(anger, sex, pick up artistry, incel)

[pumao]

So this is my first post. The title lists all the issues on my mind. The main problem is that I am an incel in my 20's. I have tried quite hard to talk to women when I am out in public hoping it may lead somewhere but it usually does not.

 

Now I no longer want to approach any women yet I cant stop feeling hurt, angry and jealous about this. As for pick up artistry, its something which I came across online and the only thing it does is make me more jealous reading about other peoples experiences. And its confusing too.

 

I cant help that I am a sexual being so what am I supposed to do? I have tried everything and asked for advice many times. It never helps me especially when people start accusing me of wrongdoing.

[ja123]

What does "incel" mean?

[ja123]

As for the pua stuff ... don't read it. They could be lying, embellishing, or maybe not even.

 

Everyone has his/her own life to live and experiences to go through, so embrace your own in your own way.

 

I know a guy who's got two girls on the go, visits the local massage palour for the "special", and still isn't happy. He watches some wild porn, and concludes everyone is having way more fun than he is. So, he makes himself miserable for nothing, while not living in the moment and enjoying what he has.

[pumao]

What does "incel" mean?

 

incel means involuntary celibacy.

 

Is all that stuff PUA write about real or exaggerated? I just dont understand how people have sex. Its done in private so you just dont know how it happens and what leads up to it.

 

Also, I might not be able to get into a relationship so I might just be wanting sex rather than anything more right now. I dont have anything to offer a woman in a relationship. I have no job, almost no interests, and I never have anything much to talk about. So I would probably be boring.

[CarrieT]

What does "incel" mean?

Google is your friend....

[ThaWholigan]

1) Firstly, what kind of advice have you been given?

 

2) What PUA stuff have you read? The forums are full of sh*t mostly, but there is some good literature out there.

 

3) You really don't have any interests or anything to talk about? How come?

 

Other than that, when you talk to women, don't focus on the outcome or hope for anything, just talk to them.

[ja123]

Thank you for the "incel" definition Carrie and pumao.

 

I'm in voluntary celibacy ... I wonder what the term for that is?

 

incel means involuntary celibacy.

 

Is all that stuff PUA write about real or exaggerated?

 

Some of it is real ... A LOT is exaggerated.

 

I dont have anything to offer a woman in a relationship. I have no job, almost no interests, and I never have anything much to talk about.

 

Work on yourself ... that's the real prize in all of this: You! A woman should be secondary. And in working on yourself, getting to know yourself, learning to love yourself .... that's something no one can take away from you. And the spin-offs are incredible ... making better relationship choices is just one of them.

 

What interests you, in general?

[pumao]

 

I'm in voluntary celibacy ... I wonder what the term for that is?

 

vocel obviously.

 

 

Work on yourself ... that's the real prize in all of this: You! A woman should be secondary. And in working on yourself, getting to know yourself, learning to love yourself .... that's something no one can take away from you. And the spin-offs are incredible ... making better relationship choices is just one of them.

 

What interests you, in general?

 

But all I wanted was sex? Is it really that hard to get? Or are there really people out there like pickup artists who get it from women for nothing?

 

I am not going to pay for sex, I am opposed to that.

 

How can you even go up to strangers and talk to them? What are you supposed to say?

[pumao]

1) Firstly, what kind of advice have you been given?

 

2) What PUA stuff have you read? The forums are full of sh*t mostly, but there is some good literature out there.

 

3) You really don't have any interests or anything to talk about? How come?

 

Other than that, when you talk to women, don't focus on the outcome or hope for anything, just talk to them.

 

I dont want to talk about PUA right now. I dont need a guide book, thats silly. i just need to find someone who will accept me as I am and doesnt use sex as a bargaining tool.

 

Ive been given all the usual advice which can be given probably. Join a club, go to the gym, learn PUA material, I dont deserve it etc

 

I have almost no interests. I am just an introverted and boring person.

[ja123]

I have almost no interests. I am just an introverted and boring person.

 

Then, you're probably going to have to pay for it.

 

Or, you could post an ad looking for a girl your age who is shy and introverted, but who, like you, would like to explore her sexuality. Leave the 'boring' bit out of your ad - that's your judgment, and might not necessarily be the truth.

[JamesM]

But all I wanted was sex? Is it really that hard to get? Or are there really people out there like pickup artists who get it from women for nothing?

 

Getting a woman in bead involves getting into a woman's head. It means that you need to get to know her as a person. It means that you need to show her that you can make her laugh and have a fun time. Unless you are a drop dead handsome guy, this is your only way.

 

I am not going to pay for sex, I am opposed to that.

 

Why? It can help you out in two ways: It will give you confidence with a woman. It will "teach" you how to have sex with a woman.

 

How can you even go up to strangers and talk to them? What are you supposed to say?

 

You need a reason.

 

Example: Once when I was looking for a new vehicle, I thought about one in particular. So, to get an idea of what they were like, I began approaching people that owned one. And some were women my age or younger. It was amazing to me how open everyone was to talk with a stranger. And it gave me confidence to approach them. And yes, with many, we began talking about more than just their car. Being married, I didn't of course ask any out, but it was a good way to meet people.

 

If I were single, then I would think of such a reason and begin approaching women. Who knows? just like cold calling as a salesman, you may get a "sale" or two.

[JamesM]

I dont want to talk about PUA right now. I dont need a guide book, thats silly. i just need to find someone who will accept me as I am and doesnt use sex as a bargaining tool.

 

You don't need a guidebook, but you do need confidence.

 

If you cannot accept you as yourself, then you can't expect others to accept you.

 

And since you aren't getting women as you like right now, then perhaps a few tweaks of character will get you what you want. My experience has shown me that simply being comfortable when talking to women is better than any guidebook.

 

Also, read up on dress, hygiene, and other things that attract women. Simple things like getting clothes that fit or smelling clean can be just the thing. And if you are not fit looking, then lose weight, work out, etc.

 

Sex won't be a bargaining tool if you don't let it be. If sex is your focus, then she will have all of the power. If sex is simply an expression of mutual love, then it won't be.

 

Ive been given all the usual advice which can be given probably. Join a club, go to the gym, learn PUA material, I dont deserve it etc

 

In this case, the saying applies: "You don't get wet if you aren't in the rain."

 

I would suggest going to a gym or working out at home for your own health and appearance, but I wouldn't suggest it as a way to get a woman.

 

I have almost no interests.

 

Then learn what you like and find some interests. This alone will get your mind off feeling sorry for yourself and off your lack of sex/women. I wouldn't join a club to meet women, but I would do it to find others who have similar interests...when you decide what they are. While you may not find a woman at the club, you may find someone who has a sister or friend who may be a match for you.

 

I am just an introverted and boring person.

 

Many, many introverted people find a partner. And many times that partner is much more extroverted than they. This brings out their qualities and gives them confidence.

 

Boring? I think I am boring, too! I would rather be with someone else. Actually, not quite true. I enjoy going out alone and being by myself, because I enjoy doing my own thing...as I am sure you do too.

 

Waiting for someone to come to you will not get you much. Deciding to find someone will get more results.

 

In my early twenties, I too was quite introverted and had no GF. In my mid twenties, I decided that this needed to change. Thankfully it did. I followed much of the advice I gave you, and I have been married over 20 years and have a family.

 

Your future is not assured yet. But I know that you can affect what happens by making some changes. If someone had told me that I would have what I have today when I was 20, then I would have been amazed and wondered how I got to that point.

 

You may be amazed what your future holds, too, but what you do today will decide if it is a happy one.