It's over, I accept it. It's not any easier though.

[dyzfunctioned]

Been posting on here a lot lately... and here I am again.

 

My ex and I were together for 2.5 years. She broke up with me and there was a 3 week period in which I didn't accept it was over and kept trying to get her back. That ended last night/this morning.

 

Last night after talking to her (went to pick up my stuff) I decided that no matter how hard it was, she decided she was better off without me and that I needed to pull myself together and accept it. Today, she called and we talked on the phone for an hour. It was great, really. We talked about how much we loved each other, how much we wanted to be there for each other and how ****ing hard this is. We got to a place where we were appreciative of each other and I don't think either of us are resentful even though we both wish things were different. In the end, I basically said talking to you now makes me realize again that I want to be with you more than anything in the world right now, even after everything that happened. It's just not going to work though - too much has happened and both of us have way too many built up issues that chances are we'll fall back into the same cycle. As much as I want to say I can change and that I will change, part of that is just me not wanting to let go.

 

We said that we hope each other are happy again someday and that we were the best thing that has happened to each other in our lives. We told each other how much we loved one another and that we wanted to spend our lives together but this was the only way it could be. We agreed once we hung up that we should delete each other off facebook and stop texting/calling because this is going to be hard enough. The last words we said to each other was I love you, goodbye. Then the click of the phone.

 

I'm getting super emotional typing this up so I'll try to wrap it up quick.

 

She's gone, and I accept it. I know this is the right thing. But god damnit if part of me still doesn't want to say **** it all and go to her. To comfort her and care for her and hold her in my arms and tell her it's all going to be okay.

 

Instead, there's just this void. This ****ing pit in my stomach that won't go away. I feel lost and while I'm inspired to make changes and rediscover life I don't even know where to turn. All my current hobbies just seem bland and don't interest me. They pass the time but more than anything I just think of her. I've tried to come up with new hobbies but I'm drawing blanks. I want to reshape my life but I'm finding the canvas to be misshapen and without hope.

 

Acceptance comes with a bit of relief I've found. But trust me, that doesn't make it easier. Knowing that I should let her go makes me miss her even more. I try to reflect on the things I didn't like about her and the things she did to hurt me (both of which I can list several) and somehow that actually makes me feel worse because I realize that for me, putting up with all that **** was worth it.

 

It's going to be a tough road ahead, I'm sure this won't be my last post.

Edited December 3, 2012 by dyzfunctioned

[Hopeful714]

I'm sorry. Moving on will be no doubt difficult.

 

If anything be thankful for the time you spent together and be REALLY thankful for the civilized, decent ending. Not many of us get that. And I think it really helps the recovery period.

 

You ended as friends on a positive note. Good endings make for good healthy beginnings. You never know what the future may hold but you can walk away knowing YOU did the right thing. Congrats...your a decent guy...admirable!

Good luck.

[dyzfunctioned]

I'm sorry. Moving on will be no doubt difficult.

 

If anything be thankful for the time you spent together and be REALLY thankful for the civilized, decent ending. Not many of us get that. And I think it really helps the recovery period.

 

You ended as friends on a positive note. Good endings make for good healthy beginnings. You never know what the future may hold but you can walk away knowing YOU did the right thing. Congrats...your a decent guy...admirable!

Good luck.

 

Over the 3 week breakup period she did a lot of things to hurt me. I won't go into them as a) I've done so in depth in other posts, b) after talking to her I can understand and forgive, and c) regardless of how it ended, I loved this girl more than anything in the world. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her. Getting over this is going to suck but despite everything I can already say I cherish the time we had together. I just wish it could continue.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read. It's people taking the time out of their lives to show they give a **** about other people that makes these kind of things more bearable.

[Hopeful714]

I understand. I had really ****** things done to me too. I would have appreciated a proper ending though. It's the right thing to do. I think it really does help you move on as well as make bumping into them (God forbid) a whole lot less uncomfortable.

 

We're all in the same boat here...trying to make the best of broken hearts and horrible situations and somehow find the strength to heal and move on. It sucks but I have to believe that good will come to those to do the right things. Take care...your not alone.

[dyzfunctioned]

I understand. I had really ****** things done to me too. I would have appreciated a proper ending though. It's the right thing to do. I think it really does help you move on as well as make bumping into them (God forbid) a whole lot less uncomfortable.

 

We're all in the same boat here...trying to make the best of broken hearts and horrible situations and somehow find the strength to heal and move on. It sucks but I have to believe that good will come to those to do the right things. Take care...your not alone.

 

There's pros and cons to a proper ending. Last night after I saw her I was convinced I was done with her and even if she begged me back I wouldn't (whether that's true or not is a different story). After talking to her today I wanted her back so bad and didn't really care about everything that happened. But if I had to choose, this is the way I'd have gone. It's not any easier but it feels more peaceful and right.

 

Thanks again - if you ever need someone to talk you, you have a friend in me.

[hcar6619]

Dyzfunctioned, I am going through the same damn thing you are right now. Its amazing how much **** I (and my kids) went through with this girl. She absolutely has the ability to be great, but it went so bad for the last two months its unreal. I know for a fact, I am not perfect.. I have many faults.. But I got accused of doing everything that I wasnt doing. Think she put me in the same classification as her ex-husband... (we are both divorced parents with kids). Think I got blamed for things that were done to her.

 

The hurt is unreal, miss the old her incredibly. But the person she has become (actually think its the person she is) is just not great for me. Does so much **** that was unacceptable to me its not even funny. I sit and try to think why it hurts so much. I dont know why... really... she was great for a bit, but that took a damn abrupt turn...

 

Deep down, truly love her, i believe we were just not meant to be.... Is what it is I guess... Gonna be tough... but will be alright...

[dyzfunctioned]

Dyzfunctioned, I am going through the same damn thing you are right now. Its amazing how much **** I (and my kids) went through with this girl. She absolutely has the ability to be great, but it went so bad for the last two months its unreal. I know for a fact, I am not perfect.. I have many faults.. But I got accused of doing everything that I wasnt doing. Think she put me in the same classification as her ex-husband... (we are both divorced parents with kids). Think I got blamed for things that were done to her.

 

The hurt is unreal, miss the old her incredibly. But the person she has become (actually think its the person she is) is just not great for me. Does so much **** that was unacceptable to me its not even funny. I sit and try to think why it hurts so much. I dont know why... really... she was great for a bit, but that took a damn abrupt turn...

 

Deep down, truly love her, i believe we were just not meant to be.... Is what it is I guess... Gonna be tough... but will be alright...

 

That sounds rough man. I'm sorry you and your kids had to go through that.

 

And I can totally relate to your location - hopefully we both find our way.

[ellowmay]

I definitely understand your position. I had to break up with my guy even though neither of us wanted to because we love each other still. However, the situation as it is is not functional and would only hurt us further in the end should we continue.

 

Don't let anyone tell you its your fault either. Just because you're hurting after making the right decision doesn't mean you aren't entitled to that.

 

It certainly doesn't make the pain of loss any easier. I've been feeling pretty broken up and lonely about it too, pretty blase about my life and hobbies and friends.

 

I'm still not in solution mode, but I do know how you feel in my own way. I hope that time will help.

[dyzfunctioned]

I definitely understand your position. I had to break up with my guy even though neither of us wanted to because we love each other still. However, the situation as it is is not functional and would only hurt us further in the end should we continue.

 

Don't let anyone tell you its your fault either. Just because you're hurting after making the right decision doesn't mean you aren't entitled to that.

 

It certainly doesn't make the pain of loss any easier. I've been feeling pretty broken up and lonely about it too, pretty blase about my life and hobbies and friends.

 

I'm still not in solution mode, but I do know how you feel in my own way. I hope that time will help.

 

I can hardly say I made the decision - she dumped me after all and while she expressed a willingness to reconcile we already had major issues and the stuff she did over our 3 week breakup just made it even worse. It wasn't so much a decision but more so making myself gather up my self respect and realize that this was already probably over even if we were to try again.

 

You're where I'm at too. I'm watching a lot of tv shows I've been wanting to watch over the years and reading a lot of articles online about self-improvement, etc. It's not perfect but it's a start.

 

Hope things get better and feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk with.

[NewPerspective93]

It gets better down the road. It won't be an easy road to walk through, but you'll make it and see the intersection.

[LostOne1]

I can hardly say I made the decision - she dumped me after all and while she expressed a willingness to reconcile we already had major issues and the stuff she did over our 3 week breakup just made it even worse. It wasn't so much a decision but more so making myself gather up my self respect and realize that this was already probably over even if we were to try again.

 

You're where I'm at too. I'm watching a lot of tv shows I've been wanting to watch over the years and reading a lot of articles online about self-improvement, etc. It's not perfect but it's a start.

 

Hope things get better and feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk with.

been doing the same... watching movies, tv, reading self help books.. just been doing what ever I can to get better and get my mind off thinking of her.

 

I also am not interested in my hobbies. I think enjoying my hobbies makes me feel guilty. I used to have to fight with her to juggle time with my hobbies and her. So maybe that;s why I feel guilty.. because she made me feel bad about not spending hobby time on her. And now when I have no her and just hobbies.. it doesn't feel the same yet.

[dyzfunctioned]

been doing the same... watching movies, tv, reading self help books.. just been doing what ever I can to get better and get my mind off thinking of her.

 

I also am not interested in my hobbies. I think enjoying my hobbies makes me feel guilty. I used to have to fight with her to juggle time with my hobbies and her. So maybe that;s why I feel guilty.. because she made me feel bad about not spending hobby time on her. And now when I have no her and just hobbies.. it doesn't feel the same yet.

 

It's totally the same way for me man.

 

Breakups are brutal. Barely slept last night and at one point, for some reason, I reached out across the bed. Obviously nothing was there and this feeling... This overwhelming sense of fear, panic, and sadness just came over me and I instantly grabbed my phone and almost called her. Instead I curled up in a ball and put on some music and eventually drifted back to sleep after like 2 hours.

 

[MrTedd]

This horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach.. I cant shake it off .. I loved my ex.. a 2 year relationship that outweighed an 11 year marriage a billion times over. Yet the circumstances werent right and loving someone IS NOT enough. A relationship involves many little things.. her kids, money, parents, distance....

 

I feel dead inside and want to contact her after 1 month NC. We didnt argue, loved each other.. kisy things werent right and I was making her miserable as I couldnt settle in her home .. I'm seriously thinking of emailing her to explain why I'm not in touch..... maybe she needs contact.

 

I created a new thread 'Getting in touch' No-ones replied yet

[cavalier99]

Hey man sorry about the BU. I also had truly heart wrenching scenes like this for about a month leading to the BU. I went thru like 3 goodbyes like this over a week until the FINAL goodbye sex hugs crying etcetera. It is horrific the pure pain and agony.

 

We try to hold on soooooo hard but we cant keep them form leaving.

 

All i can say is you did everything and all you can do now is start to put some distance between you and all the pain. Cry, mourn, let it all out. Then do it again and again.

 

Believe me it is easier than going thru another goodbye or contact. you have suffered enough. And it will continue but at least you will be suffering to heal and not hold on.

 

Sorry this is so rough. The 1st weeks were pure hell but it gets a lot better.. Im over 2 months pure NC after 8 yr relationship and the pain has really receded even after scenes like you described.

[veggirl]

Maybe it will be easier if you realize she is totally full of s.hit.

 

For example,

why did she dump you if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you?

if you both want to be together "soooo bad" and all that, why aren't you?

if you are the best thing that ever happened to her, why did she give you up?

 

puhlease.

 

DON'T call her or respond to her if she calls you, it will set you back every single time. you are obviously waaay more invested in this than she is. sounds like you'd take her back in a heartbeat but she won't.

[808 an Heartbreaks]

Bro I feel you on every level of your story. My break didn't end with us being friends an leaving off on a good note. I found out she was doing a lot of bad things behind my back. Before I got this news I blamed my self an I wanted her back, now I'm only angry at my self that I didn't open my eyes. With that said I still miss her like crazy but knowing what I know now I would never get back with her.

 

It sucks losing someone though this site has shown me that I'm not a lone. I tell you what though... The crying has stopped I thank god that her best friend told me the truth about everything that took place during our relationship