mortensorchid Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I posted about this the other weekend when I got a sudden and jarring phone call. For some further information, see this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/356535-why-im-crying-right-now I'll try to make this as brief as possible, but in case I don't get comfortable ... 10 years ago we were introduced to each other. I was so in love with him it was almost ridiculous, I thought he was perfect in every way and I really thought he was The One. After about six months together, however, he started acting strangely. He didn't want to do things, he'd rather stay home (which 99% of the time, he did). He started complaining about my friends and how crazy they are/were. He didn't have any so I couldn't do the same. In fact, he didn't have much of a social life before I came along. Then one day it all came crashing down without much warning. I had just come from a family friend's funeral when he came by that afternoon in a foul mood. He was angry at me because I didn't invite him to a party the other week. I did, he said he didn't want to go. He said I didn't invite him to go to museum, I said the same answer. He was angry I didn't ask him to go to that funeral that day, I said he wouldn't have come anyway and why would I ask him to go to a funeral for a person he didn't know? He agreed. THen he said he wanted us to keep seeing each other but not go steady anymore. I kept asking why he was like this, he said he didn't know. THen he broke it off. I found out later on that he didn't really know what an LTR was. He claimed to have been in love once years before, but that only lasted 2 months, it ended because she moved away for a job opportunity. Convieniently enough, she had recently emailed him telling him that (at the time) she lived in Germany and she had recently gotten married. He said he felt like he didn't have with me the same thing that he had with her. I was furious to say the least, and I threw him out of my house over it. After that he never mentioned her/it again. I have no idea if he maintained any kind of contact with her since then. SO then he came back because he was going to try again, he held on for another 6 months then he broke it off again. He said the first time he was bored, the second time that my lifestyle is too crazy for him. I was at the end of my rope with him. I tried doing what he wanted, he was angry. I tried defying him, he was still unhappy. One day I just broke down in tears and screamed "WHAT DO YOU WANT??!?!?" and he said he didn't know. I still saw him for the next 2 1/2-3 years, as he lived only a few streets over from me. I was really in a state of denial because I was thinking he was going to come back. I tried to see others, I tried to move on with things. I took out my misery in food and my weight began to creep upward. Then I got my first real bf after him, and wouldn't you know it he showed up again at my doorstep. It was the morning after the new bf and I had done the deed and he was wondering why I hadn't called in two months. And then he moved away in the fall of 05 and I cried and cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore, and then more tears came. I had salt caked under my eyes from all the crying, and I was crazy. He called on Saturday after 7 years of silence. I said I wouldn't see him. My policeman friends said to be careful because he knows where I live and if he shows up to call them. But what do you do when you've lost the love of your life and he still provokes such sadness and raw emotions within you? I tried to forget, tried and tried to move on, and it's been terrible. Nothing but leftovers and scraps are around me, I've been burned so many times it's almost ridiculous. Everyone gives you a pat on the head and say "Oh someday you will find that wonderful person who really loves you." But how do I forget this hurt and the roller coaster that he still is able to put me on? And why does it happen? Because he was the love of my life, like it or not, and that's what it's like.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 You won't know who is the love of your life until just before you die.
xxoo Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 How does this guy get the honor or "love of your life"? Now that you truly know him, you don't even like him. So how is he the love of your life?
mickleb Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I'll suggest you do one of two things: Some serious therapy. (I mean this with the utmost respect.) This guy has commitment phobia, and you sound like a passive CP. Your rational brain requires some training to figure out why you'd want to hold onto a man who you can only rely on to abandon you, cruelly and repeatedly. Alternatively, you could go out with him again. I don't usually advocate the second option but I was once hung up on a guy five years after he'd left me. I met up with him again and was over him within two weeks. (In reality, after all that time without him, it was easy to see that he was just a guy.) Just don't wallow in your fantasy and continue to complain about how unhappy it makes you. You are choosing to idealise someone who is far from perfect. You can stop it.
Recommended Posts