Kisliean Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) I've been friends with this guy for 10P+ months. We started off talking on fb and then texting and one time spent 8 hours on the phone. Well, the friendship progressed and we turned into a FWB situation, without sex, meaning cuddling and occasional neck kissing. Anyway, he told me he couldn't cuddle with me all night, so we slowly stopped the cuddling all night, and only did it for maybe 10-20 minutes in his car...just us holding each other, that's it. We stopped completely and we were ok with that. It happened naturally. Also, whenever we cuddled, it would happen naurally. We would not meet up specifically just to cuddle, he would come over to talk about something, I'd hug him, the hug would last long and when I'd pull away, he'd pull me towards him and he would hold me and I'd hold him back and we'd just be like that..sometimes he might go to the backseat and I'll hold him and I'll let him kiss my neck and that's the farthest we've ever gone. We seem fine afterwards, but one day he starts talking to me like he'd rather be doing something else...losing interest in our conversations and just closing up and acting like he doesn't care about me or what I have to say. I found myself initiating conversations, so I stopped. Well, we ended up not speaking for 2 weeks, which is pretty odd considering we would talk everyday, and he'd usually start the conversations on text. So he finally tells me our friendship is too much and he can't take it anymore. I asked him what caused him to get so overwhelmed, and he said he doesn't want to talk about it and he wants to be friends but that's it. I asked him what he expected from our friendship now, and he says we're fine and he doesn't want to talk about it. I say ok and just give him space. It's been month 2, and I'm confused. I don't know what happened? I tried again 2 weeks ago, and he said we are fine and nothing is wrong. Well, something is wrong...he isn't talking to me and if I talk o HIM he ends it or ends it with a comment I can't continue the conversation with. Speaking to him feels very uncomfortable and I feel like I'm annoying him, so I stopped talking to him altogether. I did have feelings for him, but obviously they aren't strong if I'm able to no have contact with him for months and be ok. Jus confused? What's going on with my best friend? Did I do something? Should I try speaking to him in person? I feel like he's going to reject me and say he's too busy to talk in person or he won't pick up my phone. He just seems so unapproachable and tries so hard to push me away from him. He's created this distance, and I don't know why. Edited July 10, 2012 by Kisliean typos
Affliction Shirt Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 This is a troll thread right? I can't tell, so I'll walk right into it. Your friend isn't getting laid. He's not wasting his time with you anymore because he could be doing other things like making money or bodybuilding or talking to other people which would factor in to getting him laid. Goddamn, at least give the poor guy a BJ. Is that too much to ask for? Is he so ugly and unattractive that you can't even dish out a quick pity ****? If I was him I woulda gotten bored and irritated after 30 minutes. Can't believe that moron became your designated doormat for 10 months before finally calling it quits. Either pay the man back for his time or leave him alone forever. I'm sure he'd be happy with both choices.
Author Kisliean Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 No, he's not that type of guy. He's very strict on waiting until marriage, and I've had my hand near his penis once, and he pushed it away, so it's not the sex. I never turn him down for anything, and I follow HIS lead. He's more sexually conservative than me, and he's more into the tender affection showing, rather than sexual (like me), so he doesn't want us to make out or touch our genitals and he won't even touch my breast. No, this is not a troll thread. You guys are pretty rude.
Trimmer Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) No, he's not that type of guy. He's very strict on waiting until marriage, and I've had my hand near his penis once, and he pushed it away, so it's not the sex. I never turn him down for anything, and I follow HIS lead. He's more sexually conservative than me, and he's more into the tender affection showing, rather than sexual (like me), so he doesn't want us to make out or touch our genitals and he won't even touch my breast. No, this is not a troll thread. You guys are pretty rude. OK, I'm not going to be rude - at least I'm going to try not to, but the other guys are probably more or less on target. Whatever reason he has to be strictly sexually conservative and observe the "wait until marriage" philosophy, basically what you've got is that his "big head" is acting like a big, superior know-it-all, saying "no, no, no", while his little head is struggling to scream "YES, dammit! YES, YES, YES..." This probably has him pretty messed up, especially now that he's had the opportunity to smell of the forbidden fruit that he must not taste - now that he's been able to "cuddle" and "neck kiss" you. God, that must be torture! Anyway, waiting until marriage is a behavioral choice. Being drawn to the shape and smell and warmth and feel of a woman is a fundamental drive that doesn't magically go away just because you have chosen (or most likely, were indoctrinated) into waiting until marriage. That drive is programmed in, and deeply so. So what he is trying to do, by force of will, is to overcome a primary drive that keeps our species alive. It's surely a supreme battle, and if his intellectual dedication to abstinence until marriage is powerful, he will eventually reason that it's in his best interest to stay away from you, because the sexual draw of being near you - made even more dangerous by your availability and willingness - is even more powerful. So take it as a compliment. Most likely it doesn't mean that he hates you at all. In fact, being near you - even talking to you - probably rekindles that drive that he is desperately trying to suppress until some indeterminate later time in his life. Edited July 10, 2012 by Trimmer
ac11442 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I agree with Trimmer! I knew a guy like that once a long time ago and that's exactly what it was. I didn't know it at the time but he confessed it to me years later. If you were to do anything sexual with him he would most likely feel horrible gut wrenching guilt and end up resenting/hating you even if it was he who initiated it. He may come around. He may not. He may, like my friend, end up getting married far too quickly to the next girl he wants to .....just so he can do it without sinning. As far as the rude stuff goes, don't be too hard on people. Overall the folks on here are pretty nice and here to help and be helped. I was thinking the same as most of them until you mentioned the abstinence factor. That's a big deal. One detail can change everything.
Author Kisliean Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I spoke to him on the phone today. He told me it was because someone told him I said something rude about him. We worked it out.
Trimmer Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) I spoke to him on the phone today. He told me it was because someone told him I said something rude about him. We worked it out. How old are you guys, anyway? Well, it sure would make it easier if that's all it was, and your guy really has no sexual desire beyond cuddling. But that sounds like it could be a "save-face" cover story, albeit a thin one - one that's not very credible, unless you don't want to believe the alternative. Did he say who "reported" you to him? What was it you were supposed to have said? Was it even believable? Why did he believe it instead of coming to you, if you guys are close? Let me ask you this: why did he tell you he couldn't stay with you all night? Because he didn't like it? Why did he stop your "cuddling" sessions? Do you think he didn't enjoy them? Why did he push your hand away when you got too close? Because he didn't have any desire for you to touch him? Why does he always pull away? Because he doesn't want to get close to you? But anyway, if everything goes right back to normal, and the air is truly clear, and you guys can go back to hugging and neck-kissing and the way things were before the awkwardness, and everybody involved is happy with things that way, then I guess you'll know that you've returned to the status quo. But I still stand by my post in general terms. If you find that after things have settled down, he manages to find even less time for you, or keeps even distance from you than before - if things seem like they've changed - consider my points. Edited July 11, 2012 by Trimmer
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