Ughhh I just cant...

[Belovely]

For those of you who don't know about my current situation here is a bit of a summary. I'm 29 and my ex is 26...she is my first same sex relationship. We have been together for 2.5 years and the break up was completely unexpected. Basically, she said she needed a break to get her life together as she has been unemployed since May 2012. The break then turned into a breakup 3 days later. About a week after, I saw that she was posting pictures with a new blonde haired girl that I have never met before. Since then I have seen multiple pictures of them both on instagram and facebook. It's almost as if she has completely cut me out and replaced me with this new blonde girl. Now this wouldn't piss me off if she had told me there was somone else. But instead she told me she couldn't be with anyone at all...she was unemployed and needed to figure out what she wanted.

 

I hate that she has replaced me so quickly...that the last 2.5 years meant nothing to her. I don't understand how people can do this!! I hate her for breaking my heart, lying to me, and then starting a relationship with someone so quickly. If she wanted to be with me and I really was never the reason for the breakup, why not get back with me? I gave her everything! I provided since May when she lost her job...every date, i paid for, everything she wanted, I gave her my credit card, I spent every weekend with her and now she's out spending every weekend with her. Why? What did I do wrong? I showed her love, I let her do as she please...yes I was insecure about certain things, but I'm human and our relationship was like any other with ups and downs but mostly ups.

 

You know what pisses me off even more? I wished and prayed for a reason to break up withh her because I gave up a lot of my life for her, so i woud say "if this relationship isn't for me, give me a sign or help me get out of it." And now that I'm out of it, I want to be back in it. I need help because my head knows I'm better off, that I don't deserve this person that disrespected me and took me for granted, but my heart is telling me I love her and I want her back.

 

It's been 1.5 months of NC but I need my ezpass back....and I need to text her to tell her I need it back and in the process I want to give back a few things she left at my place. But I also want to tell her off for finding someone so quickly and ream her a new one for telling me she needed to be alone when she really didn't because she's with someone already, so quickly. I want to tell her she's a piece of sh** and that everything I gave her, she threw to the garbage for a piece of sh** in return. I want her new relationship to end and blow up in her face so I can have the last laugh. I want her to wake up and realize instead of healing and finding herself, she's jumping into another relationship.

 

I know I miss the companionship more than anything else. I've been going out with friends, meeting new people, going to new places, been on plenty of date, and even in the process of buying my own condo...but she's missing in all of this and it hurts sooo bad. She was my happily ever after and she told me I was the best thing to happen to her, that I was her forever, that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me...so how can you go from saying that one minute to having someone else so quickly!!??

 

Someone help me understand, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theLWord]

I'm really sorry you went through this. I was also in a same sex relationship with a girl that recently ended. It sounds like she used the whole ''getting herself together'' thing as an easy out. Who knows why? People say things they don't mean and it's a very hurtful thing. Some people say words that don't hold as much meaning to them as they do you.

 

I think you should delete and block her on facebook and instagram. That's not helping and technically is still a form of contact. That **** will only make you feel much worse. Who cares what she's doing? If you can get a duplicate pass, I would do that. As far as her stuff, she's obviously not concerned about it, so why should you be? If she does contact you, you shouldn't lose your composure.. don't even mention what she's doing now. If you really have to give her stuff back, explain that you need your pass and set up a time and make the text short.

 

Unfortunately it's really hard to accept that someone just doesn't want us anymore when we tried so hard. All you can do is continue NC (after the stuff thing is sorted out) and try to heal yourself. You aren't going to change her mind, she already had it made up when she broke up with you.

[Belovely]

I'm really sorry you went through this. I was also in a same sex relationship with a girl that recently ended. It sounds like she used the whole ''getting herself together'' thing as an easy out. Who knows why? People say things they don't mean and it's a very hurtful thing. Some people say words that don't hold as much meaning to them as they do you.

 

I think you should delete and block her on facebook and instagram. That's not helping and technically is still a form of contact. That **** will only make you feel much worse. Who cares what she's doing? If you can get a duplicate pass, I would do that. As far as her stuff, she's obviously not concerned about it, so why should you be? If she does contact you, you shouldn't lose your composure.. don't even mention what she's doing now. If you really have to give her stuff back, explain that you need your pass and set up a time and make the text short.

 

Unfortunately it's really hard to accept that someone just doesn't want us anymore when we tried so hard. All you can do is continue NC (after the stuff thing is sorted out) and try to heal yourself. You aren't going to change her mind, she already had it made up when she broke up with you.

 

theLword thank you for responding and helping me gain some perspective. I saw her today in order to get my ezpass back and instead of just giving it to me, she got into my car. This led a long conversation, mostly about what was new in our lives. The new girl was also brought up, who she says is not her GF, just a distraction that may be leading to something. She also said that the new girl has asked her twice to be in a relationship with her and my ex says she has said no both times. She then proceeded to bring up fond memories from our relationship. And even said she'd like to hang out with me again because she missed that because we always had a good time together, I always made her smile and laugh, etc.

 

After I left, we haven't texted or anything at all. Although, I thought I would be in a much worse position than I am now, I'm actually handling seeing her and talking to her for the first time in over a month better than I thought. She's inconsiderate and disrespectful for proceeding the way she has and is perhaps completely emotionally detached.

 

It still bothers me that she has someone new even if she says it's only a distraction because it's as if she's in a new relationship, title or no title. But there isn't much I can do at this point. And even if she did come back to me, I don't know that I'd take her back. The damage has been done and I think I'd live in fear that she will get this sudden urge again and leave. I still want this new relationship to be just a rebound. I want her to come back to me so I can reject her so that she feels the same pain as I have. I want her to realize that she got rid of someone amazing. I want her to regret her decision. I realize this is more of my ego talking and it needs to be stroked. We shared so much in 2.5 years and I can't believe she can move on this easily...I can't grasp it or maybe I refuse to. Maybe I just need the validation, maybe I don't want to accept that I have it my all and everything from her end was a lie.

 

Good news is that I won't be contacting her from this point on. However, I can't bring myself to delete her from facebook and instagram. I guess I need to know what's happening with her and the new girl and not knowing would kill me more. Maybe I'm my own worst enemy. Maybe for the last 29 years of my life I've been blinded to think love actually exists.

[theLWord]

I'm glad it went better than you thought. It sounds like you're handling this very well. Just let yourself heal and work on you. It seems like she just rebounds. By doing that, she'll never figure out why she's not happy in a relationship and figure out what she needs to learn within herself. You will know, though. I kind of hate love right now too. I just keep telling myself that once this passes, it will be rewarding to find someone I can trust and actually love and who loves me like I do them. Definitely continue no contact, it'll get better. Congrats on your progress too.

[21flames]

theLword

It still bothers me that she has someone new even if she says it's only a distraction because it's as if she's in a new relationship, title or no title. But there isn't much I can do at this point. And even if she did come back to me, I don't know that I'd take her back. The damage has been done and I think I'd live in fear that she will get this sudden urge again and leave. I still want this new relationship to be just a rebound. I want her to come back to me so I can reject her so that she feels the same pain as I have. I want her to realize that she got rid of someone amazing. I want her to regret her decision. I realize this is more of my ego talking and it needs to be stroked. We shared so much in 2.5 years and I can't believe she can move on this easily...I can't grasp it or maybe I refuse to. Maybe I just need the validation, maybe I don't want to accept that I have it my all and everything from her end was a lie.

 

Good news is that I won't be contacting her from this point on. However, I can't bring myself to delete her from facebook and instagram. I guess I need to know what's happening with her and the new girl and not knowing would kill me more. Maybe I'm my own worst enemy. Maybe for the last 29 years of my life I've been blinded to think love actually exists.

 

I want all that and have spoke about it in posts and it must be an ego thing but I presume that feeling will fade. I also think are ex's will wake up at some point down the line and with regret of what they gave up but it will be too late, if they don't we won't care anyway at that point.

 

That's there own doing though, they decided to end it and not do it the proper way cause they are weak messed up people, thing is they will never truly heal, get over the relationship or be happy, where as this really hard time we are going through now will heel us and make us stronger more aware people.

 

I really think you need to block f book etc, it is just torturing yourself, surly you must feel worse after looking?

 

Why do you want to know what she is doing? She screwed you over big time and made her choice, let her get on with it and concentrate on rebuilding your life.

 

I couldn't keep doing it, it was setting me back, making me worse and she hadn't even got photos of her new man on there and I know that would really fook me up!

Edited November 6, 2012 by 21flames

[Belovely]

I want all that and have spoke about it in posts and it must be an ego thing but I presume that feeling will fade. I also think are ex's will wake up at some point down the line and with regret of what they gave up but it will be too late, if they don't we won't care anyway at that point.

 

That's there own doing though, they decided to end it and not do it the proper way cause they are weak messed up people, thing is they will never truly heal, get over the relationship or be happy, where as this really hard time we are going through now will heel us and make us stronger more aware people.

 

I really think you need to block f book etc, it is just torturing yourself, surly you must feel worse after looking?

 

Why do you want to know what she is doing? She screwed you over big time and made her choice, let her get on with it and concentrate on rebuilding your life.

 

I couldn't keep doing it, it was setting me back, making me worse and she hadn't even got photos of her new man on there and I know that would really fook me up!

 

21flames: I honestly don't know why I need to know what she is doing...maybe it's the hope I have that this new relationship will blow up in her face? Maybe it's so she could see that I'm moving on with my life and show her I'm better off without her in it? You are right, not blocking her is probably doing a deservice to myself, but then again, if I haven't completely lost it after seeing pictures of her biting the new girls cheek or pictures of them 2 at places where she and I used to go, then maybe this is helping in some weird way...LoL In a sense it's giving me further reason to be happy because all I see is her immaturity, inconsiderate, and disrespectful nature. I mean if her feelings for me were true for the last 2.5 years then she would think twice about posting these pics because her love for me wouldn't allow her to disrespect me in such a way. If I place myself in her shoes and I was the dumper, after 2.5 years with someone, I'd be concerned about what I posted so soon after a break up knowing the dumpee is already suffering and hurt. But maybe I'm wrong or of a different kind.

 

It just kills me and my ego that she's moved on so quickly. I just can't come to terms with it. And it hurts to think she's letting 2.5 years go to waste for the newness of a new relationship. What does this new girl have that I don't? I just don't get it! I'm also hard-headed and stubborn so no matter how much I talk myself out of these negative thoughts, they always come creeping up. I wish there was some magic pill to get over the hurt or a magic ball to see into the future.

[21flames]

You will never feel better, deal with it etc, knowing what she is up to, will they work, no she will do the same to her, you really need to look at her in a different way, look at the bad in her, what she didn't do in your relationship.

 

Read this thread I started, I had the same worries, cause you put it down to you or think their new person is in some way better than you but it's not the case, it's The dumper who has big problems.

 

Read it all, it will help you realise what these people are really like.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/354574-knocked-back-keep-questioning

[21flames]

Also you cannot 2nd guess what they are thinking, why they are posting these photos ( See it is getting too you)

 

You will go mad second guessing, it does fade.

 

You are a different kind, a good person who wouldn't of done it to her.

 

Like I said that thread will make you see what she is really like, you have her on a pedestal now and can't see the bad, you will though.

 

It's a tough roller coaster ride just be strong and think of everything you have to offer a person in the future who will treat you amazing, Because it sounds like you have a lot to offer.

[Belovely]

Also you cannot 2nd guess what they are thinking, why they are posting these photos ( See it is getting too you)

 

You will go mad second guessing, it does fade.

 

You are a different kind, a good person who wouldn't of done it to her.

 

Like I said that thread will make you see what she is really like, you have her on a pedestal now and can't see the bad, you will though.

 

It's a tough roller coaster ride just be strong and think of everything you have to offer a person in the future who will treat you amazing, Because it sounds like you have a lot to offer.

 

Thank you 21flames. I actually read that thread prior to you telling me to. I reread it again, however. It is an amazing thread and it does make me realize a lot.

 

As I think back to her previous relationships, she has never been single for more than 2-3 months before jumping into another relationship. I know I gave that relationship everything. I truly believe since losing her job in May and having all this time on her hands, she got bored and I was the closest thing to blame. She was bored with her life, depressed about not having a job, and that projected to our relationship. And although I spent every free day I had with her, it wasn't enough. When we broke up she said there were multiple reasons for the breakup, one being her job situation and me working so much. But I've always worked the same schedule. So essentially she was unhappy with herself and the only way to make herself happy was to go out and live it up. Perhaps as a way of covering up and thining about what was really going on. But now she's living her single life, going out all the time, and at the same time has her "hook up" in the new girl.

 

I have a clean conscience because I supported her, placed her above all else, loved her with my entire being, and was 110% comitted to her. I can't say the same about her.

 

I'm trying my hardest to train my thoughts so that I don't think about what she's doing with the new girl, if they will last, etc. I must say, it's become easier, but still a battle on a daily basis. I think it's more of an ego thing - I want to have the last laugh, I want her to say "I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me" because she would always tell me I was the best thing to happen to her.

 

I know that this too, shall pass. In the meantime I'm working on me and moving on. She hasn't gotten the best of me!

[21flames]

Thank you 21flames.

 

I have a clean conscience because I supported her, placed her above all else, loved her with my entire being, and was 110% comitted to her. I can't say the same about her.

 

I'm trying my hardest to train my thoughts so that I don't think about what she's doing with the new girl, if they will last, etc. I must say, it's become easier, but still a battle on a daily basis. I think it's more of an ego thing - I want to have the last laugh, I want her to say "I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me" because she would always tell me I was the best thing to happen to her.

 

I know that this too, shall pass. In the meantime I'm working on me and moving on. She hasn't gotten the best of me!

 

 

There you go You have a clean conscience, knowing how much you gave to the relationship, on the other hand she will not.

 

I'm at a stage where I don't really care if they work or not where as not long back I was like you wanting it to all blow up so I had the last laugh. I'm not worrying about it because I know in my heart it won't wether it's a year or 5.

 

Like Kat said nobody will ever be enough for a person like that because they are not happy or content inside and of totally selfish and blind to it so treat people like objects they can just throw away.

 

Have you blocked her of fb etc, I really think you need to do that it's a big thing, I just gave that advise to a guy on here and he has done and feels a lot better for it.

 

You need to cut her out your life, like she has you so you can move on

 

Regain your pride and independence.

 

Don't let this person hold you back from moving on and giving all the great qualities you have to someone that is worth it and will give them all back as an equal in the relationship.

Edited November 8, 2012 by 21flames