Pasttense Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Virtually everyone here agrees that they would have a negative reaction if someone did something like this to them. So OP, do something really nice for her to make up for it. A traditional response was to send flowers or something else she would really like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suladas Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 Well the reason I flip flopped was because when I was going to cancel with my friends and told them the reason, they "gently" reminded me how I bailed on the last trip to be with my ex, and how later I regretted not going. And this was not going for a girlfriend, nevermind a girl i've never met. Anyways, she just texted me asking how my weekend was so obviously she is cool with it and still wants to go out. Weird thing is, i'm not quite as energetic about going out with her now, seems to have faded, not really sure why. I guess maybe i'm a bit worried about when she asks about my weekend, I can't exactly give much details because I went back to a girls hotel. Or I hate to say it, but after the fun this weekend with some really hot girls at the bar, i'm looking at her and thinking "meh". I feel like a jerk though, I swear since breaking up with the ex this past summer i've got a lot different perspective on women and not always in a good way Link to post Share on other sites
Author suladas Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 The first one. Pick a day is totally acceptable on the first interaction. I have dated enough to know that cancellation/reschedule last minute means that the person had something better than came along. I would say this is true in 95% of the cases. I have no patience for that and have no desire to start investing in someone that is a flake. Weird thing is i'm NEVER like that, ever. I'm the opposite, i've always bent over backwards to makes dates, etc work and work arounds schedules. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 That sucks that you played her like that. Yes, I consider this playing. You were obviously not so enthusiastic about her to begin with anyway. No man would go on a trip with his buddies if he had promised a woman he was super-interested in, to go on a date. You should've just told her that you were not interested in her, and left it at that, after cancelling the date and telling her that you were going on a trip with your buddies. Instead, you strung her along and promised to reschedule. Yeah, that is very jerk-like behaviour on your part. I have to be blunt, sorry, but this is playing pure and simple. If your heart is not in it, just drop her and move on, instead of playing with her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Poor way to cancel. You set the date, make it work unless you are prepared to lose her/him. That's already a red flag about commitment, honesty, priorities and you haven't even met yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Author suladas Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 That sucks that you played her like that. Yes, I consider this playing. You were obviously not so enthusiastic about her to begin with anyway. No man would go on a trip with his buddies if he had promised a woman he was super-interested in, to go on a date. You should've just told her that you were not interested in her, and left it at that, after cancelling the date and telling her that you were going on a trip with your buddies. Instead, you strung her along and promised to reschedule. Yeah, that is very jerk-like behaviour on your part. I have to be blunt, sorry, but this is playing pure and simple. If your heart is not in it, just drop her and move on, instead of playing with her feelings. That's not really fair actually, I was into her when planning the date. I was a bit hesitant because I haven't had a good OLD yet, so I don't really get invested. Since my ex, there hasn't been anyone that would bother me if I never heard from her again, just haven't cared enough. And because I got hurt really bad not long ago by my ex, i'm still being really guarded. I will admit, when I cancelled all I could think about was the trip, she didn't cross my mind all weekend until she texted me. I did fully plan to make it up to her when I cancelled but for some reason my feelings changed. I do feel like a jerk, but I was not playing her in anyway. Why would someone plan a date if they didn't like someone? I know I wouldn't put in the effort. Maybe I shouldn't be trying to date and just go casual right now? I don't know, still seem kinda messed up from my ex. I want a girlfriend again, but I seem to avoid it in some ways. But then again, i've bailed on sure thing random hook ups to because when that chance came up I didn't really want that either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suladas Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 Poor way to cancel. You set the date, make it work unless you are prepared to lose her/him. That's already a red flag about commitment, honesty, priorities and you haven't even met yet! Honesty? I was being honest, she knew it was because I was going on a trip with my friends. My priorities are friends above a girl i've never met for a weekend trip that's been booked for a while, sorry but a girl is going to take a bit to become a big priority. If it was just a normal night out or whatever ya i'd go on the date, but a weekend trip? That's a lot different. Sure if we made the plans, then my friends said hey let's do this, I would NOT cancel. I just made a mistake on being completely clear, as I did say "I'm pretty sure i'm not going on the trip", and that the next day i'd firm up the plans, but just forget about it. I did make a mistake though, I know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Shadows Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 IMO--first off, texting is not a form of good communication. And two, you should pick up the phone & call her. Too many things get confused in texts. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Hey, i'm not the one judging, rather I'm telling you what the girl may be thinking, feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I just made a mistake on being completely clear, as I did say "I'm pretty sure i'm not going on the trip", and that the next day i'd firm up the plans, but just forget about it. But the point is that you did tell her about the trip. I don't see why this is a huge deal, to me she knew from the beginning that the date might not happen. It's not like you had plans with her for a week and then canceled at the last minute when something better came along. Honestly, if a man I'd never met before turned down a trip with his friends that they had been planning to go out with me, I'd see a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
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