Girlfriend of two years says she needs space, time to think about what she wants.

[Mr.White]

It is over. Thank you all.

 

It feels weird. It hurts but at the same time i am relieved that I finally have an answer. Time to move on.

[Chi townD]

Didn't go the way you planned huh? Sorry to hear it dude. Let me guess, she's going to start seeing the guy that she thought "was cute" (so much for not wanting a relationship right now.) Of course, this is all speculation.

 

Well! think that you've been on here enought to know what NC is and how important it is to YOU to maintain it. We'll give you the support and the tools you need to heal from this. Chin up, dude!!

[Mr.White]

Didn't go the way you planned huh? Sorry to hear it dude. Let me guess, she's going to start seeing the guy that she thought "was cute" (so much for not wanting a relationship right now.) Of course, this is all speculation.

 

Well! think that you've been on here enought to know what NC is and how important it is to YOU to maintain it. We'll give you the support and the tools you need to heal from this. Chin up, dude!!

 

It went the absolute opposite of what I wanted but it is better sooner than later.

 

I am not sure if she is going to go with the other guy but I finally have closure and can move on instead of being in a limbo.

 

We both plan on meeting face to face and ending it officially, I am glad she has enough respect to do it face to face but I am planning on asking questions.

 

1) If I do decide to join the military after college will you attend my military graduation?

(She knew I was wanted to join, I always have wanted to before her so please do not think this is a radical decision for me)

 

2) What are your reasons for ending this?

(She claims she needs to find herself, but that is vague bull)

 

3) Is there someone else?

 

4) What can or should I have done in our relationship that made you choose this so I can learn for future relationships?

 

5) When I have healed and move on I would like to know my faults

(I want to wait until I heal before I get hurt more but I would like to know where I can improve so I am more qualified for the market)

 

6) Not a questions but something I will say.

Maybe we can be friends. Only after we both have healed and moved on and only after I make sure that I personally have NO ROMANTIC interest in you.

 

 

Advice and revisions and should I ask anything else? I trying to think of all possible questions because this is my one time I can.

[Chi townD]

You can ask all the questions you want. But, just remember you're probably not going to get 100% honest answers. So, that's something you're going have to reconcile with.

[flitzanu]

It went the absolute opposite of what I wanted but it is better sooner than later.

 

I am not sure if she is going to go with the other guy but I finally have closure and can move on instead of being in a limbo.

 

We both plan on meeting face to face and ending it officially, I am glad she has enough respect to do it face to face but I am planning on asking questions.

 

1) If I do decide to join the military after college will you attend my military graduation?

(She knew I was wanted to join, I always have wanted to before her so please do not think this is a radical decision for me)

 

2) What are your reasons for ending this?

(She claims she needs to find herself, but that is vague bull)

 

3) Is there someone else?

 

4) What can or should I have done in our relationship that made you choose this so I can learn for future relationships?

 

5) When I have healed and move on I would like to know my faults

(I want to wait until I heal before I get hurt more but I would like to know where I can improve so I am more qualified for the market)

 

6) Not a questions but something I will say.

Maybe we can be friends. Only after we both have healed and moved on and only after I make sure that I personally have NO ROMANTIC interest in you.

 

 

Advice and revisions and should I ask anything else? I trying to think of all possible questions because this is my one time I can.

 

waste of time dude. seriously.

 

you need to drop it, you are not going to get answers to these questions. also WHY IN THE F ARE YOU ASKING HER TO ATTEND YOUR MILITARY GRADUATION?

 

don't do that, at all. just don't.

 

go do the military thing, but don't be asking her about coming to graduations. it's done and over, quit trying to make future plans.

[TaraMaiden]

I hate to sound like a sycophantic echo but flitz is absolutely on the button.

For christ's sake, let go!

 

I really find it hard to not lose my temper when people - with so much good advice surrounding them - say "yeah, you guys are right. It has to end, it's over, I'm moving on, I accept it's done and dusted, and that there's no going back.

 

But - I'm just going to do 'this', 'this' and 'this' and say *this* to him/her, arrange this, plan to do that, and say all of the other to him/her...."

 

I-T-'S O-V-E-R!!!

 

Don't say any more, do any more, think any more, plan any more or decide to proceed' any more - leave it be, let it go and fekkin' drop it once and for all!!!

[KatZee]

Gotta be the third to agree. There is absolutely no point in doing any of those things you listed. You won't get truthful answers, and you'll make yourself look desperate. Military graduation? How many years off is that? She'll most likely be nothing more than a distant memory at that point, don't even waste your breath. And she absolutely WILL be seeing that other guy. It sucks and it hurts to hear but that's the truth. There will be no "finding herself" as she said. She just doesn't want to be with you. If you're not good enough for her, then she's not good enough to continue chasing. NC, and go on with your life.

[geegirl]

I have to say, Mr. White, when reading those questions, it came across as sadly pathetic.

 

When someone wants to walk away, let them walk. Stand up strong. Let go.

[Mr.White]

Phew! Good thing I asked you guys first before i told her.

 

I am still going to ask where it went wrong so I can learn.

 

Flitz and taramaiden. You two have been fantastic throughout my break up. I will try and heed your advice and will not ask most of the questions I stated.

 

It is I want closure, is there any other questions I should ask?

 

Closure is coming soon to me.

[geegirl]

Phew! Good thing I asked you guys first before i told her.

 

I am still going to ask where it went wrong so I can learn.

 

Flitz and taramaiden. You two have been fantastic throughout my break up. I will try and heed your advice and will not ask most of the questions I stated.

 

It is I want closure, is there any other questions I should ask?

 

Closure is coming soon to me.

 

Questions and answers don't give you closure. As Katzee mentioned, you most likely won't even get the truth.

 

Mr. White: Is there someone else?

Ex: No

 

What other closure do you need other than she has exited the relationship and it's time to let go?

[TaraMaiden]

Read my signature, ABOUT CLOSURE. She will never give you closure.

 

Her responses to your questions will only serve to prompt more questions from you, and rip your heart out even further.

 

Could you clarify with me what part of No Contact' you don't understand?

 

I don't know how many times we have to say it, or in what way, but - DO NOT EVER SPEAK TO HER, or CONTACT HER IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM, EVER AGAIN!!

[jbsoccer]

I hate to sound like a sycophantic echo but flitz is absolutely on the button.

For christ's sake, let go!

 

I really find it hard to not lose my temper when people - with so much good advice surrounding them - say "yeah, you guys are right. It has to end, it's over, I'm moving on, I accept it's done and dusted, and that there's no going back.

 

But - I'm just going to do 'this', 'this' and 'this' and say *this* to him/her, arrange this, plan to do that, and say all of the other to him/her...."

 

I-T-'S O-V-E-R!!!

 

Don't say any more, do any more, think any more, plan any more or decide to proceed' any more - leave it be, let it go and fekkin' drop it once and for all!!!

 

Tara... its great advise! But again is it that black and white. Me not replying caused us to get here in the first place...

If i go complete NC again that it will be over forever!

[TaraMaiden]

Wooo-Hoooo!!

 

GO FOR IT!!!

[jbsoccer]

Wooo-Hoooo!!

 

GO FOR IT!!!

 

Why? Its not what i want.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, but it's what she wants.

And you can't love enough for two, can you?

You can't make up in your corner, what lacks in hers....

[Mr.White]

I will write her a letter explaining how I will not chase after her and explaining how I do not think a possible romantic relationship would be good.

 

I will write it and post it for your reviews.

[geegirl]

I will write her a letter explaining how I will not chase after her and explaining how I do not think a possible romantic relationship would be good.

 

I will write it and post it for your reviews.

.

 

Mr.White. You don't have to write a letter to tell her you will not chase her. Disappearing will show her you are not chasing her.

 

Why would you have to tell her you do not think there is a possibility of a romantic relationship? It's a little threat, that you are hoping will jolt her and give you a reaction you want?

 

We've all been there done that.

[KatZee]

I will write her a letter explaining how I will not chase after her and explaining how I do not think a possible romantic relationship would be good.

 

I will write it and post it for your reviews.

 

sigh.

 

You're not writing the letter for the point of telling her you won't chase her. You're writing it because you want some sort of hope that maybe she'll decide to change her mind and say, "no no! don't leave!"

 

You don't need closure from her. You don't need to state that you're going NC.You just DO IT.

 

She also doesn't need to hear how a romantic relationship wouldn't be good. Believe me, she knows that. That's why she dumped you!

 

Put your efforts into other things instead of writing this letter. Believe me, none of us here will read it and critique it. We'll just say, "Don't send it."

 

Stop with the letters. Stop making lists of questions. You don't need to know "where it went wrong" or "what you did wrong." Most likely you DIDN'T do anything wrong, you guys just aren't compatible. Continue being yourself. Grow, learn, experience... That's ALL you need at this point.

[Mr.White]

You both hit it right on the button.

 

I think me making a letter was a last try effort and not making one is a smart decision.

 

So I guess when we meet in person I will just give her stuff back and I get mine.

She said she wrote me a letter so I will read it and ask any questions I have.

 

She gave me a photo album for our anniversary that I wrote notes in during our 'break'. It consisted of short notes of the memories behind the picture.

 

Would this be a smart decision to give to her and show her my notes that I stuck behind each photo?

 

I think I am going to show her and leave the photo album with her, even though she made it for me on our anniversary.

[flitzanu]

I will write her a letter explaining how I will not chase after her and explaining how I do not think a possible romantic relationship would be good.

 

I will write it and post it for your reviews.

 

no you won't do that.

 

here's what you do.

 

"hi i'm mr white and i'm having absolutely no contact whatsoever with my ex and i'm not going to write, email, call, smoke signal, or send carrier pigeons to her".

 

that's your action you need to take right there ^^^^

[flitzanu]

You both hit it right on the button.

 

I think me making a letter was a last try effort and not making one is a smart decision.

 

So I guess when we meet in person I will just give her stuff back and I get mine.

She said she wrote me a letter so I will read it and ask any questions I have.

 

She gave me a photo album for our anniversary that I wrote notes in during our 'break'. It consisted of short notes of the memories behind the picture.

 

Would this be a smart decision to give to her and show her my notes that I stuck behind each photo?

 

I think I am going to show her and leave the photo album with her, even though she made it for me on our anniversary.

 

don't ask questions about her letter. she's going to be saying exactly the same crap she's already told you. "i care about you, don't want to be with you, maybe in the future, i need to find myself, i want to bang other people"

 

and it will be a horrible decision to give her that photo album and notes.

 

NOTHING YOU WANT TO DO IS SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD DO.

 

trust me.

 

2 years ago, i was Mr White, and i wanted to do all these things you are doing, and NONE OF THEM MATTERED and it made me even more sad and broken because i never got the reactions i wanted from my ex for doing those things.

[TaraMaiden]

You both hit it right on the button.

 

I think me making a letter was a last try effort and not making one is a smart decision.

 

So I guess when we meet in person I will just give her stuff back and I get mine.

She said she wrote me a letter so I will read it and ask any questions I have.

 

She gave me a photo album for our anniversary that I wrote notes in during our 'break'. It consisted of short notes of the memories behind the picture.

 

Would this be a smart decision to give to her and show her my notes that I stuck behind each photo?

 

I think I am going to show her and leave the photo album with her, even though she made it for me on our anniversary.

AAAARGH!!!

 

SEND her stuff back via a mutual friend. have them collect your stuff!!

 

If you mention meeting her, talking to her, saying anything to her, asking her anything - one - more - time, I swear I will do whatever it takes to lay you flat, spark you out and land a sucker punch to shut you up!!!!

 

Rip it all up, DON'T read her letter, sever all contact and quit posting about what you're going to say/do!!

 

because you know what?

I am losing interest, because you're acting like on thick dumbass, right now....!

[sadpanda87]

i feel for you, this sounds familiar.

 

you simply cant try to control the situation by setting rules. itll just push her away even more - IF she hasnt broken up with you mentally already

 

a lot of good advice in the thread, i hope you make the right call

[Mr.White]

Flitz thank you.

 

Tara, love is considered to be a form of insanity by some. I am coming out of it. Hang in there

 

I intend to still read the letter and have a clean break up and give each other our belongings face to face.

 

Thank you guys for all of your help. Rough patch of my life has just begun.

[TaraMaiden]

You think this is a rough patch? Wait until you're married, have teenage kids and your 15-year-old daughter doesn't come home until 3am... THAT'S a 'rough patch' -!!

 

Now?

Now you're just going through some formative experience which will leave you wiser, more experienced and aware of what you will stand for - and what you WON'T stand for.

 

Just thank your lucky stars I ain't your mother, or right now, I would be a-slappin' you upside de head!