, sadness and futility of it all.

 

I just want to shake you.

 

All this bullschytt about how wonderful both Flitz and I are, is just empty, hollow praise. We're so wonderful, so wise, you'll never forget the impact of how profound our advice is - 'but hey, I'm still going to ignore it all'.

 

This agony is self-inflicted.

 

You are completely going against what we absolutely know, works.

But if you HAVE to find it out the hard way - well, start the year on the low note, be my guest.

 

"Youth is wasted on the young." And youthful folly is extremely painful, because we can see it coming - and the train-wreck is inevitable.

  • Like 1
movingon12 Established Member

movingon12

Posted
Posted

I'm bored and stuck at home so I just read this entire thread. I'm just going to wade in with:

 

What are you doing????

 

Contact each other after Christmas for what???

 

There. Is. No. Such. Thing. As. Closure.

 

It's. A. Myth.

 

NOTHING she says to you is going to make you feel better. She feels bad and is trying to be nice to you at the moment. However, it will get to the point when she stops trying to be nice and just wants you to leave her alone.

 

She would rather get her hair cut than talk to you. That's all you need to know.

 

Now you can drag the pain out for weeks and months if you like. Or you can accept it, go NC and start repairing. But constantly sticking your fingers in the wound to have a look is not going to let you heal.

  • Like 2
flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
Sorry.

There's nothing I can add that I haven't already said.

Either re-read this thread - and put it into action, or just ignore it.

 

If you implemented breaking up, because she didn't - then actually, you know she had already broken up with you.

And contact after Christmas is just completely, stupidly witless.

 

Why prolong the agony? All you'll be focusing on throughout the season, is counting the days down until you see each other.

That's so stupid I can't find the words.

 

Read my signature.

"Closure is like vomit. It comes from WITHIN, but you need to get it out of your system."

 

This post-Christmas meeting will NOT give you closure. It will merely ADD to the heartbreak, confusion, sadness and futility of it all.

 

I just want to shake you.

 

All this bullschytt about how wonderful both Flitz and I are, is just empty, hollow praise. We're so wonderful, so wise, you'll never forget the impact of how profound our advice is - 'but hey, I'm still going to ignore it all'.

 

This agony is self-inflicted.

 

You are completely going against what we absolutely know, works.

But if you HAVE to find it out the hard way - well, start the year on the low note, be my guest.

 

"Youth is wasted on the young." And youthful folly is extremely painful, because we can see it coming - and the train-wreck is inevitable.

 

all of this. your heartbreak is going to continue, and will get worse if you keep in touch with this girl. you've said your goodbyes, now walk away from her and don't look back, because i guarantee she isn't looking back.

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