BetheButterfly Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 BeTheButterfly, You are so kind & I appreciate your help again.I will share these details later because I think you are right & you are asking all the right questions...I just don't have much time to really delve into everything at the moment.Thanks again. I think it'd be great to tell a licensed psychologist the answers to the questions, preferably a woman who is worthy of trust. I very much hope that soon you will meet a wonderful man whose looks are a "9" with a personality that attracts you AND who loves and accepts you and is faithful to you. It'd be cool for y'all to have "kinky sex" or "rough sex" together without him looking for other women. I understand perfectly why that hurt you when this guy seems to have been doing that. Please take care. 1
mickleb Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 He didn't technically rape me because although I said "no", I didn't really care.If at a point, I wanted to be serious & push him off & put my foot down...and if he didn't stop at that point...that would have been rape in my eyes. So, I'm presuming, your behaviour must have clearly demonstrated to this guy that you did not actually care if you had sex, and that your 'no' was not serious. I'm also presuming that you relayed enough information about the events so that your therapist was sure your 'no' did not mean 'no'. If your 'no' was, clearly, not serious, this guy could be deemed as having 'reasonably' misunderstood the situation. You say you don't feel he raped you (which is the most important thing). If you feel okay about his behaviour, you cannot be a victim in this situation. If that is the case, however, I'd suggest you be careful with using words like 'force', as such language could get this guy into serious trouble. If your behaviour clearly demonstrated consent, I'm not sure you could say he forced anything on you. I ended up ignoring him because I guess I saw that as my way of rejecting him before he could reject me.May not have been the most adult thing to do but hey, It's a done deal. Okay. I have my personal opinion on how you could have handled that particular part of the relationship but, as you say, it's done now, so it's a bit moot. Thanks again to everyone & I mean ho harm or disrespect.I still love hearing everyone's feedback, advice & concerns. You're welcome. Glad we could, collectively, be of assistance. Stay safe. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 So, I'm presuming, your behaviour must have clearly demonstrated to this guy that you did not actually care if you had sex, and that your 'no' was not serious. I'm also presuming that you relayed enough information about the events so that your therapist was sure your 'no' did not mean 'no'. If your 'no' was, clearly, not serious, this guy could be deemed as having 'reasonably' misunderstood the situation. You say you don't feel he raped you (which is the most important thing). If you feel okay about his behaviour, you cannot be a victim in this situation. If that is the case, however, I'd suggest you be careful with using words like 'force', as such language could get this guy into serious trouble. If your behaviour clearly demonstrated consent, I'm not sure you could say he forced anything on you. Okay. I have my personal opinion on how you could have handled that particular part of the relationship but, as you say, it's done now, so it's a bit moot. Thanks again Mikleb, Yes....I'm pretty sure it was understood by both of us that sex would most likely happen.My "punishment" that day,was to have to be completely naked at his house so....I knew we would be having sex.Again....maybe not the smartest decision but I made it.
oSapphire Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Thank you for this information & I agree with you as well He is not a social worker he is a lisenced therapist & he works at a facility which has all kinds of mental health services & also has psychologists in the buliding who all specialize in different areas of psychology so they will match me up with a doctor that I fit the criteria for. I'm glad. I hope you get well soon. 1
raea Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 .I'm actually not sure wheteher I had a manic episode or a hypermanic episode.But...I'm not sure that you're information is 100% accurate The only information I provided is what you stated in previous posts: that you had manic episodes after a previous break up. Using that information, if you TRULY did have mania, and not hypo-manic, you would be diagnosed bipolar I. It's not a huge deal, except that those with type I tend to make much much much more impulsive decisions and occasionally end up in much riskier situations. http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=67728 It may also be that he heard your cases, and felt it was hypo and not manic, hence his diagnosis. Who knows. If you're referring to the NPD and my statement that it can be difficult to work with, again, I don't speak from experience. I speak from research validated by many professionals before I ever got into the field. Basics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) However, my only concern is you and your safety. Labels don't mean ANYTHING if they aren't being used for bettering life. I think a previous poster poses a good question though - what is your goal in therapy? If it's not to better your life, the point is moot. What are you doing about the POF guy since all of that occurred?
Author AsItIs Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 The only information I provided is what you stated in previous posts: that you had manic episodes after a previous break up. Using that information, if you TRULY did have mania, and not hypo-manic, you would be diagnosed bipolar I. It's not a huge deal, except that those with type I tend to make much much much more impulsive decisions and occasionally end up in much riskier situations. http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=67728 It may also be that he heard your cases, and felt it was hypo and not manic, hence his diagnosis. Who knows. If you're referring to the NPD and my statement that it can be difficult to work with, again, I don't speak from experience. I speak from research validated by many professionals before I ever got into the field. Basics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) However, my only concern is you and your safety. Labels don't mean ANYTHING if they aren't being used for bettering life. I think a previous poster poses a good question though - what is your goal in therapy? If it's not to better your life, the point is moot. What are you doing about the POF guy since all of that occurred? Thanks for the response & information Raea, That was my mistake & I apologize. I said I had a "manic" episode but, I never did. I have had hypermanic episodes a few times now.I just wasn't aware of the technicalities & threw the "manic" word out, without knowing the exact qualifications that would classify it as a "manic". In my hypo manic phase I feel euphoric, I have extreme confidence & outgoingness & hypersexuality.I cut people off when they talk too.I just generally feel really happy.I stay in this elevated state for days on end. I have never went into psychosis or did anything extremely reckless though. I wonder if it's possible to have Bipolar II with comorbid NPD? I did read your link about Narcissism & I have to say that I fit the criteria almost to a tee.My mother is a narcissist & I was her emotional support(almost more of a friend than a mother daughter relationship). I grew up learning how to manipulate much older people from a very young age.And as I said before, even though I know my father loves me, he never ever said the words "I love you".He was the submissive one in the household.I believe that's why I have learned to try to seek "love" from dominant men. I just want everyone to like me so I learned how to charm people into liking me but, most of the time, it's just way too easy, & then I lose respect for that person.I truley seek the love from another narcissist.That's my most prized possesion. I originally called to make an appointment to see a psychologist 2 months ago when I had a major depressive episode.That major depression came from my breakup with my ex, who I was seeing in the neighborhood & it just emotionally killed me....knowing that our relationship was really over & I couldn't do anything to change it. Now here's where you guys are gonna bash me but, I'm being honest... My main goal in going to therapy now is for me ex to see that I'm making changes in my life.I befriended his sister (she is a diagnosed schitzophrenic) & she is our secret spy.I know she tells him about me.We hang out every week.At first, I just wanted to befriend her to stay close to the family but...we have actually became very close friends & I like her alot.She knows I just got diagnosed & I can practically guarantee that she told my ex about it. And I apologize if I'm not writing as elequently as I would like to but I'm a little distracted now.My ex just texted me today.He saw me a couple of hours ago, I guess he drove by & it's making me a little sad knowing I can't respond.I don't respond for selfish reasons...I want him to know that I will never accept friendship from him (as his 2 other ex's did & they're still pining for him)We were best friends & I know he misses me.He even texted me 2 months ago(when I had my major depressive episode claiming he was going to kill himself) I just wish he would go get help too because he has Borderline personality disorder/ NPD.He is a therapist so I'm sure he will never get help but, I can't help but think of us getting back together one day in the future And the guy from POF....I'm not going to do anything about it at this point.He has my contact information & if he feels ready to try having a relationship,he knows how to get back in touch with me.
raea Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Wouldn't ever bash ya for being honest. Like I stated previously, I'm trained as a psychologist and it just set my flags off. First and foremost, my concern is always the safety. Even if you are just seeing a therapist for those reasons, it wouldn't hurt to be honest while there and see if you can learn a little bit you're paying for it regardless, and maybe if you are 100% honest with them you'll start to enjoy it for what it is and for bettering yourself more so than to impress the ex! its possible to have comorbid biP and NP, yes. but, don't diagnose yourself and stick yourself in a box without another opinion (if you feel comfortable bringing that up, of course!). I can't say much without actually seeing someone, so I only brought it up to address what you mentioned first. I'm glad you're staying away from the POF guy for the moment. Even though you say it wasn't rape because your intentions were to let him, I'm a firm believer that once the words NO are spoken all should stop and he didn't do that, so it concerns me. As many have stated... if you do intend to continue looking for those type of relationships in which you give others power over you, I encourage you to come up with safe words and boundaries BEFORE you end up naked in their house. Good luck!
Author AsItIs Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) Wouldn't ever bash ya for being honest. Like I stated previously, I'm trained as a psychologist and it just set my flags off. First and foremost, my concern is always the safety. Even if you are just seeing a therapist for those reasons, it wouldn't hurt to be honest while there and see if you can learn a little bit you're paying for it regardless, and maybe if you are 100% honest with them you'll start to enjoy it for what it is and for bettering yourself more so than to impress the ex! its possible to have comorbid biP and NP, yes. but, don't diagnose yourself and stick yourself in a box without another opinion (if you feel comfortable bringing that up, of course!). I can't say much without actually seeing someone, so I only brought it up to address what you mentioned first. I'm glad you're staying away from the POF guy for the moment. Even though you say it wasn't rape because your intentions were to let him, I'm a firm believer that once the words NO are spoken all should stop and he didn't do that, so it concerns me. As many have stated... if you do intend to continue looking for those type of relationships in which you give others power over you, I encourage you to come up with safe words and boundaries BEFORE you end up naked in their house. Good luck! Raea, you're the best...thank you! I will be completely honest with my therapist.I'm hoping to atleast learn some things about myself in the process & also hope to gain some kind of growth....or atleast unload some things that have been on my mind.Even if it doesn't influence anything with my ex...I'm going to make the best of it. And yes....my safety is of the most importance.Thanks for mentioning that.If/whenever I get into another bdsm type of relationship, I will make absolute sure to have the safety word & my guidelines in place BEFORE any actual sex ever takes place! Very important! Thank you! I started another thread today, it's called "I want to have sex with my therapist" I know this is a common occurance with client/professional mental health situations but I was hoping I could get your opinion.... I have been thinking more & more about my therapist & I'm having thoughts of wanting him sexually.I know in reality that it can never happen.I also know that at this point,I don't want to terminate the relationship because, I don't think it's hindering anything.I feel very comfortable telling him anything.Would it be wise of me to mention this to him?I think I should...I have been reading about this topic & some say that it could actually be very beneficial to tell the therapist. If you wouldn't mind sharing your opinion, when you have some spare time, I'd be so very grateful! Thank you again Raea! Here is the link... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/356617-i-want-have-sex-my-therapist Edited November 11, 2012 by AsItIs
Timothy Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Well if you were logged in to POF, Thn it might be possible he also to logged in to see you..Well you should talk to him for any doubts..
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