Eternal Sunshine Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Yeah, been in this situation once. Went back and forth couple of times, when he begged etc only for his doubts to return. Please don't do that. When someone expresses doubts, it is all over.
Author City_Lover Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 You are all simply the best. Smart, compassionate-and seemingly clairvoyant! Last night he sent me a message, this one confirming that he shipped my belongings and asking when someone will be around to sign for the package. Well, nobody is going to be around to sign for anything (he should know this!), so I am feeling a little disheartened, because it may require a few more exchanges to get my belongings back in my hands. I'll send a brief, business-like response this afternoon, but I really want this necessary contact over. I hate that it sends me back into a tailspin of unhealthy questions (When do I respond? What do I say? How will it look? Why is he really writing?) over a decision I feel such certainty about, otherwise. Thank you to each and every person who responded with your kind words and thoughtful insights. You have helped me more than you can possibly imagine!
Author City_Lover Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) Since he described her as 'crazy' - that may his sense of a "normal gal he dates' - and if you're not full of drama he won't view that as "exciting" to HIM! Most people keep choosing the same kind of folks "they are used to" because it's THEIR comfort zone. You can't make yourself something you're not - nor would you want to. You are absolutely correct-when we first got together he often complimented me on my maturity and lack of 'drama', but when everything came to a head last week, I remember him commenting that the times he's felt a strong, 'falling in love' feeling for women, the subjects of his affections often turned out to be 'crazy', and he wondered out loud if this pattern was bad for him. It's clear to me that it is, but that's a personal problem for him now and none of my concern. The realization is comforting though! Edited November 17, 2012 by City_Lover
kookybunny Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 City- if he has already shipped it, what does it matter when someone will be around to get it???? The purpose of 'crumbs' is like peeking your head into someone life and poking them with a stick every once in a while- to get a reaction, to make sure they don't forget about you etc etc. It is validating to emotionally distant narccisstic men. ANY reaction from you gets them off. ANY. I remember getting constant emails from my complete a-hole of an ex, asking me inane questions and trying to get a reaction out of me. I replied to him to leave me alone and he wrote back thanking me for 'talking like this'. Talking??? He even sent me the inscription someone had written in one of my favorite books word for word in an email. I had left it at his house! Telling me that he had a box of my stuff for me to pick up. This was SIX MONTHS after him trying to get at me with dumb emails that I never responded to. Felt great. But this was obviously another failed attempt, his last ditch effort. He had a small one bedroom apartment, it's not like he just found that stuff. He had been holding onto it like an ace in his back pocket, waiting for a chance to try and reel me in like a fish, or get some attention from me, or validation that he is not a bad person for the way he behaved etc etc. I was sad to lose that book, but he didn't get a response to that one either. There is NOTHING valuable enough to bring that energy back into my life again over. Proud of you for how you have been so far. Wish you hadn't answered his dumb flower question. Not to be rude but don't hold your breath on that. It seems he has a way of insinuating a future that never materialized, in order to keep you on the hook. This website and these articles should help you out. You are way better than this! xoxo Indecision About You Isn’t Sexy Or Acceptable | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Does Emotionally Unavailable Equal He’s Just Not That Into You? | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 1 | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue
threebyfate Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 You are absolutely correct-when we first got together he often complimented me on my maturity and lack of 'drama', but when everything came to a head last week, I remember him commenting that the times he's felt a strong, 'falling in love' feeling for women, the subjects of his affections often turned out to be 'crazy', and he wondered out loud if this pattern was bad for him. It's clear to me that it is, but that's a personal problem for him now and none of my concern. The realization is comforting though!To add to this, notice how he's trying to agitate for crazy from you? That's not unusual for emotionally unhealthy individuals to do, to subconsciously recreate their comfort zone relationships. It would greatly explain why he told you he's not in love but still wants to date. Drama. 1
2sunny Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Just ask for the tracking number! Maybe you can retrieve it from the central shipping location. He's asking innate questions - because IF you answer - it feeds his ego.
Author City_Lover Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 Hi All, Thanks again to everyone that shared your thoughts with me. I have a puzzling update, but (sadly) I think my little tale goes in the Breakup forum now: Breakup Ethics - "Here's Your Lovely Parting Gift!" I've really been thrown for a loop, and would love to hear any of your thoughts. Your input has been invaluable so far-thanks!
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