why have children?

[KraftDinner]

It is selfish. Children do not ask for that. Parents wanted it. It serves the wants of the parents. And then to say you sacrifice yourself, as if they had a choice, that puts the blame of challenges faced by parents on the innocent kids who had no say in whether they would be concieved or not. I hope people don't tell their kids that they sacrificed their lives for them. I think that is a mean thing to say to kids and could really mess with their heads.

 

Amazing post! Really really like. Agree 100 per cent. Thank you for proving that I'm not the only one in the world who thinks like this.

[KraftDinner]

The real answer is because our entire purpose (along with all other animals) is survival as individuals as well as survival as a species, which requires reproduction. We are on autopilot with our impulses to reproduce and it is also such a prevalent part of all cultures that humans have the combined factors of convention and biology working together to make us mindlessly reproduce.

 

This is a great question. If more people asked it and seriously considered all the factors, as intelligent and evolved animals (modern human) then perhaps many of us would in fact NOT have kids.

 

I personally believe that it is selfless to not have children, which is contrary to what many posters have said. Children who are yet to exist cannot opt in or out of life, it is the parents who are following their desires to reproduce. Considering that, it is in many cases selfish on parents' fault to have children. Why people would think it is selfish to NOT have kids is a mystery to me.

 

I'm not arguing that all people who have kids are selfish, but I do believe many of them are. 'They' have kids because 'they' want to. Not everyone who is born is happy that their life was created. Many people struggle with facing the fact that they will one day suffer whatever tragedy that will ultimately lead them to their death. When you think about it that way, by having children, we are essentially giving them a death sentence.

 

But not all people feel this way. Some people feel that life is worth living in exchange for death. But the problem is, you cannot ask a child before they are born if being brought to life would be worth the struggles they will face in life. So in my opinion, having children is selfish. It serves our needs. Not necessarily our children's needs.

 

Ladydrib, I mean this in all sincerity: I LOVE this post. Thank you for voicing my thoughts so well. The part about a death sentence too...and I will add any suffering in life, be it depression, loss or whatever, to this as well.

 

I'm so impressed. Thank you for making me not feel alone in this. To me, this is the only line of thinking that makes sense.

[KraftDinner]

- Because watching my son sleep, I am filled with the strongest sense of peace and awe and "this is where I was meant to be"

 

- Because every phase of their development is so different and special and rewarding. Snuggly infant. Boisterous toddler. Kindergartner learning his words and being so proud of himself. Silly boy learning the fine art of sarcasm. Teenager learning about responsibility and identity. Graduate starting a life of his own. New dad coming home with your first grandchild so you can experience it all over. <3

 

- Because being a parent is absolutely the most rewarding and meaningful thing I have ever done.

 

- Because my heart soars just seeing his smile.

 

- Because the heartaches are outweighed a thousandfold by the beauty and joy and sharing. Seriously, the love and closeness is something you can never experience with another adult.

 

All that said - it depends on your priorities in life. If you enjoy being selfish (and I mean that in a positive way), being a parent isn't for you. There's no rule that says you must have kids. Do whatever brings you joy in this short life.

 

I don't mean any disrespect because you seem like a nice person, so I'm just arguing on logic here, not through any desire to insult anyone:

 

Look at your list. You talk about it being personally rewarding, what you gain from having kids. You get the feeling of being rewarded. You get the sense of peace. You get the joy. You get, you get, you get.

 

But then turn around and say people who do the opposite in life are the selfish ones.

 

Illogical.

[Taramere]

At some point, the problem of human overpopulation will become apparent in ways that can no longer be ignored. I don't intend to leave any kids on this planet to contend with those times. If I were a member of the wealthy elite, then I'd probably think "to hell...I can cushion my kids against what's ahead" but I'm not, so I don't.

[KraftDinner]

At some point, the problem of human overpopulation will become apparent in ways that can no longer be ignored. I don't intend to leave any kids on this planet to contend with those times. If I were a member of the wealthy elite, then I'd probably think "to hell...I can cushion my kids against what's ahead" but I'm not, so I don't.

 

A very selfless choice.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I suggest ImperfectionisBeauty get a job as a nursery school teacher to get a more realistic sense of what children are really like instead of watching sentimental TV shows about the myth of motherhood. My doctor told me that teachers want to be sterilized, even if they have no kids, more often than other women. Hmmm, wonder why...?

 

I'm also wondering why she wouldn't want to adopt handicapped children since she herself is handicapped. At the very least foster some of those children.

 

Well actually I am a baby sitter and have been since I was 15, and I don't want to adopt kids unless it is my only option I want my own kids with my own DNA and I want to carry them in my body. If you want to adopt handicap kids you do it but don't tell me its something I need to do because I'm handicap you do it if it means so much to you. Don't make this about handicaps like I have to take in every effing handicap person in life because I have one.. You do it if you want it done. YOU at the very least foster them:rolleyes:

Edited December 2, 2012 by ImperfectionisBeauty

[Art_Critic]

Cheap labor.

 

I'm with you on that one... I'm getting tired of cutting the grass...

 

I wanted kids because I wanted to take what I have inside of me and share it with someone by helping them grow into their own person.

 

I have a lot to give someone, whether it be just in love and guidance or in experience in business or the simple things that I am, like a carpenter who can build anything, etc etc....

 

and it is true.. there is nothing more fulfilling than watching your little boy sleep or cuddle up against you, it's the best feeling of accomplishment that I have ever felt.

[Eddie Edirol]

- Because watching my son sleep, I am filled with the strongest sense of peace and awe and "this is where I was meant to be"

 

- Because every phase of their development is so different and special and rewarding. Snuggly infant. Boisterous toddler. Kindergartner learning his words and being so proud of himself. Silly boy learning the fine art of sarcasm. Teenager learning about responsibility and identity. Graduate starting a life of his own. New dad coming home with your first grandchild so you can experience it all over. <3

 

- Because being a parent is absolutely the most rewarding and meaningful thing I have ever done.

 

- Because my heart soars just seeing his smile.

 

- Because the heartaches are outweighed a thousandfold by the beauty and joy and sharing. Seriously, the love and closeness is something you can never experience with another adult.

 

This is the part I wonder about the allegedly "happy" parents. Child rearing is not all rainbows and sunshine, at least half of the time its frustration and misery because you cant turn the kid off, you get no rest.

 

The babies get sick, soil themselves,

kids have temper tantrums,

you have to deal with kids hitting each other in school,

catching each others diseases,

possibly be deformed at birth..

Kids age you faster.

 

But even a healthy child is a complete PITA to deal with, but you NEVER see/hear the parents talking about when they are miserable with their kids, its always positive. So I call out the phoniness. Theres WAY too much going on with child rearing for it to be all positive all the time. A lot of parents choose to selectively leave out the bad experiences they had for the end result, which is great if the end result is good, but new parents, I dont buy it.

 

A friend of mine has a baby and tried to feed me that rewarding crap. So I probed him, (hes very analytical) while his infant was throwing a hissy fit because she didnt want her food and he was clearly getting frustrated, but yet very patient still. I told him I admired his patience. He knows I hate babies. What percentage of the time does this child give you the rewarding joy you speak so often of about? Long story short, it turned out to be 10% of the time. Because the rest of the time is changing, crying, not sleeping, throwing up, refusing to eat...the joy, now, was just looking at her as a baby, maybe thinking of the future. But the NOW was a misery, and he didnt want to admit it. He just knows that he has to endure it because its a part of the process. Now mind you, this is a man of a couple who planned to have this child, will have another, and is in love with the child and the idea of raising it.

[Ross MwcFan]

Wanting cute little beautiful wonderful babies in your life is adorable, but it is a VERY small part of becoming a mom. The baby phase goes by VERY quickly, and you have to be ready for the other phases of childhood, and looking forward to them as well.

 

I really don't think she's mature enough for it yet, I really hope she waits.

[Art_Critic]

But even a healthy child is a complete PITA to deal with, but you NEVER see/hear the parents talking about when they are miserable with their kids, its always positive. So I call out the phoniness. Theres WAY too much going on with child rearing for it to be all positive all the time.

 

Parenting is hard, hard work.. that doesn't mean that hard equals negative either...

 

That is simply because the positive out weighs the negative by such a great amount that the negative doesn't matter.

The negative is there.. just like IRL in your job for example.. there is negative there too but the positive of your job hopefully will outweigh the negative that you don't even think about it.

[Ross MwcFan]

It is selfish. Children do not ask for that. Parents wanted it. It serves the wants of the parents. And then to say you sacrifice yourself, as if they had a choice, that puts the blame of challenges faced by parents on the innocent kids who had no say in whether they would be concieved or not. I hope people don't tell their kids that they sacrificed their lives for them. I think that is a mean thing to say to kids and could really mess with their heads.

 

Unfortunatley I can totally imagine IB saying something like that to her kids.

[Taramere]

A very selfless choice.

 

Thanks. I'm not comfortable with accepting the interpretation of selfless though. I don't see myself as selfless. It would make me unhappy to have a child feeling as I do about the direction the world is heading in...and so in a sense it's a selfish choice because it's about my feelings.

 

I remember when my niece and nephew were babies and they would fall asleep in my arms. It's a lovely feeling, and I'm sure it would have been be far more intense were they my own children...but rationally, I simply can't equip a child for what I believe is ahead. I can't close my eyes to what I believe to be the truth, for the sake of having some warm and fuzzy feelings. I think in the longer term, the guilt would outweigh those warm and fuzzy feelings.

 

Okay if people are very well off. Their children might have very nice lives, but I think there are going to be many many people in the future leading desperate lives and looking back on the lives their grandparents or parents were able to have with a level of envy and resentment that people probably can't comprehend right now.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Unfortunatley I can totally imagine IB saying something like that to her kids.

Umm yeah I actually would tell my kids that I sacrificed a lot to have them if I did I don't see the issue, maybe you do I don't and you're not me so who cares what you would or wouldn't do.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm definitely having children.

 

I'm a very selfish man indeed

 

[Ross MwcFan]

umm yeah i actually would tell my kids that i sacrificed a lot to have them if i did i don't see the issue, maybe you do i don't and you're not me so who cares what you would or wouldn't do.

 

I knew it!

[bentnotbroken]

I knew it!

 

 

It's really clear isn't it?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I knew it!

 

Why wouldn't you? I would think that that is something they would appreciate, knowing everything you had to potentially give up for them but how you don't regret it at all. Obviously I wouldn't tell then that when they are young because that's stupid and it might just make them feel bad but as teens and adults they should know, unless of course you were a pathetic person and had no other potential than having a kid.

[Ross MwcFan]

It's really clear isn't it?

 

It sure is.

[bentnotbroken]

Why wouldn't you? I would think that that is something they would appreciate, knowing everything you had to potentially give up for them but how you don't regret it at all. Obviously I wouldn't tell then that when they are young because that's stupid and it might just make them feel bad but as teens and adults they should know, unless of course you were a pathetic person and had no other potential than having a kid.

 

 

Do your parents tell you this to control you?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Do your parents tell you this to control you?

 

My parents didnt have to sacrifice anything to have me or my brother.

[yessy21]

The truth is ... Why give them life knowing that one day it could end for them?

 

i have a child. and honestly... i cannot think of having any again. i gave life to my daughter and i know that anything can happen at any time in Her life....and that can drive me crazy. It is a huge responsibility. Its beautiful. let me tell you. i am a very proud mom. There is nowhere unless she is there...but it is selfish... to procreate knowing the tragedys and the short length that can be given in a life.... along with heartaches... and inhumanity from certain people. not everyone is born into a good life. Anything can happen. our gift is our curse.

[bentnotbroken]

My parents didnt have to sacrifice anything to have me or my brother.

 

 

So your parents have never said anything to about sacrificing for you and your sibling? That is my point. Why would a parent say that to a child. Of course there are sacrifices, large and small. But it isn't a child's decision and a parent should not put that on a child. We learn to parent on the job. We will make mistakes...but to say up front before having children the possible damage that you are willing to inflict on a child...only serves to remind many why everyone should not have children. There are so many children having to live with the burden of being their parents semi whipping boy for their "sacrifices".

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

So your parents have never said anything to about sacrificing for you and your sibling? That is my point. Why would a parent say that to a child. Of course there are sacrifices, large and small. But it isn't a child's decision and a parent should not put that on a child. We learn to parent on the job. We will make mistakes...but to say up front before having children the possible damage that you are willing to inflict on a child...only serves to remind many why everyone should not have children. There are so many children having to live with the burden of being their parents semi whipping boy for their "sacrifices".

 

Well I'm going to have kids no matter what you think.. You're opinion about how I should raise my kids when I have them is irrelevant. When I'm a parent ill decide how I want to raise them and what I want to say to them not you.

[bentnotbroken]

Well I'm going to have kids no matter what you think.. You're opinion about how I should raise my kids when I have them is irrelevant. When I'm a parent ill decide how I want to raise them and what I want to say to them not you.

 

 

That is obvious isn't it? The reasons why some shouldn't have children was illustrated in your posts. But that had nothing to do with your choices personally. I just used your post to support why I think that some should not have children. Of course you will do what you want. Who was trying to stop you. I already told you what I was doing to where you were concerned.

[BetheButterfly]

Why do people decide to have children knowing full well the huge responsibilities that come with it?

 

Many reasons

 

The reasons my parents had, as well as the reasons my husband and I have for wanting to have children soon, are the following:

1. Children are a gift from God. Sadly, many people don't understand that and do not care for or treat children like the wonderful and priceless humans they are. However, a tiny little human life that grows bigger and bigger and more and more mature is a great blessing!!! The stages of development for a human are all amazing, from conception to elderly adult! Each person is unique and awesome!!!

 

2. Each person is unique and awesome!!! My parents consider each of their children an amazing person. They consider it an honor to have been able to "bring us" into the world and be our parents. They took their responsibility very seriously and provided us with a wonderful environment in which to thrive and in which to be our own people. My husband and I think the same and know that our offspring will also be unique and awesome; we want to make a lovely environment for them to thrive!

 

3. People have a great many talents and gifts to offer the world.

Many people have made the world a better place for some animals, including vets, marine biologists, and others who care for other species of life. People also greatly contribute to the world in regards of music, art, and other areas which make life easier. Although sad to say some people do not use their talents to bless the world, there are many who do.

 

4. Families are precious and help communities prosper! A strong and healthy family, which includes parents and their offspring, greatly benefits the community because healthy families strive for a safe place for their little ones. When people are not truly concerned for the safety of little ones, this is when communities decline and plunge into crime and debauchery. However, care for and the maternal/paternal instinct to protect one's precious little ones greatly benefits communities. Where there are a group of healthy families with strong parents who love their children, you can rest assured that that neighborhood and community is safer for all. (A policeman, for example, who is a good and loving father, is an awesome authority figure because he has a personal investment: to protect and ensure the safety of his little ones. He knows the importance of protecting and ensuring the safety of other peoples' little ones too.)

 

5. Families ties can be stronger than any other ties. Although horribly many families endure breakups, it is still true that families ties can be stronger than other ties. Healthy families who have learned how to love each other, accept each other, and live well together bring purpose, joy, and precious memories to all those who are a part of the family. Family is a unit, a connection that is way more personal than Facebook and is a great blessing to all involved, if the family is healthy.

6. Men tend to like to see their genes passed on, to keep their line going. This is a part of survival. Just like other animals, many humans have the desire to survive and to ensure the survival of their species.

 

7. Many women have a very strong maternal instinct, which means that giving birth is a natural and desired part of her life. Personally, I have a very strong maternal instinct and consider giving birth, as well as loving and taking care of my children (I don't have any now but hope to in a year or so!) to be part of my purpose in life. Motherhood is a privilege, an honor, an important part of life that is a blessing, a gift, and a position that has great power to bless both her offspring and others.

Edited December 3, 2012 by BetheButterfly