colombiana28 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 How about, like, starting out with an actual date, rather than just having a guy over and letting him smoke your weed and feel you up? Your thread about always leading with sex (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/352268-im-female-yet-i-always-lead-towards-sex-right-away), and your subsequent threads demonstrating that fact, have shown you that this isn't really the way to get what you want. Do you really think that having a guy over to your home, getting high with him, and making out with him (in a particularly kinky and intimate fashion) is that much of a leap from having sex right away? You still didn't get to know each other in a normal, non-physical setting...I'm sure this guy is just hoping that the next time he sees you it progresses to the next level physically. If or when it doesn't, he'll be gone. I'm not trying to berate or belittle you; honestly I'm perplexed because you do seem like a very intelligent person. But this is the same way the last conundrum started out! I'm a very sexual person as well so I understand the desires, especially when you're attracted to someone. But you want a relationship...why not just find a decent guy who asks you out on a date? I'm honestly not chastising, I'm just very confused and your actions do not correlate with your desired end result. This is not the way to get to know someone and begin a healthy relationship. Here's the problem: the upstanding good guys who want to take her out on dates and be sober and talk and stay off sex until they're at the point in the relationship where they're both comfortable--THOSE guys are lacking the raw sexuality that draws her to him. OP, if i were you, i'd have your fun with this freak while keeping in the back of your mind that he's just for fun. I know some women have an easier time than others doing that, but TBH i don't think you should get your hopes up. If you want a serious relationship I think you should hold this guy off and look elsewhere. (or look elsewhere and have fun with him, i ain't judging). Ususally the guys who are good in bed that can melt your panties off have no interest in a committed relationship...or if they do, they get tired of it. 1
colombiana28 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 BTW, if any guys out there want to know how to blow a woman's mind in bed, look up some james deen porn.
Author AsItIs Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 How about, like, starting out with an actual date, rather than just having a guy over and letting him smoke your weed and feel you up? Your thread about always leading with sex (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/352268-im-female-yet-i-always-lead-towards-sex-right-away), and your subsequent threads demonstrating that fact, have shown you that this isn't really the way to get what you want. Do you really think that having a guy over to your home, getting high with him, and making out with him (in a particularly kinky and intimate fashion) is that much of a leap from having sex right away? You still didn't get to know each other in a normal, non-physical setting...I'm sure this guy is just hoping that the next time he sees you it progresses to the next level physically. If or when it doesn't, he'll be gone. I'm not trying to berate or belittle you; honestly I'm perplexed because you do seem like a very intelligent person. But this is the same way the last conundrum started out! I'm a very sexual person as well so I understand the desires, especially when you're attracted to someone. But you want a relationship...why not just find a decent guy who asks you out on a date? I'm honestly not chastising, I'm just very confused and your actions do not correlate with your desired end result. This is not the way to get to know someone and begin a healthy relationship. You're totally right & I know.... He actually did ask me on a date but I didn't want to go battle with the huge crowds from the Halloween traffic.Honestly...we're both introverts & like being to ourselves.But Yeah...I'm sure he's expecting sex....and it will probably happen but, I'm not going to let it get to me either way.At this point....I'm enjoying his company & I need a master to show me how to be good.If it turns into something serious...great...if not....it's just another stepping stone in my life to bring me to that next level.I need sex damnit! Lol!
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Here's the problem: the upstanding good guys who want to take her out on dates and be sober and talk and stay off sex until they're at the point in the relationship where they're both comfortable--THOSE guys are lacking the raw sexuality that draws her to him. OP, if i were you, i'd have your fun with this freak while keeping in the back of your mind that he's just for fun. I know some women have an easier time than others doing that, but TBH i don't think you should get your hopes up. If you want a serious relationship I think you should hold this guy off and look elsewhere. (or look elsewhere and have fun with him, i ain't judging). Ususally the guys who are good in bed that can melt your panties off have no interest in a committed relationship...or if they do, they get tired of it. I understand this, however, if you read her last thread, she felt pretty burned when the last guy had sex with her and then flaked off. Some women are capable of casual sex and hell maybe even the OP is. But she's already stated that she really likes this guy. I see serious problems in her future if (when) she inevitably becomes emotionally attached to him.
Author AsItIs Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Thanks for the advice everyone. Kiss&Makeup....it's true that I was hurt from my last sex experience but I think it was because that guy reminded me of my ex & I was already envisioning a future with him (not even really knowing him)I will be careful with my heart with this guy.Just the fact that we have such good communication is a very good start.
snowflakes88 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 If you just want sex, this sounds promising. If you can't do that without getting your emotions involved, it will be disastrous. ALLLLLLL signs point to him totally crushing you if you fall for him. All signs.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Yeah this guy is going to hurt you if you fall for him. He has basically warned you up front that he is no good for anyone, not even himself. I understand the need for hot sex. I'm a very sexual person as well and I hate when I'm not getting it on the reg. But please please don't fall for this guy. You only have one heart and it's situations like this that tend to leave very long-lasting scars.
Author AsItIs Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) I really appreciate everyone's opinions! Thanks again! I see a lot of truth in what you guys are saying.I mean...I know once sex comes into the equation,my feelings are going to grow.But what if,we just so happen to find our match? What's a girl to do? Should I just end it now? Should I be honest & tell him that I'm afraid to get feelings after we have sex? Should I just have fun with it & keep dating others?(I don't particularly like multidating) He just texted me again "Last night was fascinatingly intriguing & I've been thinking about it all day" I replied "I know.Me too!" He said"Have you?I'm so glad! Last night was so beautiful,I'll remember it for a long time" (Now that's sweet!Even if it's just talk-I think we're really clicking-atleast sexually! Lol!) Edited November 1, 2012 by AsItIs
Imajerk17 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) It kind of makes me chuckle seeing some of you trying to "reason" with AsItIs. She's going to agree with you and then do what she was going to do anyway. So many people on her last thread said that going to a guy's house and smoking weed on the second date was not a good thing to do if you're looking for a relationship. And if I recall correctly, she agreed. So what did AsItIs do this time? Well, she went over to the guy's house and smoked weed on the *first* date. LOL. I can't entirely blame her actually. Would you not do what you want due to the opinions of strangers on the Internet? And some people are proud of the fact that they follow their heart no matter what. Many of them are really sweet and kind, they just keep ending up in bad situations and they don't seem to learn-slash-take responsibility. It is what it is. Anyway, I think people would be better off, when they give AsItIs advice, realize she will probably just do what "feels right" to her, and then hope that it turns out well. And you know, one of these times, it might actually turn out well for her. Edited November 1, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
SmileFace Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 What do you really want? Stop going about it in a round about way. Seek what you really want --- until then you keep up this cycle. The fact that you are questioning the chance of catching feelings, you more than likely will. Be good to yourself please. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Asitis, Don't you ever expect men to take you on actual dates? It's when you start "hanging out" with them like this in the beginning that you set the tone for the rest of the relationship. This is going to go over about as well as the last guy. They think - well this is easy. She comes over, we hook up, and I didn't even have to buy her an appetizer. You can have all the chemistry in the world which is awesome and fun, but he's not going to value what he didn't have to do ANYTHING for. I mean literally NOTHING. Men value what they have to work for. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 I responded to his"It was so beautiful,I'll remember it for a long time" text with "I will too.It was so sensual & hot.I felt tortured...in a very good way" He said "It's only gonna get better.I want you to look me in my eyes as I enter you" I said "You turn me on so much & you instinctively know exactly what I want but I don't want to rush into sex.I'm afraid to get hurt" He said "I understand but why do you think I would hurt you?" I said "Because I'm a woman....after sex,I'll gonna get emotionally attached & I don't think you're looking for a relationship" He said "Ahh, I see.I'm just not good at relationships.I wish I was but I'm broken" I said "That's a bullsh*t excuse" He said "I'm not making excuses.I am just telling you what my experience has been" Then he said "II want to be good.I want to be loved" Then he said "Maybe this unique relationship that we have is something I can be good at" Then he said "There is something very different about me" I said "All I know is the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & expecting a different outcome.It's up to only you & only me to actually change & I don't wanna change you & I don't wanna get hurt.From your brief description of you being "bad" & "different" all I can conclude from that is that I'm gonna get hurt. He said "I agree with you.I'm tired of failing though" That's where it left off & I think that's all I can do for now.I was honest.If there is any potential I think he needs to show me now. Did I do good guys? :-)
Drseussgrrl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Honey, he is telling you with waving red flags, wearing sirens and banging trash can lids together that you're going to get hurt. Come on now. You're 31 years old. As someone close to your age I am confident in saying you should definitely know to stay away from these "wounded", emotionally unavailable types. You're going to go into this thing thinking that somehow, the sex will be so wonderful and the connection so strong that he'll fall for you. This ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. I think you know deep down that you want more than the physical, hence why you told him you'll get emotionally attached. Listen. HE DOES NOT CARE if you get attached or hurt. By warning him like that you are essentially asking him not to hurt you. It is not up to him to guard your heart - it is up to YOU. His number one priority right now is to "enter you." I'm seriously dumbfounded at this point why you would continue to see him. No sex is worth losing a piece of yourself over.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Also - I'd be interested in seeing your dating profile. I'm wondering what sort of vibe you're putting out there to attract these dudes.
SmileFace Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 "II want to be good.I want to be loved" Then he said "Maybe this unique relationship that we have is something I can be good at" Did I do good guys? :-) No, you did not do good. Do you realize that you are having this conversation someone you have spent at most 3 hours with? If he had any type of decency he would have ran at the bolded comment.
Author AsItIs Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Also - I'd be interested in seeing your dating profile. I'm wondering what sort of vibe you're putting out there to attract these dudes. Haha! I was tempted to put my profile up here, during that other thread that asked to share profiles but, it's too damn good & I'm afraid people will steal it. I attract lots of different types.I'm only responding to the ones that interest me.
Author AsItIs Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 No, you did not do good. Do you realize that you are having this conversation someone you have spent at most 3 hours with? If he had any type of decency he would have ran at the bolded comment. How is that not good? I'm telling him that I expect more if I have sex & I spent 5 hours with him,not 3.Lol! Btw-the part that you bolded was him saying he needs to be loved.Those were not my words so not sure why he would run.
SmileFace Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 How is that not good? I'm telling him that I expect more if I have sex & I spent 5 hours with him,not 3.Lol! Btw-the part that you bolded was him saying he needs to be loved.Those were not my words so not sure why he would run. Oh, 5 hours. You know what, good luck.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Oh jeez. All he is doing is warning you, repeatedly, so that when you DO have sex and he decides he DOESN'T want a relationship, he can feel okay with it because he "told you so"! He is just giving you a teensy thread of hope that maybe he'll change so that you'll keep seeing him. Kinda slimy, IMO. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) New question... So I was supposed to go out with that guy last night but the plans fell through. He got "guilt tripped" into going out for drinks, for a friend's birthday.He texted me afterward & he was really drunk.We joked around abit & then the truth came out. He told me that he sees me as a real person & would never try to pump & dump me.He said he honestly wouldn't even try to have sex with me because he is sad.With a little persuasion, he finally admitted that, he got dumped a while ago, thought he was impervious, but he's not over it.He said he needs a friend. I told him to "join the club.I'm the founding president.I told him that I got dumped too, 7 months ago, and I'm just starting to get over it...a little." I told him that I'm sorry & I know it's tough.Then I said"of course we can be friends.We have a lot in common...especially now" He texted me first thing this morning & thanked me for being so nice to him & said he's glad we have alot in common & said he wants to hang out really soon..even today, if I want to. So my question is... If we do become friends, would I ever have a chance at making him my boyfriend? I know from experience that fresh out of my break up,no one in the world interested me romantically.And I know from reading (not from personal experience) that once you become friends with someone after a breakup,you will be their safety blanket (so to speak) until the are actually ready to date....and then when they're over it,they date someone else. This is just my assumption. I obviously have not invested too much emotionally with him yet anyway, so I guess it wouldn't hurt to make a good friend but, what do you guys think? Never really had a safety blanket.....a human one i would date the friend because it takes me a while to feel comfortable with someone i for sure wouldn't say "next guy" and move on......its just not me ...but then i think hugging a guy is huge.......i really shouldn't give advice because i have serious issues.....and i don't fit in the boxes......this is what i think... number one him smoking weed is not a good thing if he is depressed and neither is it for you i am being honest..... drugs are never good in highly emotional states, in any state actually, they are mind altering, because they numb real feelings and provide an escape from dealing with them, short term of course, they come back worse than ever......its a band aid on an artery, all you end up with is a very soggy band aid adn a wound that never heals. number two. It is possible to heal with someone in the picture,mending sadness is like embroidery, takes a slow hand and small stitches and the end result can be absolutely worth the effort.I have seen it happen and know of success stories. I guess because you get to see that side of someone from both perspectives, someone who is understanding and then the other someone who is sad, how they are when they are sad, you get to see things that you wouldn't see in a happy happy joy joy honeymoon state,you get to see real people reacting under different sates of duress, and you get to work together and with a little effort, its worth it,but here is where i stand alone outside the boxes. People will say its too much hard work who wants that, just wanna have fun and be blissful......with society today unfortunately, people are getting sadder and more and more times people are going to meet up with history that isnt picture perfect, there sadness everywhere.As far as safety blanket goes, what about loyalty and acceptance, would i drop that friend to date someone else....ummmm....resounding no....i would love that friend more for putting up with me while i was sad and would want to share my happiness with that person not another..... ....thats loyalty...... i wish hope in love, sadness and eventual happiness for your life and your friends....give up the pot it stinks..get high on life or get stoned and drink wet cement..kidding ...not really.....smilin atcha.....hugs.....deb Edited November 1, 2012 by todreaminblue 1
Minka333 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 His message screams that he wants you only as his next sexual conquest. In his mind your "emotional" text are just blah..blah..blahs.. Being "broken" is such a dumbass excuse. I think he has used that MO to several women before, and apparently it has worked like magic. He knows that he is presenting himself as a challenge and that some women actually fall for this bait, he also knows that some women wants to tame the "bad guy". It's like someone telling you "Don't fall in love with me" which only creates more desire and attraction.* OP, just be careful with this guy. He knows what he's doing and is gauging how far you'd go. * Good luck with this one..i hope my assumptions are wrong:sick: 1
snowflakes88 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 He flat out told you he isn't going to be in a relationship with you and only wants to have a sexual relationship. Remember that when you come back here calling him a jerk once your heart is broken. What happens from here on out is ALL on you.
Author AsItIs Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 He texted me while I was in therapy a little while ago. He said "I feel like we formed a bond last night.I can't bail on that.Trust me" (Which in all honesty-I feel like we did too...otherwise I wouldn't even be questioning this whole situation) I said "Well I do too but you're basically screaming at me warning me that you can't be 'good' " He said "So do you not think last night was real?" I said "I think your d*ck is just talking" He said "Shut the f*ck up! No it's not! I want you to be good for me & me only" I said "I want that too....but I want you to be good for me....and me only" He said "I will" And there we have it....I am still going into this with a very cautious mind but I'm going to see how his actions evolve. Btw-I have told my therapist all of this & he's not telling me to run for the hills.Infact- he told me that "there is nothing wrong with me depending on a man for happiness"(is that normal for a therapist to say?) I had a fun session today...I told my therapist that "he looks like he smokes weed" He laughed it off & said "would it make a difference to you either way?" I even told him how much money I spend on weed a month & he said "oh-you must smoke the really good stuff?lol" Anywhoo....I think my therapist likes me & I knew this was going to happen.Either way,it's fun going to see him every week & telling him all about my sexual nature & my new prospects.I'll keep you guys posted & thanks again for all of the excellent advice!
snowflakes88 Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 OP, do you have a job? Any particular reason you are 30+ and still living at home?
pteromom Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 sounds like 3 incidents away from eating someone's skin. HAHAHAHA. Oh my gosh, this made me LOL.
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