YorickBrown Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I "suffered" a break-up several months ago (around April)...so most of my posts would be concentrated in these threads here. Im doing a lot better now (thats why I havent been posting anymore on LS). I think I got over it, as best as I possibly could (no contact whatsover, forget-the-whole-thing-and-move on and all that)....well, until several hours ago, when i got the really bothersome news: "Hey btw, did you know your ex-girlfriend gave birth recently?" WTF!?!?! Could I possibly be the father? I just scoffed at it of course, but i was already half-choking on my salad and my mind was racing...my heart skipped a beat...and im back here...and I friggin dont know how to finish this post Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Good grief. I think I would start by asking her. Geas. What a world, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
DuckSoup Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 The timing of the birth as compare to the April breakup suggests that she might have broken up with you or cleverly induced you to break up with her because she had just found out she was pregnant but knew it wasn't yours. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Was she seeing this guy while you were together? It very well could be yours assuming you 2 were still going at it. 50 50 chance is my guess. Unless she was seeing more than one guy behind your back and was a total ho. Then you might be ok. That sucks..sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Good grief. I think I would start by asking her. Geas. What a world, huh? And break No Contact?!? Jeez... that would certainly open up a world of humiliation & hurt (mostly on me) to say the least..and how can I be sure she's telling the truth...or if she even knows the truth herself?!? And oh, did I mention she suddenly "got married" just recently?!? but that's the least of the "complications"....like I said, I don't know why this "bothers" me so much, or how I should feel about it really ...(pretty difficult to describe it) but i feel somewhat .... i dunno what the word is..."robbed" i guess, again but on a whole new massive level this time and for me to find out this late...talk about adding insult to injury...just when I was "sobering up", now I have this "kid" (my first one), that may be mine that puts me back...jeez ...I can't stop thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
cheerfuldoer Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 I think knowing the truth behind the paternity of the baby is the first step. If the baby isn't your child, then you can move forward. If the baby is your child, then you can move forward. She has some interesting behavior. I totally understand why this bothers you. I'm sure you don't know how to feel because you have no idea if you are a father or not, and you've had no time to prepare. It's kind of like a punch to the gut that you weren't expecting. I'm sorry you are going through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 The timing of the birth as compare to the April breakup suggests that she might have broken up with you or cleverly induced you to break up with her because she had just found out she was pregnant but knew it wasn't yours. Was she seeing this guy while you were together? It very well could be yours assuming you 2 were still going at it. 50 50 chance is my guess. Unless she was seeing more than one guy behind your back and was a total ho. Then you might be ok. That sucks..sorry Thanks guys for the commiserations, but regardless of what kind of person my ex-gf is....and I kinda already "knew" even from the start that she was as, cavalier99 puts it, a "ho" of sorts, I had this "stupid", very retarded notion that I could somehow "rescue and reform" her (I know, I know, Im an idiot ). We even (well, mostly I did) have a "getaway" plan for us to leave her "hoe-ing & gold-digging" days and her shady family behind after she graduated from college (she's only 22). Nways, this is a total cluster**** and now I may possibly have a kid left behind. Mathematically speaking, the probability that the baby is mine is just too much for me to ignore. And for the freaking life of me I CANNOT STOP thinking about it now. I feel as if a part of me has been lost or stolen from me. WTF is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Dude... Calm down. Put your pride aside and request a paternity test, infact DEMAND one...go to Maury Povich if u have to!!!! It's better to find out sooner than later... It's not about you anymore until you find out the truth... Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Wow im sort our my league on this one. I hope there are some veterans on this site that chime in. How recovered are u? Would breaking NC really mess you up? I guess even jf it did you might have to suck it up and do it. Unless of course you don't want to know? I think i would need to know but f-k. That raises other questions. Can u talk to a therapist about this? Man im at a loss for words. I guess ask your self what is the right thing to do. It seems right to find out. At least you wont be wondering and im sure you can handle a conversation. You might have to bite the bullet on this one and call, see what she says ecetera. Just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 I agree with pinkie. This will f-u you up not knowing. Call find out situation and demand paternity test. NC goes out the windows with stuff like this. Man up. Bigger issues are at hand besides how you feel. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 I think knowing the truth behind the paternity of the baby is the first step. If the baby isn't your child, then you can move forward. If the baby is your child, then you can move forward. She has some interesting behavior. I totally understand why this bothers you. I'm sure you don't know how to feel because you have no idea if you are a father or not, and you've had no time to prepare. It's kind of like a punch to the gut that you weren't expecting. I'm sorry you are going through this. Yeah I know. The "knowing" the truth part is the key to getting this "opened" up again and moving forward but geezus...its like getting $crewed all over again...I may have to shell out at least U$500 (and that's just to begin with) for DNA testing, not to mention the people, time, effort and who knows what else I have to bother with and involve to get to the truth...not only does it hurt but its gonna be "expen$ive" and not only in monetary terms. I have to go back "there" where i am an outsider (a place where everybody knows somebody, and everyone else) and sort this out...the process will be painful to say the least (and probably dangerous)...and that's just the "finding out" part, getting the results back is a whole new other level of clusterf*ck, especially if it turns out Im the real father. Is it worth going through? This is one of those "damn if you do, damn if you don't, you're just damned" scenarios which I could not have possibly prepared. Darn it! :mad:why couldn't I have just used "protection" all the time with her...or why couldn't she have given birth like....i dunno, in February of next year (then mathematically I wouldn't have to deal with this moral dilemma) "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in" Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 This is one of those key times in ones life that shows what you are made of and it isnt always easy. Ask for the strength and courage to do what is right, however hard, and you will come out of this ok. It sucks but i think you know what you need to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Dude... Calm down. Put your pride aside and request a paternity test, infact DEMAND one...go to Maury Povich if u have to!!!! It's better to find out sooner than later... It's not about you anymore until you find out the truth... I am calm...as a cucumber (im munching one right now as matter of fact). I am definitely considering a paternity/DNAtest based on this flowchart (although, I am not sure if I could or should even "DEMAND" one). I'd like to keep it as "low-key" as much as possible (stealthy even) so as not to cause any unnecessary uproar until the results come out...And that's another problem I have to deal with especially if the results come out positive ( ). Honestly, I might just go ballistic by then and end up jamming this cucumber up somebody's ass. This just totally ruins my "recovery' process and my immediate travel plans for the coming holidays this year and the next (if the world doesnt end this Dec.2012 that is....) I mean, I don't really have any well-laid plans but a paternity test certainly wasn't in the works or even crossed my mind until yesterday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Indy C Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Unfortunately you dont have much of a choice here. Let me ask you a question do you think you will EVER be able to push the thought of that kid possibly being yours away ? The only thing that will bring any kind of closure to it is finding out the truth. It's going to be tough but I dont see much choice here 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Unfortunately you dont have much of a choice here. Let me ask you a question do you think you will EVER be able to push the thought of that kid possibly being yours away ? The only thing that will bring any kind of closure to it is finding out the truth. It's going to be tough but I dont see much choice here Well, I do have a choice...but to answer your question... "nope", not now at least, I mean...I could try and I'm open to suggestions on how to go about you know.... just to No "spellcasting" sh*t though but seriously, its been bugging me all day since yesterday, and im in a no-win situation on this one...and its really my fault and I want to do the right thing...coz this is some kind of life-changing-generational-affecting decision with a lot of parties involved... Link to post Share on other sites
Minadee Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Hi Yorick. I think the first step you need to take is to calm down, a lot. You have to be calm and you have to be mentally prepared for what she may or may not tell you. If you thunder in, demanding to know you might not be able to cope with with what she has to say. Deep breaths. Of course there is a chance that this child is yours, there is no getting away from that, and like you said yourself, you wont be able to push this to the back of your mind. You are either the father, or you are not, and you need to be able to handle both of those answers. Goodluck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 YB, This happened to my son when he was in his last year of high school. He and his XGF were broken up and she was dating other guys. She called him up to tell him she was pregnant. After the baby was born, they had a DNA test done. It was his baby! Although they didn't want to marry each other, they both wanted to be good parents. We had to pay for a lawyer to legalize everything, as she had put on the birth certificate "father unknown". So, the burden of proof was on us in order for my son to have paternal rights in our state! A new birth certificate was issued after the DNA tests results came back. My son also paid her child support while his son was growing up. They both(and us) were there throughout his growing up. He is almost grown now and really respects how everyone pulled together for his benefit! P.S. If the girl refuses to take a DNA test, you will have to hire a lawyer, and they will make her take one. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 The only other option I see here is for you to wait it out.... If you aren't going to be assertive. Eventually someone will call you and say 'Dude, this baby looks like you spit him/her out!' OR 'Dude, there's no wayyyy it looks like yours'. (usually the 1st child if it's a girl will look more like her father, if its a boy will favor the mother, IMO) But we know this is still no foolproof way of knowing.... AND this would be a cop out on your part.... Honestly, I don't know what else to tell ya, besides put all the other plans you had for yourself on hold and get busy trying to get to the bottom of this. Hey you never know, it may NOT be yours and you can go on with your life as planned. But at least you'll know, you did the right thing from the git go and no one can call you a deadbeat... Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Hi Yorick. I think the first step you need to take is to calm down, a lot. You have to be calm and you have to be mentally prepared for what she may or may not tell you. If you thunder in, demanding to know you might not be able to cope with with what she has to say. Deep breaths. Of course there is a chance that this child is yours, there is no getting away from that, and like you said yourself, you wont be able to push this to the back of your mind. You are either the father, or you are not, and you need to be able to handle both of those answers. Goodluck! Dear Minadee, Thanks for the advice, but you don't have to worry about my calmness:bunny: or my thundering in (I dont carry a lot of thundering --- i have someone that carry it for me ) In any case, as I've mentioned before, when I go through with the DNA collecting, it will be as secretly, quickly and quietly as possible (I probably have to hire a ninja). Thus, the first step I did is itemize the financial cost, as follows: Paternity Dna collecting kit/services (1 father/1child): U$ 350-500 Airfare/Transportation (incl. getaway car): ------------ 100-200 Room & Board accomodations (2-3 days): ------------- 150-225 Local bribes, dole-outs and tips (for thugs):----------- 100-150 Professional extractor (ninja): ------------------------- 1,000+ Getting the + results and having my ex-gf & her soon to be ex-husband strung out like a piñata --------- Pricele$$ For everything else...there's Paypal (or I could just call my Uncle Sal ---who is kinda mental) Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 As if things couldn't get any worse....I just read our Constitution's Family Code laws on biological father's rights.... ....well it doesnt look so good for me (when did it ever). Oh God! (if only I still believed in you) I'm so screwed up right now...and its just beginning. Should I even continue with the paternity tests? The odds are stacked against me...I'm afraid of what I'll do if it turns out positive (I don't even want to think about it, but I cant help it)...its killing me right now NOt knowing:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
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