AsItIs Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 So I just started chatting with a new guy from pof just yesterday.We are having our first date tomorrow night.We have both established the fact that we're a good match cause we're both crazy.(It's like I can spot them a mile away) But anyway...I digress... I'm not going to mess this one up by having sex too soon.I want to get a chance to really get a feel for his intentions.The thing is...we've had some real good communication so far & I've already learned alot about him. He told me he is "dead inside" & that he has "squandered his brilliance" & it's the biggest regret of his life.He even told me "he's not a good boyfriend" & that's why "he's never even had a girlfriend,otherwise he'd be married" He said,he really really tried but he messed it up.He said that he subconsiously ruins things.That kind of caught me off guard.I assumed he meant that he's a cheater or something. I said "I can't be any more emotionally damaged so maybe it's a good idea if we just be friends then". He said"No-I'm not a cheater at all! It's very complicated & if you give me a chance to open up,I'll tell you about it" So...I said well then "let's just get to know each other a bit & take it from there" He Sounds just like my cup of tea.A challenge that can't be won.He's handsome,smart,has a good job,funny & smokes weed...just like me I'll keep you guys posted.....
MrCastle Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 He told me he is "dead inside" & that he has "squandered his brilliance" & it's the biggest regret of his life.He even told me "he's not a good boyfriend" & that's why "he's never even had a girlfriend,otherwise he'd be married" He said,he really really tried but he messed it up.He said that he subconsiously ruins things. Nice guys you listening? This is who you're losing to. 9
NoMoreJerks Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Nice guys you listening? This is who you're losing to. Is that really a loss, though...? 7
SmileFace Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 The **** did I just read? I will ask something but nevermind. Are you serious? 3
Balzac Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I'm not exactly sure what your goal is but my read is red flags. Have fun though.
MrCastle Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Is that really a loss, though...? Not for him. Well; maybe it is.
Author AsItIs Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Listen up people... I'm not afraid of being banned from the site so if you can't keep the mean comments to yourself,just be ready for the cold harsh truths that I can dish out. I'm so tired of everyone on this site who wants others to feel sh*tty & depressed. It's a crime around here to have fun. 1
Author AsItIs Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 New question... So I was supposed to go out with that guy last night but the plans fell through. He got "guilt tripped" into going out for drinks, for a friend's birthday.He texted me afterward & he was really drunk.We joked around abit & then the truth came out. He told me that he sees me as a real person & would never try to pump & dump me.He said he honestly wouldn't even try to have sex with me because he is sad.With a little persuasion, he finally admitted that, he got dumped a while ago, thought he was impervious, but he's not over it.He said he needs a friend. I told him to "join the club.I'm the founding president.I told him that I got dumped too, 7 months ago, and I'm just starting to get over it...a little." I told him that I'm sorry & I know it's tough.Then I said"of course we can be friends.We have a lot in common...especially now" He texted me first thing this morning & thanked me for being so nice to him & said he's glad we have alot in common & said he wants to hang out really soon..even today, if I want to. So my question is... If we do become friends, would I ever have a chance at making him my boyfriend? I know from experience that fresh out of my break up,no one in the world interested me romantically.And I know from reading (not from personal experience) that once you become friends with someone after a breakup,you will be their safety blanket (so to speak) until the are actually ready to date....and then when they're over it,they date someone else. This is just my assumption. I obviously have not invested too much emotionally with him yet anyway, so I guess it wouldn't hurt to make a good friend but, what do you guys think?
mammasita Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Why would you want him as a boyfriend? Dead inside, squandered brilliance......sounds like he is putting it all out there for you. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can change him.
Author AsItIs Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 Because that's exactly how I feel.It's like we are emotional twins
mammasita Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Because that's exactly how I feel.It's like we are emotional twins Ok, understand that.....but two damaged souls will not make for a great relationship. Have fun, but I wouldn't hope for anything long term or meaningful. You guys can't fix eachother.
phineas Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Nice guys you listening? This is who you're losing to. Is that really a loss, though...? Yes & no. Yes because the 95% of men on OLD who are being ignored have no idea why. No, if they realized 95% of the women on OLD are F'd in the head with more baggage than a greyhound bus. 1
Author AsItIs Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 is there like a "pathetic" box to check when searching for men on POF?! Dude.."I'm a piece of dookie, I've given up and am not capable of anything, let alone a relationship." You.. "SWEET" Not about bashing you, or try to make anyone feel down.. You wrote this post and from your writing, the dude you're about to meet and are all excited about, sounds like 3 incidents away from eating someone's skin. godspeed. bring some mace. Meeee toooooo. Hawaii50, I knew you were cool! Lol So I get what you're saying but isn't it normal for him to be acting that way after a breakup?I know I was a couple of steps down from a serial killer right after my break up.I really respect the fact that he has been so honest with me...before we ever even met.
threebyfate Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 AsItIs, imagine an entire troop of "issues" all standing around, flashing synchronized red signal flags that say "I WILL hurt you". Why would you go there?
ThaWholigan Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Nice guys you listening? This is who you're losing to. Nice Guys got their own problems - they need to watch that instead.
phineas Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 AsItIs, imagine an entire troop of "issues" all standing around, flashing synchronized red signal flags that say "I WILL hurt you". Why would you go there? Because he's HOT. Duh. Everything else about him screams "I will put you on rotation with all the other women I meet on this site" C'mon, he's a HOT guy on a dating site telling women he's not BF material. I don't even...... Whatever. OP makes my brain hurt. LOL!
phineas Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I do what I can I didn't see anything about just becoming single... I just read that he hasn't been in many relationships, is self destructive and has basically given up on life, and a brilliant person wouldn't be squandered-imho. Think about it though. Does that really fit the profile of someone who would be on OLD looking for a woman? Guys who have truely given up don't even bother with OLD. Personally I think the dude is HOT, knows it & is just tolling POF for easy sex. I know a few guys like this. Their HOT & just put stupid stuff in their profile & women pretty much just have sex with them no strings attached. 1
carhill Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Update after hanging out today. Nothing like pressing flesh to put context to the electrons. Good luck.
phineas Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 OP is falling for the reverse psychology Jedi mind trick, ultimately she will get pumped and dumped because that is what she wants. Hmmm. I wonder if I can use that Jedi mind trick to convince myself that is what women really want.
SmileFace Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 OP is falling for the reverse psychology Jedi mind trick, ultimately she will get pumped and dumped because that is what she wants. Getting pumped and dumped isn't a bad thing if you want it - that doesn't seem like thats what she wants but it does seem as if it's leading up to that.
Author AsItIs Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 Thanks Carhill & Hawaii50!!!!! I will keep you guys posted... Also Alex Cross..you are right,"birds of a feather do flock together" & I don't see that as a bad thing cause as much as you guys make me out to be some kind of horrible person who deserves bad things to happen to me,I am actually an awesome person who has a really big heart that got hurt at one point in my life And... I just started going to therapy so I'm only getting better And... No I will not get pumped & dumped 1
Imajerk17 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 (edited) I've seen some of your posts, AsItIs. You do seem like you basically are a sweet person who does have a good heart. Thing that gets me though, is all these women (and men) who make these choices where the red flags are glaringly obvious right from the beginning--and then when things inevitably go bad, think of themselves as "victims". I mean, with all those red flags, how else did you expect things to turn out (really)? At some point everyone has to take responsibility for their decisions. Edited October 27, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author AsItIs Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) ****UPDATE**** So we never hung out last Saturday. He said we can most likely get together later that day & then I never heard from him.I was ok with it, because after thinking about his situation (the fact that he got dumped & is not over it) made me think that I should leave him alone & give him time to deal with it on his own.I'm not gonna lie...I thought about him a few times during the week & kinda hoped he would contact me. Then yesterday, he sent me a message asking if I could "forgive him for being sad & disappearing?" I replied saying "I understand.Infact, I was going to suggest that you should probably get a few rebounds out of the way before meeting me anyway." Then I told him that "I knew he'd be back.No one is better than me" He joking called me a concieted trollop & asked if we could just get high together because he needed to clear his head & laugh. So I hung out with him last night.We madeout for 5 hours! It was the most incredible, intense kissing experience of my entire life! He knew just what I needed.He instinctively choked me hard, slapped my face hard & pulled my hair.He told me to "be a good girl for him & only him.". It turned me on so much! He had such an intense look in his eyes.He studied every crevice of my face.He stroked my cheeks,forehead,stomach,lips.He caressed every single part of me (except the nude bits) He would kiss me...then hold back & it was pure torture....in a very good way. I told him that I am not ready for sex & as much as we both wanted it,we agreed to wait.I left him last night at 1:30 in the morning.We texted back & forth last night & he texted me this morning as well.I KNOW not to put too much stock into words & to watch his actions more than anything but, he said that he can't wait to see me again.Told me that he "feels something really good with me & trusts me." He also said that he will "be good to me & for me." So.....I'm not putting all of my eggs into one basket but, I'm really excited by him & I hope it can evolve into something special.If not a relationship, he'd be a very good master. We'll see Edited November 1, 2012 by AsItIs
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 ****UPDATE**** So we never hung out last Saturday. He said we can most likely get together later that day & then I never heard from him.I was ok with it, because after thinking about his situation (the fact that he got dumped & is not over it) made me think that I should leave him alone & give him time to deal with it on his own.I'm not gonna lie...I thought about him a few times during the week & kinda hoped he would contact me. Then yesterday, he sent me a message asking if I could "forgive him for being sad & disappearing?" I replied saying "I understand.Infact, I was going to suggest that you should probably get a few rebounds out of the way before meeting me anyway." Then I told him that "I knew he'd be back.No one is better than me" He joking called me a concieted trollop & asked if we could just get high together because he needed to clear his head & laugh. So I hung out with him last night.We madeout for 5 hours! It was the most incredible, intense kissing experience of my entire life! He knew just what I needed.He instinctively choked me hard, slapped my face hard & pulled my hair.He told me to "be a good girl for him & only him.". It turned me on so much! He had such an intense look in his eyes.He studied every crevice of my face.He stroked my cheeks,forehead,stomach,lips.He caressed every single part of me (except the nude bits) He would kiss me...then hold back & it was pure torture....in a very good way. I told him that I am not ready for sex & as much as we both wanted it,we agreed to wait.I left him last night at 1:30 in the morning.We texted back & forth last night & he texted me this morning as well.I KNOW not to put too much stock into words & to watch his actions more than anything but, he said that he can't wait to see me again.Told me that he "feels something really good with me & trusts me." He also said that he will "be good to me & for me." So.....I'm not putting all of my eggs into one basket but, I'm really excited by him & I hope it can evolve into something special.If not a relationship, he'd be a very good master. We'll see How about, like, starting out with an actual date, rather than just having a guy over and letting him smoke your weed and feel you up? Your thread about always leading with sex (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/352268-im-female-yet-i-always-lead-towards-sex-right-away), and your subsequent threads demonstrating that fact, have shown you that this isn't really the way to get what you want. Do you really think that having a guy over to your home, getting high with him, and making out with him (in a particularly kinky and intimate fashion) is that much of a leap from having sex right away? You still didn't get to know each other in a normal, non-physical setting...I'm sure this guy is just hoping that the next time he sees you it progresses to the next level physically. If or when it doesn't, he'll be gone. I'm not trying to berate or belittle you; honestly I'm perplexed because you do seem like a very intelligent person. But this is the same way the last conundrum started out! I'm a very sexual person as well so I understand the desires, especially when you're attracted to someone. But you want a relationship...why not just find a decent guy who asks you out on a date? I'm honestly not chastising, I'm just very confused and your actions do not correlate with your desired end result. This is not the way to get to know someone and begin a healthy relationship. 3
colombiana28 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 So I hung out with him last night.We madeout for 5 hours! It was the most incredible, intense kissing experience of my entire life! He knew just what I needed.He instinctively choked me hard, slapped my face hard & pulled my hair.He told me to "be a good girl for him & only him.". It turned me on so much! He had such an intense look in his eyes.He studied every crevice of my face.He stroked my cheeks,forehead,stomach,lips.He caressed every single part of me (except the nude bits) He would kiss me...then hold back & it was pure torture....in a very good way. Damn, girl. that sounds hot as f#ck. I totally understand what you see in him. love sharing a joint with someone and then ravaging each others' bodies...ahhhh lust. 1
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