Kisliean Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Well, I have a friend who randomly stopped speaking to me over a misunderstanding. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of it, he decided to be rude and distant towards me for several months. I kept trying the entire time, I talked to him, I tried to reason, I even apologized and he just continued being rude and we went into NC. Finally, we started to sort things out a little. He became a little more kinder towards me and told me he regret what he did. He said he missed me and wanted us to work things out again, but his ACTIONS speak otherwise. He won't really text me or ask how I'm doing and I'm always initiating conversations with him. He engages in our conversations and slowly I'm starting to see him going back to how we used to be. One day he says something really out of line when I was opening up to him, and he says he hates when I talk like that and just tried his hardest to make me feel stupid for opening up to him. He got angry because I apologized for telling him my deepest problems so early, and he took that apology as "oh, why am I even telling you this" and he got angry. After that conversation, I ignored him and he hasn't apologized for it. He realized I wasn't responding to him, so he writes me an email in response to the LONG ONE I SENT A MONTH AGO. This email was literally 2 paragraphs long and he said in the end that he would update it throughout the week, but he didn't. He also said it's better for him to talk in person rather than emailing. In the email, he said something about how he gets lazy whenever we text and we start to fight because it puts him off from trying. What does that mean? It sounds rude to me. He never updated the email, and knowing him, he probably won't plan on talking to me in person. I know he sent that email to gain control again, so I gave him a chance to talk in person and we agreed to a date to meet and talk. I don't know how to feel at this point. I really care about my friend...deeply, and he was such a good person to me in the beginning, but now I feel like I've been treated like crap. Do I want this person in my life? Yes! But I feel like I've been running around after him like a dog and I feel like it shouldn't be that easy for him. I feel like punishing him for what he did, but in my heart, I don't want to do that. How do you fix a broken friendship with someone that treated you like crap? How do I move on from this? And most importantly, would being friends with this person again mean I'm foolish and I have no respect for myself? I'm torn. I don't know what the right thing to do is.
Author Kisliean Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Oh, you've looked at my old thread! Well, if you read further down the posts, I lied and I said that someone told him I said something bad about him which was why he was acting that way, but that isn't true. I only said that because the guys were being hard on me, and I knew for a fact it wasn't sex lol. But anyway, yes, that is the same guy. He isn't gay. I mean, I hope not. I've noticed that this guy is really sensitive and over analyzes things. He seems to make small things into huge problems for himself and he is an extremely defensive person, which causes problems between us.
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Why do you hope not? He's behaving in what I would describe as a 'gay' way. In other words he has empathy for your situation, and talks to you 'gurl on gurl'. And he's acting like a little spoiled brat. I have several very good gay friends, love 'em to bits, but they can be more bitchy than women. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. It's the person who cares the least who controls the most. You have to 'care' least. Or act like you do.....
Author Kisliean Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) Well, I've had several friends say that he acts gay (I sometimes thinks he acts like a pmsing girl lol), but I don't think he is. I say I hope not because you never know...but there really aren't any signs to me that he is gay. I think he's just a sensitive guy. There was always this sexual tension between us, and we were really touchy and affectionate with each other. Not in a playful way, but it was more on a deeper level. Like the cuddling, or him kissing my neck and he'd put his hand around my shoulder when we walked sometimes, and I guess I had a tiny crush on him. We kissed once, and after it I asked if he wanted us to move forward and he said he didn't want to mess up our friendship. I didn't really object to that and we had a very short conversation about it and that was it. So those are some of the few reasons why I don't think he is. If you don't mind me asking, why do you think I should continue NC? I do want him in my life, and he's never really done this before and we sort of are just getting to know each other, so I'm just curious to know why I should go into NC rather than slowly working on our friendship? Do you think his behavior is something he won't change and I'm just being a dumb naive girl if I forgive and go back to him? Edited October 8, 2012 by Kisliean
Author Kisliean Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Tara, I agree he does act like a spoiled brat. Most definitely. I feel maybe he has an issue with being close to someone. He told me he's never been close to anyone before, and I feel like maybe he's afraid and he's trying to push me away. A part of me feels like I should be patient with him, because like I've said before, I love him to death and I care deeply about him. The fact that he's telling me he wants us to be friends and he tells me he misses me so much says a lot. He's not the type to just say stuff he doesn't mean, but the issue here is that he isn't putting in the effort he needs to rebuild our friendship. Yes, he isn't being rude to me anymore, but I would like for him to talk to me more often and show me he does give a **** about me. I want to voice that when we meet to talk, but I'm also thinking about telling him I've been through enough and I don't want to risk getting hurt again. I just don't know which to pick. I'll be honest and say I'm very inexperienced when it comes to deeper relationships, so I guess that's why I sound very naive and dumb.
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