reevaluation Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) The ex and I broke up a couple of months ago after being in a relationship for more than a year. I know it doesn't seem long but we were crazy, madly in love with each other. It was one of those can't live without each other kind of love. Because of religious differences we never really talked about the future because we didn't know how our parents would take it. (his family would be okay, and with my family.... well i'm sure they'd come around after they met him and saw how we were together). Anyway, we started arguing a lot, over big and small matters. We've even broken up a few times but gotten back together right away. He broke up with me via text a couple of months ago becuase seeing me would've devastated him (according to him). After a night out with my friends and a little too much to drink, I decided to meet up with him and talk about everything. (horrible, horrible mistake because I was drunk and the night was kinda choppy). We talked about a lot and how he was hurting being away from me and still loved me (exactly how I felt) but didn't want to get back together. I don't understand why he wanted to go through the torture. I left his car crying and went back inside of my apartment. The following day I decided to message him about the situation trying to figure out what's on his mind. He was so cold and heartless. He told me he loved me and still loves me but he does not want to be with me. He wants to figure himself and everything else out and that he cannot see himself with me. That really hurt me but i still can't understand why and how he became like this. I kept trying to convince him, but he just didn't want to make it work. I don't understand why he came to see me and why he's been messaging me flirting with me. He tells me he loves me in one message and how he doesn't feel anything in another. I just don't understand this situation or him. I really want to get past this stage and if we can't be together then just move on but I can't. I don't know why i'm not willing to let go. Something just doesn't seem right with that like we're still not finished or something. (I know it sounds silly). I really want to move on and stop obsessing over this. I really do feel like out of respect he should've talked to me in person to break up with me or at least talk about it afterwards. I saw him once after we broke up and before the night I was talking about. We've also been messaging each other (not talking about the break up) but just making small talk/goofing around/flirting. I have decided to never talk to him again as that's what was making it so hard, but my heart says something completely different. I still want him back but he's just so cold and heartless now. Completely different from the person I went out with, but for some reason I'm making up an excuse for his behavior. I know I didn't do anything for him to be this way towards me, he even told me I was more than wonderful to him, i just don't understand him! It's so hard to just ignore him especially when I still love him so much. Edited November 19, 2012 by reevaluation
Million.to.1 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Ist up, Hello and welcome. Sorry you are hurting and we've all been there and no this is tough for you. A relationship will only work if 2 people want it to. It does seem like he wants to and unfortunately you cannot convince him otherwise. I would suggest reading the NC guide here as you will be directed to this often on this forum as it is believed by many to be the best action to take when dealing with a break-up of any kind. The link in my signature also has info you may want to think about. We are here to help and support you, so work through stuff here for a while rather than seeking answers from you Ex.
taya Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) yeah we cant force anyone to be with us if they dont want to .so my advice is to back off him you see the more you run him down is the more you push him away .so stop bothering him dont text no call let him be the first to contact you from now on ...stop chaseing him because hes pulling away more just set him free.. Edited November 19, 2012 by taya
Author reevaluation Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 hmm... I really don't know what he wants. I stopped messaging him completely unless he sends me a message which is every day. He would be the one sending flirty messages, mine are just goofy (kind of stuff he's always loved). It just hurts that he's playing with my emotions. I'm definitely not having any form of communication with him from now on especially after the last conversation we had. I just can't help but think about all the stuff I may have done for him to turn this way. I hate that I keep blaming myself for the break up when it was both of our faults.
Author reevaluation Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 Ist up, Hello and welcome. Sorry you are hurting and we've all been there and no this is tough for you. A relationship will only work if 2 people want it to. It does seem like he wants to and unfortunately you cannot convince him otherwise. I would suggest reading the NC guide here as you will be directed to this often on this forum as it is believed by many to be the best action to take when dealing with a break-up of any kind. The link in my signature also has info you may want to think about. We are here to help and support you, so work through stuff here for a while rather than seeking answers from you Ex. Thank you for the link. I've read over it and feel even more confident on my decision for Nc.
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