in a very very dark place

[Minadee]

hi there all.

long story short, those of you who have been following me know i was with my ex three years. broke up with me october 31st because i didnt make him happy anymore, told me he still loved me. find out im pregnant. tell him and he's there for me (kind of) with driving me to appointments and such. tells me he will support me through the abortion but wouldnt be there if i had the child. feel fine and hope that he will come back to me. show him i'm changing and more positive. he kissed me a couple of mondays ago. had sex with him tues 13th after i went around to his. find out today that he had another girl over last night and that he was so happy and that it was his new beginning. break down. confront him and he tells me hes moving on and i should be happy for him. now i am crushed, all self esteem is gone, all hope of being with him is gone. the pain that sears through me when i think about him sharing OUR bed with her is killing me. the day when i wake up and it's facebook official it will kill me. someone help me please, i really thought he would come home to me, but he has gone off with an 18 year old blonde. i can't do this. i have cried till i have thrown up and now i'm in a ball, completley numb. i love him so much and i can't believe this has happened. i cant believe he has replaced me so easily.

Edited November 14, 2012 by Minadee

[PYTpisces]

I'm so sorry Minadee, I don't mean this is a mean way at all, but this isn't as big a shock to me as it is to you, naturally, because you're the one feeling the pain. I'm not shocked because I remember your story and how much of a jerk he is. Not only did he play with your heart, but this "new beginning" isn't much of a new beginning if he was still kissing you and sleeping with you while juggling this new chick. He is a confused mess, and as I said before, not a real man. He might even be sadistic and derive pleasure from hurting you for the simple fact that he said you should be happy for him after he ripped your heart out and played volley ball with it... He has no regard for your feelings, and I'm weary he is capable of feeling empathy for anyone. He sees only himself. May I ask why you're still friends with him on facebook? You don't need to see any of that stuff. It's tearing you apart, which is no good and useless because Facebook is an illusion. If you happen to see his relationship status change to "in a relationship" your mind instantaneously presumes that theyre happy and frolicking in a field of gold somewhere, and it's just NOT true. He is still the same A-hole with her as he was with you. Character is more or less fixed once we hit adulthood. THESE ARE HIS TRUE COLORS. He has just showed you who he really is, believe him! (as Maya Angelou once said). I can't vacuum the pain out of you that you feel right now. I'm sorry that he is so cruel... actually I'm more sorry for him because he will reap what he sows. Do not seek refuge through him ever again. He can't give you any peace of mind. He is poison. Begin sucking the poison out of your life and veins. Shift your focus onto things that give you LIFE, not deprive you of it. It will take time but you can do it and we're here to help.

[Treasa]

Honestly, and I know this will be very controversial, but this is honestly what I think you should do:

 

1. Don't have the abortion. Carry the baby to term. You may, in the future, realize that this child is yours and will always love you. It may be the greatest joy you ever experience. And if you carry it to term and decide you just can't be a mother, give it to a family who really would love a child.

2. If you keep a child, tell him that you don't care if he has anything to do with it or not, but that he's GOING to be paying child support.

3. Send a friendly message to his new chickie advising her not to get too comfortable with him taking HER out, because he's going to be paying you child support because you're carrying his child to term.

 

My mom never wanted to have kids. But when she had me (I was an accident), she said, and has maintained since then, that I am the best thing in her entire life, and the best thing to ever happen to her.

 

By the way, I am pro-choice...but my gut is telling me to give you this advice. Turn your love toward your child and yourself. Someday when the pain is gone, you might really wish you could go back and time and make different decisions than the one you're going to make.

[lemonlime]

Its terrible advice to tell her to use the baby as a way to manipulate him and his new relationship

[PYTpisces]

Its terrible advice to tell her to use the baby as a way to manipulate him and his new relationship

 

I don't see Treasa's opinion as manipulation. IF she keeps the baby, she has every right to request that the father share responsibility. She didn't make the baby on her own. THe great thing about being a woman though ( for now at least) is that she has options and can do what's in her heart for herself and baby

[esteem-jam]

When things like these come up, girl pregnant and man is nowhere, I remember this song:

"ed o.g. & da bulldogs - be a father to your child"

 

It has some powerful verses, mainly for males, and it also says this:

But if the brother man can do it better than you can,

let him. Don't sweat him, duke

Let him do the job that you couldn't do.

 

He may not be near you, but I think by court you will get support money. No shame in this game, such are laws and that what courts are made for.

[YorickBrown]

hi there all.

long story short, those of you who have been following me know i was with my ex three years. broke up with me october 31st because i didnt make him happy anymore, told me he still loved me. find out im pregnant. tell him and he's there for me (kind of) with driving me to appointments and such. tells me he will support me through the abortion but wouldnt be there if i had the child. feel fine and hope that he will come back to me. show him i'm changing and more positive. he kissed me a couple of mondays ago. had sex with him tues 13th after i went around to his. find out today that he had another girl over last night and that he was so happy and that it was his new beginning. break down. confront him and he tells me hes moving on and i should be happy for him. now i am crushed, all self esteem is gone, all hope of being with him is gone. the pain that sears through me when i think about him sharing OUR bed with her is killing me. the day when i wake up and it's facebook official it will kill me. someone help me please, i really thought he would come home to me, but he has gone off with an 18 year old blonde. i can't do this. i have cried till i have thrown up and now i'm in a ball, completley numb. i love him so much and i can't believe this has happened. i cant believe he has replaced me so easily.

 

OM_ !!! (i left out the "G" coz i hav issues with Him) I'm really sorry about your predicament Ms.Dee...i dunno how you will take my reply to you (especially since I kinda already did here) and we're really kinda "opposites" in our uhmmm..."predicaments".

 

Let me just start off by saying: DO NOT ABORT the baby. I mean, your guy (and I hope soon to be ex) is a first class A-hole... I mean c'mon why even hold on to that piece of sh*t?!! (excuse my French) in the first place? He's practically forcing you to kill an innocent...probably to get rid of you next (which you already know by now). I say, hold on to the child and "force" it on him....expose the muthaf*cker on Facebook.

 

I'm sorry. I just cannot understand nor accept it. My ex-gf confessed to me a couple of months before our break-up that she had an abortion herself (probably to start making me feel upset --which I did...for awhile, to set me up for a break-up) and I told her the past is the past and I forgave her...but I also told her that I WILL NEVER FORGIVE her if she did that to me and our unborn child again (if ever I got her pregnant...) In fact, I think I told her, to do whatever she needs to do and whatever the cost to me...but NEVER, EVER resort to Abortion especially if there is a chance that the baby is mine. Otherwise, I will be retaliating by Arsoning her entire village to ashes...and that's just for a warm-up (pun intended)....which probably gave her a fiery reason to break up with me and get married to some rich guy in a hurry...But hey, I saved a child (which Im recently finding out...is probably mine) Bummer.

 

 

PS: I can lend you my "ninja" (after I'm done with him/her ) He/she can hide under your bed...and make people "disappear" without a trace (or so he/she claims)

Edited November 17, 2012 by YorickBrown

[taya]

I'm so sorry Minadee, I don't mean this is a mean way at all, but this isn't as big a shock to me as it is to you, naturally, because you're the one feeling the pain. I'm not shocked because I remember your story and how much of a jerk he is. Not only did he play with your heart, but this "new beginning" isn't much of a new beginning if he was still kissing you and sleeping with you while juggling this new chick. He is a confused mess, and as I said before, not a real man. He might even be sadistic and derive pleasure from hurting you for the simple fact that he said you should be happy for him after he ripped your heart out and played volley ball with it... He has no regard for your feelings, and I'm weary he is capable of feeling empathy for anyone. He sees only himself. May I ask why you're still friends with him on facebook? You don't need to see any of that stuff. It's tearing you apart, which is no good and useless because Facebook is an illusion. If you happen to see his relationship status change to "in a relationship" your mind instantaneously presumes that theyre happy and frolicking in a field of gold somewhere, and it's just NOT true. He is still the same A-hole with her as he was with you. Character is more or less fixed once we hit adulthood. THESE ARE HIS TRUE COLORS. He has just showed you who he really is, believe him! (as Maya Angelou once said). I can't vacuum the pain out of you that you feel right now. I'm sorry that he is so cruel... actually I'm more sorry for him because he will reap what he sows. Do not seek refuge through him ever again. He can't give you any peace of mind. He is poison. Begin sucking the poison out of your life and veins. Shift your focus onto things that give you LIFE, not deprive you of it. It will take time but you can do it and we're here to help.

 

 

yeah i agree with this ........ you should have let him go a long time ..if he dident change then why you think he would now he as showed you what a ass he as been in the past and he still being a ass and you stay ..so get your self up and stop crying over a know good man let that girl have him your not missing out on nothing good any ways ..start over your life with your baby and get a better guy in the future so your child can have a real dad a real family stop the crying and wake up ..think about it hes not a good guy to you and never been .start over hun find a man that will love you and your child a real man

[theLWord]

I'm sorry you are going through this. If he has moved on, you have to as well. You need to stay LC with him and only speak about your baby. It's messed up that he did that to you but it does get better and one day you will find someone who isn't a jerk. Take time for yourself now.

 

As far as the abortion thing, this is up to you. Who cares what he wants, it's your body. Don't make a decision based on what he wants, or anyone else who says it's right or wrong for that matter. If you want to have the baby, do that. If you don't, then have an abortion. I don't know anything about your life but consider your age, did you ever want a baby, employment, education.. Depending on how far along you are, you still have options, and it's all up to you.