jesdenm Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Short story: Mom disappeared with SD back in 05 to a different state. Mom and bf abused (physical - no sign of sexual) SD. CPS got involved, this last time, March 2012 and we were found. We got full custody as of Aug. She is 11. How much coddling is too much? Hubby and I have been in agreement about most stuff, except homework. She wants me to read her the info and hubby thinks she should read it herself. I feel she may not have the comprehension skills necessary to help her understand, but am unsure. Can I have opinions please? I get momentary feelings of "she is just taking advantage of the fact that I will give her all I have to help" but I don't want to reflect that on her nor do I want to not give her what she needs in a mommy figure and has lacked from her own mom. BTW - she calls me mom. She and I had a beautiful relationship up till she was 5. I love her like I love my son. She is my daughter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 i don't think love is ever the wrong route. If she asks for help thats great. Keep communication open. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Talk to her teacher and get feedback there. Explain your concerns to the teacher and ask the teacher's opinions about your SD's comprehension skills and what she thinks you should be doing as far as homework help. You don't want to CODDLE her. You have to prepare her for an independent life. But you do want to give her unlimited love and understanding. The #1 thing she needs to feel is that this home is her safe place in the world. If you are succeeding there, you are succeeding. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 You know, I think if she wants you to read the homework to her, I would read it. I would show that kid love and acceptance any way I could think of, and this would be one way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 You know, I think if she wants you to read the homework to her, I would read it. I would show that kid love and acceptance any way I could think of, and this would be one way.Spend as much time as you can with her, just hanging out. Get her comfortable just 'being' around you. Talk about anything, including the homework, help her with it but don't do it for her. Go on LOTS of walks - lots of them. If you have a dog, start walking the dog together. What she wants/ needs most is reassurance that she is wanted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesdenm Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 I appreciate all your help. I did end up speaking with her teacher and she informed me that her reading comprehension is lower but not at a level which would put her in specialized help. I asked to get tutor info through the school, something after school she can start participating in. We are going to work as a team here in the home to help and get her up to speed. I can't say enough about how happy I am to have her home. We are all learning different things about each other and spend a lot of time together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I suggest a middle ground. Initially, read it with her and discuss it. Mutually agree with her that you are only doing this as a stepping stone to her reading it herself. Set up a timeline for review. Having said that, she might be the kind of kid that prefers collaborative working. The more individual time you spend with her, the more you'll get to the bottom of what's going on inside her head as well as her level of literacy. Helping her to study might also be a good way to spend more quality time with her as well as to keep in touch with something that makes up Overall, work towards creating a safe, secure and loving environment where she can learn to trust adults and other people. Edit: ack, we cross-posted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I read to my daughter every night of her life until she was about 12, when it was no longer cool, lol. And I'd take her outside with a blanket, and lie under a tree, and we would take turns reading a book together, out loud. Reading other stuff as well as the homework is the best way to raise that level. Plus it's great bonding time. The Harry Potter series and the Uglies series were the best ones to read together. She's now working on a PhD and reads nonfiction and textbooks for fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Helping her to study might also be a good way to spend more quality time with her as well as to keep in touch with something that makes up.... Sorry jesdenm, I meant to write, ".... a big part of her life." Link to post Share on other sites
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