Girlfriend's sexual past crushes everything

[ParadeRain]

Parade, while I agree with the general sentiment of what you're saying here, you lost me at this post. You can't rage against sluts for being sluts, and then turn about and admit you freely engage in casual sex with these same girls. That's not really logical.

 

NSA and relationships are 2 completely different things.

[serial muse]

Honestly, this is probably all off-topic. From what he's posted, I don't think the OP shares ParadeRain's sentiment anyway, so the double standard thing is a moot point.

[ffw]

It's socially acceptable to be a man-whore... kind of like black people using the N-word...

 

Why is the grass green? that's just the way it is...

 

It's unforunate if you think this way; but I am not going to begin this debate here. I just hope with age & time your mind will become more open & you can see the mutual prespective from both sides.

[ParadeRain]

Parade, while I agree with the general sentiment of what you're saying here, you lost me at this post. You can't rage against sluts for being sluts, and then turn about and admit you freely engage in casual sex with these same girls. That's not really logical.

NSA and relationships are 2 completely different things.

 

I'm raging against sluts who expect to be accepted into relationships and respected.

 

Some sluts know their role.. others are completely delusional, almost in denial and think that sleeping around doesn't make them a slut, when it DOES, and they expect that to have no effect on their trustworthiness in a relationship?... please

[AlexDP]

Yeah, well you annoy me. We can't always get what we want.

 

I am actually quite conservative. I would not be thrilled to find out that my significant other had meaningless sex with a large number of women. That's besides my point, though. The way many people on this thread are dealing with the issue of promiscuity is saddening, it seems like you are unable to feel empathy for other people. But that's what the world has come to, in general.

 

It's not about empathy. And it doesn't always have to be either. I don't want the girl. I can get a non-slutty one. Does that annoy you? Too bad.

[CptSaveAho]

It is true that guys don't want whores as wives. But you have to look at it in context.

 

Sure hawaiiguy and Alex are probably white knights.

 

That doesn't mean they don't have some right.

 

A guy has a whore past that makes him not a whore? The best thing to do is to have lots of safe sex then find whomever you want to be and not tell them the truth unless you have to. And then if they find out make lies. If you are a goo liar if you are not. Tell the truth but leave lot's of it out in the explanation.

 

Guys dont get "RUINED" by their whore past.... women do

 

Guys typically aren't controlled by their emotions.... women will go into a nsa relationship getting hosed knowing she is going to get hosed and then try to turn that into a real relationship.

 

Alex and Hawaii are young mid 20s? Let them report back their opinion when they hit 30 and see if their views changed.

 

All the guys here voting for equal comparison for men and women do not understand this fundamental concept of how damaging it is for women when they go through this "phase" in life. Look at the mid 30s women here. There's one famous poster who's ruined but every young kid think shes a goddess and sucks up to her, hits on her not knowing she is a NUT job and only has her looks

[ThaWholigan]

Yes.......

Why is that?

 

Do you believe all "sluts" to be incapable of maintaining an exclusive relationship? If so, I think that is quite naive of you, almost as naive as a man who believes the complete opposite.

 

By the same token, a man cannot do the same either then, if he engages in promiscuous behavior then he is not to be trusted for a monogamous relationship by your logic.

 

I do feel sorry for men who date a "slut", but for a different reason. No matter how faithful she is in their relationship and how well they do together, he will always be ridiculed for his choice of partner, and her for her history. I do not believe that to be fair. If she was a cheater as well as a slut then there would be justification.

 

I also feel sorry for guys who date a "slut" who is still promiscuous despite their relationship. Which is pretty much what guys assume happens all the time.

[sweetkiwi]

i'm not into puke play. Thanks. And who said i was a slut? What are your criteria? I've been in ltrs the majority of my dating life.........

[serial muse]

Guys typically aren't controlled by their emotions....

 

This is funny to me because I read these "it's different for men" posts as being 100% emotion-driven. PR, for example, is angry at the past and paying it forward, and that's really all there is to it, nothing BUT emotion going on there. And for others, you know, retroactive jealousy is hardly logical.

[ParadeRain]

i'm not into puke play. Thanks. And who said i was a slut? What are your criteria? I've been in ltrs the majority of my dating life.........

 

You must be one of the delusional ones who thinks sleeping around doesn't make you a slut because...

kids and women who whored their life away..... If i had whored my life away i'd have more money. I do it for free. Call it what you will.

 

You know less than nothing about the posters on this thread. The only thing you can even guess about is based on what we've said on the internet.... anonymously.

 

I was trying to give him real advice. Not tell him to dump her just because she's not a virgin. Are you a virgin? If you are then awesome. I hope some nice little virgin finds you one day. If not, i hope some nice girl who has no sexual history finds you one day and isn't so narrow minded that she can't forgive you of your sexual experience.

 

Wow. Silly. I'm glad i'm experienced. But i'm even more glad that not all men have this insane whore/madonna complex.

 

That quote has slut written all over it... in semen

[xdahliax]

It's not about empathy. And it doesn't always have to be either. I don't want the girl. I can get a non-slutty one. Does that annoy you? Too bad.

 

It doesn't annoy me. I don't really care because I don't plan on being in your 500 mile radius anytime soon.

[ThaWholigan]

i'm not into puke play. Thanks. And who said i was a slut? What are your criteria? I've been in ltrs the majority of my dating life.........

 

Would it be accurate to guess that you were faithful throughout all of them?

 

This is funny to me because I read these "it's different for men" posts as being 100% emotion-driven. PR, for example, is angry at the past and paying it forward, and that's really all there is to it, nothing BUT emotion going on there. And for others, you know, retroactive jealousy is hardly logical.

 

Agree, the man's behavior is to be excused but the woman's isn't - so the man is supposed to be able to have the monogamous relationship, but the woman cannot do so. It's difficult to turn a ho into a housewife, yes. But not every ho-turned-housewife wanted to be a housewife anyway . I've known of girls who were extremely promiscuous while single and were completely faithful in the few LTRs they had. In fact, they were often the ones who were cheated on in the end even though they were faithful.

 

I don't think sluts are all saints here - some are cheaters, others are undercover ones that sleep around on the sly. But I don't think they are all bad either, nor do I believe that none of them deserve the monogamous relationship they desire - if they can be faithful in exclusive relationships and can successfully navigate them then why not?

[ffw]

 

Guys typically aren't controlled by their emotions....

 

Isn't the premise of this whole thread based on emotions (from a guy)???

[Pompom]

Say you were in the mossad and you had killed a bunch of people. Would you tell your SO, what about how you also had sexual relations with a lot of the officers you work with?

Confidential intel that may cost the state, and that makes me a murderer, compared to having an active sex life... Wow. I'm not going to deal with that, just for the info, I do ask my dates what they did in the army, but I accept when they will not or cannot answer or give details. Some name units that it is understandable I should not be asking further questions on. I can deal with a person having secrets, be it for the sake of national security, or shame, or fear of rejection, as long as they are good to me and honest about the essentials, which do not include their past choices. I have met a lot of combat and counter terror soldiers, most of them have probably killed, and not just in firefights but I assume assassinations/executions, too. So ****ing what, it was their job, I'm safer for it, and even if it were allowed, talking about/digging tino it may distress them.

 

There is no "person she was yesterday", "person she was last year", "person she is today", "person she will be tomorrow", that's bullsh*t...

 

She was born the same person, and she will die the same person, the person playing with barbie dolls 20 years ago is the same person knitting sweaters for their grandchildren in 40 years from now, SAME PERSON.

Bull****. People can lose habits, and just as a drug addict deserves a second chance after rehab, so does a slut.

 

You're actions yesterday make you the person you are today, THAT IS YOU, nothing can change that.

So what if that is not a bad person? You overrate things some MAY call mistakes and make them defining of a person as a whole, as if past mistakes matter more than present actions. Also, her past mistakes were not the only thing she did in the past. Hypothetically, what if she was an EMT at the same time, or a rescue worker of some sort? That count less?

 

A human is like a flower. They grow and then wither and die. But nothing inside of them changes. Honestly most people don't change and that isn't bitterness to say that.

So how do you explain personality development or new behaviorisms adopted after traumatic events? How do you explain the kicking of habits or apostasy from previous religion? There may be an unchanging "base character" but that does not mean that all one does always defines all of one's life.

 

I changed, I'd never go back to that way of life... but that doesn't erase the reality of what I did, that doesn't mean the person doing those things back then wasn't me, because it was me... same name, same DNA, same mind, ME.

 

I don't feel like I have a right of immunity to being judged on those things just because I don't do those things anymore, at the time I chose to live that way, and even though I'd never go back there, I'm still capable if I wanted to, that's the person I am.

Sad attitude if those things were forgivable. And sleeping around hurts no one, so why judge people for it?

 

Take me for example, I used to work as a hooker. Not only did I hurt no one, I was not ONLY a hooker and privately, I have always been extremely picky, exclusive and naieve with men when it came to love and romance. Also very loyal. And that hasn't changed. But I was not ONLY a hooker. I was a helpful friend, rescued animals, stuck up for my friends, my country or whatever other values were under attack, I was honest to a fault, loving, funny, et-****ing-cetera, so why would anyone reduce who I am today, after having ditched the job years ago, to that job? I am much more than an ex-hooker, I am much more than any one of the things I said, say, did or do. Every person is more than the one thing people judge them by.

Edited October 29, 2012 by Pompom

[AlexDP]

 

 

Take me for example, I used to work as a hooker. Not only did I hurt no one, I was not ONLY a hooker and privately, I have always been extremely picky, exclusive and naieve with men when it came to love and romance. Also very loyal. And that hasn't changed. But I was not ONLY a hooker. I was a helpful friend, rescued animals, stuck up for my friends, my country or whatever other values were under attack, I was honest to a fault, loving, funny, et-****ing-cetera, so why would anyone reduce who I am today, after having ditched the job years ago, to that job? I am much more than an ex-hooker, I am much more than any one of the things I said, say, did or do. Every person is more than the one thing people judge them by.

 

It's not really about reducing you to an ex-hooker though. Of course you are much more than ex-hooker. But in the end, you also are an ex-hooker. And that's a pretty big turn off for a lot of men. It's not reducing you as a person, it's just that it's not very attractive for some men, including myself.

 

I'd have no problems being your friend for example, but I wouldn't want to have sex with you or be in a relationship with you.

[Hawaii50]

Guys dont get "RUINED" by their whore past.... women do

 

Guys typically aren't controlled by their emotions.... women will go into a nsa relationship getting hosed knowing she is going to get hosed and then try to turn that into a real relationship.

 

Alex and Hawaii are young mid 20s? Let them report back their opinion when they hit 30 and see if their views changed.

 

All the guys here voting for equal comparison for men and women do not understand this fundamental concept of how damaging it is for women when they go through this "phase" in life. Look at the mid 30s women here. There's one famous poster who's ruined but every young kid think shes a goddess and sucks up to her, hits on her not knowing she is a NUT job and only has her looks

 

You're cute >>pats head<<

 

I actually happened to have turned 30 approx 2 months ago, but that is neither here nor there, as I didn't form these opinions of equality or a single standard on my Birthday.

 

 

Guys dont get "RUINED" by their whore past.... women do

 

A man looks down on a woman for doing the same thing. That's the very definition of a double standard. What's wrong with your thinking process?! And what in your life and showed you this is an acceptable way to think.

 

If you need more help translating your own garble, let me know

[xdahliax]

I agree but based on principle, he has a right to do what he wants.

 

Most women in the English speaking world would dump a guy if they knew he has had sex with a prostitute. Some would dump a guy for visiting a strip club.

 

So why can't men do the same, a woman having a one-night stand is just as unhygienic and morally condemnable as a man sleeping with a prostitute. Women are incredibly unforgiving towards men, so why is it that every **** up women have ever committed always comes with the excuse "OH, that was in the past!" ...somehow making it completely alright.

 

LOL As if we didn't have enough crazy ass people in this thread, we have to welcome someone named Dr Goebbels...

[sweetkiwi]

i was loyal to all except one. And i broke up with him the very next day. Its funny you think i'm a slut though. You give me more credit than i've earned.

 

Oh and i'm using humor here. Just so you know i think you're a funny little boy one whom i would never waste my precious sexual gifts on.

[serial muse]

I'm so sorry Dahlia, but I'm not a politician or a big corporation, I don't have to tell women what they want to hear instead of the truth because I don't need your votes or for you to buy anything I'm selling.

 

With all the women who would dump a man who has slept with a prostitute (a paid one night stand), men have every right to dump a woman whose had one night stands.

 

What's funny about this is that you're actually agreeing with the majority, that double standards are silly, only you don't know it.

[ffw]

What amazes most is that people don't think about the consequences of their actions. For every action, there will be consequences directly or indirectly. When life throws the conseq. on the face, then people start to wander why did this is happening to them. Ahh... human beings.

[Hawaii50]

I'm so sorry Dahlia, but I'm not a politician or a big corporation, I don't have to tell women what they want to hear instead of the truth because I don't need your votes or for you to buy anything I'm selling.

 

With all the women who would dump a man who has slept with a prostitute (a paid one night stand), men have every right to dump a woman whose had one night stands.

 

For once, I agree... to some extents. it's choice, no one is nipping at that. it's the double standard of being a man-whore/whore.

 

If a man can do it, I feel a woman should be able to do it-without question.

my penis isn't a ticket to act differently.

[ThaWholigan]

With all the women who would dump a man who has slept with a prostitute (a paid one night stand), men have every right to dump a woman whose had one night stands.

 

I would agree with this.

[serial muse]

What double standards? I'm sticking to the moral equivalents. Holding men and women up as mirror images of one another is unnatural and a fallacy from the start.

 

Are the millions of women who lust after rock stars and others known for being promiscuous men ignorant of their sexual conquests? Of course they aren't, they know those men just want to bang as many women as possible and they are happy being just a notch on their belt. Women find it, generally speaking, attractive when a man has slept with many women, or alternatively, it is irrelevant to women for biological reasons. Men, on the other hand, do not find that attractive.

 

Men like women who have breasts. Do you like men who have big flabby man-boobs? Why the double-standard ?!

 

I guess it was just too uncomfortable to agree with women, even unintentionally and for less than 10 minutes. Nice save.

[sweetkiwi]

i'm sure its just one of many things you don't understand. Thats okay. Unlike you i'm not here to judge. You keep being you and i'll keep being me.

[Hawaii50]

So you don't judge any man for anything?

 

When people say it's wrong to judge, they mean it's wrong to judge them . Everyone judges someone on something, it's the most obnoxious cliche I've heard that it's wrong to judge. Taste and standards used to be something worthy of praise, not a detriment, it's just that everyone in Gen X and beyond wants to feed all their irrational urges and not have to deal with the consequences.

 

Taste and standards are admired, it's the unwarranted blanket judgment against one half a gender while the other half does the same, that piques my interest. Cause that's where it get's ridiculous, and I'm sincerely confused that a lot of folks just don't understand that.