Million.to.1 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Don't want breadcrumbs? Don't want drama? Don't want to do what every broken hearted idiot does and twist themselves into a pretzel every time their ex tries to make contact? (cheers for that reference Geegirl) I am a firm believer in using NO CONTACT as a way to move forward quickly with your life and get over your Ex. But I am also pretty sick of reading thread after f@#king thread from people who are trying to use NC and their ex's keep on reaching out (reason irrelevant) and the poor dumpees are so firmly sticking to NC, it just turns into an endless drama. They come here and post for advice, "what does he/she mean?" or "what should I do?" and everyone always says.. "stick to NC" When the break up that lead me here happened, I did a lot more reading than posting, which I know is not the case for many newbies here. I knew that i had to go NC with my Ex and I did. But before I did, I sent, what i believe, was a very smart email.It saved me ALOT of heartache. It told my ex about No Contact and why I needed to use it so I could move forward. I really didn't want to be one of those posters who is here every few days with some stupid "he txted me" thread. I really wanted to move forward, (even though at the time i wanted him back) I knew that i didn't want to be dragged back to stage 1 of healing every time there was contact. I didn't want the breadcrumbs... Having my EX know that NO CONTACT was a method that i was using to move on, and not a way to punish him or express my anger by shutting him out of my life, meant that he respected my wish, and actually left me alone. If he had reached out, I wouldn't have had to reply, because there was nothing to say. I had already relieved him of his "guilt" as much as i could by accepting the break-up. So... I strongly recommend, if you are going to use NC, that you tell your ex that's what you will be doing. Ask them politely to not contact you for any reason and to let you heal. Take a look at This Thread i think explains well why this method would be beneficial in the long run. Let's discuss.
Coyoteloco Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 ermm.... okay, well why is my thread up there? lol nevermind its ok, take a look at it, just for the people reading this, i did told my ex that i wanted no contact!! so that is my ex breaking no contact!
NoMoreJerks Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) Good post.. Allow me to say, though, that there is no way in hell I am open to the idea of relieving my ex of his guilt, after the **** he pulled on me. I think in most cases, your idea would work, but not in cases like mine, where the ex did some seriously ****ed up **** that makes even some of the most seasoned posters here sick. I mean, assuming my ex feels any guilt at all -- he should go through life (or at least the next couple of weeks or months) feeling guilty for what he's done. It's the least he deserves. In some cases, especially where it was just plain incompatibility, even if you are the dumpee, you might be able to turn the other cheek and relieve him of the guilt. But not in cases where there were more serious issues involved. Just my 2 cents. Edited October 8, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
Author Million.to.1 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Good post.. Allow me to say, though, that there is no way in hell I am open to the idea of relieving my ex of his guilt, after the **** he pulled on me. I think in most cases, your idea would work, but not in cases like mine, where the ex did some seriously ****ed up **** that makes even some of the most seasoned posters here sick. I mean, assuming my ex feels any guilt at all -- he should go through life (or at least the next couple of weeks or months) feeling guilty for what he's done. It's the least he deserves. In some cases, especially where it was just plain incompatibility, even if you are the dumpee, you might be able to turn the other cheek and relieve him of the guilt. But not in cases where there were more serious issues involved. Just my 2 cents. I agree. This is more about regular break-ups, but even so, whether or not an ex should feel guilty for whatever reason is irrelevant. I can think of a lot of reasons my ex should feel guilty too. I don't think that this method does relive them of any guilt anymore than going straight NC does.
Svet74 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Def agree. ive been in NC for 2 months now, and feeling great. he did contact me one time and i contacted him. But thats because he owes me money so it was only for that purpose. I wasnt being nice nor letting him small talk with me. But so far im doing well
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