it's getting harder :(

[th90]

It has been 2 weeks since my ex broke up with me. It has been getting harder and harder now. I grieved the first week and I decided to put a stop it. I gotta stop crying. I have been worrying my mum to see me cry all the time.

 

On the second week, I decided to let one of my friends know about my break up(My ex and I both changed our facebook status to single privately so unless we tell our friends, nobody knows about our break up). Initially he was able to distract me with some lame silly dirty jokes and I felt slightly better after having a little laugh. But today, I feel so horrible. I can't really cry anymore. More like I'm not allowing myself to cry because I haven't been eating properly since the break up and I feel so nauseated all the time. I would vomit again if I cried so no, I'm not gonna shed another tear for someone who has decided to put me out of his life.

 

I really need people to tell me how to carry on. I feel like there's a lump in my heart and it's horrible. I hate this. I hate the fact that we are over. And I'm stuck with my studies and is living away from home(I only drive back home on weekends). I can't even concentrate on anything. I have been trying to mind-block my ex but it's not really working because of this lumpy feeling inside my heart. The day he broke up with me, I felt like a big part of me has died with the relationship.

 

Please don't ask me to go out and meet new people and have some fun. I'm totally physically (and mentally) unfit now. I feel nauseated and drowsy. Does anybody know any way where I can do it alone (no exercise please I'm physically unfit and don't have the time to do so due to classes) in the process of recovery? And tell me something that doesn't require spending money because I'm a poor poor student!

 

I do want to move on but also wish for him to come back

 

 

PS : you can check my previous thread to know what happened if interested here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357056-stuck-between-letting-go-having-hope . Thank you.

[itsmyfault]

Hello again!

 

Im sorry you are still having a rough time. Honestly you will get better.

 

Are you NC? have you blocked and removed him from FB?

You need to do these things. if you haven't, Do them immediately.

 

I guess you are at university? Do you have anyone there who can keep you busy? Do you have anyone to just talk to?

 

There are plenty of people who will listen.

 

And well if there isn't anyone, just ask here. I'm happy to listen.

Instead of messaging him or keeping the thoughts in your head, tell someone. It helps.

 

although you may not forget him very quickly, I promise it will stop hurting.

 

Stay strong.

[NavyAirTraffic]

I just finished reading your original thread, 7 years is a long time (although 4 years ldr) and the transition to single life will take time. Monica is right, you need to get up and move no matter how bad you don't want to.

 

Also, you can't "mind block" your ex right now, blocking the internal dialogue/thought is almost impossible. Try to redirect that thought to: his negatives, why you won't take him back, how you'd reject him if he tried to come back, how you'll better yourself so when/if he comes back you'll be too good for him. Notice by the end you'll feel a little more empowered/energized. Almost like you're reversing it from him not wanting you to why you're too good for him and you WILL do better.

[th90]

Thank you so much for the tips people! I know it takes time to readjust myself to a new life where he doesn't exist in anymore and I'm trying as hard as I could.

 

Yes, I have strictly stick to NC since but I check my phone all the time hoping that he would call or text me I also check on Whatsapp to see the time he last online ((( I also realized that he has changed his email password but not his facebook password and I really don't understand why. I mean he knows I have access to his facebook and that's okay? But it wasn't okay if I ever check his mail inbox? Anyway given that he has changed his email password, my chance for reconciliation is almost none as I believe he really wants to put me in the past now.

 

I don't know if he is seeing someone else or there was anyone else in the picture that has caused our breakup. It's really bugging me that I don't get an exact answer to why he ended our relationship but what's the point to know anyway. He told me that he felt that he wasn't good enough for me and I'm better off without him. Could this really be a reason for breakup? I know apart from that he doesn't feel the same anymore so.. yeah

 

Anyway, I really want to get rid of this lumpy feeling inside my heart because no matter what I do, it's just there. Feels like there's a storm going on in my heart. I become so aware when I do laugh even just a very short laugh. I just can't be genuinely happy.

[itsmyfault]

Im glad your NC, keep it up. She that as a positive, That you are strong enough not to give in.

 

Don't go on his Facebook, or Emails. keep away from social networking for a while.

 

I know you don't feel ready to go out yet, but try, the longer you leave it the harder it is going to get. See everything you manage to do from here as a positive

 

Its horrible, but try and accept a few thing. He will probably go out and carry on living his life, seeing people, partying and all the other stuff that may upset you. once you accept these you can start to come to terms with it all.

 

Do not let this ruin your life, I think you said you are at uni? don't let it effect your grades, see this as your time to knuckle down, keep striving for success and you will have someone again one day, someone else will want you for you again.

 

Thats another thing, Don't change yourself for him, just keep on as you are, just refine yourself.

 

Don't keep it building up inside, vent stuff on here, write it down, but what ever you do, do not let him know you are hurting.

 

I wish you the best of luck

[th90]

Thanks alot for your words of encouragement. It helps so much!

 

I do feel like crap most times of the day, but I want to believe that things will eventually get better. I want to believe that one day in the future, I will not think of him anymore though I know I'm still far from it. I will stay strong. If I have to, then I will just vent on this site. Venting here will be returned with so much support from you people rather than going back to square one if I broke NC. Thanks again!

[itsmyfault]

Its okay, you need to surround yourself with people and things that make you happy.

 

Honestly I'm at a Funny stage atm. I still miss my Ex a lot, But NC and accepting that people move on helps.

 

As I said I still love and miss her, You will never forget them, But right now, the point im going through, I do not hurt anymore.

 

This doesn't mean I am anyway near over her, it just means I have my head held high and I'm moving forward.

 

I PROMISE, you will get there.

 

If he contacts you please ignore it, everyone will say the same.

[th90]

I'm glad to know that you've passed this crappy stage I've been buried in now. I know it only takes a matter of time together with very strong will and determination to keep moving on. Eventually, it will pass.

 

I guess you are in this stage where you have fallen out of love with your ex. But of course, you still love her and care about her because you were once so close and were emotionally and physically attached.

 

I feel rather peaceful now but I know it won't last. Before I know it, the crappy feeling will come back at me and ruin my entire day. I know this will go on for a period of time but I will not give up. I still have a lot of people who care for me even a stranger like you would give me so much support and I'm really grateful. Thanks

[itsmyfault]

I know you have said you are not ready yet but do try and go out with friends.

 

I find the weekends are the best. I don't give her a thought. Also I go to the gym every evening. If you keep yourself busy it will get easier.

 

I also think you should go out. Meet some new people. Get hit on abit. I'm not suggesting you take it any furter, but at least it will boost your confidence.

And help you realise you are still desirable to others and you won't be alone forever.

[th90]

Well, I feel like crap again. Cried again. Had a hard time swallowing my food But yeah, it will pass and I will get better eventually.

 

Just a question, well Christmas is coming so is New Year and so is his birthday. Do I reply if he wishes me Merry Christmas and Happy New Year? I don't want to give the impression that I do not want to be friends. In fact, I still hope for future reconciliation. So do I reply?

 

In case he doesn't send me anything, does that mean he has moved on or he doesn't dare to text me as I made it clear to him earlier that I need time to move on and asked him not to contact me anymore?

 

In any case, should I wish him Happy Birthday (in January)?

 

God, I AM SO PATHETIC

[itsmyfault]

You're not pathetic, it is still fresh, You are going through the motions.

 

I have thought about this with my ex too, I have decided it is best not to wish her a Happy xmas or new year, If she does to me, I plan to just delete the message.

 

I made it clear I will talk to her again when "I" am ready.

In my opinion, your best hope for reconciliation is to let sleep dogs lie. Any attempt to contact him will probably decrease the chances.

 

Think of it like this, If you text him and he didn't reply, You'd probably sit there for ages checking your phone. Well my guess is he'd do the same. Its his way of making sure he still has you under the thumb.

 

The only way he will ever come back is if he truly thinks he has lost you (and that it bothers him)

 

I know its not a nice thought but you need to tell yourself its over.

Don't worry about shedding tears. some people say it helps, Personally I refuse to let anyone make me cry but that just my manly ego haha.

 

I also don't think anyone would think you were a bad person for not wishing him happy birthday.. Do you even need to?

 

They are simply just pleasantries, as he left you I don't think he will "care"

and all you do is re-enforce how much your still into him.

 

I hope this helps.

[th90]

Yes it helps! Thank you so much! It's really nice to know your opinion. I just need to gather enough courage NOT to reply him. I was worried if I keep ignoring all his messages then he would assume that I hate him for leaving me or that I have moved on or do not want to talk to him ever again. He will eventually stop at one point and think that I do not expect reconciliation with him and leave me be and secretly wishes me happiness. In other words, I ruin my chance for reconciliation by ignoring his attempts to start any conversation with me.

 

Well, I will put this aside for now. Like you said, I am reinforcing how much I'm still into him if I keep thinking about a future that concerns him. I gotta stop.

[itsmyfault]

What you have to see as well is that you were together 7 years. This would have not been a decision he made without properly thinking about it.

 

Reconciliation, realistically won't happen. Ignoring him won't anger him.

I know you don't want to believe that this is the end, given time you will think differently.

 

I think you said you are at university? You are still young. Adjusting to life without him will be hard. It doesn't new your life is over. You will find someone again who wants to spend their life with you.

 

Also, I notice you said you would like to be friends in the future. I know my ex wants to be friends, however she has moved on. I've said to myself that I won't contact her for "years" I know this is a long time, but really, if she is with another guy I don't need to be in te picture. Should she be single in a year or so's time I'd consider a friendship. No intention of reconciliation.

 

Time changes people, and I can guarantee you that te guy you love won't be there in a years time, or even now.

[th90]

Thanks for staying and keeping up with me. I'm doing medical studies at a university. I know I have a bright future ahead of me and everything will fall into place, sooner or later. Truth is, things are much more complicated than that and I couldn't possibly explain everything to you in a forum like this.

 

I guess letting go is the only thing to do for the mean time. Everytime I cry, I reaffirm myself that he is gone. I wish there is an easier way to do it. It's just that in life, we don't usually learn our lessons if we didn't fall hard enough.

[th90]

Thanks for staying and keeping up with me. I'm doing medical studies at a university. I know I have a bright future ahead of me and everything will fall into place, sooner or later. Truth is, things are much more complicated than that and I couldn't possibly explain everything to you in a forum like this.

 

I guess letting go is the only thing to do for the mean time. Everytime I cry, I reaffirm myself that he is gone. I wish there is an easier way to do it. It's just that in life, we don't usually learn our lessons if we didn't fall hard enough.

[itsmyfault]

Honestly, I have found giving people advice and trying to see things from both sides of a break up has helped me a lot.

 

We can all give advice, But a lot of us won't take our own. The more I post the more I reaffirm what I already know.

 

As you said, You do have a bright future ahead, I imagine you will soon find you don't have time for a relationship.

 

I will be honest, I am at 4 month post break up and really, I am only just adjusting to life as just me again. Thats the longest thing to over come. Just remember friends are one of the best cures.

 

As you've probably already gathered or i've probably already mentioned, I'm a guy.

I thought talking to my friends about my break up would be impossible, I was so pleased when they were happy to listen and help me out.

 

For the first few months I was spending literally every minute I could with them, now I'm becoming me again, Back to the me who was happy in my own company.

 

You will get there. You have already done so great with the NC, Better than I did, I didn't learn my lesson every time I contacted her. Trust me, NC, It's the best way. One day you will wake up and find that you don't cry that day, It will still be on your mind, You just won't have anymore emotion to give it.

 

I have only not cried because I always stop myself, But i did get the lump in my throat, Again, This has passed.

 

Keep on the path you are on and this nightmare will be over before you know it.

 

If you need to keep posting and venting, keep doing so. I'll keep replying.

[th90]

Well to be honest, I did sent him a message after a week of NC. It was a message meant to let him know that I don't hate him for anything and will always love him. I also made a point to him that I'd be happy for him if he finds a new love.(that's just for show actually how can I be happy if his has a new lover? ) But for me, I guess I do love him enough to wish him all the happiness in the world. I'll always pray for his happiness and well-being even if it hurts. I know I shouldn't have sent him that message but I really had to.

 

I don't really tell friends I meet everyday or really often about my break up. I don't believe that they know how I really feel because none of them went through such a LTR. Some are singles. I did however have 1 of my friends who is not staying in the same town to console me of my loss. Talking does help but again it's temporary relief. In the end, I must rely on myself to get through the day.

 

Day by day the break up is becoming more and more real. I guess I'm coming to term with acceptance of the loss of the love of my life.

[itsmyfault]

Love of your life right now. Remember, being your first real love doesn't mean your last, You may be shocked to find that in the future you fall for someone even harder.

 

It will get better, Im at the point now where I don't even want to message my ex, I'm not resisting temptation, I simply have no will to message her. TBH I have nothing to say to her, What would we even talk about? we are two massively different personalities and I have grown with out her.

 

If i'm honest I cant really ever see the friendship she says she wants, We are to different to mash as friends, We only worked as a couple, as just friends? No chance.

[th90]

Well I've gone through a breakup that felt like the end of the world to me. I was 14 years old then lol. Yup, puppy love. I was with my first bf for 8 months. Anyway I got into several very short relationships before I met this guy. He came into my life in the most unexpected way and time. We practically treated each other as husband and wife, as if we were part of each other. What I'm saying is I understand that I will eventually get over him and I'll fall in love again and again with different people. It's just that for the time being, there are too many things about us that I can't let go just yet. But I'm trying to take it a day at a time. I know eventually I have to move on. Life didn't stop because he left me.