Not Being Able To Attract People Your Attracted To

[GirlontheLam]

I don't know where this idea came from that there is only one type of attractive. And that attractiveness is universal.

 

My "hot" may look absolutely nothing like another person's hot. And chemistry is chemistry, and it doesn't have much to do with looks.

[Mrlonelyone]

Yeah, but IT I think another one of your "problems" is perhaps you are not going out enough and to the right venues. In the end I'd probably settle for average. Cause I won't have the resources like you do to support a beautiful woman.

 

I don't expect for things to change. I guess I am preparing myself for a life of being celibate. Part of me finds sex really disgusting, and I can't say that I have found a girl that really gets me.

 

Have you considered that you may just be a true asexual? There is a minority of people who really truly do not like or want sex, with anyone, at all.

13 Myths and Misconceptions About Asexual People: Part One - Queereka

 

That is a legitimate sexual orientation separate and apart from any other. Perhaps all you really need is a good intimate friendship with a member of the opposite sex. By which I don't mean being an emotional tampon...but having just about everything a relationship has without the sex.

 

Ask yourself this question, do I want to have a GF because I want to have intimacy, sexual passion, and commitment;Or do I want a GF because it's normal to have a GF?

[dreamerisland]

Have you considered that you may just be a true asexual? There is a minority of people who really truly do not like or want sex, with anyone, at all.

13 Myths and Misconceptions About Asexual People: Part One - Queereka

 

That is a legitimate sexual orientation separate and apart from any other. Perhaps all you really need is a good intimate friendship with a member of the opposite sex. By which I don't mean being an emotional tampon...but having just about everything a relationship has without the sex.

 

Ask yourself this question, do I want to have a GF because I want to have intimacy, sexual passion, and commitment;Or do I want a GF because it's normal to have a GF?

 

I don't how I feel about being an asexual. I want a gf but not cause I care for sex. I want the commitment and the passion that goes with being with a member that you find sexy. But I guess once I am in it, I get bored. And realize that I don't really care for it. I don't think that makes me asexual. Just not having found someone I can be with for long periods of time.

[IT Geek]

Yeah, but IT I think another one of your "problems" is perhaps you are not going out enough and to the right venues. In the end I'd probably settle for average. Cause I won't have the resources like you do to support a beautiful woman.

 

I'm going out to Meetup groups almost every weekend, and quite a few of them are singles groups. But it seems like everyone is already in one clique or another. Plus, I'm not exactly skilled in the art of trying to engage a woman I don't know in conversation. 18 years of dating/marriage will do that to you. But it would be a great ego booster for any guy for a woman to come up to them and actually try to start up a conversation occasionally.

[Hawakai]

Yeah, but IT I think another one of your "problems" is perhaps you are not going out enough and to the right venues. In the end I'd probably settle for average. Cause I won't have the resources like you do to support a beautiful woman.

 

I don't expect for things to change. I guess I am preparing myself for a life of being celibate. Part of me finds sex really disgusting, and I can't say that I have found a girl that really gets me.

 

 

Yeah, now that's a funny one. My college is filled with extremely beautiful foreign students(yeah, including the guys) and there's been some major sexual tension between me and this one South Korean student, but she lives with her boyfriend and it'd be rather expensive for my bank account if she was to dump her boyfriend for me. There might be some casual banging on the horizon, but I dunno. She's scanning the college for guys with a great future in mind($$$).

 

She doesn't work, her boyfriend is paying for her education and I don't really like to waste money. Its really a shame. Average women are significally cheaper but there's nothing to write home about. They don't inspire great poetry. You don't get an emotional high from hanging near average women. Actually, your ears will be sore for days because they can't compet with the hot girls and they know it .

[todreaminblue]

There are a lot of threads complaining about their dating prospects, about how like attracts like, about not settling for someone your not sexually attracted to, among other things...

 

This all got me thinking.

 

For very unattractive people, who truly are not attractive from just their appearance, surely SOME people DO have to "settle" for people they are not sexually attracted to from the outset.....

First of all, WHY does it have to be seen as "settling", in a bad way? Once your really in love with the person, it will not MATTER that they are not sexually appealing at first glance.

 

I am sure these "unattractive" looking people still look at the porn of attractive people, and not obese people with unpleasant to look at faces; but surely some of them are pragmatic and figure the way the world works, and choose to seek out a loving partner, rather than spend their life alone because they cannot find a mate their sexually into at first glance?

That dispells the myth of settling in this regard! For unattractive people who find love, I DO NOT consider them to be ANY worse off. They are NOT missing out on love, in any way......

 

....So, if you can find a person that loves and adores you and IS sexually attracted to you after time spent together, why on earth is it a bad thing, the fact some people are attractive and others aren't?

 

Any thoughts? I really believe in the power of positive thinking!

 

I would really admire people who were "ugly" to look at, but simply saw it how it was, without feeling DOWN on themselves, or like they were "worse off" somehow!

 

 

I think everybody should accept limitations...which isnt a negative its a positive to accept what you are capable of and what you are not that includes being down on yourself.....everybody gets down on themselves its easy for another to say hey buck up bud,think positively i believe in positive I dont think

"hey your ugly or obese accept what you can get or you will be alone for your lifetime, because you wont find someone who is sexually attracted to you" is a positive statement...

 

immediately then that statement isnt accepting which is a bit ironic considering the power of positive acceptance lies directly in acceptance and is supposed to be about acceptance...if people are down on themselves they actually need to accept that emotive response...maybe to initiate change and growth to learn to mature and to get off their ass and find something that makes them feel sexy and positive........

 

 

i dont think anyone should settle just because they can and its convenient for both parties..i dont believe in marriages of convenience and that would be convenience of not having to go through life alone because your ugly or for any other reason armless legless blind mentally ill obese...whatever....

 

 

the power of positive thinking comes into play when people should say

 

 

i am in control of my life,who i choose to love, how i choose to love, i have the right to find all of this and have wild passionate sex because ugly or not i am damn fine in the sack...... i deserve all of the above and i am not going to quit if it takes me being alone so be it...i will not"settle"...i am not a child of societies expectations or beliefs or anyone else's beliefs or values or expectations or opinions of...i am who i am in spite of societal judgement....and i accept me and nothing less , i deserve not to settle

 

.....deb

Edited November 21, 2012 by todreaminblue

[MrCastle]

I'm sure some people do settle over time and I'm sure some of them end up happier because of it.

 

My personality will not allow me to be one of those people. I have to get what I want, every single time. Settling is not in my vocabulary. I would rather be alone than compromise any of my required standards.

[Leigh 87]

Yeah, now that's a funny one. My college is filled with extremely beautiful foreign students(yeah, including the guys) and there's been some major sexual tension between me and this one South Korean student, but she lives with her boyfriend and it'd be rather expensive for my bank account if she was to dump her boyfriend for me. There might be some casual banging on the horizon, but I dunno. She's scanning the college for guys with a great future in mind($$$).

 

She doesn't work, her boyfriend is paying for her education and I don't really like to waste money. Its really a shame. Average women are significally cheaper but there's nothing to write home about. They don't inspire great poetry. You don't get an emotional high from hanging near average women. Actually, your ears will be sore for days because they can't compet with the hot girls and they know it .

 

 

 

 

What the hell?

 

So, because a girl is not super hot, she will never inspire a guy to be blown away by hanging around her?

 

Seriously...

 

A totall average looking women can get a guy to fall for her and feel like writing very deep poetry about how he feels for her......

 

Life is not JUST about looks, when it comes to men getting inspired and poetic about women....

[verhrzn]

What the hell?

 

So, because a girl is not super hot, she will never inspire a guy to be blown away by hanging around her?

 

Seriously...

 

A totall average looking women can get a guy to fall for her and feel like writing very deep poetry about how he feels for her......

 

Life is not JUST about looks, when it comes to men getting inspired and poetic about women....

 

Yeah that's why the Internet is filled with guys waxing poetic about average girls' looks, how all they aspire to have is an average girl, and why PUA material is dedicated entirely to catching 9's and above.

 

Come on. This is just a fact of life. Men want looks first and foremost. MAYBE if you're around them enough for some arbitrary reason like work they might kinda end up liking you, but that's not how the majority of relationships start anymore.

[Leigh 87]

I'm sure some people do settle over time and I'm sure some of them end up happier because of it.

 

My personality will not allow me to be one of those people. I have to get what I want, every single time. Settling is not in my vocabulary. I would rather be alone than compromise any of my required standards.

 

 

 

 

But some people are proufoundly unattractive, and will not be ABLE to have a sexual relationship with another person who they find physically attractive.

 

So, why not believe in the power of falling for people that you do not initially find physically attractive?

 

People that are not attractive would probably look at porn of attractive people, they just cannot get those people to be in an intimate relationship with them, therefore the option of falling for someone they do not initially find attractive is better for them.

 

I honestly think some people CAN genuinely feel for someone they do not find attractive at first, only to view them as attractive enough for them as they fall in love with them.

 

Chemistry can happen amongst people who do not find each other attractive initially.

[Leigh 87]

Yeah that's why the Internet is filled with guys waxing poetic about average girls' looks, how all they aspire to have is an average girl, and why PUA material is dedicated entirely to catching 9's and above.

 

Come on. This is just a fact of life. Men want looks first and foremost. MAYBE if you're around them enough for some arbitrary reason like work they might kinda end up liking you, but that's not how the majority of relationships start anymore.

 

 

 

 

For the most part your right; most men are inapired to write songs or poems about women they find attractive.

 

But there ARE many instances where an average or unattractive looking women will capture the attention of a man she comes into contact with.

 

...Plenty of men are very inspired by and are compelled to write poems and truly idiolize average women!

 

The women in them usic videos, the women that the hot male singers song is directed at, and hot women in GENERAL, tend to be the women that men want to sing about and write poems over.

 

However MANY average women DO get guy to feel that way about them, it is just not upon first GLANCE that the men feel this way!

The ONLY difference between the man writing poems for a hot girl, and the dude doing the same thing over an average girl, is that the dude with the average girl normally would have to have come into contact with her and gotten to know her first......

 

Men adore their average partners JUST as much as men adore their hot partners....

An average women is capable of being totally swooned over and adored by a guy who is into them.

[Anela]

This reminds me of an episode of My So-Called Life, because of this:

 

Sonnet 130

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;

If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,

But no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some perfumes is there more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound;

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

As any she belied with false compare.

 

 

Mr. Katimski: What kind of girl is Shakespeare describing here? Is . . is she the most beautiful girl?

 

Brian: No.

 

Mr. Katimski: Is she a goddess? Mmm? Physically perfect? The kind of girl who stops traffic when she walks down the street?

 

Brian [with a slight chuckle]: No.

 

Mr. Katimski: So he's not in love with her?

 

Jordan [barely audible]: Yeah. [Then louder:] He is.

 

Mr. Katimski: Well, and why is that? Why is he in love with her? What is it? What is it? What is it about her?

 

Brian: She's not just a fantasy. She's got . . . like . . . flaws. She's real.

 

Mr. Katimski: Thank you.

 

Bardfilm: The Ten Best Uses of Shakespeare Sonnets in Popular Culture: "So Long Lives This, and This Gives Life to Thee."

 

(Yes, I'm in my thirties and referencing that show - it was on when I was a teenager.)

[runningfar]

What the hell?

 

So, because a girl is not super hot, she will never inspire a guy to be blown away by hanging around her?

 

Seriously...

 

A totall average looking women can get a guy to fall for her and feel like writing very deep poetry about how he feels for her......

 

Life is not JUST about looks, when it comes to men getting inspired and poetic about women....

 

As someone who is not beautiful,

Truth.

 

Some men think I am beautiful anyways, and I have had poems and gifts and the like... Without being anything most would notice.

[runningfar]

There are a lot of threads complaining about their dating prospects, about how like attracts like, about not settling for someone your not sexually attracted to, among other things...

 

This all got me thinking.

 

For very unattractive people, who truly are not attractive from just their appearance, surely SOME people DO have to "settle" for people they are not sexually attracted to from the outset.....

First of all, WHY does it have to be seen as "settling", in a bad way? Once your really in love with the person, it will not MATTER that they are not sexually appealing at first glance.

 

I am sure these "unattractive" looking people still look at the porn of attractive people, and not obese people with unpleasant to look at faces; but surely some of them are pragmatic and figure the way the world works, and choose to seek out a loving partner, rather than spend their life alone because they cannot find a mate their sexually into at first glance?

That dispells the myth of settling in this regard! For unattractive people who find love, I DO NOT consider them to be ANY worse off. They are NOT missing out on love, in any way......

 

....So, if you can find a person that loves and adores you and IS sexually attracted to you after time spent together, why on earth is it a bad thing, the fact some people are attractive and others aren't?

 

Any thoughts? I really believe in the power of positive thinking!

 

I would really admire people who were "ugly" to look at, but simply saw it how it was, without feeling DOWN on themselves, or like they were "worse off" somehow!

 

 

I can develop sexual attraction I do not feel at first because of personality.

[verhrzn]

I can develop sexual attraction I do not feel at first because of personality.

 

But only women seem capable of doing this. I have yet to meet a guy who thought a girl was unattractive, and then her personality magically made her cute. It's more like he might not have noticed her before. Personality does not magically make an ugly/average girl beautiful to a guy.... she has to be at least somewhat attractive first, and THEN he'll get to know her.

[Negative Nancy]

Average women are significally cheaper but there's nothing to write home about. They don't inspire great poetry. You don't get an emotional high from hanging near average women.

 

Finally someone who speaks the truth which we already knew anyway.

 

Come on. This is just a fact of life. Men want looks first and foremost.

 

Exactly.

[Negative Nancy]

Men adore their average partners JUST as much as men adore their hot partners....

An average women is capable of being totally swooned over and adored by a guy who is into them.

 

No they don't, secretly they still want the hot ones.

[Negative Nancy]

But only women seem capable of doing this. I have yet to meet a guy who thought a girl was unattractive, and then her personality magically made her cute.

 

This is the undeniable truth, only women are capable of this because we are the less shallow gender. If men end up with an average plain jane, it's only because they settled and figured sex with an average woman is better than sex with their hand. But make no mistake, they all yearn for the hot ones and as soon as they have a chance with them, they are all in - dumping plain jane.

[ThaWholigan]

No they don't, secretly they still want the hot ones.

You're such a cock.

[iris219]

They don't inspire great poetry. You don't get an emotional high from hanging near average women.

 

Not true. Shakespeare's Sonnet 130 ("My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun")

[verhrzn]

Not true. Shakespeare's Sonnet 130 ("My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun")

 

So one sonnet out of .... 154. Comforting!

[somedude81]

But only women seem capable of doing this. I have yet to meet a guy who thought a girl was unattractive, and then her personality magically made her cute.

A girl has to work pretty hard to be considered unattractive. They are a very small minority.

[Leigh 87]

Your right, somedude.... I mean, MOST women are average, but that are still attractive to SOME people, you know what I mean?

 

They personality and extra effort with make up and diet/exercise allows them to be very appealing through being just genetically plain/average.

 

I am average but do what it takes to look above average. Without my positive attitude and efforts to look better and self love, I would get no where with men.

 

I think V's looks and attitude both play a part.

 

Her looks alone do not get men lining up to want to talk to her, yet with the right attitude, she could still get men.

 

Because there are women that look like V who do fine with men and dating, and find very loving relationships.....

................And it is not that they have a stellar, amazing personality to compensate for their looks.. They just have sometihng about them, whereby they LIKE who they are and fully REALIZE they have a lot to offer.

 

I wish V would say " f*ck all those negative morons who were my "friends", I am awesome, I love my hobbies, my style, and everything about me is ME and that is just great".

[Revolver]

This is the undeniable truth, only women are capable of this because we are the less shallow gender. If men end up with an average plain jane, it's only because they settled and figured sex with an average woman is better than sex with their hand. But make no mistake, they all yearn for the hot ones and as soon as they have a chance with them, they are all in - dumping plain jane.

 

So all men who date "average" women are settling?

 

Are you serious?

[Leigh 87]

Here is a list of things regarding attitude that helped me go from NO guys to PLENTY of interested guys....

 

- I got to know who I was enough to know what fashion sense was truly "me". I now LOVE showing the world a part of who I am through the awesome outfits I wear! I am a curvy girl, but everything I wear is something I LOVE and feels very "me".

 

- I am positive ( I faked it until it was real, buy the way) and am positive to everyone, always looking on the bright side. Nothing is less attractuve than a netagive person who induldges in nasty gossip about others.

 

- I really just got to know and love who I was. No job and no degree and everything LOL. Whoo hoo!

 

- ON TOP of being fit and healthy and looking cute due to knowing how to make my average face into average/cute.

 

 

I am blessed with a naturally attractive body shape to many people, and I have straight teeth. But that is ALL in the way of "natural" gifts.

 

I have had to work hard for every good thing about myself.

 

I was not born attractive or positive, but rather worked for it.

 

I was once an extremely negative and toxic person, with notihng going for me, look wise or personality/attitude wise.