Leigh 87 Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Hi all, Sometimes, in relationships, even the strong and loving ones, one mental issue can hinder everything. You can be otherwise very happy, besides ONE little thing you do. I have come to the realisation, that I have to do a bit of work on myself, and learn to feel happy within MYSELF, before commencing the full on nature of my relationship. Sure - we will see each other once a week, on weekends; we love to party and enjoy life. The difference now, is that instead of living together, I will move home, and work intensively to resolve my mental issues. Previously; we have been together EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. We get along well, like best friends, and never get sick of one another or have any issues being together ALL the time. Although I love being around him all the time, I am not apprehensive or upset about not seeing him suring the week at all; conversely, I feel a great sense of excitment... about preogressing in my life, to a place I cannot wait to be in:) For the people with mental issues ( depression, recovering from an eating disorder, or just any social issue that affects the person you are in a relationship with) I had an eating disorder, and although I am recovered, it has left an indelible mark on my life; I took away my social life, my hair, among other things. Although, I am unsure as to weather my ED is to blame for this current psychological tendency I have, regarding my boyfriend........ MOre rampantly than ever, I have the tendency to self sabotage. It is an utterly terrible habbit, in a relationship; you are both otherwise VERY happy together, very much in love, very close............ and then BAM; u always do something to start a fight 2 - 3 days a week. Lately, for me, it has been on the weekends, when we go out, have a few drinks............. I will just, out of no where, be in a sh*T mood, and say something that causes a fight. I never remember what the fight was about, or WHy oer HOW I instigated it! I have no logical reason to start any issues, yet I have done, more so than ever before.......... I am going to seek professional help, to get some insight as to why I cause unecessary issues. PLEASE NOTE: my boyfriend NEVER. EVER EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR causes ANY problems in the relationship. What I love most about Andrew, is that: he is SO lovely to be around: NEVER causes fights or problems. He SERIOUSLY is always lovely and happy to be around, and has never ONCE caused any argument. If he has a problem, he will tell me nicely. He just has no reason or inclination, to ever cause problems. He is the ULTIMATE happy go lucky guy. He is friendly to every one, will happily chat to ANY ONE, and is the type of guy who will go to the brouded beach, and want to meet new people that day, and go for a swim with them, laughing and smiling a lot. I love how nice it is to be around such a positive, happy, friendly guy like Andrew. He never causes drama, and therefore, I need to stop causing unecesary problems in out lives. it is pointless and unecessary. I am otherwise a very loving, caring, funny person to him; I am a great girlfriend. It is just this ONE thing I have left, this ONE last issue, to resolve. Everything else is fine:) QUESTION: has anyone ELSE here, had a happy relationship, but had to go away and be alone for a while, in order for them to sort out an issue or two? have you gone back to your partners, and did things improve when u improved yourselves? Or, on the other hand, did u grow apart, even though YOU, personally, had evolved and changed for the better?
Author Leigh 87 Posted January 30, 2012 Author Posted January 30, 2012 In summary: right now, I do not feel that good within myself. For me to feel healthy and productive and mentally clear, my own pesonal things that I need to do, are: - be active and work out most days. I think I lack the feel good chemicals, hwoever, I have found when I am working out regularly, I literally feel GREAT, after the workout for hours and hours. I feel ill and unhealthy not being fit. - I need to have my own life and friends; I have basically none after my mental illness. - I need to engage in my own hobbies and interest more. I sure do have them; I LOVE reading biographies, I am about to learn keyboard, and always like to google different topics, to learn every day. I have not done all of those three points enough lately, and instead, have been around ANDREW all the time. It feels like we are one person, but I have lost respect for myself, seeing as I have not grasped my own life and induldged in developing MYSELF.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Good for you for making the decision to take care of yourself. Get some great help and make the most of yourself and your life. I'm happy that your boyfriend is supportive too. Best.
veggirl Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 I've NEVER been successful doing this while IN a relationship. So, good luck to you. I agree you need cultivate relationships (friends) and a life outside of your boyfriend. Very badly--that is hugely evident in your threads, and I hope you are able to do that. I also encourage you to make sure you are making your changes for YOURSELF, not for your BF. I've noticed a trend through your posts of you seeming to want to be who your BF wants you to be (ex: happy all the time, outgoing, etc).
Author Leigh 87 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 I want to fix myself WHILST with him! We are WAY too close to break up!!!!! Leaving each other for good, or going with other people, would be way way surreal..... We sleep together every night, hugging very closely - and are just very close. We need each other, and so I do not want to think that, something as simple as identifying problems Ihave, and in turnm fixing them, would be so terrible and end the relationship? The idea, is: We see each other less often, while I work **** out, then we will be closer ( live together).
veggirl Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 We need each other, and so I do not want to think that, something as simple as identifying problems Ihave, and in turnm fixing them, would be so terrible and end the relationship? The idea, is: We see each other less often, while I work **** out, then we will be closer ( live together). Aye. Yes, see each other less often.
Author Leigh 87 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 Whatever man..... I think I will let him go, and do hima favour; I will go work on myself, and be a wonderful person to be with. I am great now in some ways with him, however, i cause totally unecessary drama; where as, everything is fine, he never causes problems not ONCE. He has helped me recover from a mental illness, an eating disorder, and has had to deal withl my drama. He is amaing for dealing with me, and now I should do him a favour, and go fix myself more. He loves being around me and loves me a lot, and sais he wants to be together with me, and is in no way ready to get pover me or let me go, however. We are very close, and hug tightly every night, and are just very close:(
Dust Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Maybe you can fix while with your bf... maybe not. Good luck. Fixing yourself may be as simple as accepting yourself for you.
Author Leigh 87 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 I have put my boyfriend through a lot - all he has been is perfectly calm and lovely to be around, never causing a single fight.. Me, on the other hand... I have caused many many fights, for no reason other than my issues. I am a great person outside of my issues, therefore I really do see a future for us two, providing I try to improve myself, no and forever. He wants me to still see him often, things are the same, apart from the fact I am making a concerted effort, with the help of a therapist, among other things, to help myself.
Author Leigh 87 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 also - today, and I rang him, and told him that I can see that I have put him through a lot, and that it would not have been easy. I thanked him for being such a good and patient person to me; that I really appreciated him for it, and am so happy I met him/ am lucky to have met him too... I have sent messages like this on a few other occasions, too. Just to let him know how much I have appreciated having him in my life. How much he has helped me. He sounds fine, he is just looking really forward to us being together, but always being happy, with much fewer arguments.
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