Listen to everyone on this site. GO NC. Learn from me..

[golk]

I posted on here when my ex first broke up with me in early August and everyone told me GO NC, there's someone else. I didn't listen of course and here's what happened.

 

My gf of 4 years broke it off with me back in early August saying she needed a break, was confused, didn't know what she wanted, blah. She got a new job where she was surrounded by football players at university Aug 1. Well long story short, first I begged. We got back together for a week then broke up again. Second I acted like I didn't care. She started "coming around again" or so I thought. Third I put a tiny amount of trust back in her and we got back together for 3 weeks then broke up again as of yesterday.

 

GO NC for the love of god. She FINALLY admitted to having feelings for one of the players this whole time which was always my suspicion. She denied it sooooo many times before, promised me she would do anything to make it work, told me she was in love with me, she made a mistake, everything I wanted to hear but in truth was thinking about ANOTHER DUDE.

 

This absolutely kills me inside and I am back to square one feeling depressed and so lonely. There are many reasons why an ex might contact you, some being

 

1. They feel guilty about what they've done and want to relieve themselves of it.

2. They want to make sure your still on the chain.

3. They're keeping you around as a backup.

4. They genuinely love you and want you back (.01% of the time).

 

If I could go back to the very beginning here's what I would do.

 

1. Send her a nice little message telling her how I feel and telling her not to contact me again.

2. Follow through with NC.

3. Block on facebook/twitter.

4. GO NC.

 

So for anyone in a similar situation, I hope I can help with my story. Your situation IS NOT different. Your ex IS NOT different. Do what everyone on this forum is telling you to do.

[Million.to.1]

Awesome.

 

I am sorry you went through this... I am adding a link of this post to my thread.

[golk]

:/ thanks. I think everyone has to go through some form of it in their own way.

 

Texted me twice today saying, "Havent stopped thinking about you since I left."

 

What a joke

[soccerrprp]

thanks, heard it all before, but not everyone's situation is the same. i went NC for two months, she came back and now we have something we didn't have before...not saying it will work out, but so far so good....every situation is different... that simple.

[hinatticus]

thanks, heard it all before, but not everyone's situation is the same. i went NC for two months, she came back and now we have something we didn't have before...not saying it will work out, but so far so good....every situation is different... that simple.

 

I agree. Everyone's break up is not the same. Everyone handles stress differently too. Everyone's ex's are different as well. Is a marriage the same as a college relationship? What about highschool relationships? How about when kids are involved? Violence?

 

The type of relationship the op is talking about is probably more along the lines of young lovers going through gigs.

[bluefairy812]

thanks for your post. unfortunately, the truth hurts, but it helps to read this, because there are a lot of similar cases like yours.

 

i'm sorry your hurting and dealing with this crap again. good luck. we are all broken hearted here

 

4 years together, 3 months broken up, and i'm still hurting, just like you, i begged for another chance, i went NC, he contacted me bc he didn't like me ignoring him, we spoke and i told him i had to do this (NC) and now he has left me alone. no sign anywhere. and even though it f*cking sucks, and i cry, and think off him everyday and wish for him to come back, i prefer to be left alone rather than deal with mind games.

[GoBomb36]

I'm right here with you guys. My ex and I have been completely apart for about two weeks now, and I am hurting. I just want to get her back, but I did some pushing yesterday. I want to do NC if it'll help her get back to me. I am 25, and she is 22. She is now with another guy.

 

She told me yesterday "Gary believe it or not I do miss you...and if anything I don't want you to know that," but said there were so many other factors in it. She did say she still loves me. I asked her what I needed to do, and she said I just needed to be her friend right now. Now I'm stuck.

 

I considered writing her a letter and letting it be, but I'm not sure of I should. Any suggestions, guys?

[bluefairy812]

yes. her saying "let's be friends right now" means for you to hang around while she tries things out with the new guy. she wants you to be her crutch just in case it doesn't work out. i'm sorry, but you are no one's second option. go NC and don't even say anything. she doesn't deserve you right now. i know its hard but who comes first right now, YOU (who is hurting!) or HER (who is just fine with her new guy)?????

[bluefairy812]

if someone truly loves you, nothing will ever keep them away. NC is BS if someone really wanted to be with you again, they will beg and cry... and be on their knees. i know if i wanted to be with someone, i would do whatever it takes. if will be THEN and THERE that YOU decide whether you want to walk that road again with your ex.

[GoBomb36]

That's very true, guys, and I appreciate the input. My mom tells me I should just air back and wait for her to contact me...and thinks she is just confused, but I don't know. NC would make her think I don't care...I have to say I'd love to walk that road again with her, because I know how we have felt before and that love is still there...hoping this guy is a crutch or rebound

[olivec]

I posted on here when my ex first broke up with me in early August and everyone told me GO NC, there's someone else. I didn't listen of course and here's what happened.

 

My gf of 4 years broke it off with me back in early August saying she needed a break, was confused, didn't know what she wanted, blah. She got a new job where she was surrounded by football players at university Aug 1. Well long story short, first I begged. We got back together for a week then broke up again. Second I acted like I didn't care. She started "coming around again" or so I thought. Third I put a tiny amount of trust back in her and we got back together for 3 weeks then broke up again as of yesterday.

 

GO NC for the love of god. She FINALLY admitted to having feelings for one of the players this whole time which was always my suspicion. She denied it sooooo many times before, promised me she would do anything to make it work, told me she was in love with me, she made a mistake, everything I wanted to hear but in truth was thinking about ANOTHER DUDE.

 

This absolutely kills me inside and I am back to square one feeling depressed and so lonely. There are many reasons why an ex might contact you, some being

 

1. They feel guilty about what they've done and want to relieve themselves of it.

2. They want to make sure your still on the chain.

3. They're keeping you around as a backup.

4. They genuinely love you and want you back (.01% of the time).

 

If I could go back to the very beginning here's what I would do.

 

1. Send her a nice little message telling her how I feel and telling her not to contact me again.

2. Follow through with NC.

3. Block on facebook/twitter.

4. GO NC.

 

So for anyone in a similar situation, I hope I can help with my story. Your situation IS NOT different. Your ex IS NOT different. Do what everyone on this forum is telling you to do.

 

I'm going through this right now and it sucks. I was dating this girl for about a month. Anyway we hungout last friday and a argomant happend which was soo petty. I didn't want to argue and let it go and she seemed to be alright but i havent heard from her since sat. The argument was over meeting at a place i wasnt familar with and she made a big deal about it. I ended meeting there like she asked and thought everything was cool. But then she starts fight with me after our date. I told everything is fine i know how to get there now. I knew something was wrong because i text her on sat and she txt me back once informing me shes going to costa rica with her friends who are single and havent heard from her since. I'm soo hurt now. I wont contact anymore like ya said its better to go no contact. its rough because i'm in my 30's and i havent had a solid relationship for a few yrs now and i'm getting frustrated . Ruind my whole weekend. I really thought she was a sweet girl up to that point. Boy was I wrong about her I feel like a fool now.

[Chi townD]

BREAKTHROUGH!!!!

 

But, you're not done yet, Golk. You're starting at day one and you're going to go through a lot of emotions. And if she keeps contacting you, some of her texts are going to be believeable, so you need to post here and post here often. People will be here to walk you through the tough times.

 

Hang in there, dude! Chances are she's going to try and run back to you as soon as the football player hits it and quits it.

[flitzanu]

I posted on here when my ex first broke up with me in early August and everyone told me GO NC, there's someone else. I didn't listen of course and here's what happened.

 

My gf of 4 years broke it off with me back in early August saying she needed a break, was confused, didn't know what she wanted, blah. She got a new job where she was surrounded by football players at university Aug 1. Well long story short, first I begged. We got back together for a week then broke up again. Second I acted like I didn't care. She started "coming around again" or so I thought. Third I put a tiny amount of trust back in her and we got back together for 3 weeks then broke up again as of yesterday.

 

GO NC for the love of god. She FINALLY admitted to having feelings for one of the players this whole time which was always my suspicion. She denied it sooooo many times before, promised me she would do anything to make it work, told me she was in love with me, she made a mistake, everything I wanted to hear but in truth was thinking about ANOTHER DUDE.

 

This absolutely kills me inside and I am back to square one feeling depressed and so lonely. There are many reasons why an ex might contact you, some being

 

1. They feel guilty about what they've done and want to relieve themselves of it.

2. They want to make sure your still on the chain.

3. They're keeping you around as a backup.

4. They genuinely love you and want you back (.01% of the time).

 

If I could go back to the very beginning here's what I would do.

 

1. Send her a nice little message telling her how I feel and telling her not to contact me again.

2. Follow through with NC.

3. Block on facebook/twitter.

4. GO NC.

 

So for anyone in a similar situation, I hope I can help with my story. Your situation IS NOT different. Your ex IS NOT different. Do what everyone on this forum is telling you to do.

 

it certainly sucks the lengths we go through to finally see this type of truth.

[golk]

Thanks everyone for the replies and motivation to push through! It really helps to cope with the situation. I know I'll hear from her again, idk when but I will. Hopefully I'll b strong enough to push through and try to move on without her.

 

I'll definitely be posting on here alot for a while. The day I hear her get a new bf will kill me

[mtnbiker]

Just remember, as other posters have pointed out, using NC to manipulate someone into missing you is a very bad idea. You may succeed in the short run, but there's also a very good possibility that the person you're cutting off may think you don't want them about anymore and that you're not worth chasing. Trust me.. been there, done that.

 

You truly believe the dumper would feel the dumpee was not only no longer interested, but more importantly not worth chasing if they gave the distance the dumpee asked them for? That seems odd to me.

[Pogona]

I think this is one of those lessons we all have to learn the hard way. I know I did, my first time around I was begging for any and all contact that I could get. My second time getting dumped by a girl I really cared about, I basically just vanished...and now I'm feeling a lot better in 1/3 of the time.

[mtnbiker]

I see we were on different pages. Sometimes the dumper simply ends the relationship and says they don't think the two should have anymore contact. In this case NC is what the dumpee asked for and it's what should be given. Not to get the dumper back, but for the dumpee to heal. This type situation isn't a game. I can't imagine the dumper in this situation would feel the dumpee was no longer interested or any less worthwhile than at the time of dumping.

[golk]

NC won't work unless it's for moving on purposes. SOMETIMES it will make the ex miss you and will bring them back but that seems like a rare situation. But unless the dumpee has accepted the end of the relationship, NC will make the pain worse it seems.