sammiexo Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I am having an anxiety attack right now over what I found I don't know what to do. Here is the convo my bf had with his friend, "Ally": Ally: Jared (their friend) was telling me how u and I are so compatible. I think he was trying to match make BF: Oh really BF: Lol what a trouble maker Ally: So u think u and me will ever happen for jared's wish? ur sister loved me BF: Hahaha...true! If I were single I probably would Ally: Haha! get single then! BF: Lmao BF: Aww :/ I'm too committed This is the previous thread I had posted about my reservations of the girl and my bf: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/343105-if-your-boyfriend-would-you-think-he-liked-girl Anyway, what are your thoughts of the above conversation? I am literally numb.
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 That would piss me off. It's possible he said that because he was uncomfortable at her suggestion. If that's the case, and he's loyal to you, he should tell you about it. If it's kept a secret, that would indicate a red flag to me.
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Your BF relayed all of this to you why? I get the feeling there's more to the story.
Author sammiexo Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Your BF relayed all of this to you why? I get the feeling there's more to the story. he didn't. I looked at his messages
Author sammiexo Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 That would piss me off. It's possible he said that because he was uncomfortable at her suggestion. If that's the case, and he's loyal to you, he should tell you about it. If it's kept a secret, that would indicate a red flag to me. I think he won't tell me to avoid getting me upset or in a fight.
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Honestly, it doesn't sound like he is too keen on her. He said he "probably" would, but otherwise he was kind of avoiding the subject... calling the guy a trouble maker, saying he's committed, laughing it off. It sounds more to me like she's the one who is trying to poach. Unfortunately, I don't know of a good way you can discuss this with him without him pulling the "You're insecure" card on you. PS: You really shouldn't look through his messages. Like, really really, stop it now. 6
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 So you violated his privacy by looking at his messages...I think you already have trust issues, that's not a good thing honey.
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Do you mind sharing ages and whether you are all pursuing education? You had a gut feeling of suspicion and went on a hunt for validation? How painful.
kaylan Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) Seems like a harmless friendly conversation on his part. The girl expressed interest and your boyfriend played it cool and joked around. But he also let her down easy and let her know hes committed to you. When he made the slanty face, and said "awww" because he most likely thought what she said was cute, but hes committed to you. And by cute I mean "aww youre such a dork...im with someone I really like but its cute that you like me" Plus he said "lmao" when she jokingly told him to get single. Doesnt seem like he was taking her seriously in my opinion. All in all he did a great job deflecting her comments, not making things weird, letting her know he wasnt interested, and that hes committed to you. How old are you? Because Id only expect a young girl to go through a guys messages like this and make a big deal out of nothing. He shouldnt have to bring this up to you because its really nothing. This girl made a pass at him. He kidded around and then brushed her off nicely. Dunno why a guy should bring this up to his girlfriend and make her insecure. Its all minor text banter and nothing serious. Edited October 3, 2012 by kaylan 7
darkmoon Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Ally: Haha! get single then! < this bit of the story is not good
sweetheart5381 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I feel for your position OP, but in all honesty, the exchange between your bf and this girl is his business unless he chooses to tell you and get you involved. Until that happens, it's private. Healthy relationships do not include ownership or entitlement. This stuff happens all the time. Unless there is a ring on your finger (and often that doesn't matter to shady folks anyway) your b/f is gonna get hit on and propositioned. That's just life. Look at it this way, if you are really into your significant other, why wouldn't other women/girls be too? He handled it well, imo. I have been in a similar position as your bf, lots of us has. She made a move and he gently but honestly turned her down in his response. No harm, no foul and no one got hurt.
ascendotum Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 OP, sorry but you need to clue me up. exactly what aspect of this convo are you literally numb over? (after snooping through your BF's phone) Your BF would date another girl if he was single....so..its not like he is talking about your little sister. Why are you not happy over this?.........."BF: Aww :/ I'm too committed."
CptObvious Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 he didn't. I looked at his messages That's how 90% of relationships end. All it takes is one dumbass that doesn't know how to set a secure password or lock his phone.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Your boyfriend sounds like he really likes you. You are doing wrong by snooping on him - why are you doing that? The girl "friend" is bad news. Unfortunately, many guys seem quite oblivious to predatory behavior by girls. She is not being a real or true friend to HIM by disrespecting his relationship and his girlfriend (you). What are you going to do with this now that you found it? 3
Author sammiexo Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Thanks for your replies everyone. I know I am wrong in looking at his phone. This girl has me so messed up because I believe he has a crush on her. I still don't get why he said "he probably would"- there are other ways to reject someone.
kookybunny Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 hi...so sorry you are having to deal with this. how hurtful. i agree.. he should have been less "nice" about it. seems flirty, but faithful. most men DO NOT know how to handle women like this, like mme chaucer pointed out. They think 'aww shes just being nice' or she's harmless or stop exxagerating or whatever. 'predatory behavior' is definitely the right terminology. no guy should have 'friends' who are like this. i personally don't agree with intersex "friendships" because there is always going to be some kind of trouble of this kind, eventually. it will be interesting to see if he still spends time with her or attends events that she will be at. he seems like the kind of guys that likes the ego stroke, based on this interaction. to be honest, i would let him know that i know and that he needs to right the situation, then gage his reaction. i think he should message her back telling her that he showed you her text messages, the two of you laughed about her, and that her behavior is inappropriate and that he's not interested in being "friends" with someone like that. have a nice life. he would then need to not contact her again. call me militant but yeah. that or dump his ass.
ja123 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 OP, sorry but you need to clue me up. exactly what aspect of this convo are you literally numb over? (after snooping through your BF's phone) Your BF would date another girl if he was single....so..its not like he is talking about your little sister. Why are you not happy over this?.........."BF: Aww :/ I'm too committed." This is a good point. OP, it's your choice what you decide to focus on.
kookybunny Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 oh wait... i just read that other thread where it seems like he is obsessed with her. the problem is, complaining to your boyfriend that he is obsessed with someone else and it hurts your feelings doens;t change the fact that yes, he is interested in someone else. there is a reason he is with you though, but you dont need a man who gives that much energy and attention to another girl over you, making you feel like crap in the process. its also really inappropriate and mean for her to invite him out without you AND that he would accept and not bring you! i was shocked to read that you are in your late 20's but hey, this lesson came late for me as well. i say dump him, flat out, no chance for excuses or whatever. go no contact with him, no checking in to see if they end up together etc. and work on bettering yourself. you don't need the heartache! really. also, even if they do end up together, I WOULD BET MY WORLDLY FORTUNE
missgangrene Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 That's how 90% of relationships end. All it takes is one dumbass that doesn't know how to set a secure password or lock his phone. LMAO. Recently, a few people told me that if you're in a relationship you shouldn't have a password on your phone... OP, your boyfriend responded well. If anything, I'd just be annoyed by his "friend" since she obviously likes him. I wouldn't say anything to him about the conversation. I'd also stop violating his privacy. You're going to drive yourself crazy and ruin your relationship.
kookybunny Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 ....continued: that this girl will be making your guy feel like he makes you feel in no time. she seems like an attention whore who has a ton of guys she strings along and plays off each other. she probably just likes the challenge of your unaavailable man (she is a GAMER after all, right? there you go!). his appeal will wear off quickly and he'll be pining for you in no time- TRUST me. you are better than all of this!!!!
missgangrene Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I am having an anxiety attack right now over what I found I don't know what to do. Here is the convo my bf had with his friend, "Ally": Ally: Jared (their friend) was telling me how u and I are so compatible. I think he was trying to match make BF: Oh really BF: Lol what a trouble maker Ally: So u think u and me will ever happen for jared's wish? ur sister loved me BF: Hahaha...true! If I were single I probably would Ally: Haha! get single then! BF: Lmao BF: Aww :/ I'm too committed This is the previous thread I had posted about my reservations of the girl and my bf: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/343105-if-your-boyfriend-would-you-think-he-liked-girl Anyway, what are your thoughts of the above conversation? I am literally numb. Just read your other post. Oops, should have done that before first replying. So you've been together seven years...has he behaved this way with any other girl before? Besides this Ally situation, how is your relationship?
Leigh 87 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I agree that your boyfriend did the right thing. Some guys would have told you, but many guys, like your partner, would have tried to avoid an argument and unecessarily hurting you. Which the message did, so he was RIGHT to choose not to show you. Honestly is key, but it looks like he means no harm, and therefore did not think there is any reason to upset you over a girl he does. not. LIKE. Lastly: the girl is a b*tch with no integrity. No decent women with options hits on guys that are TAKEN. SHeesh. What a loser. Sorry, but anyone who cares about other people that much and who is a quality person, finds SINGLE men; and chooses NOT to be a home wrecker to other peoples relationships. I seriously think SO lowly of women who flirt and try to get with other peoples boyfriends:sick: SO unclassy.
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