AlexDP Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 You seem to be dead set against working on your issues from the inside, with a professional therapist trained to work with people who have similar things going on as you do. You will NOT go deep. Why? And why are you torturing your relationship AND this person you claim to love so much? If you are so happy and joyful, then why don't you just BE HAPPY AND JOYFUL and stop the madness? Are you seriously expecting anyone here (or your boyfriend) to believe that you are breaking up because strangers on LoveShack tell you you should? This "breaking up" is just exactly the same as any of your other dramatic moves. It has nothing to do with working on yourself. Why won't you get honest? Leigh, Mme Chaucer is right. It's also why your boyfriend won't take you seriously. He can see it's just you crying for attention.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 lol........................................................................... stop reading the excuses... you girls know how this is...... i love how you are painting such a pretty picture and trying to create this perfect breakup scenario stop painting it white, end it, get a second job, go work out more and get more therapy. report back in a year This relationship was over months ago... anybody with half a brain could have seen it. If the relationship was over, then why does Andrew love me so much? If it were over, he would be able to get over me easily, and move on without much thought. Trust me. If I were to end it, he would be knocking on my door daily, calling me, and not able to get over me. ...I find it highly entertaining how you think the relationship was " over". LOL.... And you would know how? People never ceace to amaze me:rolleyes: I believe Andrew loves me as crazily as the most in love men love their partners.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 If the relationship was over, then why does Andrew love me so much? If it were over, he would be able to get over me easily, and move on without much thought. Trust me. If I were to end it, he would be knocking on my door daily, calling me, and not able to get over me. ...I find it highly entertaining how you think the relationship was " over". LOL.... And you would know how? Maybe because YOU SAID YOU BROKE UP??? Leigh, nobody is going to take you seriously or listen to anything you say if you don't quit that. I'm sure this propensity of yours to say anything in order to get whatever response you are looking for has affected the dynamic of your relationship a great deal already.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 I'm reading, and I'm seeing some wants, sexual needs, things being met by one party, not by the other. What is it that's really not working out for you guys? Well, he really enjoys giving me oral, but I have not been able to wax lately. He enjoys it 100000000 times more when I wax (it is MUCH better than shaving) therefore instead of him 80% enjoying it when I am hairy, we agreed it would be a far better experience if he held off until I waxed; because he would be 100% into it, which in turn would make me enjoy it more. .......I guess I got sh*tty that I had to wait? I feel less close when he does not give me orgasms. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but I am just trying to be totally honest, even if it shows a bad side of me:mad: I guess the oral thing is the only issue...... I shouldn't let it get to me, given I am very positive about life in general (yet let tiny issues like this get me down)
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 Like I said before: I Just need time alone to work, study towards my ideal career, and work out/which puts me in a better mindset. I do not think we need to break up entirely? I do not think we could simply get out of each others minds and "date" again anytime soon. I guess it is up to him; I can do my own thing for a while to get more mentally healthier and establish better boundaries. I am adamant i want to understand this "boundary" issue CHAUCER talked about. I don't know why, but I just have a thing where I need to resolve this thing, my instinct tells me if I don't, I won;t be able to be all that happy in life:mad::( I think because I am an only child and get what I want and never have to worry about going hungry (mum would never have it even at age 26 almost..) that if I do not get what i want in my relationship, I am just like " well f*ck it then, u should do more for a girl you love" I think being an only child and being very spoilt may have something to do with me having zero will power and cracking the sh*ts in my relationship when I do nto get what I want?
CarrieT Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Here we go again.... :rolleyes: Leigh, you are the epitome of the walking drama queen. Why should we continually take you serious when you have similar threads to this extent like: Self Esteem Issues - April, 2012 Dabbling in Having an Open Relationship - February, 2012 (actually, this issue has come up often in your threads) Taking a Break In The Relationship - February, 2012 (you actually started this thread four or five times in that same month) Desperately Wanting a New Life - February, 2012 Improving Yourself Before Having a Boyfriend - January, 2012 (you were in the relationship when you started this) Being Devastated - January, 2012 Sex with Amazing Guy - October, 2011 (I'm assuming this is when you first met him and it started as a FWB) It seems that Andrew's constant acknowledgment of his love for you is not sufficient for some reason and that you really don't want to be in the relationship - perhaps to better yourself? Honestly - as has been suggested ad nauseum, why don't you break up with Andrew once and for all, go No Contact, and find a good therapist that will help you work through these issues. It has become more than apparent to me through all the threads you have started that you are not emotionally ready for a relationship. You really should be on your own and working through all these issues you have which is keeping you from attaining true happiness and satisfaction.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I appreciate your help, but you do not know Andrew and I well enough to realise practicality of no contact.. You really have no idea. We both feel that we are the loves of each others lives. I know what love is, I have had a lot of partners. This is the notebook type of love, we both feel it is too strong to forget about should we be sepatrated. I honestly do not think we would get over each other for an extremely long time, even if we did get with other people after months, we would go back to each other in a heartbeat. and we can see ourselves being together for life (albiet we know people grow apart and things do change). ...It would be extremely weird to just not talk again, when we both love each other this much. Why co no contact with a person you see every day and have so much fun with? ......................NO CONTACT is for people who have no hope of having a happy relationship with their partners, because there is infedelity, one or both people are not truly in love, or one or more people are abusive Andrew and I have very happy days together, the issues in my head to not impact on our daily lives. .......And I DO want to be with Andrew. Furthermore, he would constantly try to see me, call me, and he WOULD NOT BE ABLE to stay away from me, knowing we are in the same general area. .................................We feel too strongly about each other to not see the other person again.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I will, however, not see Andrew much at all, and just see each other weekends. I was never a true romantic before and still will not date men who write poems and act too soppy... But I do believe and know what a big love is when I feel it; I know it is something that will not die, and would take us being apart for a LONGG time, and our love would only be forgotten about if we found a new person who we fell in love with . Given we would not be able to stomach other people romantically or sexually for several months, we would be in agony not being able to see one another. Why cry every night and feel extreme pain and sadness from not seeing a person? Sounds CRAZY to me. People who suggest no contact clearly do not know the nature of our love, and have never themselves separated from a person who they loved a great deal and who also loved them back, and who they were happy with.
CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 If this: We both feel that we are the loves of each others lives. and we can see ourselves being together for life .......And I DO want to be with Andrew. .................................We feel too strongly about each other to not see the other person again. Than what the hell is this thread about???? YOU are the one who started it and asked about No Contact. Why then? Seriously, Leigh - and I have said this before - if I were Andrew, I would only put up with so much of this drama queen antics you go through. If you want to be with him, than work on being the best partner you can be. But why continually start these threads about breaking up? 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 If this: Than what the hell is this thread about???? YOU are the one who started it and asked about No Contact. Why then? Seriously, Leigh - and I have said this before - if I were Andrew, I would only put up with so much of this drama queen antics you go through. If you want to be with him, than work on being the best partner you can be. But why continually start these threads about breaking up? Because I am agreeing with u - I think I need more help (professional) I HATE the fact he had had to put up with my antics, eve though it is not all the time, and we are happy a lot of the time. I want to get the help I need so I can be a better partner, without going no contact. No contact is way too severe when we both love one another this much.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I am serious about not wanting to have my silly drama hurt him anymore. After growing up with guys who are not into me, I finally improved myself and grew confident enough to ONLY seek out men who are into me. I only became this way just before meeting Andrew; I was adamant and truly believed there were many guys out there who would love to be with me and who would be 100% into me. He clearly adores me, based on how he acts on a every day basis. Yet, it is never enough. I always find things he does and ways he handles situations that make me think " wow, he must not love me enough, I need a guy who is COMPLETELY in love in the biggest possible way" ............If I saw him twice a week it would really suit me right now. I need to focus a lot on my work, study, fitness, and establishing friendships right now, all these things I have started to do to a small extent recently. I have ever had enough " me" time where I truly worked on myself enough to feel 100% secure around him. I have not worked hard enough, I could be so much better right now. I think it is the fact I have not tried hard enough in life, that I do not feel secure all the time around Andrew; int he past I noticed when I have a busy and fulfilling life in regards to work and study and fitness and friends, that I feel WAY more confident and have LESS DOUBTS about things such as my relationships. Because we are happy whe together most of the time ad my issues oly impact a small amout of out actual time together, he does not want to have any time apart. In the past, we were not strong enough and ended up back living together (the other couples of times I suggested I do some self reflection and get better professional help) Now, however, I have realised my issues are as strong as ever, even though we are happier than ever and have no problems in the actual relationship itself - we look after each other, treat each other well, and have a lot of fun every day. I told him we can only see each other on weekends. He does not agree but will support me in whichever pursuit I think I should take, for my mental healths sake.
CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 for my mental healths sake. What is the status of your therapy?
thembones Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 It is just so confusing to me that two people can feel completely in love, as though your love is rock solid, only for it to end. Welcome to my life... Perhaps some people have what it takes; the connection and the fun filled relationship, yet still managed to grow apart. And my reoccurring nightmare. I just thought that " some connections are forever, and some are not. WHAT is the difference?! Are the ones that last forever stronger to begin with, than the relationships that fail (but thought they were the "one" for each other initially) Our relationship was strong and we each thought we were the "one". When I love someone and they love me, it just feels so certain to me that we are alla bout each other. Our days, future plans, and lives are centered around each other out of choice. At one time this was what we thought. Especially when you laugh a lot and have a great connection, you just think " wow, how could this possibly end if we are both really invested in maintaining the relationship?" She was not, did not want to try anymore
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 What is the status of your therapy? I am desperately trying to get a menial job, to support therapy, and to also allow me to live whilst I study. I cannot afford to do anything but eat; no buses, trains, or gas money for my car is feasible. Living off of the government, I have had to defer my studies in order to find a menial job; otherwise, I have no gas to get there, or money for trains or buses to GET to college or whatever institute I choose to study at (I may not go back into my degree, as there are better options I have seen which I am more passionate about) It is VERY HARD to get a job here - EVEN A MENIAL JOB IS HARD TO GET IN AUSTRALIA. Where I live it is, anyway! I could look for 1000 food server jobs or retail jobs, and not get a single one. And I have loads of experience and am great at customer service, and see lacklustre servers and asisstants. It is SO unfair. I have only been able to afford sporadic therapy sessions. Enough to help me a little, but not enough for any lasting or long term stratagies to deal with my issues. I Just lost a menial job I had, in which I was great at givi9ng customer service; unfortunately, the old b*tches there did not like me (although the rest of the staff did). I was not rude at all, my hair just fell down a few times and I was late to two of my shifts (I had no gas in the car so had to rely on others to take me) I thought this job was my big break:mad: I was so looking forward to going back to study, and have money to go on road trips occasionally. Too much to ask apparently. So I cannot afford therapy right now. Simple as that And frankly, I do not think I can afford a relationship; I have MO MONEY. I do not want a partner, when they have to go to music festivals, go out, and do all the things they want to do WITH ME; alone, and with their friends.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Welcome to my life... And my reoccurring nightmare. Our relationship was strong and we each thought we were the "one". At one time this was what we thought. She was not, did not want to try anymore Wow, sorry to hear that, that is really sad:( I hope you find a person you deserve, who will work through issues and be invested in maintaining the relationship. I have a guy who is, but unfortunately I do not think I am mentally ready, and financially I want to get myself an income before dating. I simply cannot handle not being able to afford to do anywhere with the person I love.
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