Girlfriend's sexual past crushes everything

[ThaWholigan]

Taste and standards are admired, it's the unwarranted blanket judgment against one half a gender while the other half does the same, that piques my interest. Cause that's where it get's ridiculous, and I'm sincerely confused that a lot of folks just don't understand that.

In life, it is usually better to expect and to an extent, accept the ridiculous. You'll miss out on enjoying life trying to combat it

[sweetkiwi]

sure i judge. I never claimed to be perfect. But i try to catch myself. And i don't make blanket judgements. I realize life has many aspects which i cannot, in all my infinite wisdom, pretend to understand. I prefer love over hate. I don't cling to things that make me feel bad. Jealousy, hate, insecurity, ignorance, judging others.

[ThaWholigan]

sure i judge. I never claimed to be perfect. But i try to catch myself. And i don't make blanket judgements. I realize life has many aspects which i cannot, in all my infinite wisdom, pretend to understand. I prefer love over hate. I don't cling to things that make me feel bad. Jealousy, hate, insecurity, ignorance, judging others.

It also helps if you are comfortable with the idea that people are going to judge you regardless. It can take a while to get used to it.

[dasein]

Haven't read the whole thread. Women with lots of recent ONS activity are bad bets because they are much more likely to have other personality issues and baggage accompanying the promiscuity, much moreso than men who have done some sleeping around. OP, you just aren't compatible, and are doing the right thing by moving on. Good luck finding women more on the same page as you.

[Hawaii50]

In life, it is usually better to expect and to an extent, accept the ridiculous. You'll miss out on enjoying life trying to combat it

 

There isn't a person on this earth that can quell my sense of humor, it's almost unhealthy how funny I funny I find this place. Being in and around the military for most my adult life, where closed-mindedness is a staple, you learn to laugh and carry-on.

 

 

Is it just me or does Kiwi have a positively distracting photo?!

[sweetkiwi]

oh i know some people choose to spend their time judging others very harshly, while rarely turning that judgmental eye inwards.

 

I've been through some real **** in my life. So maybe thats why i want to see the positive in everyone. If i didn't chose that route i'd be a very sad hateful person. Which isn't okay for me. I need love and acceptance. Or at the very least a willingness to understand.

 

I've found that some people haven't been through very much. Or have very little understanding of themselves, let alone others. So of course other humans would bother them.

[ThaWholigan]

There isn't a person on this earth that can quell my sense of humor, it's almost unhealthy how funny I funny I find this place. Being in and around the military for most my adult life, where closed-mindedness is a staple, you learn to laugh and carry-on.

 

Same. People think I'm apathetic or just plain cold, and it's not true. I just find it funny, because if I didn't I'd be insane like everybody else .

 

 

Is it just me or does Kiwi have a positively distracting photo?!

 

Indeed she does.

 

/whiteknightmoment

[Pompom]

Oh look "a very loyal" PROSTITUTE demanding respect as a real human being with real feelings.

 

Pompom just shut up before I flash my abs and give you jelly legs.

 

Right back at you; you haven't got out much, have you? I don't see how selling sex on a commercial level disables me from being loyal to personal friends, family, lovers, or nation. If you believe these to be mutually exclusive, or that selling sex - the thing everyone secretly or openly craves - makes a human being undeserving of respect, then please contact The Doctor to take you back to whatever early (st)age of evolution you're from

 

My legs are already jelly. With some bone hidden underneath. Feel free to test them. I was a hooker but then I took a douchebag's chin to the knee...

 

Most women in the English speaking world would dump a guy if they knew he has had sex with a prostitute. Some would dump a guy for visiting a strip club.

 

So why can't men do the same, a woman having a one-night stand is just as unhygienic and morally condemnable as a man sleeping with a prostitute. Women are incredibly unforgiving towards men, so why is it that every **** up women have ever committed always comes with the excuse "OH, that was in the past!" ...somehow making it completely alright.

Why is it morally condemnable? Who gets hurt? And why is it unhygienic if condoms, soap, and water are used? And what is the English speaking world? What makes women there different?

 

Personally I don't believe it's any of my business whom a man ****ed before he came to me as long as he's true to me from that point onwards. And gets tested.

 

What amazes most is that people don't think about the consequences of their actions. For every action, there will be consequences directly or indirectly. When life throws the conseq. on the face, then people start to wander why did this is happening to them. Ahh... human beings.

But why do consequences for harmless consensual fun, have to be negative, and why should one understand or predict this? It's like getting suspended from school for having had one too many ice cream servings. Who got hurt? Why was that bad? What crime was committed? Why the punishment?

 

And what about smokers? Promiscuous people don't always get or give STDs, but smokers always hurt themselves and others who inhale their selfishness. Why is no one rejecting and condemning them? They stink, they poison themselves and others, they burden the tax payer, they tend to sound gross after one too many decades of stinking up the place.

 

Owners of pets who shed hair all over the place? Or piss up peoples' vehicles? if anyone thinks I'm unhygienic for having been promiscuous, even though I'm in great health and shower every day, then what will that douche think when they see my Persian cat covering potential eating surfaces with hair?

 

We could apply peoples' petty misgivings to a myriad of things and once we're halfway done, we'd realize just how petty we're being.

[NYC-BigKat]

I think the past should be left in the past, and it's not who she is now. It shouldn't be held against her.

 

But wait alot of people dont change at all! I'm the same way all the time & I want to change sometimes but its hard to do u know & my uncle is always the same since he was my age & his past is still his present ok.

[yongyong]

Everybody has different standards. WTF are those people's (who are arguing) problem?

 

I was making out with this girl (29 year olds). She was supposed to be a virgin by her religion. I asked her if she was virgin. she said yes. I told her I was not. That was the last night I saw her. I couldn't blame her. She had all rights to meet someone like her.

 

What if I blamed her by saying 'WTF? average american girls start to play with cocks around 15. Being a virgin at such age is weird. it's not my fault'

[Pompom]

Everybody has different standards. WTF are those people's (who are arguing) problem?

 

I was making out with this girl (29 year olds). She was supposed to be a virgin by her religion. I asked her if she was virgin. she said yes. I told her I was not. That was the last night I saw her. I couldn't blame her. She had all rights to meet someone like her.

 

What if I blamed her by saying 'WTF? average american girls start to play with cocks around 15. Being a virgin at such age is weird. it's not my fault'

 

Making a choice is one thing. Blaming the other person for your own choices, is another entirely and the OP acts like it's all HER fault that HE can't deal with her having once upon a time been less than exclusive. What happened here, is not that this woman is the bad guy or did bad things; it's the guy who acts like she did solely because HE does not like it. This blame shift is obvious in the title. She had that sexual past before he found out, and they were fine meaning her past is not the problem, his attitude toward it is.

[phineas]

Haven't read the whole thread. Women with lots of recent ONS activity are bad bets because they are much more likely to have other personality issues and baggage accompanying the promiscuity, much moreso than men who have done some sleeping around. OP, you just aren't compatible, and are doing the right thing by moving on. Good luck finding women more on the same page as you.

 

Yeah, didn't read the whole thing either.

 

Honestly, putting up pics of your past ONS on facebook? WTF?

Yeah, OP get yourself checked.

 

Honestly I can't imagine anyone would find an online scrapbook of their new partner's conquests on FB too appealing at all. man or women.

[mesmerized]

Haven't read the whole thread. Women with lots of recent ONS activity are bad bets because they are much more likely to have other personality issues and baggage accompanying the promiscuity, much moreso than men who have done some sleeping around. OP, you just aren't compatible, and are doing the right thing by moving on. Good luck finding women more on the same page as you.

 

Did you even read the thread? It wasnt recent. But ofcourse you just want to cease any opportunity to bash women and defend men. Why do people bother posting their serious concerns in this forum ill never know.

[ffw]

But why do consequences for harmless consensual fun, have to be negative, and why should one understand or predict this? It's like getting suspended from school for having had one too many ice cream servings. Who got hurt? Why was that bad? What crime was committed? Why the punishment?

 

And what about smokers? Promiscuous people don't always get or give STDs, but smokers always hurt themselves and others who inhale their selfishness. Why is no one rejecting and condemning them? They stink, they poison themselves and others, they burden the tax payer, they tend to sound gross after one too many decades of stinking up the place.

 

Owners of pets who shed hair all over the place? Or piss up peoples' vehicles? if anyone thinks I'm unhygienic for having been promiscuous, even though I'm in great health and shower every day, then what will that douche think when they see my Persian cat covering potential eating surfaces with hair?

 

We could apply peoples' petty misgivings to a myriad of things and once we're halfway done, we'd realize just how petty we're being.

 

I guess you misunderstood my point. Let me elaborate a bit more. When I said consequenecs it could be both positive & negative. In this particular text my emphasis was more on the negative aspects.

 

All the examples you gave just proved my point. Anyways, not sure why you are taking this personally? This was more of an general concept.

[phineas]

OP, I understand why it bothers you that she has "enjoyed" ONS in the past, and has pictures up of the guys on her facebook. Sometimes, our view of people gets tainted when we learn the things that made them who they are today, but every person has a past. And most have things in their pasts that would not be appealing to some people.

 

Is it possible that the pictures were up a long time ago, and she just forgot about them until you rooted through her FB? I know I have albums on my FB that I don't/haven't rooted through for a while, and those could contain pictures that if I were in a current relationship, my (hypothetical) bf might want me to remove. Unfortunately, our pasts aren't as easily swiped clean.

 

What I don't understand is if everything else was going good up to that discovery, why would you end it? That's like throwing the bathwater out with the toys. She was honest, and she could have lied and said they were just old friends, but she didn't. She came clean. This isn't something that happened a month ago, but three-four years ago. I could understand more if it was a recent thing because it would hint at her perhaps current mindset, but that long ago? Get over it, dude.

 

I'm just not sure it's wise to give up on someone simply because they did something BEFORE they met you that you don't like. If she doesn't have any STDs, babies from those encounters (or any encounters) I don't see the big deal on why it affects you, OP. It's things like this that make you wonder if honesty really is the best policy...being honest can cost you your relationship.

 

The dating "market" is hard enough without putting up unnecessary road blocks. "Have you had a ONS in your past, Miss?" "Uh, yes." "You shalt not cross." I don't think this is her issue, but entirely on you, OP. You can't deal with her past, thus you're taking it out on her. You'd better start learning to deal with the fact that people have less than perfect pasts, lest you end up a lonely old bitter man. Sorry, but it's the truth.

 

It wouldn't be the fact someone had ONS's that would bother me.

It's the fact they have pictures of the guys on FB.

If it's a ONS how do they have pictures of the person?

 

Either the pics were taken that night or.....It really wasn't a ONS because they remained in contact.

 

I don't even have a phone number for most of my ONS & the first names are little fuzzy also.

Just the way a proper ONS should be. LOL!

 

Can anyone in this thread honestly say they would be fine with their BF or GF keeping pics of their ONS on display on FaceBook?

 

That's taking the guys little black book to a whole new level & beyond.

[ThaWholigan]

It wouldn't be the fact someone had ONS's that would bother me.

It's the fact they have pictures of the guys on FB.

If it's a ONS how do they have pictures of the person?

 

Either the pics were taken that night or.....It really wasn't a ONS because they remained in contact.

 

I don't even have a phone number for most of my ONS & the first names are little fuzzy also.

Just the way a proper ONS should be. LOL!

 

Can anyone in this thread honestly say they would be fine with their BF or GF keeping pics of their ONS on display on FaceBook?

 

That's taking the guys little black book to a whole new level & beyond.

I think the debate had long since veered from the actual story in the OP . Nobody would be happy with it unless they were cool with something like that from the start.

[sweetkiwi]

i wouldn't be exactly happy. But i also wouldn't ask unless it had to do with the current relationship between my man and i.

 

He got lots of ass before me i'm sure. He's attractive!! Those green eyes would make most women weak. I get it. But he never rubs it in my face. Or brags. Or makes up cover stories as to who certain girls are.

 

On the few times i have told him how sexy he is he just plays it off like he's not that good looking or not that many girls think he's sexy. He's just a gentleman like that. He never asks about my sexual past. We talked about losing virginity, ltrs, etc. I guess he realizes he doesn't want to know every little thing. Thats okay.

[ThaWholigan]

i wouldn't be exactly happy. But i also wouldn't ask unless it had to do with the current relationship between my man and i.

 

He got lots of ass before me i'm sure. He's attractive!! Those green eyes would make most women weak. I get it. But he never rubs it in my face. Or brags. Or makes up cover stories as to who certain girls are.

 

On the few times i have told him how sexy he is he just plays it off like he's not that good looking or not that many girls think he's sexy. He's just a gentleman like that. He never asks about my sexual past. We talked about losing virginity, ltrs, etc. I guess he realizes he doesn't want to know every little thing. Thats okay.

In this case, it's being insinuated that a woman will be attracted to a man-whore, but a man isn't attracted so a slut for more than a ONS.

 

My only position is that it really isn't as black-and-white as that.

[Hawaii50]

i wouldn't be exactly happy. But i also wouldn't ask unless it had to do with the current relationship between my man and i.

 

He got lots of ass before me i'm sure. He's attractive!! Those green eyes would make most women weak. I get it. But he never rubs it in my face. Or brags. Or makes up cover stories as to who certain girls are.

 

On the few times i have told him how sexy he is he just plays it off like he's not that good looking or not that many girls think he's sexy. He's just a gentleman like that. He never asks about my sexual past. We talked about losing virginity, ltrs, etc. I guess he realizes he doesn't want to know every little thing. Thats okay.

 

Called modesty, and it's a virtue

[kaylan]

I dont see why people are so butthurt in this thread.

 

Your past makes you who you are in the present and future. And people are allowed to make character assessments of who you are in the past and present. And with these assessments they can decide whether or not they want to date you. Its not a big deal...its life...get over it.

 

If a girl doesnt want to date me because Ive had a one night stand, so be it. If I dont want to date a girl for cheating in the past, so be it. To say "but people change" is a cop out...because past behavior can and always will be a way to predict future behavior. Thats how it works.

 

Get over it and quit arguing. Simply find someone whos similar in views. Why argue about whether people change? In a way its very true that people are generally pretty set in their character by their 20s. Yes some people change, but many dont, or many still have that person buried in them and are capable of the same things.

 

Again, dont get upset because you hate the idea that someone like the OP or others might not date you because of lame things youve done in the past. Quit projecting onto them and simply find someone whos cool with dating you. In my mind I know I can get the right girl to open up to me, and accept me, despite my faults.

 

With that being said, we all have our deal-breakers, so DEAL WITH IT.

[ascendotum]

Yeah, didn't read the whole thing either.

 

Honestly, putting up pics of your past ONS on facebook? WTF?

Yeah, OP get yourself checked.

 

Honestly I can't imagine anyone would find an online scrapbook of their new partner's conquests on FB too appealing at all. man or women.

 

I agree, a lot of women would not be happy about this either. I did get the impression from the OP that it was the issue of her past with causal sex which disturbed him the most. I think he is making too much out of her having ONS, but then he is well within his right to judge her on that, if he does not do NSA sex with random strangers. For me the part I would have had more issue with was the posting of her ONS partners from years ago on her FB. That's tacky, but I also think chucking in a great relationship on impulse over it is wrong. (maybe I missed it but I don't know if he asked her to remove them and she refused)

[kaylan]

In this case, it's being insinuated that a woman will be attracted to a man-whore, but a man isn't attracted so a slut for more than a ONS.

 

My only position is that it really isn't as black-and-white as that.

Exactly. Its just another false generalization. In my experience, women and men bother prefer someone with the same amount of experience as them. And Ive known plenty of women who will write off a guy if hes got a slutty past.

 

The idea that women like man-whores is a false idea pushed by guys who glorify the player life and dont really know what its like. Generally speaking, to bed a girl whos not been around much, man-whores will lie to those women about their sexual history.

 

Same thing happens with promiscuous women if they find a not so promiscuous man theyd like to date. They generally arent forward about their past and then BOOM, we have threads online of men and women being upset by their partners past.

 

This is why Im upfront before the committal phase. A girl will know how many women Ive slept with, that Ive never cheated before, that Ive had a one night stand and other various hook ups, and that Ive kissed girls I just met in the bar, all before deciding if shed want to date me. Some girls will be able to accept the things Ive done when I was single...others wont be. But I have no reason not to be upfront with all of it.

Dude, I'm not trying to kick you while you're down, but...I've read your past posts. You've had your share of one night stands, meaningless sex, etc., etc. Unless you're fully willing to own up and say that you 100% believe that a double standard is justified for men and women, I'm not sure how you justify your black-and-white approach to this in your own mind. In other words, by your own standards, you would consider yourself a slut, and yet I think you think you're relationship material. And you're downright ANGRY that a woman who has done exactly what you've done would deign to think that about herself.

 

Seriously, I know you're young, but this is worth some thought.

Also this is a great post.

 

Im no hypocrite either. Im not going to not date a girl for doing the same things Ive done. Im no better than her.

Edited October 30, 2012 by kaylan

[phineas]

I agree, a lot of women would not be happy about this either. I did get the impression from the OP that it was the issue of her past with causal sex which disturbed him the most. I think he is making too much out of her having ONS, but then he is well within his right to judge her on that, if he does not do NSA sex with random strangers. For me the part I would have had more issue with was the posting of her ONS partners from years ago on her FB. That's tacky, but I also think chucking in a great relationship on impulse over it is wrong. (maybe I missed it but I don't know if he asked her to remove them and she refused)

 

I don't remember if he asked her to take any down, but he posted about her FB pictures & the multitude of White Knights that she has following her around on every post she makes & picture she posts telling her how hot she is.

[ThaWholigan]

Exactly. Its just another false generalization. In my experience, women and men bother prefer someone with the same amount of experience as them. And Ive known plenty of women who will write off a guy if hes got a slutty past.

 

The idea that women like man-whores is a false idea pushed by guys who glorify the player life and dont really know what its like. Generally speaking, to bed a girl whos not been around much, man-whores will lie to those women about their sexual history.

 

Same thing happens with promiscuous women if they find a not so promiscuous man theyd like to date. They generally arent forward about their past and then BOOM, we have threads online of men and women being upset by their partners past.

 

This is why Im upfront before the committal phase. A girl will know how many women Ive slept with, that Ive never cheated before, that Ive had a one night stand and other various hook ups, and that Ive kissed girls I just met in the bar, all before deciding if shed want to date me. Some girls will be able to accept the things Ive done when I was single...others wont be. But I have no reason not to be upfront with all of it.

Also this is a great post.

 

Im no hypocrite either. Im not going to not date a girl for doing the same things Ive done. Im no better than her.

Some of the promiscuous girls I met were quite forward about their past - as a result they had better relationships because they were honest about it.

[Hawaii50]

 

Your past makes you who you are in the present and future. And people are allowed to make character assessments of who you are in the past and present. And with these assessments they can decide whether or not they want to date you. Its not a big deal...its life...get over it.

 

Exactly, I just want the best head in the world -I don't want to know how she got there. Which is obviously LOTS of training.

 

It was weird, what the one guy was posting... Completely circular, and contradictory to how the posters actually live and view women-as in most other Man Vs. Woman threads I've seen. I want a slut, but I don't WANT know she's a slut. well I don't want her to tell/show me she's a slut. What! you're a slut?! get the F*** out!

 

I remember this from another thread, it's paraphrased...

"She doesn't make any money-Women should be at home with babies, It's in the bible-Alimony is gender biased." All with in a few posts of each-other.

 

Misogynist have a tough time fighting between their ego, their wants/needs, and that "moral" feeling in their tummy-which is the real guide.