CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 A year ago, I started this thread that I may have met Prince Charming. This weekend, we are celebrating the One Year Anniversary of our first date, after having corresponded for two weeks. The relationship is progressing forward. I have secured a new job and for the next few months, I will be arranging an odd commuting schedule to work near where he lives (one week in his home, one week in a rented room, and weekends at my home). This is all in preparation for me moving in with him and his children after the holidays. He is very traditional in how quickly (or slowly!) I become integrated into his family and I have yet to sleep in his bed when his children are in the house. In the past year, I was taken to Vegas as a fifth date and for Valentine's Day, we went to Paris. This Thanksgiving, we are flying to the East Coast to be introduced to his parents. It is that serious... 20
eleanorhurting Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 A year ago, I started this thread that I may have met Prince Charming. This weekend, we are celebrating the One Year Anniversary of our first date, after having corresponded for two weeks. The relationship is progressing forward. I have secured a new job and for the next few months, I will be arranging an odd commuting schedule to work near where he lives (one week in his home, one week in a rented room, and weekends at my home). This is all in preparation for me moving in with him and his children after the holidays. He is very traditional in how quickly (or slowly!) I become integrated into his family and I have yet to sleep in his bed when his children are in the house. In the past year, I was taken to Vegas as a fifth date and for Valentine's Day, we went to Paris. This Thanksgiving, we are flying to the East Coast to be introduced to his parents. It is that serious... i want this
LittleTiger Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Lovely to hear :love: Very happy for you Carrie!
january2011 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I like happy threads, especially in Dating. We need more of them. Happy one-year anniversary, Carrie! 3
HeldbyGravity Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Congrats, and good luck to you both . It is wonderful that you're taking it slow around his children, good call.
Author CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Thanks, All... Yes, I am a *little* frustrated that I have to find a room to rent for three or four months, thinking his kids (B10, G13, B14) have probably already figured out that we sleep together, but it is not worth pushing on that subject. I only want to be a good friend to these kids. In moving in together, my BF has talked about me moving into their house and I am very cognizant of not wanting to displace the kids at all in their space; preferring - I hope - that we can just find a new place so that we are all starting fresh in a new home together. That will all be a matter of money which we'll figure out next year. But, much to my surprise (since I NEVER wanted children), we all like each other and get along well. I went on a family vacation with them in the summer (six days in a van, driving around the Pacific Northwest) and they have already said they like me a lot better than Dad's last girlfriend, whom they found creepy. I think he learned from that mistake in trying to incorporate her in to the family too quickly and broke up with her only a few months into the relationship, but after she had met the kids. We started corresponding on September 25th of last year and our first date was October 7th. By the third date, we knew it was a full-blown relationship (about the time I wrote that last thread) and it has been a fabulous year. I'm looking forward to what the future holds for a change! 3
curlygirl40 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Very happy for you Carrie!! It just goes to show that when you're crazy about each other, you will find a way to make it work. The distance, the move to a new, temporary apartment, etc., etc. It's all a means to be together in the end. Congrats. Can you please remind us (those that have been on countless on line dates, well, o.k, I'm counting and it's 32 for me so far, lol) how many first dates you went on before you met him? I think I read somewhere around 50. And did D just eventually go away? Did you keep him as any sort of 'friend'? Curious because I have someone in my life like that. He disappears, then when I have a new guy who I am smitten with, it's like he can smell it and that's when he starts coming around again. Odd to say the least.
Author CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 V Can you please remind us (those that have been on countless on line dates, well, o.k, I'm counting and it's 32 for me so far, lol) how many first dates you went on before you met him? I think I read somewhere around 50. You are right - and I'm happy to remind... I easily went on 50 coffee dates over the course of my two+ years in between relationships. And I must have started online conversations with 300 or 400 guys! Sometimes it was nothing more than a few lines, but I responded to EVERY SINGLE GUY who approached me, trying to weed out any prospective connection. I never dismissed a guy because of looks because I was looking for the deeper, emotional/intellectual connection. In some cases, I had ongoing, extensive dialogues with several dozen men at one time. In retrospect, I am sure many of those guys were married and looking for a fling. I had a LOT of phone calls as well. It took wading through the several hundred to get to the 50 meet-and-greets and THEN moving on. Sure, I slept with a handful of 'em, 'cuz that was the type of girl I was. "A" was different in that he was someone *I* approached, which was unusual. And the fact that up until him, I dismissed guys with children. I'm still not sure why I made an exception for him. And he was someone I did not sleep with on the first - or even second! - date. That was unusual for me as well. It was definitely an intellectual connection first and he knows I was not physically attracted to him in the beginning. But what has come out of it is a deep and abiding respect and love. The longing is more in the heart than in the loins which is also new for me. I've started too many relationships based on sexual chemistry alone and those have never survived the test of time. And did D just eventually go away? Did you keep him as any sort of 'friend'? Curious because I have someone in my life like that. He disappears, then when I have a new guy who I am smitten with, it's like he can smell it and that's when he starts coming around again. Odd to say the least. Funny you should ask that... I sort of gave him an ultimatum before I contacted "A". "D" just didn't have time for me and I even told him that he was going to lose me. Ironic that he lived only nine miles from me, had no kids or other responsibilities than his job, and couldn't find time for me. "A" has these kids, sits on the board of several non-profits, lives 70 miles away, owns his own medical practice and yet found the time to be with me. What was funny about "D" was that I told him I was giving up and going to start dating again (we had agreed to exclusivity for those three months, despite his schedule) and I didn't hear from him for several weeks when he called on the very first night I invited "A" back to my place. I texted him the following day that I was already seeing someone else and it was too late. "D" proceeded to try and contact me about once a month after that, seeing if I was "still involved" and would there be a chance with him. The last time I heard from him was while I was in Paris and I sent him the final, "please don't contact me again" message. We were never really friends - we just had sexual chemistry and not much else. We never had time to find out if we had any other mutual interests as we never did anything together other than him coming to my place for dinner and a little making out. Glad we never had intercourse.
jobaba Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 (edited) I'm very happy for you, I just wonder... Whenever a woman creates one of these threads, it's always, he's got the whole package BUT he's just not THAT attractive. Why can't it just be ... Oh, I think he's pretty cute and that's the end of it. Especially if you're in your 40s. Why do you need to date the absolute best looking piece of meat you can get? I don't do that with my exes and girls I meet. If they're cute, they're cute. I don't stack them up against other women and girls I've dated. Edited October 6, 2012 by jobaba
Author CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I'm very happy for you, I just wonder... Whenever a woman creates one of these threads, it's always, he's got the whole package BUT he's just not THAT attractive. Why can't it just be ... Oh, I think he's cute and that's the end of it. Especially if you're in your 40s. Why do all men you date have to be compared in looks to the most attractive man you have dated? I don't do that with my exes and girls I meet. If they're cute, they're cute. I don't stack them up against other women and girls I've dated. I will add that my BF *is* cute. Part of the reason I was not attracted is because he is so nice looking and - being part of a D/s relationship - I was looking for the package that would include "bad boy" looks with the Dominance. If you saw my BF, you would think he was the most vanilla, straight guy in the world. He just looks NICE - something I am unaccustomed to... Also, if you saw my Ex's you would never think I have a "type" or are comparing them to anyone in my past. It was simply hard, at first, to take seriously someone giving me commands with such a sweet, kind face... THAT was the intent of my lack of attraction which is hard to explain. But we worked through that and joke about it now. If you saw us, you would think us the most bland, vanilla couple in the world!
jobaba Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 (edited) If you saw us, you would think us the most bland, vanilla couple in the world! I don't doubt it. I think that's one of the main reasons men and women have so much trouble. Men are looking for someone just kinda cute like them, and women are looking for the storybook. Hot guy with attitude who IS ALSO responsible and thinks you are the tops. For me, I would never tell anyone I wasn't physically attracted to them when I started dating them. I would just say I thought you were pretty cute. Edited October 6, 2012 by jobaba
Author CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I would just say I thought you were pretty cute. I didn't tell him. I told him he was attractive, but he knew I wasn't physically drawn to him on our first date. He asked later about a certain way I responded to him regarding that first date and he surmised. I didn't lie about it (I'm really bad at lying) and we moved forward. All is fine now. 1
Silly_Girl Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 For me, I would never tell anyone I wasn't physically attracted to them when I started dating them. I would just say I thought you were pretty cute. My boyfriend knows I didn't think he was hideous when we met, but also felt no spark or attraction. I was slated on here for persevering, but all the traits I find attractive became apparent and now he's the sexiest man in the world, I get the hots from a simple touch or kiss and sometimes the way he looks at me flips my tummy over. And in addition he is a wonderful, wonderful person. It sounds negative to say 'he's great, but I'm not really attracted...' but that's way better than 'he's really hot, but a total w**ker'. 1
Author CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Thanks, Silly Girl. You get it... Now, when I see my BF, I get butterflies and my heart goes pitter-patter. There is a way he can tug my hair that makes me melt. 3
jobaba Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 My boyfriend knows I didn't think he was hideous when we met, but also felt no spark or attraction. I was slated on here for persevering, but all the traits I find attractive became apparent and now he's the sexiest man in the world, I get the hots from a simple touch or kiss and sometimes the way he looks at me flips my tummy over. And in addition he is a wonderful, wonderful person. It sounds negative to say 'he's great, but I'm not really attracted...' but that's way better than 'he's really hot, but a total w**ker'. To me, it bothers me. It's kind of like saying, "I'm an average woman and you're an average man, but I don't think you're sexually attractive because I've had hot men and you're not HOT." It's almost like if a man doesn't inspire that 'love at first sight' feeling, he's going to have to work his arse off and show all his goods to give you that 'swoon, butterflies' even though you two are in all reality equal looking. Most men, if a woman is cute and cool, that's good enough.
tigressA Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Jojaba, I think in your own way, you are just as, if not more, looks-obsessed than you think many women are. Anyway, Carrie--I am so glad to read about your happiness. I've seen some of your other posts describing some events in your past and if anyone deserves this, it's you. May you and your love have many more great years together. 1
jobaba Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Anyway, Carrie--I am so glad to read about your happiness. I've seen some of your other posts describing some events in your past and if anyone deserves this, it's you. May you and your love have many more great years together. Agreed... :bunny:
Author CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 It's almost like if a man doesn't inspire that 'love at first sight' feeling, he's going to have to work his arse off and show all his goods to give you that 'swoon, butterflies' even though you two are in all reality equal looking. Interesting. I was happy there wasn't the "love at first sight" feeling because I've had enough experience to know that it never lasts. It was partly why I was so encouraged with this relationship; we did things the way I had witnessed others doing it. All my past relationships started with sex and then we would try to see what else we had in common to build the relationship from there. The fact that this one started differently (despite it starting on a sex site!) gave me great encouragement that it would be far different relationship than I had ever experienced before. This one did not have to work his arse off at all. It was a natural opening of minds and hearts. We even admit that the first few times we had sex were a struggle in getting to learn each others' bodies. I now know it was also getting to know each others' hearts that made the sex better. Yes, I have had mind-blowing sex with strangers, but emotionally I felt very empty after. I could always get "the night of" experience but "the morning after" experience is worth so much more for me... 1
LadyGrey Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I'm so very happy for you Carrie. It's wonderful to hear great news.
Silly_Girl Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 To me, it bothers me. It's kind of like saying, "I'm an average woman and you're an average man, but I don't think you're sexually attractive because I've had hot men and you're not HOT." It's almost like if a man doesn't inspire that 'love at first sight' feeling, he's going to have to work his arse off and show all his goods to give you that 'swoon, butterflies' even though you two are in all reality equal looking. Most men, if a woman is cute and cool, that's good enough. Oh no, the older I get the less attracted I am to men from the off. I wouldn't get LAFS with anyone and I couldn't, in a detached, appreciative way, honestly say my boyfriend was sexy (at that point). I had great chemistry for 8 years with someone else and the guy treated me like a dog! The relationship was missing everything but. My boyfriend didn't need to work his arse off, he only had to be himself. It was because I had my ducks in a row that I realised what a catch he was. 2 yrs prior I'd have gone for the chemistry first and it would have ended, and probably messily. I don't consider it disrespectful to my boyfriend, it more highlights how poor my choices were previously. I wasn't naturally blessed with romantic sense. 1
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