I am devasted, and ex got married after 6 weeks.

[evondavis1]

This is a sad story. I know how you feel OP after almost 8 years I initially dumped her so she could get her act together, and be more attentive. She didn't skip a beat and is already with a New guy. I didn't marry her either, but my situation's different, I said I would when we'd both be able to pay for it. I'm just left sitting on my hands wondering how you can switch trains so quickly.

 

 

I'm sorry for your pain as well. When did you guys breakup? Is it getting easier for you?

[purplereigncb]

Our initial breakup was before xmas. She basically had found someone by New years, she told me she went to a wedding with a "friend" a couple of days ago I found out this friend is more than a friend through Facebook. We had gotten back together after new years, but something was off about her. She was very distant, cold and calculated. I started being super nice to her, but that only resulted in more distance. I sent her flowers to work one day, the next day she says we need to talk. I figured she just wanted to be single, but it was all lies. I broke NC when I found out this guy was more than a friend. I said so many evil things, but i was so hurt. I regret the things I said even though I can't take them back. I think this guy just brainwashed her when he saw we where having problems. I just can't see how in a few weeks you are already with someone else, LTR break ups should have time for healing.

[evondavis1]

Well, how about meeting someone new after a breakup, declaring they are in a relationship 3 weeks later, then eloping to vegas all in 6 weeks. and now they are having a baby. We broke up in Sept, he married in Oct, pregnant by Dec. How about them apples?

 

Yes, this is my life. More like a nightmare.

[ltjg45]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]So here is an update. My ex called me last weekend to “rehash” and “get closure” as he said. We went down memory lane and the demise of the relationship for 90 minutes. Still everything is my fault according to him, but I know my truth. I don’t have to defend myself, but I feel like I have to with him always! So towards the end of the conversation, he tell me his new wife is pregnant!!! WTF!!![/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Mind you, they met less than 4 months ago, 1 week after we broke up. Married her 6 weeks later, and now she is “accidentally” pregnant, and this is still my fault because I kicked him out. I told him he should have been a man and made me happy, but instead he took off on this downward spiral of a life.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The wife is 24, 13 years younger than my ex. A Russian immigrant here in the US on a student VISA. Now the ex is broke, no job because we are dissolving the company we own together, lives with his sister, his wife lives in another state, 3 hours away. No car insurance, no health insurance, not a pot to piss in. Who makes these terrible choices? Yet, it is still my fault because I kicked him out. [/FONT][/sIZE]

 

It's funny and yet pathetic at the same time.

 

He just threw away his life. I have no sympathy for trash like him.

 

As far as I'm concerned, you are free to laugh at his plight. He's fully deserved it.

 

The best part? Despite he is now in a far worse mess than he could possibly imagine, he is STILL blaming it on the OP. Classic.

 

He really has lost his mind. Perhaps you two splitting up was the best thing to actually happen.

[TigerCub]

So I have been feeling a little bit better. It has been 6 months since the breakup, a very long 6 months. I have really good days, and then some really, really bad days. Something triggered me this week…..the finality of it all. We didn’t have the “normal” type of breakup where 2 people deal with their life and try to co-exist and co-parent together. Instead, I had my “best-friend” stab me in the back a hundred different ways. Yes, I made him leave, but for good reasons. Reasons that were not crazy or that didn’t hurt me. Zero tolerance with other woman, in my book. Emotional cheating is just as bad, and can lead to physical cheating. Emotional abuse as well, but I don’t want to re-live memory lane.

 

Anyways, what hurts the most is that I am the one picking up the pieces for myself. I am in a world of hurt. I am constantly thinking of ways to make myself happy. I work f/t, am an awesome mom, work out, go out with my friends, read, clean, etc. My ex is out there, living the good life, with his insta-bride and new baby on the way. I can only assume he is happy, because I have no contact with him at all. Even when he drops/picks up our son, I don’t look in his direction.

 

I guess my ego is bruised. My ego is dead. There are days I want to call him and say “Are you happy now?” I know it doesn’t make a difference, but I can’t grasp the fact that after 7 years, he did this to me, I did this to myself to. 7 years and an awesome 3 year old little boy who brings a smile to my face every time I see him. My ex left him as well, and blames me for it. My ex had a choice. I didn’t make him or force him to do anything. I just want this pain to go away.

 

Honey, he's not living the good life at all!

He's squating @ his sister's place and sleeping on her couch probably.

He has no job and no money

He has a baby (way more responsibility) on the way

His insta bride is in ANOTHER STATE - and I doubt that she's very happy with him since she's going through all the stress of being pregnant and he's no even there for her.

 

She's most likely building resentment towards him for staying in the state that YOU are in instead of going to be with her..

 

Hehe, he's sooooooooooooo not living the good life.

 

He's stuck in this situation that he created and that's why he's trying to blame you for his dumb assedness.

 

You, you're free and you're not trapped by anyone and you're gonna continue being an awesome mom and taking care of YOU.

[evondavis1]

Most of us on on this forum because, in one way or another, we have been hurt. We are trying to figure out how to move on from this misery. In my case, I gave 7 years to my ex, my mind, body, and soul. I was committed to him, to our family. I did everything in my power, and it was never going to be good enough for him. He didn't want me, and that is a hard pill to swallow. I am not a young girl anymore, I am 37. I have become that statistic, single mom and ex switched to younger model.

 

How to pick up the pieces and move on? I am figuring that one out everyday. I wake up and take care of business, however I have this huge hole in my heart, and an ache in my chest. I loved this person, my best friend, will all my heart. It's not something I can just let go of, but time will help me.

 

I have had 3 major, long term relationships in my life. The first 2 when I was in my 20's, they just didn't work out for various reasons, but each breakup was civil, no fighting, blaming, animosity, etc. I can still call them ( I won't) and they would have good things to say about me, and vice versa. My ex is cruel to me, and when people put you down long enough you start to beleive it.

 

Thanks everyone for listening, I am having such a hard time with all of this. ;-(

[Bando89]

This guy has the maturity of a 15 years old boy. My ex gf had the same mentality, and I was so astonished and sad by this. She was 23. I can't imagine how bad must feel to see a 37 years old guy (!) behave like that.

[evondavis1]

So I had a conversation with my ex today. After weeks of him asking me if I am ok, how I am doing, etc when he drops off our son, I broke. I ignored him each time he asked, too much pain there.

 

So today, he asked again, I said are you happy now with your new life? He said No. I asked if he was happy that his old life is over? He said No, that he would love his family to be together, but he started a new one.

 

We talked for awhile, each time we talk, he brings up the past. I told him to stop. I don't want to go down memory lane anymore. I asked him if it was fair to his new wife that he still has these feelings, and he said that she knows. She knows that he would love his family back, but he is now with her. He is also not thrilled that she is pregnant.

 

He also went on about our son, how absolutely amazing he is, and hopes that this mess won't affect him.

 

So then he asked me if I was happy. I lost it. I told him that I am getting over someone who I was 10000000% committed to, and based my life around. That what he did to me after the breakup is absolutely unforgiveable. If he wanted me, he would have moved mountains for me, and the I used to be whole with him, and now my other half is gone, somewhere else.

 

He said he is happy with his new wife, because they do not fight. He said his biggest problem with me was that he felt like he had to walk on egg shells. I apologized for that.

 

I told him, in tears, that he made my nightmare come true. I begged him, and made him promise for years that he would not make me a single mom. That not once during our relationship did he tell me I was the one, or that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, or that he wanted to get married. That since I always threatened to kick him out did it to him.

 

6 months from the breakup, when is this going to get better? I loved this man with my heart and soul. I go to therapy and a support group. How to process what he said, that of course he would love his family back, but it's too late, because he started a new one?

[evondavis1]

So I had a conversation with my ex today. After weeks of him asking me if I am ok, how I am doing, etc when he drops off our son, I broke. I ignored him each time he asked, too much pain there.

 

So today, he asked again, I said are you happy now with your new life? He said No. I asked if he was happy that his old life is over? He said No, that he would love his family to be together, but he started a new one.

 

We talked for awhile, each time we talk, he brings up the past. I told him to stop. I don't want to go down memory lane anymore. I asked him if it was fair to his new wife that he still has these feelings, and he said that she knows. She knows that he would love his family back, but he is now with her. He is also not thrilled that she is pregnant.

 

He also went on about our son, how absolutely amazing he is, and hopes that this mess won't affect him.

 

So then he asked me if I was happy. I lost it. I told him that I am getting over someone who I was 10000000% committed to, and based my life around. That what he did to me after the breakup is absolutely unforgiveable. If he wanted me, he would have moved mountains for me, and the I used to be whole with him, and now my other half is gone, somewhere else.

 

He said he is happy with his new wife, because they do not fight. He said his biggest problem with me was that he felt like he had to walk on egg shells. I apologized for that.

 

I told him, in tears, that he made my nightmare come true. I begged him, and made him promise for years that he would not make me a single mom. That not once during our relationship did he tell me I was the one, or that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, or that he wanted to get married. That since I always threatened to kick him out did it to him.

 

6 months from the breakup, when is this going to get better? I loved this man with my heart and soul. I go to therapy and a support group. How to process what he said, that of course he would love his family back, but it's too late, because he started a new one?

[KatZee]

How to process what he said, that of course he would love his family back, but it's too late, because he started a new one?

 

This is the biggest crock if I ever heard one. If he would "love his family back" as much as he said, he'd move mountains to get you back.

 

He had NO issue leaving a 7 year girlfriend in which he lived and owned a business with. He had NO issue leaving his son. He had NO issue picking up and marrying someone else after 6 weeks.

 

He IS capable of leaving people who have children. YOU'RE PROOF of that. It's not as if he started a family is now stuck. He had a family WITH YOU.

 

So you're just allowing him to continue bread crumbing you, allowing him to continue messing with your emotions. Stop having conversations with him. He's a liar. He's immature and he's not fit to be in a relationship or marriage with anyone.

[evondavis1]

Yes, I know they are breadcrumbs. It's hard when you still have to have contact with your ex. I have to see him, and discuss our son, and it will last for a lifetime because we have a son together.

 

He told me he will always care and wants to be friends. There is no way I can do that. Maybe years down the line. You see, we never had "closure". After I broke it off with him, he became selfish, and married someone else. We never had a decent breakup, we never had the chance to fix anything (our son, the business, etc)

 

What he did to me is unforgiveable. I wish I had a switch to make this go away, believe me. I am hurt, beyond words. I don't know who to turn to anymore, and I am lost. I can't believe that he did this. To me, to our son, to our family, to our friends. I am sick, still to this day, sick.

 

I know time heals. I know I need to move on.

[KatZee]

Yes, you have a son together and he will always be in your life in that capacity but you need to limit all communication to that of your son. That's it. Do not engage in emotional conversations, keep it one worded on your end. Set the time to see his son and say good bye. Do not engage in anything beyond that. Redirect his conversation if he starts talking about things of the past.

[evondavis1]

You are right. I broke NC because he kept hoovering and bothering me, taking out my gargabe, shoveling my snow, asking how I am. I couldn't take it. When I am complete NC, I start to feel better, and then there are days I just want to shake him!

 

When I broke up with him, he had the right to do whatever he wanted, the right thing. UGGGHHHHH!!! This is a nightmare!

 

He not only left me behind, he left his son. Our son is an innocent victim in this stupid choices my ex made. My ex is so concerned with how our son will turn out? Well no **** sherlock! Of course this will have an impact!

 

This is such a tragedy, such a sad outcome to all of our lives. I was told that his new wife dropped out of school, is pregnant, moving to a city where she no friends, no family, nobody. She is a waitress at Red Lobster, god knows she makes nothing and won't be able to work much longer. My ex is a part time building maintanence guy, and god knows he makes nothing as well. I won't be able to depend on him for too much child support, so yes, this affects my financials as well. I will be the sole provider for my son, and I am ready to face that reality.

 

This whole situation just blows my mind. After everything he did, he is now telling me that he cares so much about me, and that he will always want to be a part of my life, because I am the mother of his child. I said no way in hell, what you have done is unforgiveable.

 

Like I have said hundreds of times, I wish I can make this go away. I am doing my best, and I keep on living, but god, this pain in my chest, my heart is ripped to pieces.

[evondavis1]

I need advice. How to act around him now? Of course I still love him, of course I will always care.....but do I have a civil friendship with him? Or complete nc, besides any issues with our son? My heart and head are battling each other. I hate yet, yet I love him at the same time.

 

Help!!!

[evondavis1]

I am so depressed today, not myself. I can go from a totally great week, to a completely hopeless day in a split second. I am not a mean person, I actually care about things…son, family, friends, dogs, work, etc. I just don’t know what to do anymore.Today is just bad.

 

After the conversation we had last weekend, I am back to NC, however he has stepped on my boundaries once again. When he has visits with our son, he takes him upstairs to his mother’s apartment, which is never a problem. Yesterday, I was out, and I come home…I pull in the driveway and all the lights are on in my apartment. My ex was in my house, giving our son a bath and ready for bedtime. I walked in and my heart sank. How to deal with this? I love this man and hate him at the same time. He was talking to me, but I just picked up my son, told him to say night to daddy, and that’s it. Ex was trying to talk, but I walked away.

 

This morning, I sent him a text saying you are not welcome in my home. He called, I didn’t answer and he left a voicemail apologizing saying that our son wanted to take a bath…..

 

Do you guys see my dilemma? I love him, and hate him. We share a son, I have to deal with him for life, but what he has done to me, I am afraid I will never forget.

Edited March 7, 2013 by evondavis1

[Am4Real]

A couple of questions for you:

 

1. Did you seek the legal advise needed to best protect yourself?
    
   
2. Have you established a firm set of 'shared custody' rules until a stronger set is established between the lawyers?
   

Not to take the emotions you are experiencing OT, but these are important steps in taking care of business.

 

p.s. I have a similar story to you without a few variables, but nonetheless I understand for the most part what challenges you at this moment. Stay strong and protect yourself.

 

 

I am so depressed today, not myself. I can go from a totally great week, to a completely hopeless day in a split second. I am not a mean person, I actually care about things…son, family, friends, dogs, work, etc. I just don’t know what to do anymore.Today is just bad.

 

After the conversation we had last weekend, I am back to NC, however he has stepped on my boundaries once again. When he has visits with our son, he takes him upstairs to his mother’s apartment, which is never a problem. Yesterday, I was out, and I come home…I pull in the driveway and all the lights are on in my apartment. My ex was in my house, giving our son a bath and ready for bedtime. I walked in and my heart sank. How to deal with this? I love this man and hate him at the same time. He was talking to me, but I just picked up my son, told him to say night to daddy, and that’s it. Ex was trying to talk, but I walked away.

 

This morning, I sent him a text saying you are not welcome in my home. He called, I didn’t answer and he left a voicemail apologizing saying that our son wanted to take a bath…..

 

Do you guys see my dilemma? I love him, and hate him. We share a son, I have to deal with him for life, but what he has done to me, I am afraid I will never forget.

[Rainy1030]

I absolutely love your reply. Everything you had mentioned above is exactly what people have been saying to me for months. I've been bouncing back and forth with my emotions for the last couple months - should I be his friend, should I be nice when I see him, should I let him hang out with me and my son at my house (which I used to do). Ever since I have told him to leave me alone, he has gotten worse. He blames me for everything. Including the business, which was no secret how broke we were. I told him all the time, we only have enough to pay the bills, that's it. No saving, no buying a house, no vacations. Now he is telling me that I am a liar, a cheater, I steal and I am mean. We even had a meeting last month and I showed him where all the money from the company went, right back to the company! How many successful, rich truck drivers do you know? I don't know any!!! I have 2 bachelor degrees, starting the company, worked full time with 2 jobs, then became a stay at home mom, taking care of the company, house, bills, etc. I worked my butt off for years, and now he calls me every name in the book.

 

Ugh, sweetie, I understand completely. My ex went from sweet and understanding to getting worse weekly. I lost my temper for the first time a few weeks ago (seriously, he left me for another woman out of the blue, hasn't been helping financially like he said he would, I'm about to get evicted, and I FINALLY lost my temper for all of 2 minutes) and apologized immediately after, yet he stayed mad for over a week...he actually took the TV and shotgun he said I could keep. I told him the next day I was sorry again (I know, shouldn't have to, the things we do to keep the peace) and that I was going to go no contact for awhile to help myself heal. I don't know if he'll get madder or not but I have a bad feeling he will.

 

Here's the thing-unlike your ex, mine admits he still has feelings for me. He also admitted initially that he felt horrible, had massive guilt, he's told me more recently he's horribly depressed, etc. Regardless of the fact that he made a mistake (in both of our cases) and did something stupid, even though they're different situations, its easier for them to feel angry and pretend its your fault, than it is to man up to the situation and admit its themselves that screwed up. They like to rewrite your history in their head, blame you for the problems that weren't really you're fault-or even there at all-and get mad over anything they can. Eventually, though, at least in most cases, they eventually wake up and see that they did just that, rewrite history, blame you for things they shouldn't, and their actions come back to them, bite them in the butt.

 

As for their marriage, HAHA-yeah no, it won't work out at all. He's probably already realizing that, ergo the anger. But seriously, yeah no.

[ChrisC81]

I am sorry. I would take comfort in knowing that it wont last. It really wont. They don't even know each other after such a short amount of time. For all he knows she's a psychopath (which I am sure would please you) but either way, I have a feeling this will be short lived. He may have married her to prove a point to himself. Also, if she is 13 years younger I am sure she will be over it soon and ready to date someone her own age in the near future.